Random Thoughts

I have had a lot of thoughts lately and I did have a blog I was goin to write the other day...but now I have no cluse what to write...my life has been crazy...and most of it in a good way...but its about to change again...friends I have made here are leaving to go back home and I have to make and get closer to other people...I attend two churches now one on sundays and one on thursdays...I will be starting my nanny job in Decemeber...and school is over for the semester...and I didnt do as well as I thought I could have done which sucks...but such is life...I am learning every day why God wanted me here in Montreal and believe it or not university isnt just the reason...there is so many things I could be doing here...so I have had the flu for the last couple of days...I got a flu shot on thursday with the family I will be nannying for and they said I wouldnt get sick from it...well thats not true...I was soooo sick...I felt like death...ugh...well today its just a cold now...not so achy anymore...I have all this week off of life I have my only final exam on friday I should be studying for it but we all know how that will work...I am stoked for my girls night plans next weekend it should be fun...chick flicks, chocolate and staying up all night chatting you know those are memories you hold onto forever...I love it...another thing I am learning is to cherish each day...dont look at the future and get sad for a day that is coming or look forward to a day that is coming...cherish the present day...the day at hand...because once its gone you wont have it and may regret not doing all you could...with that being said dont dwell on the past...and wonder what could have been different...just look at the present...this blog really had no point to it just my random thoughts...leaving you again with the same challange I love leaving you with and its be radical..and change your world.

My Christmas wish list

These are the things I would like for Christmas...so if you keep these in your prayers that would be awesome

1. To be home(this is mainly for my mom thats all she wants for Christmas is for me to be in the Hat)
2. Tuiton for school or else I cant register for next year
3. A great french/english dictionary

I cant really think of anything else...I just guess I have everything else I need...but these things are important to me so dont forget me in your prayers

I am uninspired and feel I have writers block...and dont have time to just settle down and chill to write anything new...so I will leave you with the lyrics of one of my favorite songs...because she pretty much writes how I am feelin I couldnt have said it any better its just amazing

If You Want Me To

Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken

And The signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley

If You want me to

Chorus: Cause I'm not who I was

When I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

so if all of these trials bring me closer to you

Then I will walk through the fire If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me

And I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through

And I walk through the darkness If You want me to

cause When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout

Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down

So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you

And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Life as I know it

Life as I have known it is changed...its a huge transition for a Medicine Hat girl to move to Montreal....they are nothing alike...but I am home...I love it...and I barely think of the Hat...I call this home...I am learning a new language and learning a new way of living and its been amazing...stretching of course but amazing at the same time...I wasnt the happiest person back home and felt like I was a big fish in a small tank...and here I feel like a little fish in a big tank and its an amazing feeling...I am truly a big city girl...the feeling of becoming and growing and journying in the unknown is exciting...not knowing where God will take me next is exhilerating...I have found a church here that has challanged me and grown me into somethin pretty darn amazing...I love the church I attend...I never want to miss a sunday no matter how hard I try to stay home I cant...I love to go to church and thats a different feelin too cause I didnt always like church back home...no offence to those who attend my church back home...its still family...but this church blows me away...the people I have met here are truly great too...school isnt so great but thats just a small part of life even tho its the reason I thought I came here...but I am starting to believe different...this city doesnt have many Christians at all...and I have been brought here to be a light to this city to show them there is a way...its a very dark and sad city...so many homeless, poor, and just depressed looking people...but there are reasons for that...and I want to see God move...I have a passion for the French Canadians...God has shown me His heart for them...and I want to show them His love...I dont want them to see me I want them to see Him...talking about God here is a tough topic but I can see God move even when I dont mention a word about Him when I am talkin to someone...I jsut sit on the metro and pray and I can feel God move...its a great feeling...I am so far away from anything familier and that life was all I knew...now I know a different life....and being this far away from the ones I love...I have a bit of a feeling what the lost here in Montreal feel from being so far away from love...but when they see God when they feel Him...when they start to follow Him...they wont be lost...they wont be sad...they will have the love of God...I dont know who reads this but I know all my friends are different stages in life...and I do know now what its like to leave somewhere and lose all ties to someone...I feel like I have lost friends since being here...but God has given more friends...and now I know how to let go...I never have been able to before...letting go of people you care about was a hard thing for me...but I have let go...I have let go of all those who have let go of me...and I am ok...they will always be loved...but I have let go...and I just want to say one last thing before I go...do something out of the ordinary this week...something out of your comfort zone...something you would have never done before...touch someones life...do something extreme...and then live your life on the edge...dont conform.

Handle with care

I feel inspired so I am taking a break from my research paper to write this blog...I love to blog because it helps me to feel and release things...even tho I know barely anyone reads my blogs shown by the lack of comments...but its ok I just need to write makes me happy...a persons heart is a fragile thing...now I dont mean the physical heart I mean just the feelings and love and emotions part...we get hurt easy...we fall apart fast...we let too many things people say get to us...I know I make fun of my friends too much and I am trying to stop it...and I am goin to make a consious effort right now to stop it...because I know how it feels...everyday someone makes comments to you and they dont know what they are doing but it hurts...it really hurts...and the hurt goes deep...they dont know what you have already been through in your life...they dont know that what they just said to you makes you feel like scum...like the stupidest person in the world...they dont know you already struggle with trying to succeed...they just make their comment...but it hurts...and the pain goes deep...its hard to be in a group of people when you feel like the dumbest one there...I know I try to put this tough, nothing bothers me front up...but really I am a typical emotional girl...who things bother me...they hurt me too...afterall I am human as well...its hard to be around the people you love because they hurt you the most...and most of the time without knowing it...I feel in a world all alone even when I am in a crowd...I feel like I am losing hope and becoming weaker...but I will continue to walk with my head held high and not let you see...that you are hurting me...I wont let you see that what you say goes deep and the pain hurts bad...I wont let this affect me...because I know I have a purpose and I have a dream...all these deep pains will turn to scars...and thats how I will remember you.