Tuesday, January 20, 2009

My random life

I havent written in awhile because well I dunno what to write...there is too much and not enough all at the same time...my head has been spinning lately while I am walking in this new season I am in...I started my second semester in univeristy and I am working part time now as well...some of my friends left Montreal to go back to their homes...and 2009 is a completly different life then 2008 was...its like I hit the new years mark and bam brand spankin new life...brand spankin new world...I was thinkin the other day and coming to a new city where no one knew me...I could be who ever I wanted when I came here...and I did just that...I let the real Nikki show the one who I didnt like back home cause I knew a lot of my friends didnt like that person...I am true here...real and raw...I am super calm now which some of you may not believe but its true...I am grown up...after all I am 25 turning 26 this year...its time for some growing up...I actually like who I am...I go to shows, and symphony's and art shows, and just do things I would have never been able to do or would have done...I go to museums by myself and think its soooo fun...as for why I havent written in awhile well its my thoughts they are getting the best of me...and they are doing a good job at confusing me...I am believing for my tuition still or else I cant register for next years classes...well that sucks but I am also ok if not going to school next year is the plan...weird I know cause I came here for school...but did I really...I dont believe that anymore I think God had another plan...I am also interested in going to a culinary school I looked two schools up one is in Vancouver and one is here...well I will most likely go to the one here as I am in the process of finally getting all my stuff here and dont want to drag it all back to the west...plus I believe I am supposed to be in Montreal...I enjoy it and have never felt happier about my life...school is good one of my classes really has me thinking about this world...its made me want to pause my life...and go around with a video camera and find the good...this world is too corrupt is what I am learning in school and I believe in the good..I believe there are good people out there...so I want to pause my life...fill a backpack and go...I want to backpack the world...and I think I will do this too...actually I dont think I know I am going to do this...my dreams have changed a bit I dunno if I want to be in politics anymore...even tho people all around me say I will be good at it...I just am seeing the nasty side of it and who knows maybe I will continue school and maybe I will just be a university dropout thats possible too...haha who knows but this is my life right now...its random...its weird...but its amazing and I wouldnt want anything different.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

2008 or 2009?...move on dont live in the past

So today has been an interesting day well its 4:30am on January 1st the year 2009...so I mean the day before technically the 31st of decemeber 2008....its been an interesting day....started out normal...I got up and got ready like I always do and went to work...little did I know that things I would come to realisation to and think about later would change my whole perspective on life...now I have always been this up and down person like a frickin yo yo...but I dont have to be...I thought myself today into a grumpy mood and knew only I was the one to find my way out...so then later I was on a car ride to another city and did a lot of thinkin...did some talkin with some friends too...and stuff and made my goals for 2009...first lets finish of my day...so after work I went home...then chilled for a bit then off to meet up with some friends to do a trip to Ottawa...where we really didnt do anything...but I dont know how it was for them but it was a deeper meaning to me...we went to a party where we knew no one...then we left 5 min before midnight and celebrated just the three of us...we were driving then pulled over and danced around the car in the freezing cold weather...then got back in and kept listening to music...then when meeting up with another friend didnt work out we turned around and drove back to Montreal....and it was good...I wanted to ring in 2009 in a different way that I always have...and I did...which is symbolic becuase I am out with the old and in with the new...its time...also I wanted it to have meaning because I feel its important and it did...I did some great thinkin and got to hang out with two GREAT people in my life...I love them both...so what are my goals...notice I call them goals not resolutions thats on purpose too because no one ends up keepin resolutions and I fullfill goals...so it was also brought to my attention I need specific goals and some fun ones too and not have just serouis ones...so one fun one is...attend suger shack this year...a very cool Quebec thing that I am stoked for...also to see Quebec City....but my more serouis ones are these...to stop seeing the negative in things even in the bad times...to just see the life and growth I can gain out of any situation...thats an important goal because I want to be happy and I truly am here...also to attend ALL my classes...unless I am sick or have another reason but I am not skipping this term at all...and my last one is to stop being afraid to speak the french I know...speaking is the only way I will get better...so to speak less english and more french...one last thing I came to realize here I was talking to a friend tonight and mentioned it to her is...I literally have fallin head over heels for Montreal....I was saying its like a romantic relationship where you just want to spend time with that person and get to know them inside and out...and what makes them tick...thats how I am for this city...when flying back after Christmas it was 7am and I had no sleep but I saw the lights of this beautiful place and I lit up like a child on Christmas morn...I want to know this place inside and out...I want to spend time with it and know what makes it tick...I am in love with where I live...and I pray you all find your place in life that makes you happy...if you are there then awesome and if not then dont give up...life is out there...you just need to live it.