Just a poem I made up on the spot

I am ready if you want me...I have let go of it all...this world has nothing to offer me...so just take me as I am...I am ready if you want me...if its my time to go then show me the way...I bet your place is more amazing then where I am now...I am ready if you want me...if I close my eyes I can see your face...I can hear your voice...maybe you arent done with me here...but I am ready if you want me...said my hellos and goodbyes so take me if you want me...what is there left for me here...what will I ever do...nothing here satisfies me anymore...take me if you want me...I am tired of this pain...I am tired of this hurt...I am tired of the sadness...please I am asking you to take me...you said you have a plan or was that just a dream...you said you werent done with me yet or was I mistaken...you said the time is now for great things...or did I make this up...take me if you want me...take me if you want me...I fall into your arms and close my eyes...I dream of these great things you will do through me...I dream of happy endings...only with you can this ever happen...take me when its time...but for now work with me...do what needs to be done and then take me if you want me

I am in awe

So its been awhile since I have written and thats because I thought I had no inspiration...which is totally not true...its all around me...so for those of you who read this let me update you on my life...I am in love...I am in love with my God...I am in love with my life and I am in love with my city...yes thats right I called Montreal my city...its been almost 10 months since moving here approaching the year mark and its been amazing and I have fallin in love with this city...so what has been goin on in Nikki's life in the past few weeks....well a lot really...I have been up and down and all around haha unsure of things and just confused on life...but God this whole time has been holding me and telling me its all going to be ok...He is good...yes He is...I believe I am a writer...and thought I had writers block this last little while...but thats not true at all...I just havent been trying or caring about anything...but have not fallin away...I still hear and listen to God's voice but at times I dont want to give everything up to Him but I am learning to let it go...I have a few AMAZING friends here who have helped me a lot and a GREAT church family...I am stoked to see where God takes us and how He grows us...I get to go to Paris in a few weeks with the family I work for which is awesome...I have never left Canada so I am stoked about this...I am planning a trip to BC in the summer hopefully august...I also want to hit Vancouver up...I honestly have never been this happy in my life...and its amazing and scary at the same time because God is positioning me for great things...and He is goin to do great things through me...cant wait to see what that is...Montreal is goin to see God and they will also want to follow...they will also wants this joy, peace and happiness we have...and I cant wait for the divine appoitments...if there is anything you want to pray for her in Montreal is for the church to just go and preach the good news...keep Montreal in your prayers...I already see it opening up to the word...I already see hungry people wondering what we have...so please when you pray remember Montreal...and I am also praying for the places that you are all in...I still have Medicine Hat, Calgary and Vancouver in my prayers...God is doing awesome things here and I want to see Him move more...and stronger so that non believers cant resist the tug at their hearts...well this is my life its good...and for those few who read this...thanks for listening...I love you all.

Still going

Ok I actually cant believe I am about to do this...but I am about to write this blog on a song that I just love its Brad Paisleys song Find Yourself...ok well this is just proving how Albertan I am...lets make this clear I dont actually listen to country for fun...I just really like the lyrics of this song...ok now thats out of the way lets get to the point...so I am gonna post the lyrics to the song at the end cause some of you may not be familier with it...but in the song its pretty much the story of my life(except for the part where it talks about finding the one, that has yet to happen)...but the song talks about finding yourself in some far off place which causes you to rethink some things and you find out your becoming someone else...well its completly true...I would have never thought in any life time I would be living in Montreal...I am from a small city...Medicine Hat some of us call it the black hole...once your there you can never leave...well I went against the norms and left...and have grown a ton...I am a completly different person...but I also learned a lot about myself in this process...I am more open...I am more spontaneous and I am willing to try new things now...and most of the time I do these things alone...I dont need people to go somewhere with me...things I would have never done back there...the song continues to say When you make new friends in a brand new town and you start to think about settling down The things that would have been lost on you are now clear as a bell And you find yourself...I just love that...cause its so true...and I was able to get away to Toronto this past week...went all by myself and had time to think...I did the whole tourist thing and just discouvered that city...its pretty cool...but it was also great to get away and learn even more about myself...I am still believing for a few things to fall into place in my life...and how it is all gonna play out I dont know...but I do know that God knows...and well He will tell me the things I need to know and the rest I just need to rely on Him..thats the hard part...but He has given me this awesome church family here...they are people from all over...from the west and from the east and even from here...honestly glad I found them...literally stumbled on them haha its a funny story actually...a friend told me about them and I said to her if I run into them then I will check out their church but I am not callin them up...and then one day I randomly stumbled upon people who went to that church...which makes me believe God wanted me there...and I couldnt be happier with my choice to attend that church...I have never felt more part of a church family then I do there...so life is good and hard and sad and happy...and I am alive and I am persevering...but I am also falling...but I am in Gods hands...so I am gonna keep walking, some days crawling...but I am still moving...and thats all that matters.

The Lyrics to the song by Brad Paisley...Find Yourself

When you find yourself in some far off placeand it causes you to rethink some thingsYou start to sense that slowly you're becoming someone elseAnd then you find yourself...When you make new friends in a brand new townand you start to think about settling downThe things that would have been lost on you are now clear as a bellAnd you find yourself,yeah that's when you find yourselfWell you go through lifeso sure of where you're headingAnd you wind up lostand its the best thing that could have happenedCause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as wellbecause you find yourself,yeah that's when you find yourself.When you meet the one, that you've been waiting forand she's everything, that you want and moreYou look at her and you finally start to live for someone elseAnd then you find yourself,yeah that's when you find yourselfWe you go through lifeso sure of where we're headedAnd we wind up lostand its the best thing that could have happenedCause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as wellBecause you find yourself,Yeah thats when you find yourself.

The beauty that is snow

Well I know most of you who read this know my love for snow but some dont so here it is...and Steven you better be reading this cause this is mainly for you...so anyways snow has always been a favorite of mine...listening to it in the middle of the night falling ever so gently on the ground...looking at its pure white shade...not tainted by anything...and looking at the different shapes and sizes not one the same...and letting it fall on your tongue and tasting how refreshing it is...thats creativity....thats beauty...well I love it and one day I was really frustrated and just yelling at God and asked Him why....why is He not providing like He said He would...and I think I need to mention it was a beautiful warm day...no chance of snow...well I look outside and its snowing beautiful flakes...large flakes...and God said to me...no matter what I will always be there for you and I will always provide...and whenever you see the snow...you will be reminded of My peace...and it will be a symbol to you that I will always be there...now its funny that I lived in Alberta so snow in August isnt a big deal but to me it comes when I need it...after that whenever I had a bad day and needed God...it would snow...and He would say...rest in my peace...so I now have a great tattoo on my leg with snow flakes surronding the word victory...just to remind me everyday that my God has my back...so snow means peace to me...and to me when it snows its peaceful and calm...and nothing can go wrong...cause I am in my Daddys arms...hmm its funny cause I wrote this particular blog so a friend can hear my story about snow...but just writing it a peace has settled over me...and its beautiful....I believe its important to find your peace...so find that one thing that you can just fall into...and let it all go.

Who do you think you are?

Ok that title may seem a bit harsh but here I sit after watching yet another documentary about white people trying to make other people conform into this so called perfect race...and yet we are far from it...lets get serious here for a second...now wait if you don't want to hear me ramble on about human rights then I think you should leave right now...because I am getting deep and I am going to pour my heart out here so be prepared...ok well if you are still here listen up...a person is a person no matter what tongue they speak, no matter what they wear, no matter where they are from, and no matter what color their skin is...a person is a person...and we all NEED to be treated equally...I am sick and tired of people thinking they are better then others...I saw a documentary tonight that was powerful...just so you know I watch docs all the time its my newest addiction and I have learned A LOT from them...anyways the documentary I watched was about the Inuit people in our country and how the government has left them out in the cold(no pun intended)...they have no rights according to the government they aren't even classified in the Native Peoples Act...so they are fighting for rights and they are fighting for funding up there...there was a good statement in the document that hit me hard...a women said...Canada is looked at as a revolutionary country...one that treats people equally and cares about everyone...yet that's not true within our country some people aren't treated fairly...so now I sit in my room...I look at where I live...now some of you maybe living below the poverty line but let me tell you I have seen real poverty...I just have to walk out my front door...on my way to either work or school I pass two prostitutes...and that's in a 2min walk...downtown by my university it takes me 5min to get from the metro to the main building of my university...and I would have already walked by at least 10 homeless people...some didn't choose that life...my neighborhood is full of poor people...drunks, addicts, you name it...its here...I live in what we would call back home a ghetto...but really they are people...and I love my neighborhood I live in a very french area and I wouldnt want to live in the english neighborhoods...I like where I live...in the middle of it all...sometimes I am even embarrassed to speak english because of what english people have done in this world...sometimes I am embarrassed to be a white english speaking person...because of what white english speaking people have done...they are trying to create some super race...when there is already one...its called the human race...if we were all the same it would be boring...if we all thought a like nothing new would be created...different cultures bring different perspectives and ideas on life...my roommate said something to me the other day that made my heart sad...she got an e-mail from a friend that said to pray for the new president and the United States...and then she said why would I want to pray for them? I want to pray for Canada and my own country...she is Swiss by the way...and that made me sad because this is how most people think...so when people say they want world peace what does this look like? Because I definitely want to pray for other countries because that's the only way it will happen...because God can do ALL things...everything is possible...I know this...now some of you who read this don't believe in God...and you know that I do...but I am just asking you to be a good person..and to treat others with respect no matter what they look like...because we all bleed blood...we all cry tears...and we all feel pain...and right now I am feeling the pain of the world and it hurts...my heart hurts...my eyes weep...and I am taking a stand and I have new dreams...and I know that a handful of people can change the world...or at least the few people who read my blog...I know you can where ever you are...in whatever city you are in...I know you can make a difference...now stand up in your community get involved...stand up for human rights...we are people...we are all the same...no matter what you think...one of my professors the other day said to the class that immigrants should not be able to come to our country and continue with their culture they should have to conform to Canadian culture...first of all I am Canadian and don't even know what that is...but the point is...letting people come here and practice what they were raised to do is what makes Canada so unique its what makes us the country people look at say...freedom...so why are we treating Canadians that were born here like crap as if they don't exist...the Inuits exist...and if you want more info I have an independent site you can watch full length documentaries on about indigenous people from all over the world...every country is treating the indigenous people badly...if any of you saw the new movie Australia you would know that...I have more to say but I think this is enough for now as I have a mid-term tomorrow on International Relations which really means how corrupt this world is and how we make it look like we are getting along until a bomb falls in your backyard and you got...what? Where did that come from? Duh it came from the people you have alienated all this time...anyways please leave your comments I like a challenge.

Who are you and what makes you that?

Ok so I have been thinking a lot about who I am...and then in one of my classes that question came up it was crazy and unexpected...but I want to do my own little experiment...I want to know who you are like what do you classify yourself. Examples are Canadian, Albertian, Quebecoise, human, student, American, like what do you label yourself as? I am intersted in these results...in my class more people said they were human then any other becuase they dont like the labels...the choices were student, concordian(concordia is my university), human, Canadian or Quebecoise...and most said human and the next highest was Canadian...but who are you? And why are you that?...if you all want to know what I said...I said Canadian...and I said it becuase I am proud to be Canadian and love my country...so please participate and tell me who you are.

My random life

I havent written in awhile because well I dunno what to write...there is too much and not enough all at the same time...my head has been spinning lately while I am walking in this new season I am in...I started my second semester in univeristy and I am working part time now as well...some of my friends left Montreal to go back to their homes...and 2009 is a completly different life then 2008 was...its like I hit the new years mark and bam brand spankin new life...brand spankin new world...I was thinkin the other day and coming to a new city where no one knew me...I could be who ever I wanted when I came here...and I did just that...I let the real Nikki show the one who I didnt like back home cause I knew a lot of my friends didnt like that person...I am true here...real and raw...I am super calm now which some of you may not believe but its true...I am grown up...after all I am 25 turning 26 this year...its time for some growing up...I actually like who I am...I go to shows, and symphony's and art shows, and just do things I would have never been able to do or would have done...I go to museums by myself and think its soooo fun...as for why I havent written in awhile well its my thoughts they are getting the best of me...and they are doing a good job at confusing me...I am believing for my tuition still or else I cant register for next years classes...well that sucks but I am also ok if not going to school next year is the plan...weird I know cause I came here for school...but did I really...I dont believe that anymore I think God had another plan...I am also interested in going to a culinary school I looked two schools up one is in Vancouver and one is here...well I will most likely go to the one here as I am in the process of finally getting all my stuff here and dont want to drag it all back to the west...plus I believe I am supposed to be in Montreal...I enjoy it and have never felt happier about my life...school is good one of my classes really has me thinking about this world...its made me want to pause my life...and go around with a video camera and find the good...this world is too corrupt is what I am learning in school and I believe in the good..I believe there are good people out there...so I want to pause my life...fill a backpack and go...I want to backpack the world...and I think I will do this too...actually I dont think I know I am going to do this...my dreams have changed a bit I dunno if I want to be in politics anymore...even tho people all around me say I will be good at it...I just am seeing the nasty side of it and who knows maybe I will continue school and maybe I will just be a university dropout thats possible too...haha who knows but this is my life right now...its random...its weird...but its amazing and I wouldnt want anything different.

2008 or 2009?...move on dont live in the past

So today has been an interesting day well its 4:30am on January 1st the year 2009...so I mean the day before technically the 31st of decemeber 2008....its been an interesting day....started out normal...I got up and got ready like I always do and went to work...little did I know that things I would come to realisation to and think about later would change my whole perspective on life...now I have always been this up and down person like a frickin yo yo...but I dont have to be...I thought myself today into a grumpy mood and knew only I was the one to find my way out...so then later I was on a car ride to another city and did a lot of thinkin...did some talkin with some friends too...and stuff and made my goals for 2009...first lets finish of my day...so after work I went home...then chilled for a bit then off to meet up with some friends to do a trip to Ottawa...where we really didnt do anything...but I dont know how it was for them but it was a deeper meaning to me...we went to a party where we knew no one...then we left 5 min before midnight and celebrated just the three of us...we were driving then pulled over and danced around the car in the freezing cold weather...then got back in and kept listening to music...then when meeting up with another friend didnt work out we turned around and drove back to Montreal....and it was good...I wanted to ring in 2009 in a different way that I always have...and I did...which is symbolic becuase I am out with the old and in with the new...its time...also I wanted it to have meaning because I feel its important and it did...I did some great thinkin and got to hang out with two GREAT people in my life...I love them both...so what are my goals...notice I call them goals not resolutions thats on purpose too because no one ends up keepin resolutions and I fullfill goals...so it was also brought to my attention I need specific goals and some fun ones too and not have just serouis ones...so one fun one is...attend suger shack this year...a very cool Quebec thing that I am stoked for...also to see Quebec City....but my more serouis ones are these...to stop seeing the negative in things even in the bad times...to just see the life and growth I can gain out of any situation...thats an important goal because I want to be happy and I truly am here...also to attend ALL my classes...unless I am sick or have another reason but I am not skipping this term at all...and my last one is to stop being afraid to speak the french I know...speaking is the only way I will get better...so to speak less english and more french...one last thing I came to realize here I was talking to a friend tonight and mentioned it to her is...I literally have fallin head over heels for Montreal....I was saying its like a romantic relationship where you just want to spend time with that person and get to know them inside and out...and what makes them tick...thats how I am for this city...when flying back after Christmas it was 7am and I had no sleep but I saw the lights of this beautiful place and I lit up like a child on Christmas morn...I want to know this place inside and out...I want to spend time with it and know what makes it tick...I am in love with where I live...and I pray you all find your place in life that makes you happy...if you are there then awesome and if not then dont give up...life is out there...you just need to live it.

Believe in Santa...like a child

Every Christmas I have come on here and say that I dont like Christmas because in my household its more of a battle then a peaceful day...and that I love it tho because its Jesus's birthday the day He came into the world the day God knew He had to do something to save His people...but really thats not what I want to talk about...not at all...I want to encourage you my readers to believe...now believe in what...well santa of course...now wait before you stop reading and listen up...look at a child...a small one...and what do they believe about Christmas...they believe that santa watches them in all they do and the days leading up to Christmas they try to be as good as they can...because they want that special toy they asked for...they believe one man flys around the world and hands out toys to all boys and girls...what if everyday of every month of every year we behaved because we thought we would get rewarded...this world could be different...a lot of children behave this way mainly in december some the year but most in decemeber...they believe in the good....they are innocent in all this...and we let them continue this way hoping they will grow up to be decent people...they have this faith that no one else can have...childlike faith...something I want you to have...I want you to believe in santa like a child does...and wake up Christmas morn with so much anticipation that it leaps out of you and your eyes sparkle...now I know some of you who read my blog dont believe in God or the same God I believe in...I know some of you doubt that He really exists...but I know He does...and it is my wish this Christmas that you at least believe in santa because we need to believe there is good in this world...and believing in santa with childlike faith is the same way...me and my other Christian friends believe in God...we cant see Him...we also dont see santa...God gives us gifts...so does santa...God watches us in all we do...apparently so does santa...there is only one difference...God really does live today...santa lived at one time in history the story of how he came about is really quite amazing...but God lives today...He still walks this earth and lives in all of us...and I know this...now I am not gonna tell you to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savoiur...I am sure you have heard that enough...and I am not a pushy Christian...all I want is from you is to celebrate this day like a child...get excited...dream big....watch the snow eh go play in it even...hang with family...play games...eat lots...and dont forget...just believe in the good...live this day through the eyes of a child.

Dreams, Blessing and Life

Ok so this is almost a little run off from my previous blog about being blessed...I recieved a plane ticket home for Christmas...something that has never happened to me...I never told my mom or many friends so it was a surprise and she almost cried and one of my best friends really did cry...and I didnt know I changed much at all untill I came home and people see it off me...I am living the dream...I am excited about life...and LOVE this journey I am on so much I dont even care about the destination...honestly...I have a great life and I thank everyone who has ever believed in me and I thank everyone who has sowed into me...even with their words....thank you to all...and have a great holiday season...and remember its not about what you get...its about what you give and what Jesus gave to you.

Blessed

I would just like to mention how blessed I am...its been hard not to have a job here and walk in faith....not know if groceries were goin to be in your cupboards or rent in your hands...and every month I have full cupboards and rent paid...I get to start my job this week which is really exciting...and I have great friends here in Montreal and feel as if this is home...I also feel God is keeping me here longer then I thought...and I dont think He brought me here just for university...I also have some other praise reports but I cant tell you them right now...I will write about it next week...just wanted you all to know I am doing well...and am excited to see whats next.

My opinion

So I know I just wrote a blog but something has come to my attention and well this is my blog...so I can say whatever I want...also I live in Canada where my opinion can be stated without getting shot or killed some how...and I would like it to stay that way where my opinion counts...now if you know me well you know where I am goin with this blog...two words have gotten Canada's attention...COALITION GOVERNMENT...and now I have yours...well this is what it took for you to tune in...some radical move from the opposition...more Canadians are talking politics this week then I have seen ever...I was on the metro tonight and people my age all around me were talking coalition this coalition that...but I bet you they didnt vote in this past federal election...ok so if you are on my facebook then you know I am for this new, radical government...and I will state my reasons...but first I have rules...you can comment your opposing opinions...but no name calling...that isnt very mature...we are all entitled to our opinion...now lets look at the numbers so 60% of Canadians went out to vote in this years federal election...30% of those people voted for Harpers government...the other half went to the Liberals and the NDP's and of course the Bloc...now 500 000 Liberal voters in Ontario stayed home...now the question why did voters stay home? Most say its because they already knew the turnout so their vote wont count...ahh but your vote does count or at least it did...every vote a party gets thats money towards that party...but wait here is the kicker...Harper wants to get rid of that...therefore your vote really doesnt count...ahhh yes he says it will be better for our economy or as I read somewhere on someones facebook group...they dont need that money...well if they dont need that money how the heck are they going to run campaigns then...this is a weapon the Harper government is using so that other parties will be disadvantaged...so 70% of Canada did not vote for Harpers Conservative government...but wait you people for this government say the majority voted him in...thats not true is it? Well I guess you lose that argument...oh I love Canada because we are a democratic country...what? you say were not...of course we are...just becuase this coalition government is existing doesnt mean we are a communist country do you even know the difference between the two...cause I can list them lets see if I paid attention in my poli sci class....Communism believes that the state should own everything..which means no private ownership...well that sucks Communism believes in a classless society...so that means you can work your butt off put you will make the same as the person who sits on their butt....Communism is associated with totalitarian government, such as those found in the former Soviet Union, China and North Korea. Totalitarian regimes are ruled by a single mass party that completly controls political and social institutions in an effort to attain an ideologocially driven goal...pretty much they dont care what the people say...well lets look at Democracy..well the defintion of democracy hasnt really been agreed upon..but I like Robert Dahl's defintion he classifies political regimes in two criteria: the degree of contestation of political power and the extent of popular participation in such contestation...then there is another belief that is also good and that is of Adam Przeworski he says that the government who wins doenst neccessarily have garunteed control over the power that they won and when the opposition figures this out they stay in the race because they always have a chance....well democracy only works if 100% of the people vote because then you will have the majority in power...again if you need someone to blame...blame the people of Canada and if you didnt vote where were you that day...its law that your boss has to give you time to vote so you cant use that as an excuse...you have no right to complain about the government if you did not vote...now lets give this government a chance...lets support our country and instead of bickering and making facebook groups lets see what will happen lets wait till Dec 8th and then lets see what is the big problem here...this is different opinions coming together to work together..unity in Canada we want that...the Harper government is not a team player and thats why they are scared...they may have had a stronger minority but to them they still lost because they want a majority government...no I am not happy that Dion will be leader untill May...but I will support just like I have supported Harper and I didnt vote for him...what makes me laugh is that this is what woke Canada up...this is what grinds everyones gears....crazy....well next time vote...whatever happens I will support it...and I laugh everytime I see the word coalition...because it really does scare me to not know what is going to happen...who knows we may actually be having Christmas at the poll station...is that what you want?

Random Thoughts

I have had a lot of thoughts lately and I did have a blog I was goin to write the other day...but now I have no cluse what to write...my life has been crazy...and most of it in a good way...but its about to change again...friends I have made here are leaving to go back home and I have to make and get closer to other people...I attend two churches now one on sundays and one on thursdays...I will be starting my nanny job in Decemeber...and school is over for the semester...and I didnt do as well as I thought I could have done which sucks...but such is life...I am learning every day why God wanted me here in Montreal and believe it or not university isnt just the reason...there is so many things I could be doing here...so I have had the flu for the last couple of days...I got a flu shot on thursday with the family I will be nannying for and they said I wouldnt get sick from it...well thats not true...I was soooo sick...I felt like death...ugh...well today its just a cold now...not so achy anymore...I have all this week off of life I have my only final exam on friday I should be studying for it but we all know how that will work...I am stoked for my girls night plans next weekend it should be fun...chick flicks, chocolate and staying up all night chatting you know those are memories you hold onto forever...I love it...another thing I am learning is to cherish each day...dont look at the future and get sad for a day that is coming or look forward to a day that is coming...cherish the present day...the day at hand...because once its gone you wont have it and may regret not doing all you could...with that being said dont dwell on the past...and wonder what could have been different...just look at the present...this blog really had no point to it just my random thoughts...leaving you again with the same challange I love leaving you with and its be radical..and change your world.

My Christmas wish list

These are the things I would like for Christmas...so if you keep these in your prayers that would be awesome

1. To be home(this is mainly for my mom thats all she wants for Christmas is for me to be in the Hat)
2. Tuiton for school or else I cant register for next year
3. A great french/english dictionary

I cant really think of anything else...I just guess I have everything else I need...but these things are important to me so dont forget me in your prayers

I am uninspired and feel I have writers block...and dont have time to just settle down and chill to write anything new...so I will leave you with the lyrics of one of my favorite songs...because she pretty much writes how I am feelin I couldnt have said it any better its just amazing

If You Want Me To

Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken

And The signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley

If You want me to

Chorus: Cause I'm not who I was

When I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

so if all of these trials bring me closer to you

Then I will walk through the fire If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me

And I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through

And I walk through the darkness If You want me to

cause When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout

Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down

So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you

And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Life as I know it

Life as I have known it is changed...its a huge transition for a Medicine Hat girl to move to Montreal....they are nothing alike...but I am home...I love it...and I barely think of the Hat...I call this home...I am learning a new language and learning a new way of living and its been amazing...stretching of course but amazing at the same time...I wasnt the happiest person back home and felt like I was a big fish in a small tank...and here I feel like a little fish in a big tank and its an amazing feeling...I am truly a big city girl...the feeling of becoming and growing and journying in the unknown is exciting...not knowing where God will take me next is exhilerating...I have found a church here that has challanged me and grown me into somethin pretty darn amazing...I love the church I attend...I never want to miss a sunday no matter how hard I try to stay home I cant...I love to go to church and thats a different feelin too cause I didnt always like church back home...no offence to those who attend my church back home...its still family...but this church blows me away...the people I have met here are truly great too...school isnt so great but thats just a small part of life even tho its the reason I thought I came here...but I am starting to believe different...this city doesnt have many Christians at all...and I have been brought here to be a light to this city to show them there is a way...its a very dark and sad city...so many homeless, poor, and just depressed looking people...but there are reasons for that...and I want to see God move...I have a passion for the French Canadians...God has shown me His heart for them...and I want to show them His love...I dont want them to see me I want them to see Him...talking about God here is a tough topic but I can see God move even when I dont mention a word about Him when I am talkin to someone...I jsut sit on the metro and pray and I can feel God move...its a great feeling...I am so far away from anything familier and that life was all I knew...now I know a different life....and being this far away from the ones I love...I have a bit of a feeling what the lost here in Montreal feel from being so far away from love...but when they see God when they feel Him...when they start to follow Him...they wont be lost...they wont be sad...they will have the love of God...I dont know who reads this but I know all my friends are different stages in life...and I do know now what its like to leave somewhere and lose all ties to someone...I feel like I have lost friends since being here...but God has given more friends...and now I know how to let go...I never have been able to before...letting go of people you care about was a hard thing for me...but I have let go...I have let go of all those who have let go of me...and I am ok...they will always be loved...but I have let go...and I just want to say one last thing before I go...do something out of the ordinary this week...something out of your comfort zone...something you would have never done before...touch someones life...do something extreme...and then live your life on the edge...dont conform.

Handle with care

I feel inspired so I am taking a break from my research paper to write this blog...I love to blog because it helps me to feel and release things...even tho I know barely anyone reads my blogs shown by the lack of comments...but its ok I just need to write makes me happy...a persons heart is a fragile thing...now I dont mean the physical heart I mean just the feelings and love and emotions part...we get hurt easy...we fall apart fast...we let too many things people say get to us...I know I make fun of my friends too much and I am trying to stop it...and I am goin to make a consious effort right now to stop it...because I know how it feels...everyday someone makes comments to you and they dont know what they are doing but it hurts...it really hurts...and the hurt goes deep...they dont know what you have already been through in your life...they dont know that what they just said to you makes you feel like scum...like the stupidest person in the world...they dont know you already struggle with trying to succeed...they just make their comment...but it hurts...and the pain goes deep...its hard to be in a group of people when you feel like the dumbest one there...I know I try to put this tough, nothing bothers me front up...but really I am a typical emotional girl...who things bother me...they hurt me too...afterall I am human as well...its hard to be around the people you love because they hurt you the most...and most of the time without knowing it...I feel in a world all alone even when I am in a crowd...I feel like I am losing hope and becoming weaker...but I will continue to walk with my head held high and not let you see...that you are hurting me...I wont let you see that what you say goes deep and the pain hurts bad...I wont let this affect me...because I know I have a purpose and I have a dream...all these deep pains will turn to scars...and thats how I will remember you.

What do you mean when you say "I am a Christian"?

I dont actually know where this blog is going to go or how it will be protrayed but I need to get some things off my chest and out of this brain so I can move on with my day. Christianity...I am a Christian and a lot of my friends are and some arent...but what does that mean...when we say we are because statistics show that about 9 million people in Canada claim they are a Christian...well what does that mean...I know that it should mean well 9million people can change a lot of lives...but it hasnt...the dictionary has many definitions for a Christian like exhibiting a spirit proper to a follower of Jesus Christ...or pertaining to, believing in, or belonging to the religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ or I like this one a person who exemplifies in his or her life the teachings of Christ. That last definition is the one I would choose a person who exemplifies in his or her life the teachings of Christ meaning you can just see it on them...I actually know a couple of people that I can see it on...literally can see Jesus and one isnt from Canada so that 9 million well I would say that number is a lot lower then that. What does the bible say a Christian is or is to do lets take a look. In Matthew 10:37-39 Jesus says "He who loves father and mother more then Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it." Those of you who read this and dont believe in God will be like what the heck does that mean...well its simple if you have life without God you will surely die...if you have life with God you will never die but live eternally and that doesnt mean on this earth...in heaven. So what does this mean to a Christian....well again simple...follow Jesus cause His way is the only way...yet so many of us fall short(I am including myself in this just so you know). What else does the bible say? In Matthew 4:19 Jesus says "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men" well now if there are 9 million Christians in Canada then that number should actually be higher if we are supposed to be fishers of men...maybe we are using the wrong bait...haha what do I mean by that...well the main bait I have seen us the church use is relevancy...we are so concerned with being relevant to the generation now that we actually left Jesus out...and the most important factor which is relevancy its relationship...with God first then people...if we stopped concering ourselves with the way our buildings we call church looked and with what we wear and how we talk....and just shared Jesus and be like Jesus I am sure that 9 million people would turn into a larger number...stop making Jesus Relevant and just share who He is...cause He is a rad guy on His own. Another thing I need you to remember as a Christian is church is not a building...we are the church...we are...everywhere we go there is church because we bring it with us...whether or not its in schools, workplace or the pubs...we bring the church so maybe...just maybe we need to start acting like the church not just on sundays. I dare you to sit in the Metro or in your bus or in your school or a park or on your break at work...and read the bible...not just in the privacy of your own home but in the open...lets see what people say then...lets see what kind of looks you get...lets see if you are actually accepted for who you are...cause if you claim your a Christian most people will stand further away from you...lets try this...lets show people we are on fire for God...or are you? My pastor told us to do something really fun for those of us who go to university and that is to tell someone you are a creationist...or even try it at work....I havent been able to yet but I really want to...see if that is acceptable. Mark 4:21-23 says "And He was saying to them, A lamp is not brought to be put under a basket, is it, or under a bed? Is it not brought to be put on the lampstand? For nothing is hidden, except to be revealed; nor has anything been secret, but that it would come to light. If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear." Lets see what the bible says about popularity which another way of looking at it could be persecution because Jesus was not popular and neither is Christianity. In Acts 13:49-52 it says "And the word of the Lord was being spread through the whole region. But the Jews incited the devout women of prominence and the leading men of the city, and instigated a persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and drove them out of their district. But they shook off the dust of their feet in protest against them and went to Iconium. And the disciples were continually filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit." People will try to kick you out of your city and their lives but see what the end of this verse says they were continually filled with joy and the Holy Spirit...meaning God never leaves us no matter who else does...haha Christianity is not popular but thats ok...because God will reward us for listening to Him...ok so I am not sitting here on my high and mighty stool telling you this cause I am no different then the other 9 million who say they are Christian. I went to this lecture last night called Harmony in Diversity...and most of it was meh but some of it I got things out of...like how we have love and all these things as Christians that God has given us...why arent we sharing it with others...and you may say well I am in this ministry and this one and that one...who cares...thats not important its yor everyday lives that you live out its in your walking down the street and seeing a homeless person what do you do then? Who cares about the ministry you put your name too or the look at me church you go to that doesnt matter. God doesnt care about those things...He cares about what you did when no one was looking...who you encouraged or helped when no one was looking so that all the praise goes to Him and not you...He likes when we as the church goes out to feed people and what not but He is tired of His name being left out...He is tired of not getting the credit for it...we are nothing without Him and wouldnt be able to do things without Him...He and He alone gives us the strength...my heart is breaking for the lost...but sometimes my heart breaks for the found...because they dont actually know or understand the gift of God and what it means to be like Jesus to be a Christian...I think if we took that 9 million and knocked on all those doors and truly searched or even asked God it would dramitically drop and that hurts my heart...like I said I know a few Christians that I can actually see Jesus in but not many...and that includes me I am not the Christian I want to be...but starting right now I am going to try harder to be like Jesus to everyday listen to what I am supposed to do and stop ignoring those who need me...and most importantly need Jesus...I challange you this week to sit and ask God what He wants from you...what He wants you to change...and where He wants you to impact in your cities and places of influence...and those of you who read this and arent born again...when I say this I mean those of you havent made a commitment to serve God and ask for your sins to be forgivin...then I challenge you to seek Him and take that step of becoming a following Christian...your life will change and it will be such a rad change you will never want to go back...trust me on this...and if you need a testimony contact me and I will share with you my life...and my decison and my trials...because I believe God let me go through this life to share it with you...and even if you are a Christian and want to hear my story just ask...and I will definitly tell you...walk like Jesus this week and every week...do something radical...live on the edge...and most importantly dont forget to dream...now is the time...we dont live in the future or past but in the now...so go and be fishers of men.

The American Dream

Everyone knows about the American dream...go to university and get a great education and get the job you always dreamed of...but what happens if we throw some twists in there...and things dont go as planned...who do you blame? Yourself, family, friends or God? Well it really is no ones fault sometimes we go through things in our lives that are stepping stones to that dream....sometimes we have to be broken to be fixed...but do we have to hit rock bottom? Do we have to end up with nothing at all? I dont believe that...I know we are human and make mistakes and then sometimes we have to pay for them...25 and has hit rock bottom...sometimes I feel as if there is no reason to go on...sometimes I wonder why...why did I follow my dreams and where are they taking me...I have been thinking a lot lately about this path I am on...about me finally doing something I have always wanted to do..and wondering where the happy Nikki went...the one who believed she could do anything...the dreamer...the world changer...I know she is still there...I am just having a bit of troubles finding her...and I know I am on this path for a reason and I know I am to trust in my God...and I still know He is there...so when you leave a comment dont tell me to pray dont tell me to trust dont tell me to have faith...cause I do...just be a friend and be there for me...and keep me in your prayers...we all go through things for a reason...we all have our share of trials...and I know I will get out of this..I just cant give up...I am too good for that and too smart...I will have my American Dream

Afraid

Not afraid of change cause I thrive off that...not afraid of my future as much...not afraid of being alone...not afraid of being so far away...afraid of today...yesterday and tomorrow...that may not make sense to any of you but it makes sense to me...I have been thinking a lot and maybe I am not cut out for politics...I am not cut throat...I make promises and actually keep them...I am an idealist...I believe in the people...I believe in dreams...I love to see people dream...so maybe I am not cut out for politics...which leaves me to say this...I am thinking of changing my major...I love political science...but influences around me are starting to make me believe I am not cut out for it...maybe its the enemy speaking and maybe not...maybe I am changing and maybe not...politics will always be my heart still...but maybe its not that important...at least thats what it seems.