My heart

Well camp this week was incredable...the things that the children shared and learned amazing...but most of all my dreams are comin true.

I have been doin a lot of searching inside me...I have been doin a lot of teaching with these children...but now my friends its time for me to share my heart with you all.

You all know that I have a deep passion for children...and some of you know that I love politics well its becoming time to start going towards the goal of becoming a politician...I have decided that I need to take some schooling and need to work on that goal...all week I was teachin kids that they can change the world...and to not just sit there...well I need to take my own advice...so I am not goin to share all the details on here cause nothing is set in stone...but let me tell you september is goin to be great and I am goin to start changin canada...have a great week friends see you all soon.

Revelation off the zipline

So I conquered my fear of heights and went off the zipline here at the ranch...it was a great time and scary at the same time...but I got some sweet revelation off of it...there is this bridge that you have to cross its a rope bridge and its pretty scary...one wrong step and you fall through but you are safe cause you are attached to a safety...then you get to the yellow tower and you have to jump off the zipline and when you first jump off it feels like you are goin to fall to your death...and then the harness catches you and you are safe...well I got some deep revelation on this zipline.

Walkin the bridge is like your walk with God...one wrong step and you fall....one wrong move and you are done...its long and hard and takes a lot of w ork and strength...you definitly cant do it on your own so you need your harness or you could die...then you get to the yellow tower and thats when you need to take your leap of faith and trust in God...thats when you just need to go and pray that the harness is goin to hold you...and the harness is God and at first it doesnt feel like it has you and then it does it catches you just like God catches us...and takes our fear away.

I am very afraid of hieghts and I went up this thing...and just went for it and conquered it this is my year of victory...and I need to hang on to that...I need to keep fighting and never let go of my harness in life which is God...because if I do I am goin to fall I am goin to die.

Done week two of kids

Well this week was busy...but it was fun I had a blast...just for all you out there I am learning a lot about myself and how I handle frustration and stress...this year at ENR has been harder then last...and I dunno what it is...its just been hard...but I dunno what else to update you all in this note...except to say there has been a lot of physical attacks and stuff on people so prayer for that would be awesome...and yeah I can update you more later. Miss you all.

Well we offically had our first week of camp and I had some good times and bad times...but let me share my week...the kids were amzing minus the fact that I think they all have hearing problems...but anyways I was sitting there thinkin one day...I am parenting their parents arent here I am the one they go to so that means I am the parent of 19 children wow that was kind of a scary thought...anyways the kids made me laugh and angry in the same hour...the kids made my heart break and frustrated in the same hour...God has been teachin me a lot of things this summer...and its all been great but you see its also been super hard cause the season I am comin into is goin to have great battles but even greater victories...I am not lookin forward to leavin this place and its a good thing cause its not even half over...I am doin DCI in the fall but am not totally sold on it...I would love to just go places and travel and spend my life doing that....I am growing lots and changing lots and seeing things from a different perspective...so yeah....some prayer for guidance would be awesome and prayer for the ENR staff and children because its been a harder summer this year...but the victory has been sweet...also I have made many new friends I hope to keep in touch with...they are awesome and I love it...so thats the update of my summer I will dtop a line later...Nikki Out!

Update on ENR life

Well its only been staff training week but its still been a hard week...I am tired but its a different tired...and this year its way different then last year...and I dunno how to explain my week so that you my readers will understand...God has been workin on a lot in my life and I havent exactly welcomed it...I am trying tho...lets see what have I done this week...well I am learnin a dance ha ha yes me I am dancing not well but I am doing it...its actually kinda funny expecially the bird part ha ha...anyways I tried skate boarding in a cabin and sprained my wrist yeah that wasnt so fun but I did get back up on the board yes you knew I would thats how I roll....I met many fun new people that I am sure I am goin to be friends with for a long time they are all fun and I am excited to keep in touch with them all...ummm yes well its goin to be a fun upcoming week cause we get the sponsor kids and I am pumped to share Jesus with them...and just so you know I have gained levels...and I am a different Nikki then the one that left a week ago...anyways talk to you all soon and eh I love comments so leavin them might be sweet....Nikki Out!

Make sure they find Jesus

The war is raging on…people are lying on the ground…bleeding not breathing…hearts failing…casualties everywhere…I fight…blood everywhere…I watch as people are dying realizing that my life isn’t forever…my body is temporary…and soon I will be lying on the ground…I hold my gun pointed at the enemy…I cant pull the trigger…because it looks like a human staring back at me…how do you shoot one of your own….I sit in the trench as I have to make a choice…sweat dripping down my face…all I hear is shots all around…its hot…whats my decision…wait…whats this I have been shot…the enemy has gotten me…thoughts running through my head…and all I can think of is…they don’t know Jesus…they need to know Jesus…and I didn’t share it…did I do enough…did they see Him through me…will they continue on…will they follow the One I love…the One I love…as I lay there…breathing my last breath…bleeding on the ground…I say if this it for me…if my life ends right now…make sure they know Jesus…

Its 4:20am and I am wide awake and all I can think of is this picture in my head…what happened if I were to die tomorrow…or soon…and my family didn’t know Jesus…what would happen if…I wasn’t around and something happened to them…and they didn’t know Jesus…this is what I need to get out into the world…is if…this is my last breath and my last moment…make sure they find Jesus…make sure

Its that time of year again

Well friends its that time of year again...I am leavin for Eagles Nest Ranch...which means there wont be as many blogs up here...I will be blogging when I have time but for now friends this is a farewell...I hope you all have a great summer...I know I will...I am pumped for it...just please remember me in prayer...and I will be praying for all you as well....love you all.

Badass Nikki

Well I have concluded I am either havin a mental breakdown or rebelling a bit...my mom said keep your long hair I chopped it all off...my mom said she hates tattoos I went and got one...well I just like changes and here is a change in my life...meh whatever

Lots of changes

I am done work...my house is bein packed...I have short hair...and I am gettin a tattoo...I am leavin for ENR soon...very soon. My life is changin drastically...nothin is goin to be the same.

I had my last day of work today...and it broke my heart...to have to leave those kids...to just let them go and say goodbye...to know this is the end...and if I leave the visits far away they wont even remember who I am...I didnt think leaving that place would be this hard...I poured a little over four years of my life into that place...and now its all gone...no more.

I am movin back to my mom's house and that is ok but also not ok...I have been livin in my own place for a long time now and I enjoy it bein mine...now all my stuff will be in boxes...and things arent mine...its weird its my family...but feels like I am movin into a strangers house.

I am goin to ENR...that is prob the only thing I am lookin forward too this year...its the only thing that when I think about it...I get super excited and want to jump for joy...its goin to be a blast to see old faces and meet new ones.

I am doing an internship at the DC when I come back...I dont actually know how I feel about this...I dont actually think its on my excited list yet...I am not sure what its goin to entail...I am not sure how its goin to be...I know I will grow...but its not exciting yet.

This is the year of firsts and I am goin to fight this entire year...and I am goin to win...I just need to get excited and move forward into what God has planned next...I am more then a conquer and I can do this...its just goin to be hard...and I know that.

Nearing the end

Well folks its gettin close to my last day of work...in five days I will be done at Southview Kiddie Kampus forever. Now you may think I am happy cause thats how I have been sounding the last few days and weeks...but its hitting me now...I am goin to be done there forever those kids who have become my own will move on and forget all about me...forget I even existed...now thats depressing to me...I treat those kids like they are all mine...I am very over protective of them...I dont know what to do....because on friday I will be saying goodbye to many children I have grown to love and some I have watch grow from a baby to a school aged child.



I am pretty pumped about the new chapter I am startin in my life...I get to go to Eagles Nest Ranch again this summer and then do an internship at The Dreamcentre....but....how do you say goodbye...to a place you have poured four years into...how do you leave a place you know you are loved so much...how do you leave a place that has taught you many valuable lessons...well after friday I will tell you how...because I will know...I will have left a place that is dear to my heart....a place I will never forget.

Lets look at the past four years...snotty noses...stinky diapers...bruised knees...bleeding children...crying children...all the smiles...all the hugs and kisses...and every kind word it was so worth it...and I am goin to miss everything about it.

Here are a few qoutes from children that I have head there...

"Did you know God even loves me too?"- a child that was never really told that

"Cole when I grow up I want to be a great teacher just like you"-a child who believed in me...made my heart melt

I have learned so much from these children...they are the ones in my life who have believed in me the most...they trusted me...they are who we should be like...they didnt doubt me...they tested my patience...but they truly know how to love...and they loved who I was...and not what I looked like...and I pray that when I leave the seed I have sown in them...never leaves them...the time I gave them and the love I gave them...they never forget it...well 5 more days...I can do this.

What do girls do on girls nights?

Here was most boys think girls do on girls nights...they get in their underwear and have pillow fights...and talk about the boys...and you know whatever a boy can think of.

Well let me tell you thats not true...Lets see what do girls do well they walk to superstore and get whistled at by many cars that the boy inside think reving the engine is a turn on...which its not by the way...then they go and buy chocolate covered espresso beans and rent movies...so now they eat them and watch the movies...and cant sleep...so at about 2am they go play in the park and take pictures knowing they are goin to be very tired when they have to wake up for church in the morning...well girls nights are lots of fun...and we ate lots of sugar...and its great times.

So for all the boys who read this we dont actually run around in our underwear...we dont actually have pillow fights...but we do talk about boys ha ha...anyways thats all I need to say for now...Nikki Out!

By me

Freedom taking love beyond the one with knowledge-Nicole


Something I wrote take it how you want...

Thinking

Well it’s almost the middle of 2007 and I am sitting here lookin at my friends blogs and reading things and stuff and I stop to think…these friends that I am reading about…I only see on the computer screen…these were the people I spent every weekend with…these were the people that were always at my house playing games mainly mafia…but these were the people I called true friends who have been there for me at all times…now I read about there lives on a computer screen…now I sit here and wonder where did all that go…what happened?

I have a completely different group of friends…a completely different life…and a completely different future…and they aren’t in it…I read about there lives on the computer screen and randomly catch them on msn…but I don’t see them in person even tho some live in Medicine Hat…I don’t ever talk to them on the phone…even the ones who say they are my best don’t call…my life has changed completely…and I don’t even know that Nicole I used to be.

Now some of you may look at this as a good thing cause it means change…it means I have grown it means my faith is in God…but where did they go…why don’t I get to see them…and when will our paths meet?

These were the friends I entrusted my life in…these were the friends I knew would back me up…they would fight for me…they would kick me in the butt when needed…but was I moving?

I can honestly say I wasn’t…I can honestly say I was just living a life…nothing spectacular…these were also the friends who said are you sure you want to do that…these were also the friends who said I cant do things…these were the friends who laughed at my ideas…these were the friends who gave me weird looks when I said I wanted to be a politician…these were the friends who couldn’t dream with me…now don’t get me wrong not all of them were like that…but was I moving?

No…I wasn’t…am I now? Yes I am…the life I have now is filled with people who believe in me…filled with people who I can really trust…filled with a future…filled with people who will fight for my dreams…who will stand beside them…these are the people who truly get it…who truly know how to be a friend…now again not all of them do…but there are a special few that I know…I can really trust.

The difference between then and now is…I am a passionate person…I am one who can dream…I will grab something and run with it and conquer it…I will succeed in anything I try to do…but back then…if I brought an idea to the table it was shot down fast…if I mentioned something we should change it was laughed at…if I opened my mouth they would roll their eyes and go…oh here she goes again…I literally felt stupid and a failure…and that I lost…and that they wouldn’t even care if I wasn’t there…life would go on.

Some of the people I hang out with now…I open my mouth and they get excited to hear what I have to say cause its goin to be a great idea…they like to hear it…the dream and believe with me…they will help me reach my goals…and when I forget to dream they remind me of what God has placed in my heart…they get it…they know how to be a friend...I feel like I can take on the world with them…I feel like anything I deal with is small cause I have an army to help take it out…I can dream.

Now again don’t get me wrong…I truly loved everything I had with those friends and I truly love what I have with these friends…but when I look at my life now…who would have thought I would be where I am today…I wasn’t even supposed to make it past 18…I wasn’t supposed to be the one that has no kids and graduated college…no that’s not what people had said I would do…they were wrong…I proved to them that I am more then a conquer…and that my Daddy has my back.

Nobody truly knows the dreams and visions in my heart…the things I want to do…the brains I actually have…and the guts to do it all…nobody knows…but soon they will see…that there is more to me then I ball of energy…there is more to me then the loud person nobody likes…there is more…and it will be seen that I am a…pioneer.

Legally Blonde 2 and taking on the world

Who would think that you would get amazing revelation out of a simple movie like Legally Blonde 2...now you are thinkin what the heck??? Legally Blonde 2 no way...well I could write an entire book on how this movie is insipiring and can impact many women to go for their dreams...I could show you the times when she takes on the world no matter what anyone says no matter who stands in her way...she doesnt change who she is...she doesnt compramise situations...she believes what she believes and stands her ground...and she didnt stop in her own city she took it to the biggest people she could think of...Washington

Ok now on to the explaining because by this point some of you are standing there goin uhh ok Nikki has lost it this time...Well for those of you who have seen the movie knows that she is a laywer and that she worked really hard in the first movie to get where she is...well in this movie she wants to get a bill passed that stops animal testing...there are so many people who dont take her serouisly and are against her...she decides to do things her way and not the way the world wants her to do things...she does in an unconvential way...a way no one else would even think of doing becfause they would be afraid of what people would say...for a bit in the movie she thought she lost her voice and was like no I am goin to use my own voice...there was a qoute in this movie that strummed a chord in my heart and that was "an honest voice is louder then a crowds...trust your voice"

This girl in this movie is constantly reminded of what she needs to do...and thats finish what she started and she ends up getting favor with people there and she is not alone and has great friends who are willin to help her...she is making new trails...she is a pioneer

Pioneer as defined in the dictionary is
1.
a person who is among those who first enter or settle a region, thus opening it for occupation and development by others.
2.
one who is first or among the earliest in any field of inquiry, enterprise, or progress:

now she started new things...she was relevent...she has wisdom...she was unconventional...she changed the world...she made a way for others...she made a mark...and they will always remeber her even when she has passed...the will always remember Elle Woods.

During this entire movie all I could think of was Superchick's song-Me against the world...then at the end they play the song...it was amazing.

This is who I want to be...not the pink wearing...dog in the purse carring...sorority ring wearing girl no...I want to be the world changer...I want to be the one who is relevent...the one who does whatever they want...and doesnt care what people think...I want to be a pioneer...for some reason thats the word thats in my heart...Pioneer...thats what I want...I am a pioneer

When...

When will you notice?
Notice the way I look at you
They way I laugh at everything you say
Everyday I hang out with you I always wonder
When will you notice?
The way I compliment you on your style
Notice the way I do what you want
Everyday I try…
To get you to notice
They way I support you in your dreams
They way I am always there for you
You notice all the others around you
You notice the pretty…slim perfect ones
But…
When will you notice me?
Standing here waiting for you to notice me
You look so hard and want what I want
You dream like I dream
You vision what I vision
When will you notice that…
I am standing right here

Nicole Andrews
23

Oh yes blogging

Hmm yes I havent really blogged in awhile...cause really there has been no ispiration or anything to blog about...but here is an update on my weekend...friday...I went out with a couple of friends and played pool...on saturday was a very eventful day of shopping and I bought new shoes...ha ha like I need new shoes but they make me happy and so I had to get them...and then I went bowling on saturday night...yes people the very thing I hate to do I actually did...I went bowling and actually had a great time...I was trying to perfect this girls technique a couple of lanes over who sucked more then I do...and well by the end of the night I had the swing and drop technique down pat...ha ha...then sunday went to church as usual and then lunch...and then had one of the greatest nights ever...so much laughing and fun we played board games and the watched a movie it was good times...then today I went shopping with some friends and another great time...and now I am chillaxin and about to go play pool with some friends and tomrrow is another great day of shoppping and gettin ready for when I go to the ranch...ohh great fun then wednesday its back to work so thats the short update on the life of Nikki...and dont worry so great writing is brewing in my head and you my readers will have somethin great to read soon.

Time

Time as defined in the dictionary means the system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another.

Time...you may have a lot of it...you may have barely any...its that one thing that is constantly changing....that one thing you really have no control over...people tell you do you have time to do this...what time can you come...I dont have time...how much time do you need...what time is it...this is how much time I am giving you...so time can mean different things to different people.

Time could be the longest space between two destinations...time could also be too short and you wish you had more of it...time could be the difference between life and death...time could kill or heal...time can be a weapon or hope.

Time...what is time...what does time mean to you...do you dread it...or do you look forward to it...do you take advantage and live every day...every hour....every minute...and every second to its potential...do you take every moment in life and cherish it...or do you throw time away and waste it...as if there is always goin to be more...but thats not the case...time does run out...your life on earth is not forever...you do run of time.

Time...live as if its the shortest distance between two places.

World changers in the grave

It is midnight I am in my room listening to the sound of a kitten playing in the dark...the only light is the light emitting from my laptop...and inspiration and creativity...and swirling thoughts have entered my head.

William Blake had this great qoute that I very much enjoyed "I must create a system or be enslaved by another man’s; / I will not reason and compare: my business is to create." I read this qoute and was like wow...yes a man that knows where my heart is...so I decided to look this man up and see who he was.

He was alive from November 28th 1757- August 12th 1827...now this man had some far out ideas and some of them were truth and some not...but he was only human and cannot be right all the time...but one thing that was said about him was great and here it is Blake believed that the joy of man glorified God and that the religion of this world is actually the worship of Satan....now he believed this in his time...look at the dates again 1757-1827...that was a long time ago....and yet churches today are just starting to realize religion is not of God...churches today are just starting to change mindsets...its crazy this man who has been dead for a long time now was not accepted and acknowledged in his time...but in 2007 people are putting ideas he has created and poems he has written are being read now and accepted...crazy isnt it.

Well most people who are famous are famous after their time...and most people who are world changers like this man...are world changers after they are already gone and they dont see the difference their words have made...sad at times...but great also because their words live on...God changed somethin through them that stands time...and thats whats amazing about it.

I want to change the world...I am a world changer...and most of the time people dont see eye to eye with my opinions and sometimes my opinionated spirit gets in the way and in trouble but...reading about this man gives me hope that maybe the words I speak the ideas I have and the things I want to change...will happen and I may not get to see it...but I know its in Gods hands and He will see it come to pass...and all will be good.

I have big dreams...to become a politician...to see Canada changed...and to get ideas of mine out there so that we can better this country...but if I never become a politician I pray that my words dont go to the grave with me...and that they will live on.

My advice to you is write your thoughts and ideas down...dont let them be stuck with you...dont let them be hidden...because this world may need them...this world may not need them now...but the future generations may need them...and you wouldnt want to fail them would you.

One last thought before I go...how many great ideas...how many cures to diseases...how many world changing ideas are in our grave sites today?

What have I become?

So today...yes today I had a thought...a revelation...a relisation...an epipahny...a truth finding moment...whatever you would call a moment...a moment where your standing outside yourself looking in...and saying is that really me...is this really my life...am I there...no but for real...when did I become this person.

Now you are probably wondering what person I am talking about well lets paint the picture for you...so when I had this thought I was standing in my church...worshipping my God...around my Christian friends...being there for the younger generation...praying they would find God...through things we did....and by speaking Gods word.

Doesnt sound out of the ordinary to any of you now does it...well thats becuase most of my readers have only known me for a short time...and all of you have known me as this...Nicole who is a Christian who is going to change the world...and spread Gods word...yes thats me...now.

Lets travel back hmmm about lets go....8 years...would have put me in about grade ten...now I was the kid in school who was the skeptic...that may actually be a good thing...I wasnt a very nice kid...some would say I was a jerk...the one who would pick on you for no good reason...just because I didnt like you...I did not like what I called BIBLE THUMPERS....yes those were the kids who wore God on their sleeves...those were the kids who made it known that they were sold on Jesus Christ...those were the kids who said "I may not be cool in your eyes but I am in Gods eyes" ha ha LAME...anyways I was always very skeptical of those kids...and wondered what their garbage was cause every one has dirty laundry...they always tried to get you to go to church...and listen to their music...and they actually wanted you to hang out with them...ha ha me...not a chance...I wouldnt be caught dead hangin with them...I was the one kid that played it cool...only did what the others were doing cause it was cool...didnt want to leave the pack....well thats who I was...I didnt like the bible thumpin...scripture qoutin...cross carrin...satan bashin...JESUS FREAKS.

So I was standing there...in my church...worshipping my God...around my Christian friends...being there for the younger generation...praying they would find God...through things we did....and by speaking Gods word....what the hell....when did I become a bible thumpin...scripture qoutin...cross carrin...satan bashin...JESUS FREAK?

I have become everything I had boycotted in my past...I have become the very thing I didnt like...and living this life as if I know nothing else...like its normal...like I have been doing it all my life...I am a Jesus Freak...now I am not saying this is a bad thing...this is just a relization...something I noticed standing outside myself watching me around the younger generation worshipping my God...

I am a Christian...and damn proud of it ;)


Ohhh I swore a couple of times in this one...get over it...religion is dead...I'm over it

Update

So I realized its been awhile since I blogged...well whats been up in Nikki's life...lets see I got my wisdom teeth out on monday yeah that was no fun...I was extremly scared and then when I left I was like what the heck why was I scared...anyways its been an interesting time since then...I havent been able to eat much...mainly pudding and apple sauce...to some of you that might sound fun to me who has grown to love food it is not fun...I have all this yummy food that I would love to eat but cant...so I went to the mall today to get some groceries...and I tried eatign soup in the food court ha ha funniest thing you would have ever seen...I as spilling it and it just was missin my mouth...this weird lady was watchin me lookin at me funny but eh I couldnt help it I have a fat face sheesh...anyways I am hoping that the swelling goes down soon cause I dont like it...I have one more day of rest before I have to go back to work so thats pretty good...well thats a little update on me...I will update you more when I am not on T3'S and not so tired.