Life Happens

Life happens no matter how much you want to stop it...no matter how much you just want time to stand still it wont. I love my life at times but there are times when I just want time to stop so that I can enjoy that moment as long as possible. I am sure you guys have felt that before. Like when you are having an awesome time with a friend you never get to see...you just want that moment to last forever. Expecalliy if that friend makes you feel like you are important and that nothing else in the world matters..ohh sorry I got lost for a second. Anyways I am at a point in my life that I have to grow up and move on in life. God has these amazing plans for me but sometimes I feel like I am getting pushed into them too fast..I know I am 22 and its time for me to grow up but for real I dont want to. Sometimes when I am sitting here its hard for me to think of myself as an adult with a career and living on my own. I always sit here and remember the time when I was a child and nothing seemed to matter and our biggest problem was who was going to be what in our imaganitive play. The world did stop and those moments lasted forever. Why cant I have that still why cant the world stop now. Was it the world stoping? Or was it that we werent as busy then and time didnt matter? Well I dont know but I always sit here and remember those times when and it was my favorite time in life. I have to realize that people come and go in my life and I have to realize that my friends are growing up too and that they are moving on to new and exciting places. I have to start realizing that they are stepping into what God has for them and they will not always be around. Its almost like the world wants you to loose your imagination and become numb to your suroundings. So that when bad things happen or people leave you then you dont care...heck its not a bad idea to become numb. I am willing to give it a try. Who needs people anyways...God is what we need right? I dont want to stand in the way of my friends lives so its better if I move over to the side and let them do what they want. Let them be who they want to be...even if it tears me up inside. Even if I feel like a part of me has died. There are certian people in my life that I have given my heart to and some of them kept and protected it dearly and some of them have torn it apart. I love my friends no matter how they treat me. I will always remember them and they will always have a special place in my heart. But there is one thing I cannot do and that is stand in the way of their dreams and destiny. So I will move to the side.

How long does it take 4 ADD people to get home from Edmonton?

Our trip home from edmonton started us leaving Dawn's house so that we could get on the road early and heading to Ikea.>insert irony here< Well we went to Ikea and this store was amazing so we looked around for a bit then we waited and waited...then istead of waitng we decided to go wendys for some food...and we waited some more. So finally we were done waiting and so we got on the road with full stomachs and even fuller bowels. So Kurtis, Justin, Jelea and I were in a car together enough said. We get on the road and start driving so as we are driving we are eating pisatchios and sour soothers and whatever else was in the car at this time. We are having a grand ole time then...

Kurtis: Nicole sharted. Jelea sharted. Justin REALLY sharted, Will someone save me? In the name of all that is holy…please…

...the flactuents start and now the car smells man it was great. So we get to innisfile(I dunno how to spell the name of the town). We stopped there to get drinks and go to the bathroom. DOLLER STORE??? SHINY CONFETTI!!! So we went to the grocery store and then we saw a doller store and decided to stop there to see what they had. Well Justin and Kurtis bought these toy guns that shoot confetti they were awesome...those entertained us for about five minutes. So we all get back into the car to drive home. So has we are driving the smell is getting thicker in the car and we are laughing too hard to do anthing it was a great time. So we get to calgary...I thought we were goin around calgary but we didnt. We then were like hey lets go to peters drive-in...so we were drving down a road and then all of a sudden we were like hey its not this way...so we back tracked and went the other way...FOUND IT. So we got some milkshakes and fries mmm that was good. So now we get back into the car with or bowels ready to explode. So we are driving down the road and I really had to go to the bathroom and so did Jelea and Justin and wait Kurtis did too...so we stopped at bassano to go to the bathroom...so now that we are relieved we can continue our trip. So on the road we go so we are driving down the road...and we get to brooks someone says hey lets confetti Andreas car and I was like yeah...Justin asks do you know where her house is and I said yes. So we turn into brooks...We take the the first turn towards her house then we are driving down the road and Justin is like now which turn and I was like that would have been the one we just passed...so we back track some more. Slowly we are getting lost in brooks so I phoned Andrea pretending that I was sending a package to her and asked her what her address was. So we get the adress and we find her house and knock...so we spent a bit there talking with her and her parents and telling them about our adventures. So then finally we get back on the road again on our way home. Between Justin, Jelea and I we were having the car smell pretty bad it was so great. So finally we get back to Medicine Hat at midnight...home sweet home. We pretty much laughed at ourselves because we kept getting distracted by things to do. So the anser to how long does it take for four ADD people to get home from Edmonton is 7 hours. Yes thats correct I said 7 hours...we wanted to be home at 9 but things jsut kept happening. I wouldnt have traded it for anything the ride home was probably the best part of my weekend. There was more to my weekend but I just wrote this because its funny and the highlight of my weekend...dont get me wrong YC was good this year too but I will never forget the car ride home. Well its 1am and I have to work tomorrow so I am goin to bed...Nikki out!

Future

Well since there are people who think that I needed a new post I will post...also it truly has been awhile since I posted so here goes it. I just got home from the movie Over the Hedge...I think thats what its called and I was hangin with Jelea cause well we havent hung out in forever and it was a good time. So my week has been allright up untill today...I have had a pretty stressful day at work and to me it doesnt normally happen considering I love my job. Ohhh tuesday I preached at my faithworks class it was one of our assignments and I think I did very well...God spoke through me and it was like wow...it was cool. Funny thing is I was thinking of a good blog today and I forgot what it was about. Ohhh you know what I have been thinking about latley...destiny and the future...mostly because I think thats the theme in the young adults in med hat. They all want to know where they are going and what God is going to do for them. Me included but today I got great revelation on this topic...If we knew our next step the question in would we want to take it...If God showed us His plan would we be ready for it? Would we want to go where He wants us to go? I think God doesnt show us for that reason...because think about this we already think that we cant do things we already think that we are no good...if God told us the plan the devil would just have more lies to throw in our face so I think that God doesnt tell us so that we can have less to worry about. And why not be happy with just God...who cares what our future is like because right now we have God and He is not going to lead us into somewhere bad. If God wasnt with us we would have no future. Also your future just doesnt fall into your lap you have to work at it...you have to sweat a little. So as you are working and as you sweat you leave marks along the way. So then when you get ahead and look back you can see the marks that you have left along the way and be happy because you actually worked for something. Right now in my life I am not worrying where I will be in a few years I dont care you know why cause I have God directing my steps and I gave up looking. I am doing what He told me to do right now and the future will come. I have hope in my Father and future...hope means to look forward to in confidence and expectation...and I am confident in my God that He will give me the desires of my heart. So I pray that you...all my friends see this too and I pray that the revelation I have gets into your knower and that you guys start walking in it. Remember be faithful with the little so that God can give you the big. Have a great rest of your week everyone. Nikki Out!

Next Chapter

So I have been tryin to write a blog for the last couple of days now but I didnt know what to write. But I think I got it. I have been sitting here these last few days thinking about my life...I have lived for 22 years I know that is not along time considering people can live to one hundred or longer. But in the 22 years I have lived I have been through a lot. I have had dreams and dreams have been broken, I have had great freindships and broken friendships, I have failed and succeeded, I have lost and won, I have ran and walked. In my life I have done many things and everything that I have been through was a great learning experiance even tho I didnt think so at the time. You are prob wonderin why I have been thinkin about this well lately I have been thinkin about my future. About what God has for me and how its all goin to pan out. You know what else I have been thinking about...is I am graduating college in a couple of weeks here and in high school no one ever thought I was goin to do it. But here I am graduating college not like I took a hard program or anything it was actually pretty easy but I am doing it...I have finished a very important chapter in my life. And it is pretty exciting. Now I sit here and think I am 22 with a career...wow thats cool and sounds awesome. I have come to a realization today as well and that is I am not a failure. I have done something that many people thought I would never do. So as I sit here and think about my life I realize that in the last 22 years I have put my mark on many people's lives and affected lives and the best part is I have lived. Now I sit here and go on to the next chapter in my life as a young adult with a career and not only that but a purpose.

update

I dont really know why I am posting I dont have much to say but I wanted a new blog. So lets see whats new...well its offically dawns birthday today...HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAWN. I had an all right week I got to hang out with mary for most of it and this weekend was allright too...until i got hit in the leg with a baseball twice in the same spot...man that hurt. Mothers day was good...ummmm lets see. I am struggling with some stuff tho...the enemy keeps lieing to me and tellin me that I shouldnt go out to the ranch this summer and he keeps tellin me that i cant do it...even tho i know i can. ummm I am really worried about who i will be in a cabin with I would feel more comfortable if it was with someone that i know...i dont want to be with someone i dont know...ummm lets see what else can i say...i am supposed to be in bed right now mom has spoke aka dawn...but i am not cause i am not obediant ha ha ha...anyways thats an update talk to you all later.

Sick as in gross

You know whats sick Echinacea its the worst thing in the world...I have been takin it since friday and its so gross. You drink it and as it goes down it burns man its gross. You know what else is bad the vitamins I have been taking they are grape flavor and they are sour and not good. I am taking these items because of a lovely friend of mine one who is concerned about my health...man I am happy I have her as a friend but they could have made this stuff taste better. I just felt like I needed to tell the world about this sick stuff...I was bored of serouis blogs I had to tell you about somethin gross. Everytime I take them I cringe in fear because I know what its goin to taste like. The worst part is the smell of the echincea it smells like it tastes and thats not good. Well I dunno what they are supposed to do cause all this week I have felt sicker then ever so yeah I dunno...well I am out...just remember what is good for you isnt always fun.

Hangin by a string

Well I did go to work today but I left early telling them I was sick...which I do feel ill but I think what I feel more of is sadness and pain for a friend. I just feel like the last few weeks I have been hangin by a string...slipping everyday. Now I know some of you who read this are goin to think there she goes again and why cant she just get up and stay up...well I think that all the time about myself. This time is different...I am not giving up on Christianity or God. I just am not trying as hard anymore...I am completly empty and I cant run anymore. I am tired and I feel like I cant handle anything thrown at me anymore. Life is so weird. There are times when I feel so happy and times where I just want to hide and never come out. Today my heart feels sad and broken and I just need to be alone for a awhile. I do this often where I shut the world out of my life but you know what sometimes I come out better and sometimes its worse...I never know untill I actually do it. Some people will try to convince me that its bad but whatever. I am hangin by a string and its getting harder to hold on but I am goin to try to never let go untill my feet are on solid ground and I no longer have to hold on to a string. So for now if you are praying for me it would be best to pray for strength and just for God to be there with me to hold me and guide me. Thank you all of you for being there.

Pretty Sweet I guess

This weekend was pretty sweet for many reasons. I went to Edmonton and I got to see Dawn and hang out with her all weekend and I got to see her mom which I love…I love her mom she is inviting and caring and fun…sometimes I wonder why I was born into the family that I was born into…I love my family but it may have been easier if I could have talked to my mom about things and if she was more inviting. Now don’t get me wrong I know that all families have their problems and are not perfect but sometimes I just wish things were different. Anyways I know there is a purpose for me being in the family that I am in. Anyways back to the weekend, it was pretty cool some stretching happened this weekend and it was soooo good for me and I don’t think I would have been able to do it on my own. My friends are very supportive about things and help me a lot and I really appreciate it. Dawn is such a good influence on me and I think this kind of relationship we have was something I needed. And so Dawn I know you read my blog and I want everyone to see how much you mean to me…Thank you for this weekend…thank you for everything you have done for me and thank you that you for all the times you have been there for me…and even tho I am three years older than you thank you for being mom like to me…ha ha I really need that in my life. I love you tons and you will always be someone I keep in touch with. Ok back to my weekend, So Friday we got to Edmonton and went to the West Ed mall that was all right…then we went to the cheesecake café…mmmm cake I like cake…sorry I got lost there for a sec. Then we went back to Dawns house and hung out there that was fun until I got mad at mau…ha ha games they are fun. Then Saturday came and we went shopping on White Ave I like that street it is a good time. We went up and down the street looking for one specific thing and I cant say it on here right now Mary can tell you after she gets it…ha ha anyways then Dawn took us to see the outside of the Parliament Building ok now for those of you who don’t know me that well yes I love politics and I love things like goin on tours of things like that I have never seen the parliament building in Alberta so I though ok lets go. So she sowed us the fountains that you are aloud to swim in I thought that was cool. Then we decided to see if we can get into the building but we couldn’t it was locked. So we started walking away and we were walking past this door so in my head I thought I wonder if its locked…so I went to open it and it actually opened I was like wow and so Dawn and Josh and I went into this little building…we ended down in these tunnels underground that were pretty cool…turns out we were not in the parliament building and then a tour guide is walking past us with a group of people and he is like do you guys want to go on a tour and I was like YEAH…so he took us on a tour…turns out it was a tour of the parliament building so I got really excited we actually got a tour of this building now this building was amazing it was so beautiful I enjoyed it so much. I think I was more excited then the other two but I am also kind of a geek when it comes to things like that. So I learned some interesting facts about the government of Alberta and this building…ok so when the building was first built in 1905 it would have cost 4 million to build that was when pop was 5 cents today that building is worth 400 million…that’s a lot of money eh. Also the tour guide showed is where there was a bullet hole in the brass door of an elevator where there was a live shooting in the parliament building I thought that was cool. He told us how Alberta got its name which was an interesting story here I will tell it…this guy wanted to name the province after his wife and her name was Lousie Caroline Alberta and well Lousie was too close to lousiana in and Caroline was too close to North Carolina so Alberta it was…pretty cool eh. Well now he showed us where Ralph Kleins office was he has a whole wing to himself that’s sweet. The he told about the mace which this is kind of a lame tradition. Ok so they have to have this mace in the meeting room or else they cant have a meeting that’s kinda like an idol is it not but whatever. Then we went into the chambers and he told us about how they have meetings and why they do certain things that they do today here is two traditions that they still do today…one back in the day they chose a speaker…the speaker is the person who sat in the front and made up laws…well this job was not liked because if the other people didn’t like the laws that the speaker chose they would kill him on the spot…so they had to drag the speaker up and throw him into the chair…well today they don’t kill you if you make up bad laws but they still grab the person and take them to the front and put them in the chair..the next fact is back in the day they used to carry swords and in these meeting you always had to have your hand on your sword just in case of a fight so you didn’t have two free hands to clap when you agreed with something so they just banged on the desk with one hand…even tho we don’t carry swords today they still bang on the desk with one hand today. Yep I learned that at the parliament building…now I also go to see this really cool thing. There is this spot in the parliament building that is called the magic spot I will explain…on the main floor there is this fountain and on the fith floor there is this spot that you can stand on and it sounds like the water is pouring just above your head this is very cool we all took turns standing this spot and it really did sound like it. Well I learned a lot more about the parliament building but I am only half way through my weekend and this is getting really long. So if you want to know more I can tell you later. The crazy part is I never remember anything about anything and I remember the entire tour it was amazing…I guess if you are interested in something its easier to pay attention. Well then after that we went back to Dawns house to have supper and by this time Scott was done getting his tattoo and so we got to see it and it was cool if you want to see it I am sure he will put it on his blog so you may be able to see it there. So then we watched saving private ryan that night. Then Sunday we went to church which I love Dawns church it is so fun cause it reminds me of my home church. Ummm then we had a BBQ lunch at her sisters and that was fun cause we got to hang out with her sister and her husband it was cool. Then we drove home and its fun cause I was with Scott and Josh and Melissa and we got to talk and have fun in the car nothing like goin on a fun weekend with good friends. I had a great weekend and am excited to go back in three weeks. My highlight of the weekend was hanging out with Dawn and was the parliament building and everyone knows that as you can tell that’s what this whole blog is about ha ha and I am sure I will be talking about it for the next week ha ha. Well I had a great weekend and I am glad to be back home and see all my other friends Monday is also going to be great day I am looking forward to hanging out with Mary…well talk to you all soon and I put up an awesome pic of the inside of the parliment building.

Just a note

Well just a little note saying I will be gone for the weekend Josh, Scott, Melissa and I are off to Edmonton to have a great weekend. Its 2:39am right now and I cant sleep cause my roommate has friends over and its really loud my alarm is set to ring at 6am so well lets just hope I am not cranky for the car ride ha ha. Anyways I hope you all have a great weekend and see you on monday.

Interesting Day

I really dont know how to write this post cause it sounds kinda lame no matter how I say it. Ok so we took the kids at work today to the cinderella play at the college right. And we all know the story of cinderella so we know that she wishes to go to the ball and have a beautiful dress right. Well she was singing this song about wishes and stuff and it was amazing I have been emotional these last of couple of ...

ok time for a break. this is Scott now. Scotty II Hotty. So what's up everybody? i've never blogged before. it's a new experience. i don't think i'll ever do it again. so enjoy this. this is nice and random. i like random. everybody likes random. don't you. that's not a question. that's an order. you do like randomness. well, the intermission is now over. i'll give it back to nicole now.

...days so this really got to me. So when the fairy godmother came to her she sang this song that said beauty is not what is on the outside but what is on the inside. Ok now lets catch you all up I struggle with seeing myself the way God sees me so God sees me as beautiful right and I struggle with that. So when the fairy godmother sang this song all of a sudden it hit me. I am beautiful...God sees that I am beautiful...I really am. I know this sounds like a lame way to get and so many people have been trying to get into my head but I actually got it today.

The girl in this play sang a song about wishes and wishing and them coming true and it was just sooo amazing. Cause it's like dreams and and just keep believing in them and they will come true. Cause think about it cinderella has no reason to be happy she has to do all the work in the house and she wears rags. But yet she is really the happiest person in that play because she has her dreams still and no one can take that away from her. Now its weird how I got all this out of a children's play but it was so amazing. I also think I just rambled on in my own little world but hey its my blog and the title is called inside the mind of Nikki. Oh and sorry for the interuption of scott he decided he wanted to try to blog. Well that is all for now I will keep you all updated on my life.

Always thinking

To be or not to be that is the question? Ha ha that has nothing to do with my blog I just wanted to write that. Anyways life is busy as usual and I spend my evenings thinking which for me could be a dangerous time. I think a lot about my life and about where I am going and what I want to acomplish in life. There are so many things that I want to do in life but sometimes I feel like there is no time. We work five out of the seven days there are in a week(well those of us that are lucky to have a monday-friday job) but my lifes goals dont include working that much. Dont get me wrong I love my job and I love what I do...like I have a career and I am only 22 some people dont get their careers till later on in life. Its amazing...I'm not even mad. Anyways I am the type of person who needs change and I am hoping not to be doing this job for the rest of my life. I want to travel(which I have never done in my life unless you count not leaving your province or going to the province which we dont speak of) and I know there is going to be opportunity to travel cause I am going to Ontario in January and to Europe in the future but that is only part of this world. I want to see Italy and China and believe it or not I want to travel the States. I also have this other dream that I have never told anyone but here it goes. You know how in school you read about these people who changed something for the better...like their names are in your test books. Well in college we read about all these people who changed childcare to the way we do it today. Well I have some interesting things in my head about doing childcare that are not yet heard of, not yet written about and I want to be that person to write about it and have my name in a text book. I want to be the person that changes they way people see childcare so that a few years down the road the name Nicole Andrews will be studied in college. Thats what I want to do. There are so many things that people arent doing in childcare that I see and want to change. God gave me these eyes that see things different then others and I want to use that for good. I want to do something about it and I will. Well thats one of my dreams and I know someday that dream will no longer be a dream but a reality. For now I am going to keep living my life and keep walking to see where God is going to take me.

Changes

So I dont normally make long term goals but lately I have. Some of you know them I am goin to work at my daycare for two years then open up a daycare here in the hat. But I think I changed my goals. I am gonna still work at the daycare for two years. Then I think I am gonna move away. I may move to Ontario if I find out I like it when I go up in Jan. In two years I am definitly going to do the Europe thing tho even if I have to go by myself I am doin it. Then I think I may settle down somewhere else. I need a change...I need newness if you know what I mean. I like change and well I love my city of Medicine Hat and I do have a heart for here I will never forget my roots. But there are things I also need to leave behind. I know some of you are thinking what happened to my Edmonton dream for the last three years I have been thinkin of movin to Edmonton but I am not sure I want to anymore. At one point in time I was thinkin of movin back to Calgary where I was born but I think Ontario all the way to the other side of Canada would be a good idea. I need out of Alberta. Well enough me rambling about moving. I dunno what else to say so talk to you all later.

Life

Life is going back to normal..school is over and work is back which I like better then school. Melissa is home and that makes me happy. Cause now I can call her and hang out with her...he he and cuddle her...shut up guys. Anyways life is great...I know this is a different attitude then the last blog but my spirits have been lifted and I am getting into a better mood. I get to see dawn soon and I am excited for that cause that means cuddle time :) and I love cuddles. Ummm what else to say my friend heather is comin down on the 20th from BC and that is cool cause I am excited to see her and for her to meet my friends. I havent seen her in ages. And then the weekend after that I get to see dawn again wow May is going to be a great month...makes me have something to look forward to. Well I should go to bed soon cause sleep is good. You guys have a great night.

Crazy

Its like 2am and I had this whole great blog planned out in my head and I just lost my train of thought...so I will write about what I am thinkin right now. Its crazy how you have everything figured out and you think you know whats gonna come next and bam things change and you are on a different path. Here is the picture and story for you...well I am finished college now right so I was supposed to get this amazing position at my work well that all changed today I still get a pretty good position but not the one I wanted. Here is the thing I was supposed to get put in the toddler room at my work but they want someone consistant in there and since I am goin to the ranch in the summer I will be leavin in June right..but there is this other position in the Kindergarten room that is untill the end of June so they said it prob would be best if I took that one so I said ok. This means I will not be makin as much money as I would be in the toddler room and its not my dream position. But then my boss said the most profound thing today that I never thought I would hear out of her mouth. She said that the ranch is a ministry and if I believe that I am called there then I need to go. She said that this decision could be a test to see if I am going to go for the money or for what God wants me to do. Now this is a women who doesnt follow yet she is tellin me these things and I thought wow...so I said yes I will take the kindergarten position and then I will go to the ranch and come back to work then get the position I want. So here is the picture I seen tho I am walking to the promised land to my dream and I can see it all I need to do is take one more step...I take that one more step and end up in a totally different world...I look up and see that the promised land just got further away but is still attainable...so I realized that there is more work to be done more walking then God is going to give me what He promised. At the beggining of the year God told me This is the Year He said this is the year for everything that you have been believing for will come to pass and He told me that before I knew that was the Dreamcentre's word as well so I truly believe that and I am going to keep going.

On another note there is other things going through my head. And that is the people God is bringing into my life and then taking them out. Some people I am able to only get to know a little bit then they leave...some people I am able to get to know well and then they leave...some stay and some go. God has given me incredable friends and each one I can tell different things to. I am very thankful for my friends and the ones that I am close to right now...will always have a place in my heart no matter how far we live from each other and no matter where our lives take us...they are my friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ and without them this journey would be a lot harder then it is.

I am going through a lot of things right now but I know its for the good. I know God has these amazing plans for me...just sometimes its really hard to wait expecially when He has given you a glimpse of what is to come. It's also hard for me cause I struggle with my own thoughts in my head about being worthless and I know a few of you made sure in my last blog that I knew I wasnt alone...but sometimes its hard to believe that when trust keeps getting broken and its not your guys fault its things that I need to deal with in my own head. I get too close to people and push them away or I get too close to people and then I set myself up for disapointment cause in all reality there is no reason to trust humans. The wall I broke down with some people I am goin to build some of it back up so that they know less about me.

Wow this blog is a lot of rambling but this is whats in my head tonight. It's now 2:16am and I need sleep for the boring car ride to Moose Jaw tomorrow. And to all my friends dont worry about me cause I am fine.

Song Lyrics

Ok so you all know the song by Kelly Clarkson "Because of you"...well thats one of my fav songs right now. Its so fiting for my life and some of you may know why. I posted the lyrics at the end here so you can all read them. I am not gonna explain much right now but here they are:

Because Of YouI will not make the same mistakes that you did I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery I will not break, the way you did, you fell so hard Ive learned the hard way to never let it get that far (chorus) Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I dont get hurt Because of you I find it hard to find it hard to trust, not only me,but everyone around me, Because of you, I am afraid I lose my way, and its not too long before you point it out I cannot cry, because I know thats weakness in your eyes Im forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life My heart cant possibly break, when it wasnt even whole to start with (chorus) I watched you die, I heard you cry, every night in your sleep. I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me. You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain. And now I cry in the middle of the night, doin the same damn thing (chorus, but slightly different) Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I dont get hurt Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything Because of you I dont know how to let anyone else in Because of you Im ashamed of my life, because its empty Because of you, I am afraid Because of you Because of you

Poem I wrote

She sits alone every night thinking how she is going to win this fight
These swirling thoughts in her head as the darkness closes in
She sits there in fear not saying a word
Trying to figure out ways to end it all
This life is not what she had expected
Not what she had planned
The thoughts that torment her everyday
The pain she feels inside
It’s getting too hard for her
She sits alone every night thinking how she is going to win this fight
The thoughts are like spinning tornados destroying everything in sight
She feels like the wolves stalk her at night
Waiting to devour her
Waiting to tear her down
She runs as far and fast as she can
She hides in the dark where no one can see her
The darkness devours her in the night
Alone she waits
She sits alone every night thinking how she is going to win this fight
She hides behind her smile in the day
So no one will see the fear within
Everyday she gets up and wears the same mask
She doesn’t like the real her
So she hides within a fake
Every night she cries her self to sleep thinking is she ever going to win this fight

Nicole
Andrews
22

Swirling thoughts

Well so much has happened in the last two days in my life. Yesterday being the worst day of my life to today being a really good day. Yesterday stuff happened which made me question the path I am one which I know is the right one. Even tho I know its the right path things always happen to try to get you off course but thats when you know its right. This fight we are in is a hard one but we will always be victorous if we have God. The funny thing is yesterday in Faithworks everything I had been dealing with was talked about. God is funny that way He likes us to go through something and then teaches us why later. I love it but hate it at the same time. This year in Faithworks its all been about becoming a great leader. Well you all know how I like to isolate myself when I get frustrated well at Faithworks last night we talked on a bit of that and how isolation isnt the best because you are not around people that could possibly help you. I am trying to hide from the ones that can harm me but in the process I am the one harming me cause I am also hiding from the good people. I got so much revelation last night that its hard to put it all in words. One statement that was said last night that got into my spirit was this "It's about today, where ever you are." Its saying that God is going to use you where you are at today, in your workplace in your school or in your church where ever you are today. The great thing about last night is that we talked about finding the potential in people and drawing it out of them. I can think of many of examples where people have done that in my life for me. And I thank them for that. Another great statement I heard was this "What if we never got to the winners circle but helped someone else get there." Are you willing to see someone else go into their destiny or are you all about yourself? Hmmm that is a great question eh? Cause really its not about us...but its about buildng God's Kingdom on earth...wow just think about that for a moment its so beautiful. I am excited to see what is going to happen.

Another topic I wanted to talk about in this blog is the movie V for Vendatta. I know this blog is getting long but I have now seen this movie twice and both times I am just amazed at how well this movies was put together and the lines that are said in it. This movie is so much deeper to me then it may be for other people. I see lessons about identity, about God, about government and about faith. I see people in this movie who are willing to die for the cause. No matter what the cause is...they are willing to do anything for it and they are sold on it. Some great lines are these "You have been wearing the mask for so long that you forget the person under it". I love that line...also "The people shouldnt be afraid of the government the government should be afraid of the people." This movie is so great on many levels. If you have not yet seen it go see it. I am not going to ruin the whole movie for those of you who have not yet seen it.

My mind is spinning with thoughts today. I have learned a lot in the past two days that are going to stay with me forever. I have learned that no matter how others see things I will always see them different and God gave me these eyes for a reason. I have learned that God has put me exactly where He wants me and I am going to continue this fight. The devil thinks that he is tripping me up but little does he know he has made me stronger.

One of my poems

This is a poem I wrote awhile ago and I wanted to put up here so here it is.

The world sleeps alone tonight
Not a sound for miles
People dreaming of what could be if…
Terrors in the night flying into their rooms
Angels fighting for their souls
The world walks alone today
With no one to listen to their cries
Terrors by day tormenting them
Angels protecting them
The world works alone
Doing their mundane jobs day after day
The enemy filling their heads with lies
God telling them He loves them
The world eats alone
Sitting at a table across from an empty chair
Silence in the air
God is waiting for them to talk
The world sleeps alone tonight
While God is filling their heads with dreams
He tells them He is there
The world wakes up together this morning

Nicole
Andrews
22

Random

Well first off I would like to say I hope I didnt loose any readers cause of my last blog. Now what I need to say in this blog...this may be a little random cause their are so many things on my mind. Ok have you ever wondered if we are right and following the right thing. Like their are so many beliefs out there and how do we know we are following the right one. Ok dont get me wrong I know the bible and I have heard God speak to me since day one but for real. Its jsut a xrazy thought and maybe I am thinkin it cause I have been researching other religions and cults lately and I have an addictive personality. But anyways my next thing I would like to say is I agree with the conservitives when it comes to not havin same sex marriges and other things but I dont agree with the abolishing of the child care thing that the liberals want in I agree that they should put more money into child care and it isnt because thats my career its cause children are our future. I love children and they are the ones that are goin to be running this country and we need to invest in them now. Another thing that I want to comment on is about church today I got some real revelation and it was amazin but it was bout lettin go and I am not sure I can do that yet...I know I wrote a blog about that before that I have let go of some things but I think I have grabbed ahold of them again.I just love the control I love the ball being in my court I think its because I have had what I have wanted for many years I grew up an only child and got what I wanted all the time and now I have that metality. Some of you remember when I was a hermit for that little while...well I wanna become that same hermit I have stuff I need to work through and I am havin people issues right now and I cant handle people. Certian people I can but for the most part people frustrate me. So I am gonna have some Nicole time and I know some of you think thats bad and it probably is but whatever I am doin it. Well see you all in awhile the only way you are able to talk to me is goin to be on the net.

Big Turk

This post is edited so there is new stuff. Well some of you are thinkin that this post is sick and you dont know why I did this well first off to bad its my blog and I can do whatever I want. I will explain why I did this...this is not going to be a regular occurance its just funny this time. Well I have this guy friend who thinks its physically impossible for girls to poop. So we thought it would be a good time for me to take a picture of my poo. I cant believe I am doin this but yes I am putting a pic of my poo on my blog. I really cant believe I am actually going through with this. I am sorry for all of you who had to endure this.