Revelation off the zipline

So I conquered my fear of heights and went off the zipline here at the ranch...it was a great time and scary at the same time...but I got some sweet revelation off of it...there is this bridge that you have to cross its a rope bridge and its pretty scary...one wrong step and you fall through but you are safe cause you are attached to a safety...then you get to the yellow tower and you have to jump off the zipline and when you first jump off it feels like you are goin to fall to your death...and then the harness catches you and you are safe...well I got some deep revelation on this zipline.

Walkin the bridge is like your walk with God...one wrong step and you fall....one wrong move and you are done...its long and hard and takes a lot of w ork and strength...you definitly cant do it on your own so you need your harness or you could die...then you get to the yellow tower and thats when you need to take your leap of faith and trust in God...thats when you just need to go and pray that the harness is goin to hold you...and the harness is God and at first it doesnt feel like it has you and then it does it catches you just like God catches us...and takes our fear away.

I am very afraid of hieghts and I went up this thing...and just went for it and conquered it this is my year of victory...and I need to hang on to that...I need to keep fighting and never let go of my harness in life which is God...because if I do I am goin to fall I am goin to die.

Done week two of kids

Well this week was busy...but it was fun I had a blast...just for all you out there I am learning a lot about myself and how I handle frustration and stress...this year at ENR has been harder then last...and I dunno what it is...its just been hard...but I dunno what else to update you all in this note...except to say there has been a lot of physical attacks and stuff on people so prayer for that would be awesome...and yeah I can update you more later. Miss you all.

Well we offically had our first week of camp and I had some good times and bad times...but let me share my week...the kids were amzing minus the fact that I think they all have hearing problems...but anyways I was sitting there thinkin one day...I am parenting their parents arent here I am the one they go to so that means I am the parent of 19 children wow that was kind of a scary thought...anyways the kids made me laugh and angry in the same hour...the kids made my heart break and frustrated in the same hour...God has been teachin me a lot of things this summer...and its all been great but you see its also been super hard cause the season I am comin into is goin to have great battles but even greater victories...I am not lookin forward to leavin this place and its a good thing cause its not even half over...I am doin DCI in the fall but am not totally sold on it...I would love to just go places and travel and spend my life doing that....I am growing lots and changing lots and seeing things from a different perspective...so yeah....some prayer for guidance would be awesome and prayer for the ENR staff and children because its been a harder summer this year...but the victory has been sweet...also I have made many new friends I hope to keep in touch with...they are awesome and I love it...so thats the update of my summer I will dtop a line later...Nikki Out!

Update on ENR life

Well its only been staff training week but its still been a hard week...I am tired but its a different tired...and this year its way different then last year...and I dunno how to explain my week so that you my readers will understand...God has been workin on a lot in my life and I havent exactly welcomed it...I am trying tho...lets see what have I done this week...well I am learnin a dance ha ha yes me I am dancing not well but I am doing it...its actually kinda funny expecially the bird part ha ha...anyways I tried skate boarding in a cabin and sprained my wrist yeah that wasnt so fun but I did get back up on the board yes you knew I would thats how I roll....I met many fun new people that I am sure I am goin to be friends with for a long time they are all fun and I am excited to keep in touch with them all...ummm yes well its goin to be a fun upcoming week cause we get the sponsor kids and I am pumped to share Jesus with them...and just so you know I have gained levels...and I am a different Nikki then the one that left a week ago...anyways talk to you all soon and eh I love comments so leavin them might be sweet....Nikki Out!

Make sure they find Jesus

The war is raging on…people are lying on the ground…bleeding not breathing…hearts failing…casualties everywhere…I fight…blood everywhere…I watch as people are dying realizing that my life isn’t forever…my body is temporary…and soon I will be lying on the ground…I hold my gun pointed at the enemy…I cant pull the trigger…because it looks like a human staring back at me…how do you shoot one of your own….I sit in the trench as I have to make a choice…sweat dripping down my face…all I hear is shots all around…its hot…whats my decision…wait…whats this I have been shot…the enemy has gotten me…thoughts running through my head…and all I can think of is…they don’t know Jesus…they need to know Jesus…and I didn’t share it…did I do enough…did they see Him through me…will they continue on…will they follow the One I love…the One I love…as I lay there…breathing my last breath…bleeding on the ground…I say if this it for me…if my life ends right now…make sure they know Jesus…

Its 4:20am and I am wide awake and all I can think of is this picture in my head…what happened if I were to die tomorrow…or soon…and my family didn’t know Jesus…what would happen if…I wasn’t around and something happened to them…and they didn’t know Jesus…this is what I need to get out into the world…is if…this is my last breath and my last moment…make sure they find Jesus…make sure

Its that time of year again

Well friends its that time of year again...I am leavin for Eagles Nest Ranch...which means there wont be as many blogs up here...I will be blogging when I have time but for now friends this is a farewell...I hope you all have a great summer...I know I will...I am pumped for it...just please remember me in prayer...and I will be praying for all you as well....love you all.

Badass Nikki

Well I have concluded I am either havin a mental breakdown or rebelling a bit...my mom said keep your long hair I chopped it all off...my mom said she hates tattoos I went and got one...well I just like changes and here is a change in my life...meh whatever

Lots of changes

I am done work...my house is bein packed...I have short hair...and I am gettin a tattoo...I am leavin for ENR soon...very soon. My life is changin drastically...nothin is goin to be the same.

I had my last day of work today...and it broke my heart...to have to leave those kids...to just let them go and say goodbye...to know this is the end...and if I leave the visits far away they wont even remember who I am...I didnt think leaving that place would be this hard...I poured a little over four years of my life into that place...and now its all gone...no more.

I am movin back to my mom's house and that is ok but also not ok...I have been livin in my own place for a long time now and I enjoy it bein mine...now all my stuff will be in boxes...and things arent mine...its weird its my family...but feels like I am movin into a strangers house.

I am goin to ENR...that is prob the only thing I am lookin forward too this year...its the only thing that when I think about it...I get super excited and want to jump for joy...its goin to be a blast to see old faces and meet new ones.

I am doing an internship at the DC when I come back...I dont actually know how I feel about this...I dont actually think its on my excited list yet...I am not sure what its goin to entail...I am not sure how its goin to be...I know I will grow...but its not exciting yet.

This is the year of firsts and I am goin to fight this entire year...and I am goin to win...I just need to get excited and move forward into what God has planned next...I am more then a conquer and I can do this...its just goin to be hard...and I know that.

Nearing the end

Well folks its gettin close to my last day of work...in five days I will be done at Southview Kiddie Kampus forever. Now you may think I am happy cause thats how I have been sounding the last few days and weeks...but its hitting me now...I am goin to be done there forever those kids who have become my own will move on and forget all about me...forget I even existed...now thats depressing to me...I treat those kids like they are all mine...I am very over protective of them...I dont know what to do....because on friday I will be saying goodbye to many children I have grown to love and some I have watch grow from a baby to a school aged child.



I am pretty pumped about the new chapter I am startin in my life...I get to go to Eagles Nest Ranch again this summer and then do an internship at The Dreamcentre....but....how do you say goodbye...to a place you have poured four years into...how do you leave a place you know you are loved so much...how do you leave a place that has taught you many valuable lessons...well after friday I will tell you how...because I will know...I will have left a place that is dear to my heart....a place I will never forget.

Lets look at the past four years...snotty noses...stinky diapers...bruised knees...bleeding children...crying children...all the smiles...all the hugs and kisses...and every kind word it was so worth it...and I am goin to miss everything about it.

Here are a few qoutes from children that I have head there...

"Did you know God even loves me too?"- a child that was never really told that

"Cole when I grow up I want to be a great teacher just like you"-a child who believed in me...made my heart melt

I have learned so much from these children...they are the ones in my life who have believed in me the most...they trusted me...they are who we should be like...they didnt doubt me...they tested my patience...but they truly know how to love...and they loved who I was...and not what I looked like...and I pray that when I leave the seed I have sown in them...never leaves them...the time I gave them and the love I gave them...they never forget it...well 5 more days...I can do this.

What do girls do on girls nights?

Here was most boys think girls do on girls nights...they get in their underwear and have pillow fights...and talk about the boys...and you know whatever a boy can think of.

Well let me tell you thats not true...Lets see what do girls do well they walk to superstore and get whistled at by many cars that the boy inside think reving the engine is a turn on...which its not by the way...then they go and buy chocolate covered espresso beans and rent movies...so now they eat them and watch the movies...and cant sleep...so at about 2am they go play in the park and take pictures knowing they are goin to be very tired when they have to wake up for church in the morning...well girls nights are lots of fun...and we ate lots of sugar...and its great times.

So for all the boys who read this we dont actually run around in our underwear...we dont actually have pillow fights...but we do talk about boys ha ha...anyways thats all I need to say for now...Nikki Out!

By me

Freedom taking love beyond the one with knowledge-Nicole


Something I wrote take it how you want...

Thinking

Well it’s almost the middle of 2007 and I am sitting here lookin at my friends blogs and reading things and stuff and I stop to think…these friends that I am reading about…I only see on the computer screen…these were the people I spent every weekend with…these were the people that were always at my house playing games mainly mafia…but these were the people I called true friends who have been there for me at all times…now I read about there lives on a computer screen…now I sit here and wonder where did all that go…what happened?

I have a completely different group of friends…a completely different life…and a completely different future…and they aren’t in it…I read about there lives on the computer screen and randomly catch them on msn…but I don’t see them in person even tho some live in Medicine Hat…I don’t ever talk to them on the phone…even the ones who say they are my best don’t call…my life has changed completely…and I don’t even know that Nicole I used to be.

Now some of you may look at this as a good thing cause it means change…it means I have grown it means my faith is in God…but where did they go…why don’t I get to see them…and when will our paths meet?

These were the friends I entrusted my life in…these were the friends I knew would back me up…they would fight for me…they would kick me in the butt when needed…but was I moving?

I can honestly say I wasn’t…I can honestly say I was just living a life…nothing spectacular…these were also the friends who said are you sure you want to do that…these were also the friends who said I cant do things…these were the friends who laughed at my ideas…these were the friends who gave me weird looks when I said I wanted to be a politician…these were the friends who couldn’t dream with me…now don’t get me wrong not all of them were like that…but was I moving?

No…I wasn’t…am I now? Yes I am…the life I have now is filled with people who believe in me…filled with people who I can really trust…filled with a future…filled with people who will fight for my dreams…who will stand beside them…these are the people who truly get it…who truly know how to be a friend…now again not all of them do…but there are a special few that I know…I can really trust.

The difference between then and now is…I am a passionate person…I am one who can dream…I will grab something and run with it and conquer it…I will succeed in anything I try to do…but back then…if I brought an idea to the table it was shot down fast…if I mentioned something we should change it was laughed at…if I opened my mouth they would roll their eyes and go…oh here she goes again…I literally felt stupid and a failure…and that I lost…and that they wouldn’t even care if I wasn’t there…life would go on.

Some of the people I hang out with now…I open my mouth and they get excited to hear what I have to say cause its goin to be a great idea…they like to hear it…the dream and believe with me…they will help me reach my goals…and when I forget to dream they remind me of what God has placed in my heart…they get it…they know how to be a friend...I feel like I can take on the world with them…I feel like anything I deal with is small cause I have an army to help take it out…I can dream.

Now again don’t get me wrong…I truly loved everything I had with those friends and I truly love what I have with these friends…but when I look at my life now…who would have thought I would be where I am today…I wasn’t even supposed to make it past 18…I wasn’t supposed to be the one that has no kids and graduated college…no that’s not what people had said I would do…they were wrong…I proved to them that I am more then a conquer…and that my Daddy has my back.

Nobody truly knows the dreams and visions in my heart…the things I want to do…the brains I actually have…and the guts to do it all…nobody knows…but soon they will see…that there is more to me then I ball of energy…there is more to me then the loud person nobody likes…there is more…and it will be seen that I am a…pioneer.

Legally Blonde 2 and taking on the world

Who would think that you would get amazing revelation out of a simple movie like Legally Blonde 2...now you are thinkin what the heck??? Legally Blonde 2 no way...well I could write an entire book on how this movie is insipiring and can impact many women to go for their dreams...I could show you the times when she takes on the world no matter what anyone says no matter who stands in her way...she doesnt change who she is...she doesnt compramise situations...she believes what she believes and stands her ground...and she didnt stop in her own city she took it to the biggest people she could think of...Washington

Ok now on to the explaining because by this point some of you are standing there goin uhh ok Nikki has lost it this time...Well for those of you who have seen the movie knows that she is a laywer and that she worked really hard in the first movie to get where she is...well in this movie she wants to get a bill passed that stops animal testing...there are so many people who dont take her serouisly and are against her...she decides to do things her way and not the way the world wants her to do things...she does in an unconvential way...a way no one else would even think of doing becfause they would be afraid of what people would say...for a bit in the movie she thought she lost her voice and was like no I am goin to use my own voice...there was a qoute in this movie that strummed a chord in my heart and that was "an honest voice is louder then a crowds...trust your voice"

This girl in this movie is constantly reminded of what she needs to do...and thats finish what she started and she ends up getting favor with people there and she is not alone and has great friends who are willin to help her...she is making new trails...she is a pioneer

Pioneer as defined in the dictionary is
1.
a person who is among those who first enter or settle a region, thus opening it for occupation and development by others.
2.
one who is first or among the earliest in any field of inquiry, enterprise, or progress:

now she started new things...she was relevent...she has wisdom...she was unconventional...she changed the world...she made a way for others...she made a mark...and they will always remeber her even when she has passed...the will always remember Elle Woods.

During this entire movie all I could think of was Superchick's song-Me against the world...then at the end they play the song...it was amazing.

This is who I want to be...not the pink wearing...dog in the purse carring...sorority ring wearing girl no...I want to be the world changer...I want to be the one who is relevent...the one who does whatever they want...and doesnt care what people think...I want to be a pioneer...for some reason thats the word thats in my heart...Pioneer...thats what I want...I am a pioneer

When...

When will you notice?
Notice the way I look at you
They way I laugh at everything you say
Everyday I hang out with you I always wonder
When will you notice?
The way I compliment you on your style
Notice the way I do what you want
Everyday I try…
To get you to notice
They way I support you in your dreams
They way I am always there for you
You notice all the others around you
You notice the pretty…slim perfect ones
But…
When will you notice me?
Standing here waiting for you to notice me
You look so hard and want what I want
You dream like I dream
You vision what I vision
When will you notice that…
I am standing right here

Nicole Andrews
23

Oh yes blogging

Hmm yes I havent really blogged in awhile...cause really there has been no ispiration or anything to blog about...but here is an update on my weekend...friday...I went out with a couple of friends and played pool...on saturday was a very eventful day of shopping and I bought new shoes...ha ha like I need new shoes but they make me happy and so I had to get them...and then I went bowling on saturday night...yes people the very thing I hate to do I actually did...I went bowling and actually had a great time...I was trying to perfect this girls technique a couple of lanes over who sucked more then I do...and well by the end of the night I had the swing and drop technique down pat...ha ha...then sunday went to church as usual and then lunch...and then had one of the greatest nights ever...so much laughing and fun we played board games and the watched a movie it was good times...then today I went shopping with some friends and another great time...and now I am chillaxin and about to go play pool with some friends and tomrrow is another great day of shoppping and gettin ready for when I go to the ranch...ohh great fun then wednesday its back to work so thats the short update on the life of Nikki...and dont worry so great writing is brewing in my head and you my readers will have somethin great to read soon.

Time

Time as defined in the dictionary means the system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another.

Time...you may have a lot of it...you may have barely any...its that one thing that is constantly changing....that one thing you really have no control over...people tell you do you have time to do this...what time can you come...I dont have time...how much time do you need...what time is it...this is how much time I am giving you...so time can mean different things to different people.

Time could be the longest space between two destinations...time could also be too short and you wish you had more of it...time could be the difference between life and death...time could kill or heal...time can be a weapon or hope.

Time...what is time...what does time mean to you...do you dread it...or do you look forward to it...do you take advantage and live every day...every hour....every minute...and every second to its potential...do you take every moment in life and cherish it...or do you throw time away and waste it...as if there is always goin to be more...but thats not the case...time does run out...your life on earth is not forever...you do run of time.

Time...live as if its the shortest distance between two places.

World changers in the grave

It is midnight I am in my room listening to the sound of a kitten playing in the dark...the only light is the light emitting from my laptop...and inspiration and creativity...and swirling thoughts have entered my head.

William Blake had this great qoute that I very much enjoyed "I must create a system or be enslaved by another man’s; / I will not reason and compare: my business is to create." I read this qoute and was like wow...yes a man that knows where my heart is...so I decided to look this man up and see who he was.

He was alive from November 28th 1757- August 12th 1827...now this man had some far out ideas and some of them were truth and some not...but he was only human and cannot be right all the time...but one thing that was said about him was great and here it is Blake believed that the joy of man glorified God and that the religion of this world is actually the worship of Satan....now he believed this in his time...look at the dates again 1757-1827...that was a long time ago....and yet churches today are just starting to realize religion is not of God...churches today are just starting to change mindsets...its crazy this man who has been dead for a long time now was not accepted and acknowledged in his time...but in 2007 people are putting ideas he has created and poems he has written are being read now and accepted...crazy isnt it.

Well most people who are famous are famous after their time...and most people who are world changers like this man...are world changers after they are already gone and they dont see the difference their words have made...sad at times...but great also because their words live on...God changed somethin through them that stands time...and thats whats amazing about it.

I want to change the world...I am a world changer...and most of the time people dont see eye to eye with my opinions and sometimes my opinionated spirit gets in the way and in trouble but...reading about this man gives me hope that maybe the words I speak the ideas I have and the things I want to change...will happen and I may not get to see it...but I know its in Gods hands and He will see it come to pass...and all will be good.

I have big dreams...to become a politician...to see Canada changed...and to get ideas of mine out there so that we can better this country...but if I never become a politician I pray that my words dont go to the grave with me...and that they will live on.

My advice to you is write your thoughts and ideas down...dont let them be stuck with you...dont let them be hidden...because this world may need them...this world may not need them now...but the future generations may need them...and you wouldnt want to fail them would you.

One last thought before I go...how many great ideas...how many cures to diseases...how many world changing ideas are in our grave sites today?

What have I become?

So today...yes today I had a thought...a revelation...a relisation...an epipahny...a truth finding moment...whatever you would call a moment...a moment where your standing outside yourself looking in...and saying is that really me...is this really my life...am I there...no but for real...when did I become this person.

Now you are probably wondering what person I am talking about well lets paint the picture for you...so when I had this thought I was standing in my church...worshipping my God...around my Christian friends...being there for the younger generation...praying they would find God...through things we did....and by speaking Gods word.

Doesnt sound out of the ordinary to any of you now does it...well thats becuase most of my readers have only known me for a short time...and all of you have known me as this...Nicole who is a Christian who is going to change the world...and spread Gods word...yes thats me...now.

Lets travel back hmmm about lets go....8 years...would have put me in about grade ten...now I was the kid in school who was the skeptic...that may actually be a good thing...I wasnt a very nice kid...some would say I was a jerk...the one who would pick on you for no good reason...just because I didnt like you...I did not like what I called BIBLE THUMPERS....yes those were the kids who wore God on their sleeves...those were the kids who made it known that they were sold on Jesus Christ...those were the kids who said "I may not be cool in your eyes but I am in Gods eyes" ha ha LAME...anyways I was always very skeptical of those kids...and wondered what their garbage was cause every one has dirty laundry...they always tried to get you to go to church...and listen to their music...and they actually wanted you to hang out with them...ha ha me...not a chance...I wouldnt be caught dead hangin with them...I was the one kid that played it cool...only did what the others were doing cause it was cool...didnt want to leave the pack....well thats who I was...I didnt like the bible thumpin...scripture qoutin...cross carrin...satan bashin...JESUS FREAKS.

So I was standing there...in my church...worshipping my God...around my Christian friends...being there for the younger generation...praying they would find God...through things we did....and by speaking Gods word....what the hell....when did I become a bible thumpin...scripture qoutin...cross carrin...satan bashin...JESUS FREAK?

I have become everything I had boycotted in my past...I have become the very thing I didnt like...and living this life as if I know nothing else...like its normal...like I have been doing it all my life...I am a Jesus Freak...now I am not saying this is a bad thing...this is just a relization...something I noticed standing outside myself watching me around the younger generation worshipping my God...

I am a Christian...and damn proud of it ;)


Ohhh I swore a couple of times in this one...get over it...religion is dead...I'm over it

Update

So I realized its been awhile since I blogged...well whats been up in Nikki's life...lets see I got my wisdom teeth out on monday yeah that was no fun...I was extremly scared and then when I left I was like what the heck why was I scared...anyways its been an interesting time since then...I havent been able to eat much...mainly pudding and apple sauce...to some of you that might sound fun to me who has grown to love food it is not fun...I have all this yummy food that I would love to eat but cant...so I went to the mall today to get some groceries...and I tried eatign soup in the food court ha ha funniest thing you would have ever seen...I as spilling it and it just was missin my mouth...this weird lady was watchin me lookin at me funny but eh I couldnt help it I have a fat face sheesh...anyways I am hoping that the swelling goes down soon cause I dont like it...I have one more day of rest before I have to go back to work so thats pretty good...well thats a little update on me...I will update you more when I am not on T3'S and not so tired.

Random trip to nowhere

I love those nights when you arent really doing anything and you are having the time of your life...we went out to the middle of nowhere tonight to watch a meteor shower that we barely saw...and it was the best time I had in a long time...it was so great...we laughed, joked and had great fun....a good refresher...thanx God for givin me this time...I enjoyed myself...somethin I havent done in a long time.

What the heck?

So it all started at the beggining of the year when Pastor Al said this is my year of firsts...and I wont have to do anything things will just have to come....well all of you who read this know I dont really plan I fly by the seat of my pants...well I dunno what happened but I have been trying to plan what I am goin to do in the fall...I quit my job and will be done on June 15th...then I am goin to the ranch for the summer...well my plan for september was to move away...I really didnt care where I just wanted to get away...well all that has changed...my life was planned and God had a different idea the entire time...I am applying for an internship at The Dreamcentre this fall and I am workin on a couple of other things as well...and its crazy thats the last thing I ever thought I would be doing.

I have had this really hard week that I just wanted to scream and perhaps end it all...but then today...today at church...I let go I gave it all to God...and I am free...well lets hope this attitude continues to happen cause I am sure people like the happy Nikki better...so lets see here this is the year of firsts...I am stepping into a new season of my life...I am stepping into somethin I never in any lifetime thought I would be doing...its truly amazing....oh yeah and I am movin back in with my mom...so we will see how this all works out...that is unless I can find somewhere I dont have to pay rent ha ha yeah ok...anyways God has changed my life and twisted it and turned it upside down...well here we go...stepping into somethin new...bring it on.

What would you do?

What would you do if you had one last day to live? Would you run to everyone you know and tell them how much you care? Tell them how much you love them…and show them that you cared all along…

Why wait till those last moments…why wait till they say you have one day left…you have one hour left…you have one minute left. You should be telling them all along…tell your family…tell your friends…and even your co workers and others…every one that comes into your life each day knows a piece of you. So instead of waiting till they say you are goin to die…tell them now that you care.

Everyone who reads this everyone who cares…everyone who I talk to…everyone that has crossed my path…forgive me of anything I have done to you or said to you.

And I truly care about all of you....and I appreciate every thing you all have done for me...it will always be remembered...and dont forget to tell the people in your life that you care.

If the world were dreamers and the people believers what would that be like?

If the world were believers and the people were dreamers what would that look like?

If you believed in our future and I believed in your past what could we accomplish?

If I wasnt scared of you nor you of me who would we affect?

If the world were dreamers and the people believers...life would cease to exist

Small hearts...broken hearts...lost hearts...lonely hearts...empty hearts...confused hearts...hearts with fear...doubting hearts...

I feel it all...for who...only God knows...why...only God knows...

I pray for them...cry for them...scream for them...fight for them...

...what do you do for them?

The snow you curse...

brings me peace and joy....it reminds me that all is goin to be fine and why??? Cause my Daddy has my back. I know that it inconviences some...I know that the cold that comes with you are done with...I know you just want to wear your flip flops and capris...but the snow means so much more then all that to me. When it snows I see Gods true beauty...I was watching the snow today and it landed on my coat where I could see each flake and the difference each one brings. Really its actually pretty amazing if you stop to think how much snow falls in this world and each one is different...really it is. Instead of cursing the snow just stop and look at it...stop and taste it...soak up the beauty and enjoy the peace it brings. And before you curse it...think about what it is doing for someone else...think about the joy they get out of it...they may have needed it that day...think about that.

Lost

Untouched the beautiful white snow....sparkles in the cool crisp air

I lay in the blank canvas to make my mark

Waving my arms and legs...to make the angel within

Closing my eyes as I lay there....lost in my own world

Dreaming of what was....the happiness the joy

Childhood games and innocence

I look into the sky as huge flakes are falling down

Diamonds falling from the sky...how rich am I

Gods most beautiful creation made all for me

A promise He once made...saying everthing is ok

I open my eyes and see dark skies

Looking all around I see brown and grey

I look within and all is dead

What I once had...what I onced carried has left me

And so have the words for this poem...

Inspiration has f

a

l

l

i

n

The best place to be is...

in God's hands.

Church was amazing today a celebration...of what you ask...of five years of it being here ohh and its now debt free...we paid off the mortage...our church is prospering.

God has been speaking to me this past week...tellin me to fight...harder then I have ever fought before...cause its goin to be a battle...and it has been.

Today at church...I realized that I cannot give up...childrens lives are at stake and I need to fight for them...my Daddy is pushing me into my destiny.

Things are coming my way.

Save us, we pray, oh Lord. Oh Lord we pray, give, us success! Psalm 118:25

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11

My dreams are coming...my life is prospering.

I am taking a step this year that I have never done before...this is my year of firsts...I am taking a huge step of faith...I am being attacked on all sides...and the enemy is not giving up...

but...I am a fighter...I am more then a conquer and I can do all things through Christ....I will succeed...no matter what the world says...no matter what gets thrown at me...I will make it...I am not a failure...this is life.

Fight

I stand here naked and ashamed
You have stripped me of who I am
Or at least who I thought I was
Ashamed of what I have become
Hiding so no one can see…the beast within
Falling to my knees I surrender…what do you need me to do
I come out of hiding…into the world
Naked and unashamed
You clothe me with newness
And peace…and righteousness
Raise my arms in surrender
You equip me with my sword
And you say fight little one...fight

Nicole
Andrews
23

Untitled

Face is hot...feels like its on fire...face is red I am sure...tears streaming down my face...staring into pictures...pictures of times when we were happy...joyful sounds would come from these pictures...you see happiness and peace and friendship...too bad its only in a picture...I look around and see anger...frusration...and dissapointment...failure and fakeness...tears streaming down my face as I sit here in failure and take it all on as my fault...I see everything crashing down and falling apart at my feet...and its my fault...walking on the rubble...stepping on your heart...as I continue on in life...onto the next group onto the next friend...tears streaming down my face as I am staring into pictures...pictures of adventures...life and fun...too bad its just a picture...and reality is no longer like that...its violence...hatred and mistake...my mistake...I know its my fault...dont worry the world tells me...how do I fix this...I do I get rid of this...this pain I hold inside...I thought I already fixed it...I thought you took it away Daddy...this pain wants to leave this pain wants to stay...its a fight within...killing me on the inside...making sure I am dead...no longer will I trust or get close...it hurts to much...face getting hot...tears streaming down my face...anger has set in...I want to scream...I want to yell...I want to fight...what the hell am I doing wrong?...why isnt it getting better...you think you know me...you dont know where I have been what I have seen...its easy for you to leave...leave then...but dont...cause all I need is for you to stay...tears streaming down my face...crying out for help...I am lost...I am stuck...I am confused...what did I do...and how did I get here...how can I fix it...and why am I in a lose lose situation...lying here...tears streaming down my face...walking this road alone...truly alone inside...Daddy you are my one and only.

Ahhh yes

So this morning I got up and got ready for work...after sleeping for 12hours yes you heard me correctly I went to bed at 6pm last night...I was very tired...then I got my shoes on and walked outside and what...what did I see? I saw beautiful white fluffy snow...ahhh it was breathtaking...this meant it was goin to be a great day...then I walked to work and then I looked out the window and hour later and was snowing some more huge white fluffly flakes that lightly covered the ground it was marvelous...ok now I know there were a lot of people who woke up and saw that white stuff and cursed it...but not me I got lost in it...then I got off work and to my surprise it was all gone...my lovely white stuff all gone...it was so sad...and the weather was in its pluses again...I love the warm weather but the snow was a great refreshment...hmm yes...so onto what I got out of it...well its like my life...I am goin on in this hard desert and trying so hard to fight and fight...then I get the white snow the refreshing the rest the beauty...its those breathtaking moments...ahhh yes...then it goes away and I fight some more and grow some more and then somethin comes along and lets me rest...I got a lot of sleep last night and then I got the snow....but as soon as that was all done I had to fight some more... I am tired of the fighting even tho I know its necessary...I just want to rest for a long period of time not a short time...I want to lay in my Daddy's arms and hear Him sing me a song...ahha yes it snowed today it was so beautiful...my Daddy sang to me today.

Poem from the depths of Nikki's mind

Running in circles trying to prove
Prove to you that I can do it I can make it and I will change it
You look at me with disappointment in your eyes
Everything I do is wrong…everything I do is a mess
I touch something with my hand and it falls apart
You are telling me how to live and how to act
I don’t want to be trapped in your box
You call this life yet you aren’t happy
You call this life yet you have nothing
I do not want this thing you call life
I have a different view a new perspective
I want to live...not die
I want to be free and prosperous…ouch a bad word well at least that’s what you think
You hear my dreams and thoughts and yet…
You don’t believe
I get up and you push me to the ground
You keep me down why…
Cause I have everything you long for
I have the life that you forgot about
I have the life you always wanted
So instead of being happy for me you tear me down
You push me to the ground…and walk on me
To you its only a dream…to me its reality
When are you going to be happy for me
You are sucking me dry not letting me breath
Feels like my throat is closing up and everything is getting dark
I don’t want to give into those lies
The ones you spoke over me
The ones about poverty and failure
Because that’s not who I am
I am better then that
And I am going to change the world
I pray you get the chance to see
To feel…and to taste
This life…the life you think is impossible
This life that is in your reach…all you need to do is...reach

Nicole

Andrews

23

A run...Gods creation...and inspiration

I went for a run tonight...yes I went for a run get over it sheesh...anyways I was running away...and for the first time ever I wasnt run from something...I was enjoying the night air and the breeze on my face...I grew up in this city so the roads and the streets are all familier and I grew up in this part of the city so it was great...but then I turned a corner...I was still running but realized that I have never been down this street before no never...this is weird I realized I was walking now and no longer running...I looked around and almost started panicking no I am not lost I know this city of the back of my hand...but could I be lost...you know when you go to a big mall and you took so many turns and you are so confused as to where you are...you decide to consult the big sign with the map of the mall on it that says "you are here" yeah I know I am here but where the heck is here...and you start freaking out cause all you want to do is get back to that store where you found those cute little shoes...well this is what I felt like I started thinkin in my head so I took this turn and that turn...so I started jogging again and all of a sudden whats that ohh that looks familier...and I start running and end up on a street I know...it was the weirdest thing I have never been down that street before.

So I went to swing on this swing behind my house and I got thinking...that is almost like our walks with God...we are happy to be where we are untill He puts us somewhere unfamlier...somwhere you have never been before and you reconize no one....then you all of a sudden stop running and start walking...and some go further and just plain old stop...but after that is over He will always bring us back to the familier so we never have to worry...its crazy what a night time run can do to you...being in nature in Gods creation gives me so much inspiration.

Different and Weird

Well this is my inside the mind of Nikki blog page right? And I normally do share what I am thinkin and stuff...but what I feel I cant explain...where I am at I dont know how to describe really...ok here I will try to tell you were I am at....my life this week is goin great mainly cause I am lettin those negative things people have to say to me slide right off...but in a cocky way....I have a cocky attitude that I have gained a very bad one....I actually think I am better then people and I dunno where it came from...I stand tall yes but not in a positive way...I stand tall so the people around me can see that I am better then them...ok now before you start saying things to me...I know this is not a good attitude to have...I know I am in the wrong this time...but its weird cause I dont care and not in a normal I dont care apathetic attitude its a different I dont care I cant explain it...so yeah I cant really explain where I am at cause its a weird place that I have never been before...one thing I do know is my health isnt doin so good...I believe since I am at the top of my game listenin to God and praying hard again that the enemy is attacking me in my health cause I am sick and I am usin drugs and praying and its not goin away...and things are gettin worse...I also know that from this point on I am empty and God is the only one workin now...I cant do nothin else I am empty...I am not givin up either I am way past that...and I am movin forward...and I do have new vision but I just am tired really...and this weekend isnt helpin it cause its been jam packed for me without any of my say in it...so yeah life is interesting...my life is interesting...and I cant explain to you how I feel...I cant explain to you where I am at...its just different and weird.

I'm Hot!

Enough said...want to see more go to my flickr account.

Fresh insight

Ahhh yes the melting snow...the sunny days...the birds chirping...the smell of spring...spring that is coming upon us...ahhh yes...wait...did you say melting snow ahhhh what am I to do...my beautiful snow is melting...ha ha no problem its ok...its a new season.

Now as I read all my friends blogs I see a pattern...all of their lives are changing and the season is changing ironic I think not...it totally is a new season it totally is time...time for new things to be born...new ideas...new buisnesses...new life...its time. As I sit here and think about my own life...I see new things to come...new dreams...new life...new attitudes...new experiances.

So as I sit here and look into things more I see victory...for those of who dont know my name Nicole meams victory of the people...and what I see in this new season of my life is more victories...its time for me to rise up...to become who I have been created to be. Now I know I have said this before and have gotten stirred up before...but not with the same revelation I have now...people think that the isolation I have been giving myself is a bad thing but that is not true...I have been looking into myself...seeing who this person is...looking at what I find important in life and hold close to my heart...I have been thinking about a lot lately and I have found out what I want in life...and have actually made goals I have never been such a goal orientated person but its time...about a month ago it was told to me in prayer that this is a year of firsts...things are goin to happen in my life that is a first...and I totally believe that and have already seen it...well friends this is my year...of firsts.

I am not going to share what my goals are because thats between me and God...how will you know if they happen...ohhh you will know you will see them...you will SEE them...this week I have learned a lot...I have learned how to function healthy on my own...without people...without the world...and just me and God...this week I thought the world walked out on me...I thought everything that I held dear to my heart came crashing down...ha ha but you know what it didnt...God was showing me what I need to do to be satisfied...what to do in Him and who to look at first my Daddy...I actually enjoy spending time with myself...and dont always need people to entertain me...I enjoy going to bed early and getting enough sleep for my work day...I enjoy my Daddy and all the time Him and I spend together...He is the only Father I have ever known and its great to know that He is there for me no matter what...even when the world walks out on me...and everything comes crashing down...so friends here is the thing...if I am a bit distant with you then dont fret because that means my problems are being taken care of by my Daddy...He has my back...people dont need to know everything about me.

So to end this blog I am going to say...its a new season...get ready...cause change is coming.

My weekend and life and you know

This weekend has been great more then anything I can imagine God is doin somethin...I am not sure what but I do know its goin to be big and great...this week was a hard week and this weekend was like a refresher for me...God gave me what I needed and that was to see faces that I loved and missed...people who I havent seen for a long time...and that I got close to...today at church was amazing I think...I kinda blanked out a couple of times...it was like a party...it was like victory after a battle...it was amazing but...I wouldnt let myself enjoy it...I wouldnt let myself get excited...I wouldnt let myself cry today...I just wouldnt let myself...why you ask I am not too sure why...I didnt fight hard enough...I didnt do all I could...I screwed up big this week at work and it was my fault...and I need to do better...I screwed up big this week in life as well...I screwed up friends...and I shouldnt have I needed to fight more and persevre and I didnt...this is still past addictions in my life as well that need to go away...there is failure that needs to go away...lately I feel like anything I touch no matter what it is I fail at it...no matter what it is I touch I fail...and I dont know how to fix it...this week everyone and everything has attacked me...and I dropped my shield....I have not yet picked up cause I cant carry it anymore...I am tired and week...I am tryin to carry things for friends that dont appreciate it...I am tryin to do things for friends who could care less...I am getting tired...the weird thing is I have been getting tons of sleep this weekend and not feeling any of it in the physical...my body is sore and tired feels like I got zero sleep...I am empty and tapped out and cannot give no more...I am done friends...I am done....if you are lookin for me I will be the one lying on the ground waving a white flag

Update on the life of Nikki

Some of you are probably wondeirn whats up...well I had a really hard week of work and thats all I am saying...umm then friday was an awesome day...felt God all over me all day long and then went to Vibe that night and had sooo much fun...then woke up early saturday morning to go to the trade show to help out at the ENR booth and had fun there to got to learn how to putt or somethin like that...somethin that had to do with golf...and then I was sellin a ticket and I looked up and my lovely friend Aryn was there I knew she was goin to be in town but thought we wouldnt have a chance to see each other and we did...I was so excited...God is all over me today and I am happy this is life...I am praying for a few things that I am not goin to share but I think its goin to happen soon...anyways I know this blog wasnt that exciting...so yeah I will write a more exciting one later.

Another poem by Nikki

I remember the times we spent together
All I want to do is reach out and touch you
To see your face and hear your laugh
To share your laughter and feel your pain
I remember the times we spent together
We may not have the same area code
We may not be able to see each other everyday
But the time will come when our paths meet again
The time will come when I can reach out and touch you
To hug you and laugh with you
We will share more memories together
Tell more stories, more jokes and more of life
I remember the times we spent together
We will share tears and be there for each other
As time goes on our paths go different places
But God will always bring them together
Weaving in and out like a snake through the grass
Our lives will meet again
Just like a lost dog always finds his way home
We will see each others faces
As the night turns dark and the day turns light
And just like the seasons change so do our lives
But I will always remember the times we spent together

Nicole Andrews
23

Distance

So you know what I am startin to hate...is distance...all my closest friends are so far away...all the people I want to see I cant cause they dont live in my city...distance is lame and I am really actually kind of tired of it...sometimes I just really start missing people so much...and all I want is to hang out with them...well I pray God brings us together sometime...and untill then I will have sweet memories...and internet chats...and well sometimes the phone.

Snowboarding is not my friend

Ok so today was a great day...I got up...it is snowing great here I love snow so much...then I go to the ski hill with some friends...for my first time ever...beautiful out there and I have an awesome snowboarding outfit...so I go get a lift ticket then I go rent a snowboard and boots...and what I have to wear a helmut...ok so I put the helmut and it was a good thing cause what I am about to tell you next was not part of my good day...so we try goin up the hill on this Tbar thing ha ha yeah right I couldnt even get up the hill on it...so we took the chair lift ahhh much easier...just dont look down I am scared of heights and that was high up...ok so we get to the top of the hill ohh guess what Nikki does jumps of the chair and just about falls down a cliff yep didnt read the sign ha ha ok so I finally get to where we are about to go down the hill and get my other foot in the bindings ok I am ready...or not...I fall right away...ate some snow...meanwhile my friends are trying to show me how to do it...well I am just not getting it then when I do I am going so fast I get scared and make myself fall...so lets see it took me two hours to get down the hill on my first bloody run...did I go down again you ask...yes I did...I prayed that God would make my board go slower yeah that didnt work out so well ha ha...so this time I got really frustrated and started crying on the hill actual tears were coming out but I was like nope I gotta do this...I dont like to fail...failure is not an option...about 3/4 of the way down I undid the bindings and walked the rest...my day consisted of me falling and bouncing my head off the ground...good thing for that helmut they made me wear...my knees hurt...my legs hurt...my shoulders hurt...wait I hurt all over...I am not sure snowboarding likes me...all these little kids around me goin down the hill like its a piece of cake...mmm cake I should have some...anyways just so you all know snowboarding is not a sport I am goin to take up in the near future...or ever again...I dunno it just wasnt fun I spent most of my time on my butt...in the snow...while others passed and laughed at me...all you snowboarders out there great job...I just dont know how you do it.

Memories

Memories of a brother/friend....this is me and my friend Travis...he was a roommate of mine but most importantly a brother...we had some great times...so many laughs...he made me laugh all the time with things that he said...he used to make the weirdest meals and make me try them and I would say they were good just to make him happy...and sometimes they were actaully good...I told him he should be a cook...go to school for it...he wasnt sure...well my friend Trav got into a car accident in August and became paralized...and this week he had problems...and well he passed away...and I will always remember the fun we had...please pray for family and friends...cause I know I took it hard so I can only imagine what his family is feeling...Travis I truly did love you...and still do...dont forget to make Jesus laugh like you did us.

Totally my song...thanks Amanda

"Stand In The Rain" by Superchick

She never slows down.

She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down

She won't turn around

The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

[CHORUS]So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when it's all crashing down

You stand through the pain

You won't drown

And one day, whats lost can be found

You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound

Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down

She wants to be found

The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.[CHORUS]

So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when it's all crashing down

You stand through the pain

You won't drown

And one day, whats lost can be found

You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when it's all crashing down

Stand through the pain

You won't drown

And one day, whats lost can be found

[CHORUS]

So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when it's all crashing down

You stand through the pain

You won't drown

And one day, whats lost can be found

You stand in the rain

Break

So it has come to my attention that most of you dont like reading my blog because it depresses you...well I am goin to take a break in writing for a bit...I need to figure life out and maybe write somethin uplifting...so keep checking my blog for an update...there will soon be one. And if you would keep me in your prayers that would be great.

When...

When am I goin to stop getting disapointed...ohh right when I stop looking forward to things in life....and people are human so they always are goin to disapoint you...they arent perfect...why do I expect it out of them...why do I always see the trust...I dont know...its not like me...stay far away then they cant hurt you...stay at a distance then they cant see...see the pain in my eyes...see the world falling apart...see that I am done...and the zombie....the zombie that walks this life...the zombie at work and at play....play with my mind some more...play with my heart till its breaks...break is what you would see....inside is the pieces never found...like shattered glass on the ground...ground is what I am crawling on...ground is where I lay so you can walk all over me....me somethin I lost...its playing hide and go seek...where is that girl...girl the one who dreams...the one who changes things...the one who believes...believe in what I see...and right now thats not much...much heartache...much pain...pain is all I feel...feeling is lost now...I have become....a mindless drone

Shoes

Shoes make me happy I just wanted to throw that out there...ha ha look at my new ones

My life may be goin nowhere

Well I havent blogged for a few days...but I dont actually know what to blog about...other then I lost...I lost again...I lost the person I once knew...I lost the Nikki that you all love...and the worst part is....I am happy...she is gone...she cant tell me what to do anymore...its my time...I am the apathetic Nikki now...she doesnt care what she does...the world is hers...the night life is where she wants to be...when you are apathetic problems dont seem to be as big...cause you just shrug them off...lots of you are goin to be like what the hell you have these big dreams...you were happy, you were ready to take on the world...yeah well this is the side of me some of you know and hate this is the side of me some of you havent seen yet....there is a song I like by Simple Plan that explains me so much...

"Welcome To My Life"
Do you ever feel like breaking down?Do you ever feel out of place?Like somehow you just don't belongAnd no one understands youDo you ever wanna run away?Do you lock yourself in your room?With the radio on turned up so loud That no one hears you screamingNo you don't know what it's likeWhen nothing feels all rightYou don't know what it's likeTo be like meTo be hurtTo feel lostTo be left out in the darkTo be kicked when you're downTo feel like you've been pushed aroundTo be on the edge of breaking downAnd no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's likeWelcome to my lifeDo you wanna be somebody else?Are you sick of feeling so left out?Are you desperate to find something more?Before your life is overAre you stuck inside a world you hate?Are you sick of everyone around?With their big fake smiles and stupid liesWhile deep inside you're bleedingNo you don't know what it's likeWhen nothing feels all rightYou don't know what it's likeTo be like meTo be hurtTo feel lostTo be left out in the darkTo be kicked when you're downTo feel like you've been pushed aroundTo be on the edge of breaking downAnd no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's likeWelcome to my lifeNo one ever lied straight to your faceAnd no one ever stabbed you in the backYou might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okayEverybody always gave you what you wantedYou never had to work it was always thereYou don't know what it's like, what it's likeTo be hurtTo feel lostTo be left out in the darkTo be kicked when you're downTo feel like you've been pushed aroundTo be on the edge of breaking downAnd no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)To be hurtTo feel lostTo be left out in the darkTo be kicked when you're downTo feel like you've been pushed aroundTo be on the edge of breaking downAnd no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's likeWelcome to my lifeWelcome to my lifeWelcome to my life

this is my life right now...some of you wont understand...some of you wont want to hang out with me...some of you will be upset or feel hurt...and some of you wont care...a tip the worst thing to do is leave me alone no matter how much I try to push you away...but anyways friends...I cannot be perfect and I cant do everything right so stop pushing me...just let me be me

A new day...a new chapter...a new season

Well its time...the season needs to change...things need to grow and chapters need to be written. This is where my life is right now its a new day, a new chapter and a new season. Well the groundhog did not see his shadow so what does this mean well it means that they "predict" spring is approaching. Well it is almost symbloic of my life actually not almost it is symbolic...the last few weeks I have encoutered the victories and I have stood in the rubble of fallin dreams...but no thats not true...I was bein prepared dreams have not fallin...I am where God wants me to be...I just need to keep doing the right thing...it was spoken over me today that this is the year of firsts...hmm firsts eh...well I actually know that somethin big is goin to happen this year....2007 is my year...and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...and I will...I actually believe that this is a new season for a lot of my friends as well and things are goin to happen for them...this is the time...its time for my generation...to rise up and become the leaders they were born to be...well I had this whole great blog to write and I kinda forgot it all so this is all I am goin to say for now...have a great week.

Escape

I escaped...got out of reality today...but for once in a healthy way. Well I got my book I wanted The Freedom Writers Diary...I am so excited to read this book. And I also had some starbucks and went for lunch with Cody, Amanda, and Cody's dad...yep good day but that was not the escape. All of a sudden we decided to go to Lethbridge so here we are in Amanda's car on our way to Lethbridge...a city I grew to not like...it wasnt Medicine Hat. I used to live there for a bit but didnt like it...didnt like the type of people didnt like the place you know why...cause it wasnt my home...it wasnt Medicine Hat. I love my city but sometimes need a break. I got out today for a few hours and spent most of my time in my favorite place in the world....Chapters...I love that store its so amazing and I find new and interesting things everytime I go. So I finally did somethin right today for the first time...I got out of reality forgot I had a job, a house, a life...but in a healthy way it didnt involve drinkin till there was no reality...it involved laughter, getting lost...but most importantly memories. There were times when we were in the car lookin for somethin and laughing so hard and having fun that I forgot about everything that is goin wrong in my life...and everything I am feeling in this exact moment. I had fun I was me...and they loved me for me...my friends. I dont actually think Cody and Amanda knew how much that meant to me today...and I dont think they will ever know how I felt exactly...but God knew I needed it...God knew I needed to have a break from my life...and all its responsibilties...and this my friends was the greatest day I have had in a long time.

Great Song

Love Me-JJ Heller
He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me‘
Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…
Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love,
what love really means
He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”
I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

This song is so amazing and if you have a chance you need to go hear it...this women's voice ix truly amazing and God is on all her music...but this song means so much more to me then anyone could ever know...I just wanted to share the lyrics with you all...and encourage you to check her out...This song shows that when no one else has shown love to one...that God will always show love He is love...people fail and showing it mainly cause we dont even know how...well enjoy and have a great day.

Fight for what you believe in

Letting kids be who they are and not make them who we want them to be. That’s what I want to do...I watched this movie tonight that inspired me to be who I am and let me teach the children that I teach the way I want to…and every time someone says why or cant and I will look and them and go why not. I have these huge dreams and all my life people are like you cant do that and how do you suppose you are goin to get that done…you aren’t smart enough…well they were wrong. Just the other day I had one of my co workers say hey do you still have that dream of getting married and that house you want with all those kids and I was like yep…and she is like you better get crackin or it will never happen…what does she know? Is she God? We tell people what they cant do chances are they already know what they cant do…so why don’t we tell them what they can do…empower someone. So I watched the movie FREEDOM WRITERS tonight…best movie ever my new favorite I will be buying it and the book. In this movie which is based on real events…the teacher comes into a classroom to teach kids that people said would never make it…that people gave up on…and that people were literally scared of. It’s a battle of color, age and sex in this movie. This movie is about never giving up even when EVERYTHING is against you….this movie has loss in it that no one should have to ever feel. This teacher in this movie lost things and had to work extra hard but in the end it was worth it…she sacrificed her life pretty much and in the end won the battle. She taught these kids things they wanted to learn about things that were relevant…something that is on my heart is to change what is taught in schools…there are certain things that don’t help you in life and where is the learning…where is the stuff that we needed to know. I had to learn it all on my own to survive…we aren’t preparing these kids for the future we are teaching them what we think they need to know. In this movie there is so many parts that got to me but one of them was the part when she the teacher herself bought brand new books for her students and one of them says to their friend…these are brand new. They were used to old torn books not at a high reading level but she showed them that they were worth it. This women’s husband didn’t believe in her even though she believed in him…so he left her. She lost something to give everything…she is someone I want to be like. People all around her told her she cant teach these kids…that she would never be able to get through to them…and what did she do…she didn’t just teach them…she brought unity and made them a family…and showed them that they need to do what is right. Another part in the movie is where she handed out self evaluation forms and one boy gave himself an F…she said…you don’t deserve an F and you know how I know this…I see you…I see you…she meant she sees the real him and that he didn’t deserve that F cause he was an amazing person that is goin to do great things…how many times have you given yourself an F? In this class in the movie there was one white kid and he felt out of place and he felt like he shouldn’t be in there…he was in there cause people in his life called him stupid and one day he said I am not stupid…that was me…in grade 11 they said I had dyslexia I never really understood all the tests they gave me to find this out or what it really was…I just thought it meant I was stupid…so I acted the part…I got horrible grades and never tried…and then they said I would never graduate high school…well I did and not only that I graduated college…and so I found out I wasn’t stupid and some of my friends make me feel like it now but I am not goin to stop there and say yeah maybe I am no I am goin to fight and show them that I can do it and that I am not goin to give up. I knew today was goin to be an intense day when…at church the pastor talked about how people in your life have ruined love for you…and you decided in your heart to never love again…and how that is stopping us from receiving God’s love and how we need to let them go and tear down those walls…which leads to me to the movie I am Sam…another great movie…that taught me a lot about persevering and breaking down walls. Now all this that I said…what am I goin to do about it…well this is what I am goin to do wake up in the morning and go to work…I am goin to show my co workers that I am good at my job and I am goin to show those kids that they are worth my time…no more doing things half ass its time for me to fight and pursue my dreams. Its time for me to stop listening to what the world has to say about me and what God has to say about me...God doesn’t call the qualified He qualifies the called. There was a line in the movie I loved…I cant remember it exactly but it went before we have to fight for these kids in the court rooms…lets fight for them in the classrooms. Somethin else I am goin to start doin…is writin my sermons when they come to me I am writin them down…and maybe someday I will get to preach and teach kids that they can dream and they can dream big…and I want to be their number one cheerleader when the world has walked out on them.

Another poem by me

Day after day we walk by people and never see them
We compare ourselves to a world that is broken
Day after day we try and fail
We try to be perfect and get mad at ourselves when you cant
There is only one perfect person and we could never be Him
Yet we still try and still fail
Yet we think that someday we will become this monster we create
This person that if we became no one would want to be around them
We cry ourselves to sleep and in the day we run
We lose and freak out thinking the world is not fair
This battle is not ours yet we take it on
Then wonder why we fall
When only one person can fight and win we cant be Him
So Daddy I pray please take this pain away
Let me be me and let my friends be them
Let us fight with you so we can succeed
Be with us when we fall and pick us up
Dust us off and tell us we can do it
When we get on a stool take us down and tell us its not our job
When things get tough move us out of the way and say let me handle this
So Daddy I pray be with us as we sleep so we don’t have to cry
And be with us in the day so you we don’t have to run
I love you Daddy…don’t ever let me go
And when I think you have left me remind me that you will never go

Nicole Andrews 23

Beautiful Alberta

This is why I love my province the weather changes so much you never get bored with it…the sun is shinin the birds are chirpin and its beautiful out there with a nice +8…and Thursday is supposed to be even warmer…it looks like spring out there the pics I puts up may not make it look nice but it is…and I am in a great mood so the sun is shinin inside as well…well everyone have a fantastic day…I know I will

Many talents or one?

Ok well lately I have been thinkin a lot....and I try to be this other person with these other talents...that I dont have...I have always dreamed of playin guitar...but I am not good and cant teach myself...and cant affore lessons so yeah...I have always dreamed of bein a photographer...but none of my pictures would ever sell...then I look at my friends and I see what they can do and they are amazing at it...I have friends who can play guitar and take pictures and are great at it...me I work with kids...thats the only talent I have...heck I even thought I was a good friend but apparently I screwed that up as well...as a kid I thought I could do everything and anything...I have many dreams...but I dunno...I want to be a politician but I cant even get my own friends to listen to me...so I will stick to kids...and sometimes I doubt I can even do that...a writer...somethin I want to be...but my writing...hmmm no way....anyways this Childcare Professional is out and will stick to what she knows best. And I do try people...just cant seem to get anything right.

Give Life

As I sit here and think about my life...I think...I am surrounded by on fire and powerful men and women of God....so I sit and wonder with all these role models and the success they have in life why wouldnt I want that...why am I so depressed about my life and so unexcitable...as I ponder these questions I dont actually have an answer for them...this year I want to be brave...I want to stand up for what I believe in...and when people around me including my friends say I cant do it...I cant be a politician or I cant design a political party...I want to say whatever cause I can...and I will and people will know what I believe and God will work through me...so when someone tells me I cant I will tell them why I can. I want to say no to fear, doubt and lack...its not goin to run my life anymore.

I am tired of living where people tell me to live on a level they tell me to be on...I am goin to new levels and higher heights and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...so you know what...stop telling me what I cant do...stop telling anyone what they cant do cause I am sure they already know what they cant do...and all you are doing is affirming in their life that they suck...you are pretty much taking a knife and stabbing them in a wound over and over again...and reminding them of the pain they already feel...and already think about themself...so when you go and make a comment to someone think about it first and ask yourself this...is it goin to build them up or tear them down?...cause if its goin to tear them down its better to be quiet then say it at all...so everyone have a great day...I am goin to bed now cause I have been sick all day...and remember be a life giver...not a life sucker.

Kids....Mundane....Life

This is probably goin to be another random blog but thats just how my mind works...so a cute story from work today...there is this little boy who we will name Billy...and two little girls we will name Sarah and Jane....well Jane had asked why Billy's skin was black...and Sarah said because thats what God colored him...and Billy was like yeah...God went like this...and he pretended to color on his arm...and He said we are all different...thats just the way God made it....I loved this as I watched these two children try and explain it to another child...they are smart...and they know that they are different...but they also know they are special...you can learn lots from a child.

My next thought I got while talkin to a friend yesterday...I had wrote that blog and published it without thinking...but I have thought a bit since then and I asked myself this question Is it Medicine Hat I want out of? or Is it the mundane life I want out of? Well it is the second one its not my city I love my city...its the mundane tasks I do everyday...so I have decided that in order to not make it so boring I need to make my life exciting...and live...to my fullest potential...but if you are still wonderin what mood I am in its...well still not great but I am starting to turn my thinkin around so that I can live...well thats all I had to say.

Color outside the lines

This is not what I want...Monday to Friday...9-5 job. Ok yes I am blessed to have it...and yes its what most people want security...and a great job...well here you can have it...take mine. This is not life to me...this is not living to me...and I dont want it. I want to be free...I dont want wordly possesions anymore...I dont want to live this way...I dont want to be in this box...this thing that society wants me to be this ladder I must climb to be "successful"...you can have it. I dont want all the money in the world...or all the nice things...and well in a bit you will see what I want cause I am goin to have it...no longer will I be a successful Childcare Professional...I will be a free Women of God...who goes where the wind takes her....me and my laptop...will take on the world...and write about its adventures.

Break free

So...this is it...this is what life is...hellos and goodbyes...laughter and tears...and good and bad memories...well you know what you can keep all the bad stuff...you can keep the distaster and the pain you can keep this hurting sad life. I dont want it...I know its my choice to live the life I want...well I dont think you ever thought you would hear this out of me but...I dont want the control...I dont want to make the final decision...I always make the wrong one and all I want is...well no responsibilty.

New thought....what did I do in my life to deserve to have nothing to do...I was the girl with somethin to do at all times..I was the social one with many goups of friends...I was the one people called when they wanted to do somethin...and now I sit here with nothin to do the rest of my week...and no one around...and my friends leaving...well I guess I will just get closer to me...and my Dad...and forget that everyone else is doin somethin.

New thought...what do you think of living a life with no real job and no house and jsut backpacking and living on people's couches...and just goin where ever the wind takes you...the stories, the adventures, the memories ohh how amazing would that be...the places you would see...the things you can do to bless that city or family or church or world.

New thought...I am stuck in a world of responsiblity...in a trap of life...to what just exist...to gain social status...to make money...I dont want it...I want to get out of this bubble and just break free of what society wants me to be...I want to conquer things and and fly like the birds in the sky...I want to run like a horse in the field...I want to be free.

Allright I rambled off to long now...friends who read this have a great week...and remember it could be your last moment in life...so make the most of it.

Take my heart

Why dont you take my heart and stop on it...well thats what I feel the world does to me...God is the only one who wont let us down but yet sometimes I think He will....I sometimes feel like He is the one takin things I love away from me...I sometimes think He is the one messing everything up...where did the happiness go...where did my life go...and my passion and my want to live...who knows...my heart is in a million pieces on the floor...and I have fallin and cant get up...so weak and tired...there is nothin left in me...dragging myself across the floor...trying to pull myself up...cant get up but I cant quit either...but starting to think whats the point.

And for everyones information...I dont care if you dont like what you read....this is my blog...and I dont care if you comment and its somethin I dont want to hear maybe I need to heard it anyways...so do what you want with the comments this is how I feel.

Random Thoughts

My heart hurts and who knows why...not me and I never really do...there is a little girl inside that wants to come out...but hiding is easier...there is a dreamer inside who wants to dream...but hiding is easier...the easy way is the hard way...and what seems the hard way is actually the easy way...the little girl inside just wants to be loved...just wants what she has been missing all her life...she just wants someone to come and care for her...take care of her...to just simply love her...anger...anger has destroyed that little girl...she cant seem to show any other emotion...it takes over like a demon in the night...it comes to steal her joy...and soon to kill her...but only if she could destroy it she will survive...look at her eyes you will see story...a story I am not sure you can handle...a past that scares even the strongest of people...hurts and pain that go deep...look into the eyes of that dreamer and see the biggness inside...see the world changer...look past the sadness and the pain...and see that once happy child...fear...fear resides in this young girl...as she gets older the fear gets bigger...and then it becomes who she is...she is not afraid as much anymore...the little girl is strong and can stand agaisnt the winds...but sometimes they are too strong to overpower on her own...not worthy...who is she to fight against the evil powers...she is not worthy she is not strong...well at least thats what they tell her...she knows different...and one day the world will see that...invisable is what she feels...her opinion doesnt count and well never will...in some peoples eyes...but little do they know...her opinion will matter a great deal to them in the future...scared, alone and forgotten...this little girl walks...and as she walks...and gets deeper...she gets lost in this mess...when...when can she stop crying herself to sleep? When will the night become safe? When will she feel loved?

No...you take it

Well today is whatever day it is...and I am sick...I hate this feeling of wanting to empty your insides onto whatever surface is in front of you...but what I hate more then the feeling of having to is the act...so I am not goin to let myself puke...nope its stayin in...anyways on a not so disgusting note...I have gained a new attitude that most of you will be shocked by...I dont care anymore about what I want...I am goin to live my life pleasing people and do what they want me to do...some would call this a push over...I call this being nice and makin new friends act....personally I dont care anymore and yes apathy did get the best of me in 2006 doesnt mean I am letting it win this year...this just means what others want they will get cause I am not goin to try and win anymore...I am not goin to fight I am just goin to give in...I am tired most cases I dont get what I want anyways so why try...so friends if you want to play a certian game then fine we will play it...if you want a certian cd on the fine it will be on...if we want two different movies then it will be yours we will see...if I wanted that chair but you wanted it then you can have it...I will sit on the floor...that is my new attitude...have a great day...that is if you want.

This is my time!

Ok people recent discovery....I actaully care about me...and I need to start doin the things that God has created me to do...so no more putting road blocks up...no more walls...this is me...crashing down...here I come.

Ok there are two things that I need to change about me...well there is lots but these are the two I am goin to work on cause they are road blocks...one is no more swearing...and the other no more alcohol...these two things are hard for me but I have come to realize that they are in my way...God can use me while I am doin this but not to my full potential...and I want Him to be able to so these things are out the door and this girl is goin to stand up and fight...He told me I was a world changer well then I need to start doin just that...and I cant have things clouding my judgement or messing up my words...so this is why its so important for me to move on without these two road blocks...see ya dont want ya...anyways friends I am on fire...so I dont know if you want to sit in your mediocre lives or you want to come with me...dont follow others paths...make your own.

I am tired of doing what people say...its time for me to do what God says..I am goin to be a little bit more vocal on my opinion now friends and tell you if I shouldnt be doin somethin and I prob wont be doin it with you...so get ready...the enemy is goin to hear my name and cringe...cause he knows that God is with me...and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and that I mean buisness...so are you with me? Are you ready to get out of your comfort zone? The world needs you...if you arent reay then fine live in your medicore mundane life...thats not what I want...and thats not what I am goin to have....cause I always get what I want.