Sunday, January 28, 2007

Fight for what you believe in

Letting kids be who they are and not make them who we want them to be. That’s what I want to do...I watched this movie tonight that inspired me to be who I am and let me teach the children that I teach the way I want to…and every time someone says why or cant and I will look and them and go why not. I have these huge dreams and all my life people are like you cant do that and how do you suppose you are goin to get that done…you aren’t smart enough…well they were wrong. Just the other day I had one of my co workers say hey do you still have that dream of getting married and that house you want with all those kids and I was like yep…and she is like you better get crackin or it will never happen…what does she know? Is she God? We tell people what they cant do chances are they already know what they cant do…so why don’t we tell them what they can do…empower someone. So I watched the movie FREEDOM WRITERS tonight…best movie ever my new favorite I will be buying it and the book. In this movie which is based on real events…the teacher comes into a classroom to teach kids that people said would never make it…that people gave up on…and that people were literally scared of. It’s a battle of color, age and sex in this movie. This movie is about never giving up even when EVERYTHING is against you….this movie has loss in it that no one should have to ever feel. This teacher in this movie lost things and had to work extra hard but in the end it was worth it…she sacrificed her life pretty much and in the end won the battle. She taught these kids things they wanted to learn about things that were relevant…something that is on my heart is to change what is taught in schools…there are certain things that don’t help you in life and where is the learning…where is the stuff that we needed to know. I had to learn it all on my own to survive…we aren’t preparing these kids for the future we are teaching them what we think they need to know. In this movie there is so many parts that got to me but one of them was the part when she the teacher herself bought brand new books for her students and one of them says to their friend…these are brand new. They were used to old torn books not at a high reading level but she showed them that they were worth it. This women’s husband didn’t believe in her even though she believed in him…so he left her. She lost something to give everything…she is someone I want to be like. People all around her told her she cant teach these kids…that she would never be able to get through to them…and what did she do…she didn’t just teach them…she brought unity and made them a family…and showed them that they need to do what is right. Another part in the movie is where she handed out self evaluation forms and one boy gave himself an F…she said…you don’t deserve an F and you know how I know this…I see you…I see you…she meant she sees the real him and that he didn’t deserve that F cause he was an amazing person that is goin to do great things…how many times have you given yourself an F? In this class in the movie there was one white kid and he felt out of place and he felt like he shouldn’t be in there…he was in there cause people in his life called him stupid and one day he said I am not stupid…that was me…in grade 11 they said I had dyslexia I never really understood all the tests they gave me to find this out or what it really was…I just thought it meant I was stupid…so I acted the part…I got horrible grades and never tried…and then they said I would never graduate high school…well I did and not only that I graduated college…and so I found out I wasn’t stupid and some of my friends make me feel like it now but I am not goin to stop there and say yeah maybe I am no I am goin to fight and show them that I can do it and that I am not goin to give up. I knew today was goin to be an intense day when…at church the pastor talked about how people in your life have ruined love for you…and you decided in your heart to never love again…and how that is stopping us from receiving God’s love and how we need to let them go and tear down those walls…which leads to me to the movie I am Sam…another great movie…that taught me a lot about persevering and breaking down walls. Now all this that I said…what am I goin to do about it…well this is what I am goin to do wake up in the morning and go to work…I am goin to show my co workers that I am good at my job and I am goin to show those kids that they are worth my time…no more doing things half ass its time for me to fight and pursue my dreams. Its time for me to stop listening to what the world has to say about me and what God has to say about me...God doesn’t call the qualified He qualifies the called. There was a line in the movie I loved…I cant remember it exactly but it went before we have to fight for these kids in the court rooms…lets fight for them in the classrooms. Somethin else I am goin to start doin…is writin my sermons when they come to me I am writin them down…and maybe someday I will get to preach and teach kids that they can dream and they can dream big…and I want to be their number one cheerleader when the world has walked out on them.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Another poem by me

Day after day we walk by people and never see them
We compare ourselves to a world that is broken
Day after day we try and fail
We try to be perfect and get mad at ourselves when you cant
There is only one perfect person and we could never be Him
Yet we still try and still fail
Yet we think that someday we will become this monster we create
This person that if we became no one would want to be around them
We cry ourselves to sleep and in the day we run
We lose and freak out thinking the world is not fair
This battle is not ours yet we take it on
Then wonder why we fall
When only one person can fight and win we cant be Him
So Daddy I pray please take this pain away
Let me be me and let my friends be them
Let us fight with you so we can succeed
Be with us when we fall and pick us up
Dust us off and tell us we can do it
When we get on a stool take us down and tell us its not our job
When things get tough move us out of the way and say let me handle this
So Daddy I pray be with us as we sleep so we don’t have to cry
And be with us in the day so you we don’t have to run
I love you Daddy…don’t ever let me go
And when I think you have left me remind me that you will never go

Nicole Andrews 23

Beautiful Alberta

This is why I love my province the weather changes so much you never get bored with it…the sun is shinin the birds are chirpin and its beautiful out there with a nice +8…and Thursday is supposed to be even warmer…it looks like spring out there the pics I puts up may not make it look nice but it is…and I am in a great mood so the sun is shinin inside as well…well everyone have a fantastic day…I know I will

Monday, January 22, 2007

Many talents or one?

Ok well lately I have been thinkin a lot....and I try to be this other person with these other talents...that I dont have...I have always dreamed of playin guitar...but I am not good and cant teach myself...and cant affore lessons so yeah...I have always dreamed of bein a photographer...but none of my pictures would ever sell...then I look at my friends and I see what they can do and they are amazing at it...I have friends who can play guitar and take pictures and are great at I work with kids...thats the only talent I have...heck I even thought I was a good friend but apparently I screwed that up as a kid I thought I could do everything and anything...I have many dreams...but I dunno...I want to be a politician but I cant even get my own friends to listen to I will stick to kids...and sometimes I doubt I can even do that...a writer...somethin I want to be...but my writing...hmmm no way....anyways this Childcare Professional is out and will stick to what she knows best. And I do try people...just cant seem to get anything right.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Give Life

As I sit here and think about my life...I think...I am surrounded by on fire and powerful men and women of I sit and wonder with all these role models and the success they have in life why wouldnt I want that...why am I so depressed about my life and so I ponder these questions I dont actually have an answer for them...this year I want to be brave...I want to stand up for what I believe in...and when people around me including my friends say I cant do it...I cant be a politician or I cant design a political party...I want to say whatever cause I can...and I will and people will know what I believe and God will work through when someone tells me I cant I will tell them why I can. I want to say no to fear, doubt and lack...its not goin to run my life anymore.

I am tired of living where people tell me to live on a level they tell me to be on...I am goin to new levels and higher heights and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens you know what...stop telling me what I cant do...stop telling anyone what they cant do cause I am sure they already know what they cant do...and all you are doing is affirming in their life that they are pretty much taking a knife and stabbing them in a wound over and over again...and reminding them of the pain they already feel...and already think about when you go and make a comment to someone think about it first and ask yourself it goin to build them up or tear them down?...cause if its goin to tear them down its better to be quiet then say it at everyone have a great day...I am goin to bed now cause I have been sick all day...and remember be a life giver...not a life sucker.

Thursday, January 11, 2007


This is probably goin to be another random blog but thats just how my mind a cute story from work today...there is this little boy who we will name Billy...and two little girls we will name Sarah and Jane....well Jane had asked why Billy's skin was black...and Sarah said because thats what God colored him...and Billy was like yeah...God went like this...and he pretended to color on his arm...and He said we are all different...thats just the way God made it....I loved this as I watched these two children try and explain it to another child...they are smart...and they know that they are different...but they also know they are can learn lots from a child.

My next thought I got while talkin to a friend yesterday...I had wrote that blog and published it without thinking...but I have thought a bit since then and I asked myself this question Is it Medicine Hat I want out of? or Is it the mundane life I want out of? Well it is the second one its not my city I love my city...its the mundane tasks I do I have decided that in order to not make it so boring I need to make my life exciting...and my fullest potential...but if you are still wonderin what mood I am in its...well still not great but I am starting to turn my thinkin around so that I can live...well thats all I had to say.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Color outside the lines

This is not what I want...Monday to Friday...9-5 job. Ok yes I am blessed to have it...and yes its what most people want security...and a great job...well here you can have it...take mine. This is not life to me...this is not living to me...and I dont want it. I want to be free...I dont want wordly possesions anymore...I dont want to live this way...I dont want to be in this box...this thing that society wants me to be this ladder I must climb to be "successful" can have it. I dont want all the money in the world...or all the nice things...and well in a bit you will see what I want cause I am goin to have longer will I be a successful Childcare Professional...I will be a free Women of God...who goes where the wind takes and my laptop...will take on the world...and write about its adventures.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Break free

So...this is it...this is what life is...hellos and goodbyes...laughter and tears...and good and bad memories...well you know what you can keep all the bad can keep the distaster and the pain you can keep this hurting sad life. I dont want it...I know its my choice to live the life I want...well I dont think you ever thought you would hear this out of me but...I dont want the control...I dont want to make the final decision...I always make the wrong one and all I want is...well no responsibilty.

New thought....what did I do in my life to deserve to have nothing to do...I was the girl with somethin to do at all times..I was the social one with many goups of friends...I was the one people called when they wanted to do somethin...and now I sit here with nothin to do the rest of my week...and no one around...and my friends leaving...well I guess I will just get closer to me...and my Dad...and forget that everyone else is doin somethin.

New thought...what do you think of living a life with no real job and no house and jsut backpacking and living on people's couches...and just goin where ever the wind takes you...the stories, the adventures, the memories ohh how amazing would that be...the places you would see...the things you can do to bless that city or family or church or world.

New thought...I am stuck in a world of a trap of what just gain social make money...I dont want it...I want to get out of this bubble and just break free of what society wants me to be...I want to conquer things and and fly like the birds in the sky...I want to run like a horse in the field...I want to be free.

Allright I rambled off to long now...friends who read this have a great week...and remember it could be your last moment in make the most of it.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Take my heart

Why dont you take my heart and stop on it...well thats what I feel the world does to me...God is the only one who wont let us down but yet sometimes I think He will....I sometimes feel like He is the one takin things I love away from me...I sometimes think He is the one messing everything up...where did the happiness go...where did my life go...and my passion and my want to live...who heart is in a million pieces on the floor...and I have fallin and cant get weak and tired...there is nothin left in me...dragging myself across the floor...trying to pull myself up...cant get up but I cant quit either...but starting to think whats the point.

And for everyones information...I dont care if you dont like what you read....this is my blog...and I dont care if you comment and its somethin I dont want to hear maybe I need to heard it do what you want with the comments this is how I feel.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Random Thoughts

My heart hurts and who knows why...not me and I never really do...there is a little girl inside that wants to come out...but hiding is easier...there is a dreamer inside who wants to dream...but hiding is easier...the easy way is the hard way...and what seems the hard way is actually the easy way...the little girl inside just wants to be loved...just wants what she has been missing all her life...she just wants someone to come and care for her...take care of just simply love her...anger...anger has destroyed that little girl...she cant seem to show any other takes over like a demon in the comes to steal her joy...and soon to kill her...but only if she could destroy it she will survive...look at her eyes you will see story...a story I am not sure you can handle...a past that scares even the strongest of people...hurts and pain that go deep...look into the eyes of that dreamer and see the biggness inside...see the world changer...look past the sadness and the pain...and see that once happy child...fear...fear resides in this young she gets older the fear gets bigger...and then it becomes who she is...she is not afraid as much anymore...the little girl is strong and can stand agaisnt the winds...but sometimes they are too strong to overpower on her own...not worthy...who is she to fight against the evil powers...she is not worthy she is not strong...well at least thats what they tell her...she knows different...and one day the world will see that...invisable is what she feels...her opinion doesnt count and well never some peoples eyes...but little do they know...her opinion will matter a great deal to them in the future...scared, alone and forgotten...this little girl walks...and as she walks...and gets deeper...she gets lost in this mess...when...when can she stop crying herself to sleep? When will the night become safe? When will she feel loved?

Wednesday, January 03, 2007 take it

Well today is whatever day it is...and I am sick...I hate this feeling of wanting to empty your insides onto whatever surface is in front of you...but what I hate more then the feeling of having to is the I am not goin to let myself puke...nope its stayin in...anyways on a not so disgusting note...I have gained a new attitude that most of you will be shocked by...I dont care anymore about what I want...I am goin to live my life pleasing people and do what they want me to do...some would call this a push over...I call this being nice and makin new friends act....personally I dont care anymore and yes apathy did get the best of me in 2006 doesnt mean I am letting it win this year...this just means what others want they will get cause I am not goin to try and win anymore...I am not goin to fight I am just goin to give in...I am tired most cases I dont get what I want anyways so why friends if you want to play a certian game then fine we will play it...if you want a certian cd on the fine it will be on...if we want two different movies then it will be yours we will see...if I wanted that chair but you wanted it then you can have it...I will sit on the floor...that is my new attitude...have a great day...that is if you want.

Monday, January 01, 2007

This is my time!

Ok people recent discovery....I actaully care about me...and I need to start doin the things that God has created me to no more putting road blocks more walls...this is me...crashing I come.

Ok there are two things that I need to change about me...well there is lots but these are the two I am goin to work on cause they are road is no more swearing...and the other no more alcohol...these two things are hard for me but I have come to realize that they are in my way...God can use me while I am doin this but not to my full potential...and I want Him to be able to so these things are out the door and this girl is goin to stand up and fight...He told me I was a world changer well then I need to start doin just that...and I cant have things clouding my judgement or messing up my this is why its so important for me to move on without these two road blocks...see ya dont want ya...anyways friends I am on I dont know if you want to sit in your mediocre lives or you want to come with me...dont follow others paths...make your own.

I am tired of doing what people say...its time for me to do what God says..I am goin to be a little bit more vocal on my opinion now friends and tell you if I shouldnt be doin somethin and I prob wont be doin it with get ready...the enemy is goin to hear my name and cringe...cause he knows that God is with me...and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and that I mean are you with me? Are you ready to get out of your comfort zone? The world needs you...if you arent reay then fine live in your medicore mundane life...thats not what I want...and thats not what I am goin to have....cause I always get what I want.