...thinking about you and me when there is no you and me
...supporting your dreams when you dont even notice
...putting aside what I wanna do just to be with you
...listening to your every word when you dont even hear me
...being there for you when you arent for me
...watching you but cant see me
...wishing on stars to be where you are
...not sleeping cause you are all I think about
...being invisible
...being just a friend
...agreeing with you just so you will see...
I am so into you...but all you can see is yourself...your dreams...and that perfect girl down the street
I am not...
...beautiful like her
...dont have a perfect body
...dont have exactly what you think is hot
...her
She hasnt told you...that you can do it...that you can dream...that you are everything to her...she doesnt even notice you...
now you know how I feel...going unnoticed...dreaming a dream that is not goin to come true
so this is me saying...I cant do it anymore...I cant dream of you...letting go of everything I hoped for and moving on...maybe now you will see I am so in love with you...maybe now you will see...me
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Lonely Path
Act 1
The mood is set...the lights are dimmed...a girl is crouched down and folded over on the stage...she slowly stands up and says aloud to the air.
"Where oh where am I? Lost in my own mind...trying to figure out this place. All alone and heart broken...lookin for a familier face."
She starts to walk through the darkness...not knowing where she is going...looking around and seeing nothing but a lonely path.
"What is this? A path so lonely...shall I walk down this path?"
She stops to think for a bit then continues on down this lonely drak path...she stops what does she see...a vision of the love of her mother...when she was a child...playing with her and taking her for walks where they bonded.
"I remember those days I wasnt lonely I had my mommy"
She continues to walk...dark and lonely she is starting to feel cold but has nothing to keep her warm...she stops to remember her childhood days when her mom would give her a blanket to keep her warm...suddenly she felt the warmth.
"Mmmm I feel so warm again"...she says..."but I am kind of hungry."
Just then she pictures a bowl of soup and some sandwiches just the way her mom used to make them...she is no longer hungry anymore...so she keeps walking down this lonely path wondering if someday she will see a familier face...its getting darker and she is afraid of the dark.
"Awww but remember when mom put the night light in the hallway?" She says to herself...and is no longer afraid.
She lays down to rest as she is getting tired...and as she falls asleep she imagines her blankie is right beside her.
Stay tuned for the second Act
The mood is set...the lights are dimmed...a girl is crouched down and folded over on the stage...she slowly stands up and says aloud to the air.
"Where oh where am I? Lost in my own mind...trying to figure out this place. All alone and heart broken...lookin for a familier face."
She starts to walk through the darkness...not knowing where she is going...looking around and seeing nothing but a lonely path.
"What is this? A path so lonely...shall I walk down this path?"
She stops to think for a bit then continues on down this lonely drak path...she stops what does she see...a vision of the love of her mother...when she was a child...playing with her and taking her for walks where they bonded.
"I remember those days I wasnt lonely I had my mommy"
She continues to walk...dark and lonely she is starting to feel cold but has nothing to keep her warm...she stops to remember her childhood days when her mom would give her a blanket to keep her warm...suddenly she felt the warmth.
"Mmmm I feel so warm again"...she says..."but I am kind of hungry."
Just then she pictures a bowl of soup and some sandwiches just the way her mom used to make them...she is no longer hungry anymore...so she keeps walking down this lonely path wondering if someday she will see a familier face...its getting darker and she is afraid of the dark.
"Awww but remember when mom put the night light in the hallway?" She says to herself...and is no longer afraid.
She lays down to rest as she is getting tired...and as she falls asleep she imagines her blankie is right beside her.
Stay tuned for the second Act
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Update on my life
Ok people now is the time for a real update so that you are all on the same page. I have decided to stay in Calgary and call it my home. I will not be goin to the ranch this summer which was a super hard decison. I will be coming home one weekend to pack all my stuff at my mom's. And I dont actually know how many more times I will be in the Hat after that. As some of you know I have gotten accepted to Concordia University in Montreal. I already have a place to live and everything. So I will be leaving for Montreal the first week in august. I am super stoked for this move and am excited to explore a whole new place. I am loving living here in Calgary its so great. My job is amazing and I love and will be sad to leave it when the time comes. I do miss home a lot but sometimes feel as if it doesnt miss me. But its ok cause I am exploring a whole new life and am very excited as to where my life is goin....its finally happening its all coming together...and I just want to say thank you to those who believed in me and knew I could do this...I love you all and will keep everyone updated as my life progresses.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Create and dont be afraid
I am a dreamer and anyone who knows me knows this...I am accomplishing my dreams as we speak...but sometimes this walk is hard and lonely...and I know this is where I am supposed to be but for the first time in my life I stepped outside my comfort zone I didn't listen to where others wanted me...I did my own thing...lots of you are goin to say you always do your own thing that's who you are no I don't...I have always lived my life for others...and this time I didn't...I did what I wanted and I am dreaming...I am conquering...I am slaying giants...I am victorious...and I am doing this...ok this blog was supposed to be an update on my life so I will tell you.
I am happy here in Calgary I think I am a big city person at heart and feel on top of the world...I do miss home a lot tho...I miss my kitty...I haven't been this far from him before...I know that sounds lame but he is family too...everyday people are giving more and more reasons to enjoy this amazing city...just today I saw to amazing acts...I was hanging out in a Chapters(oh boy that's my favorite store) and I was reading this amazing book until I saw a man come up to the section where the bibles are with another man...the other man didn't look very clean...he was in work clothes...and the first man was well dressed and very clean....they were looking for a bible for the second man...he wanted a small one that fit in his pocket because then he could take it to work he said...and I couldn't help but listen and watch these two men bonding like men should...they couldn't find very small bibles so the man who wasn't clean said well maybe if I had a backpack...so the well dressed man said do you want one...I can get you one of those too...like honestly I don't know what happened before they entered the chapters I don't know what lead them there...but what I saw was a world changer...and not in the clean man...in the one who didn't look very clean...he was the one that acknowledged me....and as he left he said...have a good ma am...I was blown away...while he was in the store he said I need to come back here and get some books to research...the man that was well dressed did change this mans life but the man in the work clothes is goin to change many more lives...it was very cool to see....the next thing I did was go across to Dairy Queen and get somethin to eat...and when I was in there I saw a man buy another man some food that I don't even think they knew each other...but this man held onto the food like it was so precious and to him it probably was...two acts of world changers in an hour in a city so large that you could possibly see a million faces a day...in a city so large that poor are forgotten...these acts I saw today...is what we should be all about...now I know we are doing this in our churches...in our youth groups and my city is tryin to reach out as well...but why aren't the problems solved...whats one sandwich goin to do...why aren't we doing more...what is wrong with us.
Instead of the government caring about our debt free province they should be caring about the people in it...we look rich to other provinces...we look snobby to other provinces...Alberta wants to change Canada...well that isn't goin to work unless we fix our province...this province needs to care more about the people in it...and less about how much money we can get out of it...there needs to be a whole kind of new revolution in our government...and not one where it gets us more money or noticed more...one where adults and children don't have to live on the streets...I knew there was poverty but my eyes have been opened...my eyes have seen it here...I have seen it in my own city as well...but here its more visible...now why aren't we doing anything about this...I see houses that look like they are being held together with a couple of sticks...I see people digging through garbage's...I see sad eyes at the bus stops...I see children crying for help...what happened to caring about the people...no one should be left behind...we are ALL Albertans not just the rich.
Again I am sorry if you wanted an update on my big city life...but this is me this is my heart...and this is what I see...now God has me here for a reason...God is taking my across the country in a few months as well...and I am sure I will see more sadness and more pain...and it hurts me sooo much to see all this pain...and right now I have no money so I know what its like to wonder when the money is coming...you say you want change...then be that change...don't stand by and wait for the government to do something...and don't complain about them not doing anything because ultimately its you who decides...its you who has the power to create change...make me proud to say I am an Albertan...cause right now its hard to find reasons.
I am happy here in Calgary I think I am a big city person at heart and feel on top of the world...I do miss home a lot tho...I miss my kitty...I haven't been this far from him before...I know that sounds lame but he is family too...everyday people are giving more and more reasons to enjoy this amazing city...just today I saw to amazing acts...I was hanging out in a Chapters(oh boy that's my favorite store) and I was reading this amazing book until I saw a man come up to the section where the bibles are with another man...the other man didn't look very clean...he was in work clothes...and the first man was well dressed and very clean....they were looking for a bible for the second man...he wanted a small one that fit in his pocket because then he could take it to work he said...and I couldn't help but listen and watch these two men bonding like men should...they couldn't find very small bibles so the man who wasn't clean said well maybe if I had a backpack...so the well dressed man said do you want one...I can get you one of those too...like honestly I don't know what happened before they entered the chapters I don't know what lead them there...but what I saw was a world changer...and not in the clean man...in the one who didn't look very clean...he was the one that acknowledged me....and as he left he said...have a good ma am...I was blown away...while he was in the store he said I need to come back here and get some books to research...the man that was well dressed did change this mans life but the man in the work clothes is goin to change many more lives...it was very cool to see....the next thing I did was go across to Dairy Queen and get somethin to eat...and when I was in there I saw a man buy another man some food that I don't even think they knew each other...but this man held onto the food like it was so precious and to him it probably was...two acts of world changers in an hour in a city so large that you could possibly see a million faces a day...in a city so large that poor are forgotten...these acts I saw today...is what we should be all about...now I know we are doing this in our churches...in our youth groups and my city is tryin to reach out as well...but why aren't the problems solved...whats one sandwich goin to do...why aren't we doing more...what is wrong with us.
Instead of the government caring about our debt free province they should be caring about the people in it...we look rich to other provinces...we look snobby to other provinces...Alberta wants to change Canada...well that isn't goin to work unless we fix our province...this province needs to care more about the people in it...and less about how much money we can get out of it...there needs to be a whole kind of new revolution in our government...and not one where it gets us more money or noticed more...one where adults and children don't have to live on the streets...I knew there was poverty but my eyes have been opened...my eyes have seen it here...I have seen it in my own city as well...but here its more visible...now why aren't we doing anything about this...I see houses that look like they are being held together with a couple of sticks...I see people digging through garbage's...I see sad eyes at the bus stops...I see children crying for help...what happened to caring about the people...no one should be left behind...we are ALL Albertans not just the rich.
Again I am sorry if you wanted an update on my big city life...but this is me this is my heart...and this is what I see...now God has me here for a reason...God is taking my across the country in a few months as well...and I am sure I will see more sadness and more pain...and it hurts me sooo much to see all this pain...and right now I have no money so I know what its like to wonder when the money is coming...you say you want change...then be that change...don't stand by and wait for the government to do something...and don't complain about them not doing anything because ultimately its you who decides...its you who has the power to create change...make me proud to say I am an Albertan...cause right now its hard to find reasons.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Stop judging
Ok screw it...I started out on this sweet blog about playing for keeps...then I had a thought...that changed what I want to say tonight...here I go.
I am a smart...world changing...deep women. Now for me thats a bold statement cause this is what most people see...a hyper, obnoxoius, loud, and distracted girl. I have a past that proves all of that...but I have a present that shows different...but people cant seem to get the past out of their heads and thats how they judge and look at me...the past is dead.
They wait and expect a stupid comment to come out of my mouth...then they make comments they think are funny which by the way are not...it hurts and cuts deep...people who are the closest to me...are the ones you cut the deepest.
I enjoy talking about world issues, and dreams others have...I enjoy gettin deep into peoples minds and hearts...I want to know them...not who they appear to be...when are people going to stop thinking I am that girl that makes them laugh...or says the stupid thing...or reads a picture book.
I say I read something and someone instantly has a remark what a childrens book...man I wish they knew how much that hurt...how the pain inside grows bigger...cause someone may have said that to me 5min earlier.
I am smart and I will change the world...and I am not that loud, obnoxoius, girl...I am a world changing, smart, women...and you will see it someday...stop judging people by their past and give them the stage for once...let them be noticed and real and you will change their world.
I am a smart...world changing...deep women. Now for me thats a bold statement cause this is what most people see...a hyper, obnoxoius, loud, and distracted girl. I have a past that proves all of that...but I have a present that shows different...but people cant seem to get the past out of their heads and thats how they judge and look at me...the past is dead.
They wait and expect a stupid comment to come out of my mouth...then they make comments they think are funny which by the way are not...it hurts and cuts deep...people who are the closest to me...are the ones you cut the deepest.
I enjoy talking about world issues, and dreams others have...I enjoy gettin deep into peoples minds and hearts...I want to know them...not who they appear to be...when are people going to stop thinking I am that girl that makes them laugh...or says the stupid thing...or reads a picture book.
I say I read something and someone instantly has a remark what a childrens book...man I wish they knew how much that hurt...how the pain inside grows bigger...cause someone may have said that to me 5min earlier.
I am smart and I will change the world...and I am not that loud, obnoxoius, girl...I am a world changing, smart, women...and you will see it someday...stop judging people by their past and give them the stage for once...let them be noticed and real and you will change their world.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
What are you willing to do?
As I sit here and think...think about my province about my country and most importantly about my dreams. I think are they big enough? When I am dream of change...what does that really mean? I did some research on the Internet...I googled a bunch of stuff and I looked on facebook. I wanted to see what Canadians are doing about important issues in our country...like the environment, poverty, education, jobs and all the problems we are facing. One thing I have grown to know is once someone says they are going overseas to do a missions trip...or they are going on a DTS people will hand over money to them to support their dream...but once someone says I want to start a street ministry in my own city...I am going to another province to do some missions...I am going to college or university to gain some knowledge to help out my country...the money does not come in...but those are those peoples dreams...not everyone is called overseas...now don't get me wrong I support all my friends in their dreams to go overseas and help out those countries...like for real I love that about them...I don't want this to be taking the wrong way. But what about those people who have a dream to see a better Canada...what about those people who are called to here...to their city...Canada needs a lot of help too. We have tons of poverty and other issues that need some assistance...some people say the government will take care of it so we don't have to...what the heck are they doing to take care of it? It isn't only up to them...yes we voted for them...yes we decided they were going to be in charge...but there are simple everyday things that we as the people can do in our everyday lives to change our country. Take recycling to the extreme in your city...you see a need? Someone who needs diapers for their child and cant get them...go buy them...we are too sheltered and have too many luxuries...even as I write this on my laptop watching my television in my warm house...I feel blessed...I don't even have a job but I have all this...I thank God for what I have. I think of all these tv shows I see...extreme home makeover...the big give and what not and think to myself...we don't need a tv show to do all of that...there are those resources in our own city...there are people that own companies that build houses that could build someone a house...like if it means you have to wait for a upgrade on your tv...or a bigger house for yourself then who cares...you have enough...our money hungry consuming world...sickens me...and I am not just pointing my finger at the world...but I am also pointing it at myself...I am at the point in my life where I would be happy without my tv...my movies...all my cds...and everything else I own...all I am trying to do with this blog is opening your eyes...to the problems in our own country and stop putting it on someone elses shoulders to fix...and support peoples dreams even if it means staying here in Canada and going to school...just change your thinking and you will change your world.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Dont forget to...DREAM
How did any idea start? Here let me answer that for you...with a dream. Lets take a look...someone said man my feet hurt...these animals are tired let think...how can we get around...then someone dreamnt up the car...a device that most people rely on these days. Other things that we use everyday were peoples dreams...indoor plumbing...refrigirators...computers...televisions...everything we use was someone's dream. Now most people who hang out with me know I am a big dreamer...I dream up many things but the point I am trying to get at in this is why dont we fullfill our dreams? Well thats simple...we are working out of fear...we dont think we can or its not possible...or what would people say. Well one of my biggest dreams the one I am workin on now is becoming a politician...do you know how many people tell me that I cant do that...or they laugh at me..even my close friends laugh at me when I tell them that...how do you think that makes me feel? Do you think I should back down cause I have little support...no...thats why its a dream because you can do it...you can do your dreams...they are put inside of you for a reason...a time and a place...and you need them to survive...someone needs you to dream so they can dream....someone needs your dream to happen so theirs can happen. As I sit here and write this I get lost in many dreams that I want to happen. My encouragement to you is to dream...and not only dream but dream BIG...because its your dream thats goin to change this world...its your dream thats make you happy...its your dream thats important...so dont...dont forget to dream.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Alberta...what happened?
Here is what I am frustrated about...is Albertans complain that this province isnt changing...that we need more change...and they arent happy...well wouldnt you think we would want to elect someone in to office that will make that change happen...well apparently not...apparently we are happy with the way things are...our province is just like a sewage plant...pretty on the outside but the same old shit on the inside...we can keep painting the plant and doing outer renovations but the same crap will always be on the inside...we make it look like we have it all together to the other provinces and brag about our debts being paid off...ohh yes we get the extra money from the government ohhh yes we make a lot of money...look at what we have.
Ok but for real people...I was talkin to a friend one day and she brought up a great point that I have been thinkin about a lot lately...she said Albertans are no better then Americans...we consume and consume we dont really care about the environment and have a lot of money...you know what I am starting to believe that...I thought about it...and what are we doing to make Canada better...what is Alberta to help out the little guys.
Ok some of you who are reading this are like oh she is jsut mad that the Liberals didnt win...you know what yes I am...and some of you Christians just jumped inside because you are like ohh the Liberals are for gay marriages thats wrong...yes its wrong but its also wrong for us to tell people how to live...thats God job not ours...well we are at it lets make drinking...and porn...and swearing illegal cause thats wrong in God's eyes as well...ohhh but wait alcohol makes a lot of money for the government I see...I see where the priorities are at...we have no right to play God...those people will get to heaven and have to be judged by Him then...for their actions...not by us.
Another thing that bugs me about voters is...this saying "well my grandparents voted this way...my parents voted this way...and I am goin to vote this way" ohhh my gosh....did it work for them...NO...so why..why do you think its goin to work now...you are the ones who said you wanted change...you are the ones...who said we need to do something...so my question is why...why didnt you do it...its a democracy after all we do have a say...if we keep doin the same action we are goin to get the same results.
I for one am sick of the conservatives being in and not doing anything...I for one am ready change...for a second I actually believed the rest of the province wanted change to...but after last nights results I saw that we are in a comfort zone that we are not ready to let go...a security blanket if you will.
I would like to take this time to apoligize to the rest of Canada for my provinces Alberta pride and cockiness...I would like to say sorry expecially to Sask becuase we have no right to make fun of you...we arent good enough for that...too much pride in this province...and I wont stand for it...we needed to vote differently so that the children of this province dont have to fix our mistakes...we werent thinking of them were we...when you put that X on that ballot you were only doing what you have always known...I believe people in the future will come to their senses..and you will see what your actions did.
Alberta...I am proud to be an Albertan...but I dont want people to complain about this province...you are the majority and the majority did not vote for change.
Ok but for real people...I was talkin to a friend one day and she brought up a great point that I have been thinkin about a lot lately...she said Albertans are no better then Americans...we consume and consume we dont really care about the environment and have a lot of money...you know what I am starting to believe that...I thought about it...and what are we doing to make Canada better...what is Alberta to help out the little guys.
Ok some of you who are reading this are like oh she is jsut mad that the Liberals didnt win...you know what yes I am...and some of you Christians just jumped inside because you are like ohh the Liberals are for gay marriages thats wrong...yes its wrong but its also wrong for us to tell people how to live...thats God job not ours...well we are at it lets make drinking...and porn...and swearing illegal cause thats wrong in God's eyes as well...ohhh but wait alcohol makes a lot of money for the government I see...I see where the priorities are at...we have no right to play God...those people will get to heaven and have to be judged by Him then...for their actions...not by us.
Another thing that bugs me about voters is...this saying "well my grandparents voted this way...my parents voted this way...and I am goin to vote this way" ohhh my gosh....did it work for them...NO...so why..why do you think its goin to work now...you are the ones who said you wanted change...you are the ones...who said we need to do something...so my question is why...why didnt you do it...its a democracy after all we do have a say...if we keep doin the same action we are goin to get the same results.
I for one am sick of the conservatives being in and not doing anything...I for one am ready change...for a second I actually believed the rest of the province wanted change to...but after last nights results I saw that we are in a comfort zone that we are not ready to let go...a security blanket if you will.
I would like to take this time to apoligize to the rest of Canada for my provinces Alberta pride and cockiness...I would like to say sorry expecially to Sask becuase we have no right to make fun of you...we arent good enough for that...too much pride in this province...and I wont stand for it...we needed to vote differently so that the children of this province dont have to fix our mistakes...we werent thinking of them were we...when you put that X on that ballot you were only doing what you have always known...I believe people in the future will come to their senses..and you will see what your actions did.
Alberta...I am proud to be an Albertan...but I dont want people to complain about this province...you are the majority and the majority did not vote for change.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Grabs ahold of me
Someone once told me it was ok to write down everything I was feeling if its bad and angry...so I have picked that pen up again and started writing my thoughts down...my writing may not be in proper english or proper sentences or anything its just my thoughts...so read them if you like...
Dizzyness and confusion is how I feel
when my world gets turned around
sweaty palms, clenched fists
I see and feel the rage
wraps its cold hard arms around me
whispers in my ear...do it, punch them
I hold back my clenched fists
close my eyes and tell it to go away
the hold gets tighter and I almost explode
my heart is beating faster and my head is pounding
the world is spinning and I loose all control
I dont know how to stop, collapse to the ground, close my eyes and drift away
This is just a tiny bit of how I feel when I am angry its the only words I can put to the feeling its more intense then that tho...
Dizzyness and confusion is how I feel
when my world gets turned around
sweaty palms, clenched fists
I see and feel the rage
wraps its cold hard arms around me
whispers in my ear...do it, punch them
I hold back my clenched fists
close my eyes and tell it to go away
the hold gets tighter and I almost explode
my heart is beating faster and my head is pounding
the world is spinning and I loose all control
I dont know how to stop, collapse to the ground, close my eyes and drift away
This is just a tiny bit of how I feel when I am angry its the only words I can put to the feeling its more intense then that tho...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Life like a musical
My life is like a musical...emotional and entertaining...now you can take that the way you want...you can mean it sucks or its great...by the way I love musicals so dont diss them...but the point I am tryin to get at is...here is me and my dreams...to be this person...who you ask...to be the one who listens to God and does what He wants...to be on fire to have life and passion...I want to change Canada...I want all these things...but sometimes it feels as of the world hates me...and the sad song starts playing...I fall to the ground and no matter what I do it doesnt please you...it tells me what I cant do...but I know inside of me thats not who I am...I dont let people walk on me...I dont...I am strong but I cant go on...how do you feel when you push me down...how do you feel when you win and I have nothing left...I hope it feels good...because you win for now...I am gettin my fight back and I will stand up.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Change our world...your way
The mess and confusion that is my thoughts…the swirling tornado of destruction in my mind…never know when its goin to stop or when its goin to explode…always wondering what my next step is…should I go right or left…should go back or forward…most of the time I stand still…and let you push me the way I need to go…most of the time I let my thoughts run wild…while you calm the seas…sometimes I am on my knees pleading…crying…and shouting out to you…I need you now…I need you to save me…I need you and you alone…no one else will do…so please take me where you need me…take me where my heart desires…and what it desires is…a better world…a better future…a memory…a revolution…a voice for the mute…I am begging please…take my life and make it yours…take my life and create change…after all you are the creator of the universe…take my life and make a difference…I am no longer my own mess….I am your creation to do what you will…to do the plans that you have for me…make a better future.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Refreshing
I had the most refreshing weekend of my life...its good to get away from civilization once and awhile...away from internet and cell phones and everything else that bogs us down. I went on the ENR staff retreat this weekend and it was incredable...I saw faces I havent seen in awhile and we laughed so hard and Pastor Landon spoke some words to us...now God just blessed me with the most refreshing weekend...and it wasnt neccassarily the words that Landon spoke but it was the moments in the forest on a three hour hike through the snow and almost peeing your pants because you are laughing so hard that changed my world and rocked it...the dance parties in the cabin in your pjs being a complete idoit but not caring because its freeing is what rocked and changed my world...its those moments that you never planned that you never thought would happen...its those moments that change your world...and those are the moments you need to treasure and remember forever...somethin I have realized in 2007 are friends always come and go...jobs are disposable...houses and cars and all material items are breakable...but life....life is attainable and needed and the most amzing thing you can have...some people take advantage of their life and party till they get sooo wasted they dont know what is goin on...some do extreme activities and really hurt themselves...and some lock themselves up in their rooms and ignore it...but that is not the life God has intended...and I am goin to start living my life...and no more doin what others want me to do...no more sitting here saying I am goin to do this and not do it...because life can be short we dont know how long we will be here.
So another note is I finished my dream list for 2008 for now and here it is:
So another note is I finished my dream list for 2008 for now and here it is:
- Follow my heart
- Rock the world/my city
- Take a stand
- Dont listen to the lies
- Get my voice out there and heard
- Stop being tossed among the waves
This is my dream list not resolutions but dreams that I want to fullfill in 2008 and keep fullfilling them in my future.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Where do I want to be?
I want to be in a place where...its not about me...where people are not selfish and greedy...where all they want is love...where a simple smile changes their world...I want to be in a place where all they want is my love...and possesions dont have them under its spell...I just want to be where people are satisfied with a hug...I want to be in a place that you can play...and laugh and smile and have all the fun in the world...and at the end of the day they dream of what they can do to change someones world...I want to be in a place where my dream infects others...and they begin to dream...I want to be in a world...that can dream.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
2007...a year in review
Well its almost 4am and I am still up and the booze is out of my body...and I am thinkin about my year...was 2007 all I wanted and more...well the answer to that would be "hell no". At the beggining of the year I made better decisions of the year 2007 not resolutions...here were the decions and if they are in italics and bold I did it....
Better Decisions of 2007
No energy drinks
No more swearing
Eat three meals a day
No more alcohol
Start doing devotions
Care about me
Try and control my anger
Work harder
Stop making fun of others
Be a positive role model
Well I acomplished one I worked harder...yes all the others I sucked at...what did I learn this past year? How did it effect my 2008...oh man where to start I learned A LOT...and I have people in my life to thank for that...I am a dreamer and always have been...and well not many dreams were fullfilled this year...so for 2008 I am goin to make dream list...and try to accomplish somethin on that list...somethin huge I want to rock 2008 because 2007 wasnt that great of a year...I will write a better blog but for now peace out and Happy New Year.
Better Decisions of 2007
No energy drinks
No more swearing
Eat three meals a day
No more alcohol
Start doing devotions
Care about me
Try and control my anger
Work harder
Stop making fun of others
Be a positive role model
Well I acomplished one I worked harder...yes all the others I sucked at...what did I learn this past year? How did it effect my 2008...oh man where to start I learned A LOT...and I have people in my life to thank for that...I am a dreamer and always have been...and well not many dreams were fullfilled this year...so for 2008 I am goin to make dream list...and try to accomplish somethin on that list...somethin huge I want to rock 2008 because 2007 wasnt that great of a year...I will write a better blog but for now peace out and Happy New Year.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Debatable or is it?
Ok well reading one of my bestest friends blog I was insipired to do some research...I was up till 2am last night and got up today thinkin about it...here it goes....if a gay couple gets married and has a kid...then they become a Christian...should they get divorced or stay as a gay couple? Now thats an interesting statement...hmm well I know what I think but here let me show you what the bible says...
1 Corinthians 6 The Message
1-4And how dare you take each other to court! When you think you have been wronged, does it make any sense to go before a court that knows nothing of God's ways instead of a family of Christians? The day is coming when the world is going to stand before a jury made up of followers of Jesus. If someday you are going to rule on the world's fate, wouldn't it be a good idea to practice on some of these smaller cases? Why, we're even going to judge angels! So why not these everyday affairs? As these disagreements and wrongs surface, why would you ever entrust them to the judgment of people you don't trust in any other way?
5-6I say this as bluntly as I can to wake you up to the stupidity of what you're doing. Is it possible that there isn't one levelheaded person among you who can make fair decisions when disagreements and disputes come up? I don't believe it. And here you are taking each other to court before people who don't even believe in God! How can they render justice if they don't believe in the God of justice?
7-8These court cases are an ugly blot on your community. Wouldn't it be far better to just take it, to let yourselves be wronged and forget it? All you're doing is providing fuel for more wrong, more injustice, bringing more hurt to the people of your own spiritual family.
9-11Don't you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don't care about God will not be joining in his kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the earth and everything in it, don't qualify as citizens in God's kingdom. A number of you know from experience what I'm talking about, for not so long ago you were on that list. Since then, you've been cleaned up and given a fresh start by Jesus, our Master, our Messiah, and by our God present in us, the Spirit.
12Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my whims.
13You know the old saying, "First you eat to live, and then you live to eat"? Well, it may be true that the body is only a temporary thing, but that's no excuse for stuffing your body with food, or indulging it with sex. Since the Master honors you with a body, honor him with your body!
14-15God honored the Master's body by raising it from the grave. He'll treat yours with the same resurrection power. Until that time, remember that your bodies are created with the same dignity as the Master's body. You wouldn't take the Master's body off to a whorehouse, would you? I should hope not.
16-20There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.
Now I love the message version of the bible because its so blunt...it put it in words even morons can understand sorry bout that but I just love it. Ok so in verse 9-11 it states this you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don't care about God will not be joining in his kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the earth and everything in it, don't qualify as citizens in God's kingdom...Now as I read people who abuse sex are not citizens of heaven...therefore I dont think that Gay marriages are even seen as marriage in God's eyes...therefore if one Gay couple would want to get a divorce it wouldnt be a bad thing because the marriage was never a marriage.
Verse 12 says 12Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my whims...a slave to my whims...now you may ask what a whim is well for those of you who dont know its an arbitrary thought or impulse and arbitrary means a subject to individual will or judgment without restriction; contingent solely upon one's discretion...upon ones discretion well I guess if we decided to live like that then...drinking so much till I dont know what is going on would be ok...because drinking is legal...getting drunk is legal...so as a Christian I can get drunk...hmm NOT...because that would make me a slave and I dont want that.
Near the end of this chapter it reads...we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one."...well the only sex that we become in is sex between a man and a women...now gay sex not become one leaves you emptier then you were before.
There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.
So in conclusion my opinion is...it would be better for them to get a divorce and live the way God had intended...as their marriage is not real in Gods eyes...because in Gods eyes the only marriage that is real is between a man and a women.
1 Corinthians 6 The Message
1-4And how dare you take each other to court! When you think you have been wronged, does it make any sense to go before a court that knows nothing of God's ways instead of a family of Christians? The day is coming when the world is going to stand before a jury made up of followers of Jesus. If someday you are going to rule on the world's fate, wouldn't it be a good idea to practice on some of these smaller cases? Why, we're even going to judge angels! So why not these everyday affairs? As these disagreements and wrongs surface, why would you ever entrust them to the judgment of people you don't trust in any other way?
5-6I say this as bluntly as I can to wake you up to the stupidity of what you're doing. Is it possible that there isn't one levelheaded person among you who can make fair decisions when disagreements and disputes come up? I don't believe it. And here you are taking each other to court before people who don't even believe in God! How can they render justice if they don't believe in the God of justice?
7-8These court cases are an ugly blot on your community. Wouldn't it be far better to just take it, to let yourselves be wronged and forget it? All you're doing is providing fuel for more wrong, more injustice, bringing more hurt to the people of your own spiritual family.
9-11Don't you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don't care about God will not be joining in his kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the earth and everything in it, don't qualify as citizens in God's kingdom. A number of you know from experience what I'm talking about, for not so long ago you were on that list. Since then, you've been cleaned up and given a fresh start by Jesus, our Master, our Messiah, and by our God present in us, the Spirit.
12Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my whims.
13You know the old saying, "First you eat to live, and then you live to eat"? Well, it may be true that the body is only a temporary thing, but that's no excuse for stuffing your body with food, or indulging it with sex. Since the Master honors you with a body, honor him with your body!
14-15God honored the Master's body by raising it from the grave. He'll treat yours with the same resurrection power. Until that time, remember that your bodies are created with the same dignity as the Master's body. You wouldn't take the Master's body off to a whorehouse, would you? I should hope not.
16-20There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.
Now I love the message version of the bible because its so blunt...it put it in words even morons can understand sorry bout that but I just love it. Ok so in verse 9-11 it states this you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don't care about God will not be joining in his kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the earth and everything in it, don't qualify as citizens in God's kingdom...Now as I read people who abuse sex are not citizens of heaven...therefore I dont think that Gay marriages are even seen as marriage in God's eyes...therefore if one Gay couple would want to get a divorce it wouldnt be a bad thing because the marriage was never a marriage.
Verse 12 says 12Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my whims...a slave to my whims...now you may ask what a whim is well for those of you who dont know its an arbitrary thought or impulse and arbitrary means a subject to individual will or judgment without restriction; contingent solely upon one's discretion...upon ones discretion well I guess if we decided to live like that then...drinking so much till I dont know what is going on would be ok...because drinking is legal...getting drunk is legal...so as a Christian I can get drunk...hmm NOT...because that would make me a slave and I dont want that.
Near the end of this chapter it reads...we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one."...well the only sex that we become in is sex between a man and a women...now gay sex not become one leaves you emptier then you were before.
There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.
So in conclusion my opinion is...it would be better for them to get a divorce and live the way God had intended...as their marriage is not real in Gods eyes...because in Gods eyes the only marriage that is real is between a man and a women.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Tis the season
...to be a grouch? No way its the season to remind the people you love that you love them...its the season to celebrate the one person who shows us unconditional love at all times...the one that does for us more then anyone of us could do for anyone else...Jesus deserves our focus and attention...everyone is racing around doin last minute shopping to get the best gifts to make their loved ones happy...yes I did get some rad stuff that I asked for but...its not about that...I still remember what Jesus has done for me...this is His day...He was born this day...for a purpose a reason...dont forget that...just like you celebrate your birthday and that you were born for a purpose dont forget that Jesus was born today...to show us how to live...to show us how to love...to just show us...who we are...then He died...so that we can do all that and be free...so this holiday season before you yell at someone...before you swear because people are annoying you...before you are disapointed because you didnt get what you wanted...remember that its not your day...its for Jesus....have a great Christmas everyone...I love you all...BE LOVE.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Not what I expected
Sometimes when God sets a dream in your heart..one so powerful...so life changing...so extreme...doesnt mean its goin to happen right away...doesnt mean you are to just go...sometimes God is workin on another dream of yours...and He never changes His plans for our lives we change our plans...and right now all I am doin is walkin in faith and trusting I am doin the right thing even tho its extremly hard...and all I want to do is run the opposite direction...but with how much I want to do somethin else I am not...I am walkin in faith with my God...trustin He knows what He is doin...workin on a dream that I am able to have Victory over...still I am stoked for 2008 its the year of change and newness...and adventure..not the type of adventure I had planned for...but it will be an adventure...well here I come world....watch out I have a plan up my sleeves....get ready
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Time...Peace...New
Incredible…divine…fantastic…needed….those words describe my weekend…as I have been goin through some things that have tested me patience…my trust…my obedience…and just my faith. But I am still standing…I am still persevering…I am still walking…and I will fight. As I sit there last night at a party for a friend who is leaving this week for awhile to do her missions in other places…I got thinking wow am I ever proud of her…for doing what God has placed in her heart to do…God is goin to do huge things through her and yes its been a stressful time for her as she is moving across the world…but look at her obedience…look at her trust…taught me a lot…as I am turning the pages in my book and chasing my own dreams. Then I got to spend quality time with a great friend last night…laughing, sharing, and just getting deeper in our friendship and I am just so thankful to have her in my life…I am thankful to have all the people that I have in my life…they all mean so much to me…no matter if we still talk or if we don’t talk…I love them all. Then today as I was sitting in church I was watching this little boy as we were worshiping and he kept getting closer and closer to the stage…and that’s what my spirit felt like today…all I wanted was to be close to my God, my Dad…that’s all I wanted I had an intense worship session…where my whole entire being was crying out to hear the voice to feel the touch of the almighty God.
The funniest part of my life…is that nobody understands why I do what I do…and that’s perfectly fine with me…because I am following my heart…my dreams…and my what God has told me to do…I am stoked for the change that is about to come…and I know its right as well…I have peace. For once in my life I am not doin what others think I should be doin I am doin what I know I should be doin. There is a song by superchick called “Me against the World” it’s the story of my life…the beginning of the song says “wanna quit and give up, something says to pack it up, shot down from all sides” then it continues on later saying “they said don’t try changing the world you are just a girl” then it goes on “me against the world today I am gonna do it my own way…though no one understands I am goin to make the one girl stand…then at the end of the chorus it says “if we believe and we have faith we are goin to change the world someday” and I totally believe this…this song is an amazing song…and though no one understands why I do what I do…I am goin to change the world someday…a new chapter is being written in my life…and now is the time for me to chase a dream…my spirit is jumping out of my skin…saying lets go.
The funniest part of my life…is that nobody understands why I do what I do…and that’s perfectly fine with me…because I am following my heart…my dreams…and my what God has told me to do…I am stoked for the change that is about to come…and I know its right as well…I have peace. For once in my life I am not doin what others think I should be doin I am doin what I know I should be doin. There is a song by superchick called “Me against the World” it’s the story of my life…the beginning of the song says “wanna quit and give up, something says to pack it up, shot down from all sides” then it continues on later saying “they said don’t try changing the world you are just a girl” then it goes on “me against the world today I am gonna do it my own way…though no one understands I am goin to make the one girl stand…then at the end of the chorus it says “if we believe and we have faith we are goin to change the world someday” and I totally believe this…this song is an amazing song…and though no one understands why I do what I do…I am goin to change the world someday…a new chapter is being written in my life…and now is the time for me to chase a dream…my spirit is jumping out of my skin…saying lets go.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Airlines
So I was on an airline website the other day lookin at the weight of bags you are allowed to take on...well I got thinkin if I am 150lbs and joe blow is 200lbs I should be able to bring another 50lbs with me they put this limit on how much a bag can weigh but they dont put a limit on how much a person can weigh so I can shove all my items in clothes and weigh 300lbs and board the plane...hmm interesting thought eh?
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Be prepared...
What will you do when I am gone? Who will you ignore? Who will you come running to when everyone else has walked out? Who can you say whatever you want to and will still for you...even if you dont like them? Be prepared for the day I leave...to the place I dream of...to my new life...in a new city...in a new province.
Most people dream of islands and beaches....I dream of tall buildings and an office...cement all around me that is paradise...I dream of buisness clothes where you may dream of a string bikini I dream to carry briefcase....with important papers.
When I am gone who will you try to control? Who will you make fun of...to make yourself feel bigger? Who...when I am gone?
What I hope when I write these words and I leave this place...is that you think of what you missed out on...the love and joy we shared...no longer exists...the relationships we had no longer are there...this emptiness resides...and I have moved on...to my tall buildings and office spaces.
Be prepared....that day is comin soon.
Most people dream of islands and beaches....I dream of tall buildings and an office...cement all around me that is paradise...I dream of buisness clothes where you may dream of a string bikini I dream to carry briefcase....with important papers.
When I am gone who will you try to control? Who will you make fun of...to make yourself feel bigger? Who...when I am gone?
What I hope when I write these words and I leave this place...is that you think of what you missed out on...the love and joy we shared...no longer exists...the relationships we had no longer are there...this emptiness resides...and I have moved on...to my tall buildings and office spaces.
Be prepared....that day is comin soon.
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