Sunday, December 31, 2006

Almost 2007

Well its New Years Eve...I didnt go to church today cause well I feel like I am gettin the I decided to rest...well am I happy with my 2006? Thats the question I have been thinkin about lately...and you know what I am. This was a great year started out rough and is endin rough but there is only a few more hours left in this year and I am not giving up...words that come to my mind when I think of 2006 are...streatching, challenging, new levels, growing, new friends, ended friendships, amazing, and there are many more words but this year definitly was my year. And I believe that in 2007 there is more blessing to come, more great things...and I want to keep fighting cause if I dont I wall fall and that my friends wont be a good thing...the only thing left I have to hold on to is God and thats the only stable thing in my life.

One thing I learned in 2006 is...that relationships are hard no matter if its friends or what not. You have to do a lot to keep them up and maintain them...and that my friends is hard...some of you I kept close some of you are not as close...but all of you made a mark in my life and I thank you for that...cause everyone around me has helped me to get where I am today...and this is also somethin I learned...dont put people infront of God...cause they will always let you down and He wont ever let you yes my friends I should have gotten that a long time ago but I am one that has to learn things the hard way and get my heart broken too many times...thats why in 2007 God is the first one I am goin to run to...and in 2007 I am goin to give it everything I got and fight harder and be who God created me to be yes there will be times when this wont work but I am not goin to let it get to me...I am a world changer and I know this so its time to change my world...2006 was my year...2007 is my time to rise out cause you might catch this will rise up as well....look back on 2006 are you happy with your life? Are you ready to push into all God has for you in the year 2007? Come on friends rise up with me...and lets fight this together.

Thursday, December 28, 2006


So I was readin all my friends blogs and I have a lot to go through but it seems you all have family traditions...or at least hang out....wanna know what my Christmas was like...we opened presents then every one went back to there corners while mom and grandma cooked supper...then we came out for supper ate it and left....thats what we do...we dont play games or even talk to each other...the words that come out are...yelling and people fighting cause someone did somethin stupid and shouldnt have done it...or cause someone left something somewhere where it shouldnt have been...or because someone is just that lazy and no one wants to help anyone so there is goin to be no supper....or someone is doing somethin they arent supposed to and its wreckin the dinner...ok so that is how my Christmas is...sorry for ranting but its my blog and I can do what I want...and I felt like sharing my tradition...yell untill the other person feels like shit and doesnt want to be there anymore...Happy New Year

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

So freakin excited

Ok so I just wanted to write little blog about the best Christmas present ever...thats right MARY IS HERE....ha ha she pretty much gave me a heart attack and for real surprised me...all the gifts I got this year was great dont get me wrong but a friend comin all the way from Ontario to hang out is way cool. Well our sides have already hurt from laughin so hard and she is here till the tenth of Jan so I will get more laughter in...and maybe park conversations eh Jello and Mary...ha ha anyways all have a great New Years I know I will.

Monday, December 25, 2006

It's Christmas

Well I have tons to say...and they are not all the same topic so lets see how this blog goes.

Christmas...well it was good this year...what did I get well I got...a cappuccino maker...I got syrup shots from starbucks, coffee from starbucks, and cocoa from starbucks...I got a water cooler(which I have wanted for like two years cause I dont drink tap water)...and I got a blanket...I also got a $50 gift card to starbucks...and a bunch of stocking stuffers...yeah I got some good stuff....mmm caffiene...anyways this was a good Christmas...and it will be one for the memory books.

I am at home now just finished setting all my things up and cleaning a bit...and decided to check my e-mail...and well apperntly I am a rude person and have never been nice so thats great...I guess next year I have to change my attitude and be nice or somethin...I dunno how much nicer I can get without bein a door mat...anyways whatever.

Well I dont normally make new year resolutions but I have a couple imortant ones this is to quit drinkin energy drinks...yes people in 2007 there will be no more energy drinks in this Nikki...and I have a way of keeping it...Amanda is keepin an eye on this one...another one I am goin to make is...spend more time with God to get to know Him more then I have ever gotten to know Him before.

Which brings me to another point...some people think that I have found better friends then my old ones...that is not true...we all grow apart and its not that there better...they call me and ask me to do I do one else calls...and if blogs in the past have said I like these friends better thats not how its supposed to cant see the tone in peoples blogs...thats what sucks about the internet...anyways my new decision is to not care what people think of me...I am goin to do whatever I feel is right...who cares if you get mad at me...I am not here to please you...I am here to live my life and live it to the full.

Well I am out now and I love you all my friends...I am goin to relax with myself and maybe watch some television...Merry Christmas...and enjoy every moment that you never know when its your last.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Happy Birthday Jesus

I am glad I went to church today....pretty much didnt want to but I knew there was a reason to....I love my church and love how they love during worship Katie sang with Miranda and I love it...and miss her up there...and they had invited all the children to go up there and sit on the stage with them while they sang Christmas beautiful sight I started crying...then one little boy in particular decided to break dance yes Amanda it was Josiah...he is one of my fav kids well all the Brown kids I love...and then the kids got sent to kidzone and Pastor came up and spoke for a short time and it was a good Christmas message...he said we are always making memories no matter if they are good or bad...and I totally agree...then he talked about it bein Jesus's birthday which I have always celebrated even as a kid and not believing I have always kept it His birthday cause thats what it was about my mom taught me that at a young age even tho we didnt go to question is what am I goin to give Him for His birthday? The question is what are you goin to give Him on His reality its all about Him...just somethin for you all to think about...Love you all my friends and have an awesome Christmas...get ready...everything youahve been believing for is goin to come to pass....2006 this is my year!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

You ass wipe

Ok so its about 1:40am and I am still up and have to be up early tomorrow...but I have had a great night....I hung out with old friends that I havent hung out with in forever and we laughed to our sides hurt it was you remember the days when you would play the card game President aka Asshole forever...well we did that tonight let me explan our night.

It all started with some supper at BP's...Jelea, Kurtis and I went to BP's we had some yummy food and talked to our friend Kayla who works there it was good...then Kayla is like I want to bake a cake and well you all know what I did...I got super excited and was like Jelea, Kurtis and I were off to wal-mart...yes we know how dangerous it is for Jelea and I to go to wal-mart together but Kurtis was there our voice of reason...we bought some movies that we didnt watch and cake and we headed back to my house and waited for Kayla to get off work...we had some fun watchin tv...then Kayla came over and we watched more tv till it was almost eleven and we decided to make this we made cupcakes mmm team effort well one team member didnt do their part....the instructions said three eggs and Kayla had put two in...I didnt notice untill they were in the oven and I had looked at the container and only two were missing not three...ohh well they were we decided to play our card game at my kitchen table good times...we played it forever...calling each other names and cards were flying and it was throat now hurts...and I am wide awake...and we now call each other ass wipes so yeah.

Anyways old friends that I havent hung out with in forever mainly cause they have been gone and life happens...but it was great to be with them once again...we said a lot of remember whens...I love those...and we bonded like we have never before...this was an interesting mix but I loved it...we need to do it again sometime...well its almost 2am and I have to get up soon but I think I am goin to watch a movie so have a great weekend all...and dont forget be yourself...I tried somethin new tonight...being me with my old friends whom I used to wear a mask around...I love it...and I love all my friends....goodnight

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Kill me now

I think I finally burnt myself out...there is nothing left...God is definitly gonna have to take over...I am sooo tired...I am goin to bed early tonight...I think I might crash but I dont want to so I need rest...but I still have some work to do yeah...I dunno why I made this a blog maybe its cause I wanted the world to know...I am almost if you dont hear from me...I probably crashed somewhere and am not wakin up for a long time

I like comments people

Ok for real...I used to have so many comments on my blog that it took my awhile to read them you people dont comment anymore...I do write these blogs for me but ittwould be awesome if you guys commented so I know people are readin my blogs...I comment on your blogs yep I do...well have a great day every one.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Watch Out

Well today is monday well at least for another 30min it is...I had today off work and it was great but I am excited to go back friend Amanda is back home in Ontario for a couple of weeks and well thats sad...I had a great evening with Karen we went for coffee and chatted it up...I finished my Christmas shopping and thats awesome is a good day...and well life is ok...but I have done a lot of thinkin today.

I was on the bus and saw a lady who works at Arby's and well she has worked there since that place has opened up so thats about 14 years....thats a long time to be at a place and not only that but a fast food question is why? Why would she stay somewhere that isnt goin to get her anywhere? Why would she stay at a place that the boss treats her badly? Who knows...but here is the thing...I believe she is comfortable. People get in these comfort zones and that my friends is why nothin is gettin done in this world...and I dont want to be like that...I want to stay out of my comfort zone and do somethin new today I go talkin about my dreams I got talkin about things I am passionate about...and I got excited...I may get to move to Edmonton like I dream of...I may...but do I want to? I literally love my city...I thought my heart was in Edmonton but as I think about it more...really it is here...but I do have a passion to see Edmonton rise like here is...for the last few years I have been so sure of where God is takin me...but this week I actually have no idea and its really exciting...I have been in the shadows for way to long...its time...its time for me to rise up and change the world...ha ha people laugh at me when they hear me say...I want to be prime minister...who are they to tell me what I cant I go...taking on the out Nikki is all fired up.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Completly lost my mind

Ok well like the title says I have lost it...ok ha ha very funny you all think I already but for real...ok so Amanda has this new car right and all it has in it is a cassette she went and bought all these old Brittany Spears, Vanilla Ice...and well you get the point...well I got home and a weird thing happened...I wanted more...yes friends I wanted I havent listened to this stuff since I was in junor high school...well...I even think my limewire was shocked when I searched Brittany Spears, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, and yes my friends even O-town...ok I think maybe I am sick or something...but I made this great...I mean this ok playlist with all these songs on it and this is what I am listening to right now as I type this...ohh wait Shania Twain is even on it....yep country friends(shut up Jello its not goin to last) well I am goin to go now and maybe you could pray for me...Amanda look what you have done to me...this is not the music I have grown to love...I like bands like...My Chemical Romance, The Spill Canvas, Minus the Bear, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, you know...the great stuff...well I am goin to bed and maybe get my senses back in the morning or least I hope so

Saturday, December 16, 2006

New Attitudes

I know I just wrote a new post today but I needed to write another one cause there is things on my know what I am tired of...the words cant, quit and impossible....cause the last time I checked everything is possible through God...ok so I know it wasnt that long ago that I was using those words...but if you have been around me lately you would see the life I have in me the new attitude towards life and how I want to live and I dont want to be dragged down by situations...I want people to see that walking with God is truly amazing....and that its worth it...It's funny cause I used to get so frustrated when people say they cant do somethin and then turn around and say I cant do it...I would tell people the can do their dreams...but then I would think mine would never come true...I believed in people but not myself...well my friends thats changed and I do believe in myself and I still want you to pursue your dreams...I want you to go beyond anything I could ever do...I want you to do better then me...I want your dreams to be bigger then mine...and I have some big dreams so get dreamin...I want to show people they have a purpose...and that God made them special for a reason...and they were not a mistake....ha ha reminds of somethin my mom always told me growing up she said "you never planned but you definitly werent a mistake" she doesnt understand that the power in those words made me the amazng women of God I am today...and you know what else gets me excited is....I did it...I am doin it...and I will forever...what you ask...walking with friends all fell away and I used to follow them...and some of them are still waiting for me to fall...but this life is too good to do that...I will not fall...I am more then a question is why arent people seeing it? Why cant they see God is the way the only know why...cause I wasnt living it before...I was before but then I didnt care..apathy ha ha somethin huge in my life...ha ha no more I am shakin things off and taking on the world...ok this blog may have seemed like a ramble but I said what I wanted to after all it is my blog and I can say whatever I want...well everyone I am excited for the first time ever...for Christmas I am so excited to spend it with mu family...and show them Jesus...I will be Jesus so that they can see who He is...and maybe they will get it too...Have a great weekend friends...mine is just beggining.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Great Week

Well I thought I would update my blog since its been a week....well lets see its friday morning and I am at home because I booked today off...ohh right to pretty much do nothing...untill tonight...its Christmas at the DC my favorite event of the year...we bless Medicine Hat which is so amazing and I love get to see happy people smiling children and all around its a great time...well I just spent a nice morning shopping with my friend Amanda and I actaully started my Christmas shopping...yes people I started before December 24th amazing eh...well its been a good week...I changed my attitude about life and if I am havin a crappy day its ok cause it will get better and if I think of one good thing that happened that day then its a good day...well yeah I dont really kn0w what to say besides life is I will leave you with a great qoute.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

Have a fantastic weekend!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Best Christmas EVER!!!!

Ok I know what you are thinking Christmas is still two weeks away....but three of my friends and I had our own little Christmas this weekend before one leaves for Ontario...and it was amazing and this is why.

It is truly amazing when people come into your life that get to know you....that actually take the time and get to know you....every present I got was somethin that no one else would have thought of...that none of my other friends would even think I would like....heck most of my other friends make fun of me for being stupid or somethin but I am not....and most of my other friends if they saw me reading a book would be like..."you read" and they would be shocked...but thats because they havent taken the time to really understand who I am...the thinker....the reasearcher....the learner...the world changer. My other friends have said yeah go and pursue your dreams but they never actually helped me out by giving me tools to pursue my dont get me wrong I love all my friends even though they may think different...I just sometimes rather hang out with people who are goin to lift me up and not tear me down...and that is how I feel with these this weekend we had Christmas....and the feelings I got were feelings of love and unity...I love these three people....and I thank God every day for putting them into my life...they have made blogs about what each person brings to the group and what each person means to them...well its my turn.

Cody...well he is cody and he is amazing...he gets you to think...he challenges you...he reminds me to speak positive into my life...and to speak what I want...he makes me feel special and I dont normally get close to guys...and he is breaking down walls...and showing me what a brother is like...what a friend is like...he goes the extra mile.

Heather...ha ha well she makes me laugh and not because she gets everything we say like five minutes later...but because she brings so much Joy to the room she is in...she brings questions like why and I get to answer them and then I never forget why I believe what I believe...even tho sometimes our opinions clash she still accepts them and still says well thats a great point...she doesnt tear my ideas down...and I love that about her.

Amanda aka Hazzard...well this friend has truly challenged me...and broken MANY walls down...she is a keeper definitly...God has brought this one in my life for a reason...she believes in me even when I dont care...she tells me like it is even when I dont want to hear it...she truly cares and I have just learned that...she is a great friend...and she has shown me a part of God that I wouldnt have found in anyone else.

These people are my friends and I love each one of them...they are amazing in different ways...this Christmas was amazing because there was no fighting there was peace...and I got to experiance a family a different a way I will never forget...I was in the greatest mood today...I was a real happy...somethin I have forgotten could happen....I found a piece of me I left behind and forgot to pick up...I found a part of God that I have been searching for all this time...I found intimacy with God...and I found hope once again...thank you friends...I really love you guys...a real love...this is a Christmas I will NEVER forget...this one changed my life...Merry Christmas everyone else...and dont is actually all around.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

mmm 12 cupcakes

You know what bugs me...people who cheat in life...people who cheat in general...ok now some of my friends who probably dont read this would argue with me but they say I have cheated and that is not true cause I hate cheaters and it actually pisses me off when accused of cheating and I didnt...I get all angry and want to punch them in the face...but for real it takes everything I have to not hit them...anyways this world is full of cheaters people who cheat to get higher in a company...or favoritism...bosses you give someone else somethin cause they are their favorite....I work my ass off in everything I do and play fair and never get ahead or win...I am starting to think maybe I have to cheat to get somewhere...even tho I know it would be wrong but eh its workin for others....another thing that bugs when someone at work says eh thats the way it cant change it...its always been that way...hell no...thats not the way it is thats the way you have made it...and I can so change doesnt have to stay that this world is goint o shit cause of cheaters and people who hate change or have no ambition...sorry about all the swears but I am tellin it like it is...and the way its in my head...well thats all I have to say for now

Thursday, December 07, 2006


I am in a season of I dont care...of I am stressed all the time...and of I am happy to be on my own...times like this people hate cause I never want to do anything but like the first part said I dont care...I want to back out of prior commitments and just do nothing and I think I might just do that...well this is where I am just so you all know...enjoying the peace that I find here...and no where else.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

A year

Well this year has been pretty interesting so far...and with a month left I have taken some time to look through old stuff and see where I was a year ago...I found somethin that I had written about a year ago I thought I would share:

Life is so confusing one minute you could be the happiest person ever the next minute the rage takes over. This rage just creeps up and grabs you and then you dont want to be where you are anymore all you want is to be alone. This is how it feels it climbs up from you feet to your head and covers you. You get all hot and shaky. Then it all begins your fists clench and you want to hit someone. So you have to leave before something gets out of hand. So you go into a quiet room by yourself and you just want to scream and let it all loose. You just want to fight and punch something. Everything is all spinning and you cant think so clearly its not getting better but worse by the minute. You want to run and you want to hide. Thats the anger that I feel. It is painful inside. It hurts because you dont want to feel this way, you want to feel the love that God has for you, you want to feel joy and be happy. But thats not how it always is.

Yeah well anger still controls my life and so I got thinkin if I was dealin with this a year ago why am I still dealin with it...the answer is I wont let it here it is God...I am letting it go and you need to help me with it...and so do you friends...I am goin to try and do this but I need help from you guys...Amanda you know what to do...and thanx for the help you have already given me.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Good day

Ok so I have this draft of a blog on here about a movie I saw the other night Stranger than was a great movie but I havent finished that blog cause well its just not comin to I have decided to write this one...with new and fresh ideas...well today has been an amazing day and I had a good time...pretending to be in Hawaii...looking for elephants and just plain old bein a was a great day....and well it ended in a good laugh and some words from God...well let me tell you this has been an awesome day...I literally changed my day by saying it is goin to be a good one...and you know what life does happen...and shit will always happen...but its how you react...its how you decided to be that day that determines what its goin to do to this is Nikki and this is my year...and I will be more than a conquer...cause I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...and you can too

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Tis the season

Ok I have been havin writers block and my mind has been else where...its not really here...and I have figured why I think. Christmas is my favorite holiday for only one reason...its the time of year when I remember what Jesus did for me...what God did for me...just what was done for me...thats the only reason I love Christmas...Jesus died a brutal death for me and He knew He had to so that I could live...that is truly amazing...and the reason for the to celebrate Jesus's birthday. Now the reasons why I hate Christmas is I have to get together with my family and hear them fight all day and nothing ever goes right and no body gets along...I hate fighting so much I hate arguments..and it really goes deep with me...and I cringe if I get in an argument with my friends or they get into one with each goes deeper then people think...thats all my family does...All I want for Christmas this year is for everyone to get along...I want a Christmas I will never forget one so incrediable that it ends up in my good memory books thats what I want for Christmas...when december hits I cringe.

The other reason why I dont like this season is its so commercial...its all about who can give the best gift or what you get out of it...havent you already gotten the best gift ever JESUS GAVE HIS LIFE...yeah that is the best gift anyone can give...I hate that people are always like well I dont have the money or I cant get you somethin amazing...who me a gift could be a gum wrapper if that gum wrapper means somethin to me and you I will keep and I will keep it forever...thats what its about...Jesus loved us so we can show someone you love them this them how much you appreciate them and all they do for you...rock their world...have we forgotten what its all about? Most of all show God how much you love Him and how much you appreciate what He did for you.

Saturday, November 25, 2006


Well its saturday and normally I would have slept in till noon or later but not today I had to go to a workshop at my work this morning. Now when I thought about this workshop I was like oh great another boring thing I have to sit through and listen...well that was not the case...this workshop was about diversity. We are tryin to be a daycare centre of that just doesnt mean skin color but also means abilities and religion and even your upbringing....I learned a lot of this in college when I was there but there was some new and interesting thoughts that I learned today as it wasnt a waste of my time and I really enjoyed it....but there were times today when I was a lil distracted and just sat and thought...and thats what I want to write about. says that diversity means
1.the state or fact of being diverse; difference; unlikeness.
2.variety; multiformity.
3.a point of difference.

So now lets look at this we are all different in my group of friends I see so many differences and its amazing...We did a few activities that got me thinking today about diversity ok so we as staff made a paper quilt...she gave us markers and a piece of construction paper and said draw what is important to you...well the first thing that popped into my head was could I draw God on I drew three crosses and the one that Jesus died on I drew thorns and blood on it...and then I drew snow...that represents God to me...the next thing I thought of was my I drew three friends...ha ha and you should see they are awesome drawings...then the last thing I thought of was my family so I drew my family...then I looked at other peoples papers...and one of our co workers is from bosnia and she drew the earth and an airplane and then she drew Medicine Hat and Bosnia and drew arrows it was really cool and others drew their kids and stuff and it was really neat to see what was important to others in my work...kinda brought us together more...then we did the orange this is a cool game...she gave us oranges and said get to know your orange...and so we did...then she out them back in the bowl and said no find your orange...and we all did...because we got to know what the outside looked like and they all had there little differences...then she said now if we were to peal them and put them back into the bowl would you know which one was yours...the answer would be no cause they are the same...the activity was to represent that we are all different on the outside but in reality we were all the eh...well my day was not a waste and I got to think about a movie I just watched.

You, Me and Dupree now I dunno if you have seen this movie but its stinkin hilarous and I love this movie Dupree talks about your "ness" the part that is truly you...and to make a long story short he ends up to become a motivational speaker on "How to discover your ness" its pretty funny. Anyways I got thinking about it and we need to find our "ness" we need to find that little bit that is us and no one else...well yeah so like I said before God talks to me through movies cause He knows I will pay attention...anyways friends...think about things I time you see someone who is different then you accept them for who they are...and maybe try to get to know them...I dunno sounds a little crazy and out of our comfort zone but you might end up learning somethin interesting that you never knew before...and last thing I want to say is discover your "ness" find that little thing inside of you that is are amazing in your own way and you all have an amazing destiny and just need to open up your eyes and see it.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Welcome Home Jello

For those of you who dont know Jello is Jelea...and she was in Thailand for two months but is now home...cant wait to hear your stories...and see the ya.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


I brought work home so I could do it...but I decided writing a blog would be more fun...ha ha prcrastination I know...thats how I got through college...anyways...

What I want to write about is somethin that disturbs me...somethin I have a heart for...its children and youth....I read an article last night about a murder that a 17 year old had done...and the article was talkin about who's fault it is...and they looked at the parents at society and even the "friends" who cheered the fight on...yes it may have been all these people's fault but...we have given the enemy a key into our youths lives and we need to take it back...we have let him come in with alcohool, drugs and violence...its time to change that...its time to turn tables over...its time to be a revolutionary...its time.

Now people blame media and video games and all that stuff but I dont think its that...yes it could play a factor...but the children who lived in war times werent as violent as children today...and those children saw real violence...children back in the day saw real murder and real blood...not the fake type you see on tv...they saw real guns and stuff and they were not a violent generation...but todays generation of children yes they are...I work with two year olds and at that age they are already beating on their "friends" blows my mind on how young someone can start being violent...we need to pray and fight for the children of this disturbs me that we let it get this far that children are murdering people...not too long ago in my own city...a child killed her how did this happen? And why did we let it get this far? It takes a village to raise a stop blaming parents and do your part.

Monday, November 20, 2006

One day at a time

Well just wanted to leave a short note sayin I am livin one day at a time..and thats how it is...I wake up and talk to God and say what I want go on with my day...and if it sucks I go to bed that night wake up and say its a brand new day...and I can try it again...mhmm thats how I am goin to live....well yeah thats just a thought for you all...I am goin to untie a colt everyday or at least try...and if I dont feel like it I know Amanda will kick me in the a** so its all good

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Another Chapter

Ok so I went on a road trip to Edmonton last weekend and I wanted to wait to write that blog till I went to ENR this weekend cause I knew somehow they would tie together...and well they kinda did...God is fricken amazing is what I have to say...well here goes whats goin on in my life right now...

So Edmonton was a great road trip but not what I had expected...I thought my three friends and I were goin to have this amzing road trip that nothing went wrong in...thats not how it went...dont get me wrong it was amazing...and God was defintily we set off and video taped the trip and that was sweet...then we went shopping and all day I felt tension and to be honest didnt want to be around my friends I was frustrated but not really at them just frustrated...the crazy part is that everyone felt that that night we prayed and worshipped and it was great God was defintily there...then the next day we went to church and it talked about these paths we choose and it pretty much said I was relational and I knew that I see and hear God through relationships I lets skip right to monday when we were leavin...I was gettin upset...cause for those of you who dont know this...I want to live in Edmonton and have wanted to for the past four years...but God keeps sayin in the car this is what I wrote:

Why? Familier faces, familier ways home is here, home is unattainable to me. Go back to where I reside but its not home. They say home is where the heart is, my heart is here. Leaving where I want to be , complete peace, complete existance. This place needs the life I carry within me. Life is at the place where I reside. But at home there is no life, there is no hope but faceless beings walking the streets so blind to the truth. Here I go again leaving my heart behind my body goes to the place I reside my heart stays at home. Why dont I stay you ask? Because there is a higher calling for me in the place I the place I belong. Someday my heart and body will reunite untill then they will just heart waits on the edge for the day He says go. No one knows what I carry within, no one knows what my heart longs for, no one knows the desires...the desire to be here and never change this world...I have already changed mine, I have already stretched it, I want a new challenge...time for adventure time to go back to the place thats familier...why is the new and unfamilier so familier? Why is this home? How is it possible I feel alive in this place? As I leave this place I leave my heart and take my body to where I reside.

Ok so I wrote that and asked God why Edmonton is on my heart...I believe that its a place to keep in prayer and maybe someday down the road I am to live there...right now I am called to Medicine Hat..and dont take that the wrong way...I LOVE my city. Ok so the road trip was a blast and we all got closer with each other..and it is one for the memory books.

Now this weekend at ENR there was a staff retreat and I went and well it was ver laid back which was awesome...but some cool stuff happened this weekend...mostly all I am terrified of horses right..well I conquered a fear today...not only did I ride a horse...but I went on a stinkin trail ride...ok so that was a first time I have done this and it was scary but awesome at the same time..I felt God with me the whole time..and at one point my eyes started welling up with tears...I had fun and I did somethin new and I said no to fear...yes there were a few times when I almost sh** my pants...but it was great and I would do it again...then Pastor Landon who is an amazing person spoke tonight on somethin that hit me hard the one line that stuck out to me was...God will put you somewhere you are unsure so you will walk in was like God planned that stinkin horse ride to teach me about what I was to hear in the evening...I was unsure so I used faith...and succeeded...hmm interesting God makes me laugh..and just think I didnt actaully want to go to the staff retreat ha ha I know why I went now. Ohh and the moment when I felt a real fathers love today...was when Landon came up to me and hugged me and told me he loved me and was proud of me and he kissed me on the forehead...then when I was leavin tonight he said it again and hugged me and kissed me on the forehead and at that moment I felt what having a dad felt truly was amazing...I get a little upset when friends talk about their dads...but really I love it cause all the good things they say about their dads I get to see characteristics of God and it helps me to understand Him more...yeah I am havin a good day.

Life is getting intersting to me..and things are changing and I am growing...also I am showing the real Nicole...and I love every minute of it...I like this person she is goin to stay out...turn the page God

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

"Real" Adult blog is not what I thought it was goin to be about...I was goin to write about my amazing weekend..and was goin to tell you about new friends, road trips..and memories that last longer then time...but thats not what I will write about...I will tell you all about my weekend in my next blog somethin else is on my mind.

Have you ever had those moments where you realize you are actually a grown up and you feel like one...well as I was walking in my house starbucks cup in one hand and a book in the other...wearing dress pants and a nice shirt...into a house that I pay rent in and no sign of a parent lives here...I felt like a "real" grown up...then I proceeded up the stairs to make some food that not only did I pay for but I like it all...I am 23 years old and actually feel it for once...I am done college and have a well paying bills are all paid and I have money from one paycheck to more living from paycheck to paycheck is I am not saying this to brag I am just saying the impossible has become possible...and its really exciting to me...God is incredable...He teaches lessons and takes us through things that we never thought we would go through...I have been an adult for 5 years now and for the first time actually feel like one...its crazy...ok so enough about that rant...some of you may say ha ha you arent an adult...but I am and I do act like one...cause I know how to have fun but I am also very responsible and I know that...this is the first time I am confident in myself...I know I am an adult and no one can take that away from me...well goodnight friends...its time for me to go to bed so I can function at work tomorrow...Be Blessed Friends.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Funny how God works...

Ok its like 1:30 am and I was in bed thinkin I tend to do a lot of thinkin before I fall asleep...but I thought of somethin amazing and had to get it on here...ok so before I went to ENR this summer I had two amazing friends that I talked to and hung out with all the time...Jelea and Mary...well then it turned out Mary was heading back to Ontario cause that is where her job was takin her so I thought well thats how my life works God brings me great people and takes them away...then I went to the ranch and while I was there met amazing people who I considered my ENR family and it was awesome...when I came home at the end of the summer I was prayin for friends that could be like a family to as the days were goin by we were counting the days untill Jelea went to Thialand for two months like I said people leave my life all the I prayed for an amazing friend...that I could confide in...I prayed for a few friends that could be a family...and well that leads to my life right now...after I came home from the ranch I met a friend named Amanda(Hazzard, Danger Zone, Crick, know whatever we call her at the time) She has been stinkin amazing in my life...she was the friend I was praying for...we can talk about anything and I mean anything...and she calls me on things when I need it...she gives me that kick in the A** so yeah I love her...but I was like God wouldnt it be great if I had a family of friends like at the ranch...well then a friend of mine that I had awhile back came back into my life Heather...she is also amazing no matter how long it takes for her to get somethin she does eventually get it...then I made another friend who I knew who this person was just never hung out with him...Cody a guy with many dreams and ideas about life that you always learn somethin from...God gave me my family of friends...the four of us have been hangin out a lot lately...these are people that I am real around and feel safe around...its the same feeling I had at the ranch...I love just being around them even in the silent moments when no one has anything to say...I love it...they are my family and will always be in my heart...God gave me what I needed...I dunno why I worried so much...some days I am like so God when are you takin them away from me...and He is like not anytime soon so enjoy this...can anyone say TRIBAL

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Naked and Unashamed

Ok this blog was goin to be somethin different but...for some reason I feel like writing about somethin else...what I was goin to talk about is how today we went on a photoshoot and had a blast and I was goin to talk about me changing in the praries (by that I mean taking my shirt off to wash the mud off) and how I was bein real with God with my feelings so I was naked and unashamed but...this is not goin to be about that experiance.

Naked and unashamed is a feeling I have had all day...I dropped my mask and hung out with the three best people in the world today....I was me...all I can say is this is a start of somethin amazing and I will always have these three people in my heart...the four of us are takin over the world...and the devil doesnt like it...I can see that...he is gettin his weapons ready but what he doesnt know is...we serve a BIG God who is standing all around us...He has our back...we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us...ALL things not just some but ALL...yes I love my friends...I love what God has given me...three people I can be me around without a hint of hiding...I dont have to hide around these people and its the best feeling ever...ha ha I am in a great mood right now and its 1:35am and I still have to get up for church but who cares...God is all over me and all over my room...tonight my friends told me a verse...The wicked are overthrown and no more, but the house of the righteous will stand Proverbs 12:7....for some reason that verse makes me smile and want to run to my Daddy's arms and never let go...I know something happend tonight but I am not sure what it was...but God is with Daddy reigns...

Thursday, November 02, 2006


Ok for real you know what annoys me most...people who complain about the weather...people complain about the heat people complain about the cold...people complain about rain people complain about snow. I love the weather I dont care what it is I am thankful I am able to see it...I am able to feel it...and I am able to talk about it. Thank you Jesus for giving me senses...thank you so much for all five I have thank you. This is on my mind because it snowed today and people were complainin some not because of snow...some because of cold...and some well because it just doesnt benefit them...if God wants it to snow it will snow. But snow means so much more to me...God made me a promise with the snow that I will never forget...and it actually upsets me when people complain about snow...because it means so much more to me...

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Who am I living for?

By: Simple Plan

Hey Dad
Look at me,
Think back and talk to me.
Did i grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doin' things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you dissaprove all along.
And now I tried hard to make it,
I just want to make you proud.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you,
And you cant change me

Cuz we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever.
I'm sorry i cant bePerfect
Now its just too late,
And we cant go back.
I'm sorry I cant be

I try not to think about the pain i feel inside,
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All days you spent with me
Now seem so far away,
And it feels like you don't care anymore
I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you.
I cant stand another fight,
And nothings alright


Nothings gonna change the things that you said,
Nothings gonna make this right again.
Please dont turn your back,
I can't believe its hard just to talk to you
but you dont understand

*Chorus* X 2
Now its just too late,
And we cant go back
I'm sorry i can't be

This is one of my fav makes me think who am I living for. Everyday of my life I am living and succeeding so that my mom can see that I can do that my mom can see I am not goin to end up like that my mom can live through me...I do it for the end what do I end up with somethin else that she is dissapointed in me for...I have always screwed up at somethin...nothin is ever good enough...I want to do it...I want to be successful so that she can be proud...I have heard it...on my birthday the best present she gave me...was sayin "I love you and I am proud of you" that was the best gift I could ever recive...but I am still waking up everyday and proving to her I can do it...who do I live for? Is it my mom? Do I live for myself? Or do I live for Jesus? Or do I live for the world? What am I tryin to prove? Am I showin Jesus in all that I do? I want to show Jesus...but in the process I want to show people that I can do it...and I will show them...I am determined...I am motivated...I am me me do me grow...

Broken and Misunderstood

Why is it? Why is it when I am upset or passionate about one understands? I am passionate about life and people becoming who God called them to be...I want to catipult them into their destiny. I am called to speak destiny and purpose into people's lives but why? Why am I misunderstood? I know that I am supposed to let God do the work...but some times I feel like He is takin too long...I long for God to move...but feel like He isnt...I love to see people grow....but I feel like they are shrinking. I know what you are goin to tell God's timing Nikki...He will do it...we cannot take stuff on ourselves...I have heard it all before and still I refuse to see my friends die...I know some of you are thinking I should take my own advice and listen to more lecturing I know...I know what I am doing and I know what you want to say to me...but there is one thing I want to know...why am I misunderstood? The last two days my life has changed huge..I am not the same Nikki you all know...I am me. I am looking through different eyes...when I am in a group it feels like I am standing on the outside of my body and watchin you all...and myself...watchin how things work and how people react and whats goin on...and I am seeing things different then everyone else...I am seein them with different eyes...its like I woke up one mornin and put different eyes in...I see through the masks and the fakeness...I see the pain and the happiness...I see you...I see the world...its spinning so slow I see the flowers grow...I know there is snow and the flowers are dead...but I see them...with my new eyes...dont worry guys this blog was not written under the influence of any kind...its really how I feel...the world is slow and I can see it...everything is in slow know why...because I took a chance to stop and smell the flowers...

Monday, October 30, 2006

A sign from Heaven

Peace...the crunch of the snow...the silence in the air...the stillness of the world...the beauty that shines through...the white...reminds me of Jesus...the snow is peace....the snow is my sign from my Daddy that everything is goin to be ok

Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Painting

Think of a painting...and how its not complete till the artist says its complete. A painting may have little details on it that no other person may even notice...the painter does. The painting is not like any other one can remake it but the painter. No one knows exactly what he has put into it but the painter. Or its truest secrets...a painting is extravegant. No two paintings are alike exactly. Each painting gives the person viewing it new ideas or new vision. Each painting gives off a new light...and if you look at a dont have the same opinion about it as another person. Some people see the good side of the painting....some see everything that is wrong with the painting...the way it looks or the way it was made. You need to look at the painting with the painters perspective with their eyes. Then you can see the "real" painting. As the painting gets older it gets appreciated by more people..and has a higher value...the painting is understood. Look at the painting and look at it with an open mind and you will see its true beauty.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


Standing here at the edge of this cliff looking down...should I jump? Or should I put my trust in what was promised and step into the air? The ground looks and feels more comfortable...but is that the path I want to take? It's a long ways back down...I climbed so far up...the other side isnt that far away. God give me a sign show me I am me the way. Where are you? It's begining to rain...dark clouds are rolling over the sky...I need to make a decision...look there is an eagle. Flying above the storm...he is safe...and so I will be as well...I will be safe. Here it goes....I took that step...I am now in the air walking across to the other side...I see its soo green and beautiful..its what I have dreamed of...its the promised land...but wait...something is stopping me...what could it be? It looks looks I am in the way..I cant move anymore...why am I doing this to myself? What can I do to get there...I look around to see what I can do...I am sinking in the air I need to drop somethin...I need to drop...distrust...control...fear...fake security...and confusion. Look I am walking again...wait....what is this...I see temptation...alcohool...drugs...lonliness...fear...and sex. They are ugly and look like a monster...with its black look and horns and face that looks melted...I need somethin...I need to fight it...I pull out my sword. They are still there I need help...I call on my maker...come help me Father....come save me...they disapear. I can keep walking now...will I ever get to the promise land? I keep on walking...

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Great Weekend

Have you ever had those moments in life where you forget there is a "real" world? Well thats how my weekend was...the entire weekend I felt like I didnt have a job or "real" was great fun...I have this new group of friends now and its awesome and they make me happy and I feel different around them then I do around my other friends...I have had one of those thinking weekends dont worry its been good thinking...I have been looking at my life and seeing how different it different it was before the summer and where I am now...when I sit and think about it...its incredable...I love it...God gave me these people and it feels great to throw away the masks for once and not use them...I feel great bein myself...I love my new friends and I have broke down some walls and it feels awesome...its like nothing else matters but the moment when I am with these new friends and I feel like I have known them forever...its awesome I am really tired so I cant think right now....but thats just somethin that has been on my mind...I am goin to write more just later so this is all for now...

Saturday, October 21, 2006

My new life

Well I am satisfied...but not getting comfortable....with my life. I am happy a real happy for the first time since I came home from the ranch...I have new friends....friends who are there like the people at the ranch...I have new family...they are awesome...I love it...I can be myself and not get made fun of for sayin somethin stupid...I can throw away the masks. But like I said I am not gettin comfortable because there is always more...God always has more and you should never get comfortable with your life things change in a drop of a hat. I am glad that I went back to Vibe and I am glad that I am getting back into the life of my church....because I have been neglecting that but I am back...Nikki is back but its a different Nikki...I am back into believing in the things that God has for me and dreaming even bigger then I have ever before...because this is the year...God told me that before any one else ever said here I go the world changer that I am...I am goin to MY world and change it...I am goin to show people you God I am goin to play for your team God and I am not goin to quit because thats not who I name is Nicole Nadine Andrews and I am not a quitter...I am a conquer....I am goin ro fight but I am goin to use supernatural strength from God I am goin to use His power and He is goin to win through me...ha ha I love it...I am goin to stop rambling before I start crying but life is good...

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Frustrated Child = Godly Revelation

Ok so those of you that dont know children I will set the scene...picture a child that is around the age of two...this child is trying to get a toy unstuck....he tries every which way...and turns a few times...meanwhile the adult is standing back watching the child....finally the child is getting upset and frustrated and the adult comes over and asks the child do you want help?...the child is screaming and throwing a fit and the adult gently takes the toy turns it once and its free....the child smiles and gives the adult a great big hug...and the adult says next time before getting upset just ask for my help. Now you are wondering why I told that story....its because thats how God is...expecially in my life....He stands back and lets me do it on my own...and then I get frustrated and want to scream He then says do you want my help? I look for his help and He says next time can always ask me for help dont be afraid...God wants to help us but we decide to play God a lot of the time and do things on our own...and thats not how He made us...He made it so that we would need His would be a lot easier if we just called on our Heavenly Father who is waiting with arms open wide...thats a hard lesson for me to learn considering I have done things all my life on my own..but now its time...its time to give the keys to God and let is the time...

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Career Change

I am done...maybe I am not called to work in a daycare. Yes I know I have only been doin this for three years...I am tired and tired of bein tired...I even went to bed at 8:45 last night and am still tired. My job is exauhsting...I also dont know how to spell....I want to do a different job like a sleep expert or somethin where I can do nothin...Today I got a weird phone was from a University asking me if I was still interested on their school....I havent applied to a college or university in over a year so thats weird...but maybe I should go back to school...I dunno...all I do know is I am tired of my job and want to quit really was it I had it...I am done...maybe I should call in sick I wont do that I more responsible then that...but serouisly I suck at my job...I am no good...I almost started crying right in the middle of the room today I did get upset and everything went blank and the kids were callin my name and I was like a zombie...they dont need that they need someone who can keep it together...I cant I cant give them what they need...the deserve someone better then me...even tho today people said I am good at my job and those kids love me...its not true I am not good at it...I am done I know I said that already but for real...I cant do it....I want to do my first career choice...Graphic Design that sounds much more appealing to me right now...well thats my rant for the to you all soon.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

It's are my thoughts

Ok now its 1:18am and yes I do have to work in the mornin but things are on my mind and I need to let them has anyone ever seen the movie The Guardian well I did tonight and let me tell you it was a great movie...remember how much I like V for Vendetta well I liked this one that much if not more well I dunno but I liked it a lot...anyways there were some great lines or well I got revelation out of this I do with a lot of movies...I think its cause I like movies and thats how God's goin to get my attention...anyways so I have mentioned before in my blogs about watching who you are to people and do as Jesus would cause you may be the only Jesus they know...well I have another challenge for you...would you put your own wants and desires aside so that someone else can have theirs...would you save someone else's life only to lose yours....well thats a tough one....and it got me thinking...someone in this world is waiting for you to be their may be that they need groceries or a ride somewhere...their rent paid or a coat...I dont know what it is...I dont know who it thing I know for sure is that God gave us the power to help others and God wants us to be like do as He would...dont turn your back...what breaks my heart the most is the broken families I see and children not having enough that really breaks my heart and I want to cry and scream...but thats not goin to do nothing I need to stand up and bring people into their many people in my life have grabbed me and pulled me up levels they helped me and now its my turn to give people what God gave me...and thats a future...I should not be alive today with things that I have done but I am cause I have a future....I remebered a time in my life when somethin was spoken over me...somethin amazing and I see it come to pass as I talk right now...a e-mail came to me tonight reminding me of that word somethin I needed know who you are...I am growing and I have changed tons...not just a little but lots...and I am goin to keep growing..I dunno if this blog makes sense to any of its readers but this is where my mind is so enjoy...

Sunday, October 15, 2006

My glob...I mean blog

Life is interesting...and it is always changing...I like change but what I dont like is too much change...I dont know where I am goin or how I am gettin there or what speed I am goin at...its like my spedometer is broken...I dont know who I can trust what I can say to people and who are true friends...heck sometimes I dont know who my friends are...those of you readin this that I do hang out with dont take offence...its just me the way my mind is dumb at times...I know you guys are probably sick of me and my complaining cause I do have a good life...and there are people worse of then me...and I know you guys hate this part of me...but I am goin to seem more distant to you guys right now...cause I am lost in thought and I am afraid to open up...and I dont want to open up...only to a select few...the rest of you will only see as much as I show you...dont worry about me its pointless...cause I will always let you down...dont waste time on worrying not worth it...Well I dunno what else to I am goin to do somethin...other then bein on the comp...maybe think some more...

Saturday, October 14, 2006

I love this kid

Isnt this kid cute...he is my brother...I really like this picture and wanted to share took me forever to get a good one of him but I did I am excited....thats all I really have to say so yeah by for now.

Thursday, October 12, 2006


Screaming children, complaining co-workers, long days, poopy diapers, crying, grumpiness, throwing tantrums, hitting, biting, pinching, climbing, yelling, falling over like jello, and just being defiant...those are the words that describe my week. Dont get me wrong I LOVE my job...and I LOVE those kids but some days its just rough and thats my week...I am tired and I want to throw my self to the floor and kick my feet and say no and scream and cry...I cant do that tho cause it would look afull funny if my 23 year old self did I have to dust off and keep goin...and thats I said before there has to be more then 9-5 mon-fri job there has to be...I cant live my life bein so exahusted that I dont want to do anything....I come home and all I want to do is sleep...but in reality I dont like sleeping...there is a reason for that but I am not tellin the world...sleep is not my friend...anyways I just wanted to tell my blog and its readers about my week of work...tomorrow is friday and thats exciting...and last night I had a good talk with a good friend...thanx know who you you tons....well I gotta go...Nikki Out!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

New Season

<Thats my new bible I love it!

Jeremiah 1:4-11 (English Standard Version)

4Now the word of the LORD came to me, saying,
5"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,and before you were born I consecrated you;I appointed you a prophet to the nations."

6Then I said, "Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth." 7But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a youth';for to all to whom I send you, you shall go,and whatever I command you, you shall speak. 8Do not be afraid of them,for I am with you to deliver you, declares the LORD."

9Then the LORD put out his hand and touched my mouth. And the LORD said to me, "Behold, I have put my words in your mouth. 10See, I have set you this day over nations and over kingdoms,to pluck up and to break down,to destroy and to overthrow,to build and to plant."

11And the word of the LORD came to me, saying, "Jeremiah, what do you see?" And I said, "I see an almond

As I was sitting in church reading this verse and listening to the speaker I thought and it was good thinking....I read ahead in the bible while they were speaking(I cant help but read ahead its such a great read) and it came to verse six and said but I am only in my youth God said tho do not look at your age...for I have called you...thats pretty much what it says...but I put the verse up so you can see for yourself...God said I have said go and so you will go into your doesnt matter what the world says about are goin to do what God says about you...yeah thats just somethin thats on my mind and got me thinkin about my own life and my own I have favor there and how I am only 23 but they treat me like I have had much more experiance they act like I have been there forever...its actually still all a dream to me but its people are eating their turkeys and hangin with their families...and not realizing how thankful they should be...Thanksgiving has always been a great time for me I think of everything I am thankful for...I am so excited to spend tomorrow my thanksgiving with my family whom I love its goin to be fun.

Another thing that has been on mind lately is somethin that I have noticed...lately all I want to do is read the bible and talk about God and talk about the bible. Well there is nothin wrong with that cause that is what I am passionate about and thats how life should be our lives should be so centered around the word of God that we will NEVER be able to stray from it....I havent wanted to do anything else...but it seems like its hard to get people to talk about the bible or they look at you funny cause you brought up God's name but our conversations should be centered around Him...He is the best...well this is a different Nikki then some know cause I never used to be like this...but I love talkin about what God has done in my life and others lives and you know its so great...anyways I cant stop talkin about God and I wont.

Well this was $1000 sunday and I sowed my biggest seed yet cause God gave me seed so I used it...and I am expacting increase in everything not just finances...but I believe I am already rich in love and relationships so I am expecting increase in finances because I am really behind in all my bills...again I might not have a phone soon unless I can pay them..but I rely on God to pay me so that I can pay my bills and today I sowed with expectation. Cause man does not pay my wage God does....I am a servent of God and I obeyed Him today and it was hard but I know He will bless me for that...well that was just another thing on my mind.

Wow this turned out to be a long blog and I thought I was havin a nap after church today...ha ha anyways Happy Thanksgiving to everyone...and I pray that you are all blessed and that God pushes you forward into your destiny...and that anything that is on me the peace and joy and love gets put on you guys and that you all can feel it...cause I love my friends...Nikki Out!

Saturday Well Spent

This was a great and takin pictures the way I like it...saturdays should be spent like this more often...I have some great friends and some good times...the pics are my msn mypace for you all to see....but here is a taste.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Title goes here

Ok so I havent posted in a bit and thats odd for me I post yeah I decided to post about my week. Or whatever pops into my head while I am writing this my week well my week has been interesting. I work and work and work...I am tired but its all good cause I love my job...but lets start with sunday. I went to church and ferg was here ohhh gotta love ferg...his sermon was stinkin amazing what he spoke about hit home. I love when that happens anyways on to monday...a stressful day of work...where I got vomited on and peed on yeah not a good day...then went to the leadership meeting at the DC with ferg again...great sermon again and a little peace attached...umm on to tuesday...crappy day...dealing with things that I shouldnt and decided to retreat into my cave...well it wasnt untill a good friend of mine told me to smarten up on wednesday and pretty much got me out of that I am not hiding in my cave. Thanx to a certian friend of mine a good one at that coughhazzardcough anyways...its now thursday and I had a super long day with work and two meetings after work...long day....anyways I am hopin this weekend is relaxing and nice considering its a long weekend and I love long weekends...and its thanksgiving which means good food mmmm I love yeah also means I get to spend some time with my friends...I like my friends...ummm yeah so yeah isnt it crazy when God gives you somethin just when somethin isnt it crazy when God brings a new friend into your life jsut when one leaves....I love it...I love it a yes that is my week I am tired now and cant think so I am leavin...Nikki Out!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Another Poem

This is a poem that I wrote awhile ago that I wanted to share with the world...hope you enjoy

Can I sit here and wait for you?
While my heart is falling for you
Out of the corner of my eye I watch you
My heart falling for your smile
Can I sit here and wait for you?
God has put you in my life and I don’t know why
I try to get inside your head
As you keep everything a secret
Can I sit here and wait for you?
I show you that I am there
You don’t even notice
How many more times do I need to show you?
Can I sit here and wait for you?
I ask God to tell me
To tell me if I have a chance
Wonder what you are thinking
Can I sit here and wait for you?
My heart is saying yes
My mind is saying no
My God is saying nothing
Can I sit here and wait for you?
I am so confused
When are you going to notice?


Thursday, September 28, 2006

Hmmm Interesting...

Well this week has had its moments....but I have had some good ones and some bad has been stressful but in the process its been stinkin great...there is this new girl I work with who is awesome and great with the kids even tho she thinks toddlers arent her thing she is amazin...and I love my job...I have been sick for a couple days and still go to work cause I love my job...I love waking up in the mornin and goin to work...I love it...I bet you are wonderin what the picture is...well its my certificate from the government...I got a diploma from the college for graduating but this is the certificate from the government that tells people that I am a Level 3 which is awesome cause I get to make more money now woohoo...umm lets see tonight was awesome we got into some great convrsations....and stuff the kind that I life is amazing right now I am lookin past all the crap I go through and jsut bein myself around others...even at work and at my mom's house and everything just bein myself is the best...who cares if people dont like me I am this person and thats who I that is where I am at I will keep you all updated on this adventure I call life...notice how its no longer a nightmare...for those of you have heard me use that term...goodnight

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Should women preach???

1 Timothy 2:9-15 (New American Standard Bible)

9Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, 10but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. 11 A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. 12 But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. 13 For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. 14And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.

Ok so what does this verse actually mean? Can women preach in church on Sundays…that is the real question…I want to know your opinion…here is what I think….yes women should preach in church or where ever God tells them to…now if you tell me that God does not tell them to I don’t think you can say that cause you don’t know what God is speakin to others…and the same is the jobs women have as factory workers, farmers, doctors, dentists, lawyers and so on…if we cant preach then we cant do those jobs cause originally those were mens jobs…now you are going to tell me that times have changed and women can now do those things…yes they can and women can preach…why is this such a conterversial subject…Jesus said 19"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, 20teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20 (New American Standard Bible)…he didn’t say ok men now go and preach the gospel and women make supper and take care of the kids…that’s all you can donope did not say that….now why you ask am I thinking of this…because its come up and its something stuck in my head as something even my generation believes as truth…I believe that has a religious spirit all over it….yes this is goin to make some people mad but you know what…I like controversy…and I like my Jesus….women can preach….God is in their words…God is here…and He is relevant…so that is what I have to say…now don’t get me wrong I am not judging I am looking for what you think…you are entitled to your beliefs…but its time for this to not be such a big deal…if God has called these women to preach he has called them to preach we cant argue with Him…think outside the box…and stop putting God in a box…He is about change…if you think this then go back to wearing skirts and long hair and braiding it cause it also says that in the bible and you know maybe braiding you’re hair will get you into heaven…..just so you know I wont care what you say on my blog I want honest opinions and I am ok if its against mine…I like to hear people’s thoughts….I don’t judge and I will still like you its ok…maybe I should be quiet I might not be listenin to God's word...maybe I am not goin to heaven cause I dont braid my hair....hmmm….what do you say?

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Smellin like a port-a-potty

Well I have jsut had a a great week...Mary came down from Ontario for the week and Jelea and I spent the entire week with her...everything from sex in a pan to shopping and smelling like out houses it was a blast. Ohh just a note never stop at those little "Rest Stops" in the middle of no where after coming out you may smell like the out house it was nasty they are also scary inside. Anyways I had a great week and learned a lot...somethin I learned this week is true friends will let you tell them all and let you be yourself around them and they will still be your friend. I also learned transparency is the best like I said in my last blog...and its a great time for bonding. I also learned that I have changed a lot since the summer and its for the opinions and mindsets have changed and I dont think the same as my friends and thats ok. I also found out that my friends and I have different beliefs when it comes to yeah it was a great week. The sadest part was leavin Mary at the Calgary airport at 6am....yeah you heard me right it was 6am man were we tired...Jello and I had troubles stayin awake on the way home....but we made it alive. You know what else was cool I got to see Carmen...a friend from the ranch it was really exciting that she just happened to be in the same change room at the same time as me...I was tryin some clothes on at bluenotes in the chinook mall at Calgary and there she was standing there trying clothes on too....I am sure it was a divine appoitment...seeing her made me miss the ranch and all the people a little bit more tho...but its ok I will see them again...anyways I gotta go...have a great weekend everyone...Nikki Out!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Spiritual Suicide

Well I have been thinkin a lot today and I was on my way to Wal-mart today spendin some alone time and God time...and I thought about my life and where I was in the summer and where I am today....well I am not where I should be because of yes you guessed it spiritual suicide...I keep goin up and come crashin down...I choose where I am and I know that...I dont know why I do these things to myself...I came home from the ranch and felt like I am out of place....I felt like I dont fit in with any one...even my closest friends...I am doing things I know for a fact that I shouldnt be doing...but I do them and commit spiritual suicide....I feel like I have grown a ton I have been a Christian for about 4 and a half years and I have grown fast...and this summer I have grown a ton more and I dont want to loose any of that and its not like I have its almost like I threw out what I learned and where I was to be with my friends and to be at their level instead of bringin them to here is the thing I get scared...scared of where I am goin with God and scared of the levels that I am on because it means I have to change and have to start walking....thats hard....I am growing up and becoming a spiritual warrior and a fighter and a conquer and I will fight this battle because its worth it...the thing is I need to put on my armor and start fighting with all my weapons and all the time instead of saying ohhh I will do it later...I have time...what if I dont?...hmm thats somethin to think about....I feel like my friends dont understand me and think that I have nothin to say about stuff and everytime I talk...I experiance this at c&c...people go ohhh no here she goes again...ok sure I have some energy and sure I am not payin attention all the time...but there is some good revelation that I have and there is some good wisdom I have...and if people sat down and listened to me for a bit they would see that I actually have smart things to say...I actually love and crave conversation....conversation that gets you thinkin...I crave discussion about God and about politics and all that stuff I crave intelligent conversations...I dont get that here....I need to find that...I need someone I can trust and tell all to...I need to be transparent...thats what I need...transparency

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


Well today was awesome and yet I dont feel that great I have no idea why...I am thinkin about the future and about the present and about the past a lot lately...the past is there to remind me where I came from and to not let me forget where God saved me from...the present is here for me to enjoy now and the future is there to give me know what else....lately I have felt like a social freak...someone who doesnt like hangin in big groups I like to be alone now or one on one or maybe even a group of four would do....I dunno I know thats bad but lately thats how I feel I think its been since camp and I dunno why...hmm well I am havin a great week mostly because it feels like the world stood still and we dont have an agenda but we can do whatever we want...the world will start turning again I know it...hmm untill then I will stay here...


Have you ever sat down and thought about your life...about where its headed and how you are goin to get there....have you ever thought about past experiances and thought what would have happened if...I do it ALL the time and I always wonder what would happen if I had done things different...I had a good experiance today...I went to my mom's house for birthday supper...and it was incrediable I was myself...and in the card she had givin me it said words I long to hear from my mother..."I am proud of you" me those are powerful words...she actually acknowledges where I am and the success I have was really cool...almost made me cry then I remembered I dont life is actually goin great but yet I am not happy with it at times its really weird...I am in a different mood that I cant describe...its like I care about my life and God right now but I am also pondering a lot of thoughts on where my life can go...I dont want to settle anymore for the mediocre life...I am not settling I realized for whats in front of me I want new and different and adventure...I had this huge plan that I was goin to get married and do all these things in the next five years or ten...but now I dont care if I dont get married right now or if I dont find a guy...I want to live my life with no restrictions right now...with no ties...thats where I am...well jsut some thoughts...Nikki Out!

Monday, September 18, 2006

Good times

Well Mary is here I am stayin at Jello's house for the week...I dont work....yep pretty much life is great. I am excited for this week cause we are goin to have a great time...we have laughed like crazy and it like Mary has never left. I am so excited and she keeps sayin she can't believe she's in Alberta. Let me tell you if you want to do somethin with me this week you will have to book an appoitment but to be honest I am already booked....ha ha ha. Anyways this is the last week before Jello leaves that I am goin to have all this fun with her. Then she leaves me for two months and I dunno what I am goin to do without her....I might just go completly crazy or maybe start my own adventure. I dont know we will see what happens...I know me and my new friend Hazzard can start some adventures together...but dont worry Jello you can never be replaced only you and I really get each other he he....all I have to say is before bed. Anyways thats all I have to say for now I will update about my fun week later. Nikki Out!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

23 Eh?

Like the title says 23 eh? Well that is how old I turned today and I love birthdays...after everyone left and I cleaned my house up...I sat down looked at my cards from people and jsut thought how blessed am I...I have all these friends that care and love me enough to come to my birthday...for those of who are readin this and came thank you so much...friends are important to me and I really appreciate I dont even think you guys understand...this was a good birthday....and I have seen favor in my life already this last couple of weeks...and this is goin to be a new year with new favor and dreams comin true I am so excited to see what God is goin to do in my life. Well I am off to Calgary tomorrow the city I am origanlly from yeppers thats a great place...Jelea and I are gettin Mary and I am goin to visit Travis...also get to see Karen woohoo. Well I am goin to bed soon so you all have a great weekend...I know I will and I had a great birthday...this is one for the memory books.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

God makes me laugh...

Well let me tell you about my day its been incredibale. First I go to work and its an ok day untill my boss calls me in the office to ask me questions about stuff. And pretty much tells me I am doin a great job and she has seen a lot of change in me in the last three years...and all these things. I have favor at work and thats really cool...she said that I am young but she was proud of me for what I am doin at my boss told me she was proud of me that is stinkin amazing and I am excited to be working there its a great place to be. Then I go to my c&c group which as a young adults group and all the things that were getting talked about there are on my heart as well....God is lining things up like crazy...I mostly think He is just making more reasons for me to stay here in Medicine Hat...but let me tell you my life is going great. He is sending me straight into my destiny and even if I try to put the brakes on He says NO and then He says MOVE....then after that all I here is GO. Favor is all over my life and I am doing great I am successful and I am only 22 well actually in a couple hours I will be 23 yes thats right my birthday is tomorrow and I am pumped for that. I am also really punped to go see Mary on saturday...this is a great start to an even better weekend and the week that I have ahead of me is goin to be amazing. I am just in a great mood...well I jsut wanted to leave this note...Nikki Out!

Monday, September 11, 2006


Ok so all I can say about today is I didnt want to go to church today and I did and it was awesome...God really grabbed me today. I had a blast today....I hung out with Justin and Hazzard all day and it was awesome. So some words were spoken over me in church and it was exactly what I needed. So we watched some movies today and played at Ruckers and had a Vibe meeting...all such a blast. Now I did have this cool blog in my head to write about and I cant remember if I do I will write about as soon as I think of I remember in the middle of the night I will get up and write about it. So you all have a fantastic week I know I will.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Starting to come back...

Starting to become my old self again...Nikki is comin back slowly. So I had a blast with my friends this weekend and it was old times. We had fun we laughed we did stupid stuff which some didnt was great. So lets start with my friday...ohhh man a day I wish never happened...I had a bad day at was bad but I am over it now...then I hung out on msn till Jello got off work...and we hung out and went to Kayla's and watched blue crush I was there till 3:00am I was super tired tho. The saturday I got up and went to Back to School Bash at The DC that was fun like always....seeing those kids bein blessed by the prizes and all that stuff but most of all bein blessed with smiles and love. The backpacks are a weapon...yeah a weapon of love...everything we did today was with love and it was amazing I love it. I love watchin the kids go around from station to station every year and seein the smiles that the volunteers give...and the unconditional love that Jesus gives to us that we are givin to these children...for real other then God kids are my life I love it.So after that we went for ice cream mmm I like ice cream...then we hung out at my house all night ok now we wanted to try so things and they are fun I will explain. So we made some draino bombs that werent that exciting so yeah and then we tried the banana and sprite thing...well apparently you eat a banana and drink sprite and you cant keep it down eh...well that didnt work I just felt bloated. It was LAME...anyways...then we made a pop fountian that was sweet. So yeah then we went back to my house and hung out which was also fun and we were up late again...I have had a great weekend and next weekend is my birthday and Mary is comin and that is exciting as well..I have been lookin forward to it. So our new friend Danger Zone aka Hazzard aka Crick aka Amanda lol lots of nicknames she has gained from us...anyways she hung out with us tonight and it was a good time and I should maybe tell the crick story and maybe some of you Ontario folk can maybe tell me if you call it a crick. Ok so you know a creek right? Well apparently Hazzard calls a yucky muddy stream of water aka a runoff she calls it a has anyone ever heard of that or is she on glue....ha ha she is goin to make a comment about this blog I know she is...anyways its gettin late and I gotta go to church in the morn so I am goin to bed. Nikki Out!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Still waiting...

I am still waiting for this weekend to be over..its the longest weekend I have had in a long time...I cant wait till sunday at 3:00 when the kids start may say uhh Nikki its Wednesday and uhh Nikki what are you talkin about kids arriving? Well thats how the last two months have been I have had been at Eagles Nest Ranch and I would have the weekends off then I would go back to the camp and sunday the kids would arrive. I am still feels like I should be there...I need to be there...I was truly happy there...sometimes I think it was a bad thing I went. You may not understand that statement either...I know God called me to go there but it was out in the middle of no where and I could hide...I used it as a hiding place from reality to me the best place ever. But its gone now untill next summer. Its over and I am heart broken...this truly was the best summer its only a that is etched in my mind and will never leave. I actaully learned to love and trust out there...somethin I have had troubles with all my life. Now that I am home and friendships have died and new ones have been made and life is different. People are different the world is different. It's like I dont know how to cope...its like I became a social freak...kinda like a homeschooled kid(ha ha Mary)...I just dont know what to do...all I want to do is stay in my room and not come out...ohh wait I do that. I miss the family I had at the ranch the people that could call your bluff....they knew when you were sad and lying about it...they knew what to say and they gave you tough love at times...ohhh how I miss that. I need people in my life thats goin to call me out and say Nikki you arent ok are you. Hmmm I cant wait for this weekend to be over and for sunday to come...Sunday's a comin.

My final answer

Ok so I am sure you are all getting sick of hearing me talk about Ontario and moving there. Well I made a final decision about the whole situation...I decided to not make a decision...January is a long ways away and I still have lots of time to decide so I will decide when the time comes. So for now I am goin to live my life here in the Hat and enjoy it. So whats new with me? Absolutly nothin I work, eat, sleep and come on here...I have no life. Meh whatever...I really like blogging just wish I had more to people need to write some more blogs I have nothin to go now and write a blog...anywho I am out.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

What do you think?

Ok so I was discussing this topic the other day with some friends...what do you think about Christians goin to the bar? Some of my friends said it could help people what happens if you were just hangin out there and not drinkin. I believe if Jesus was here today He would be in there and hangin out with those people. Someone brought a great point up to me the other day they said how can we expect our friends to come to our place if we wont go to theirs. Thats a great point how can we expect people to come to church if we wont hang out with them where they feel comfortable...Well I want to know your opinion on this topic...tell me please.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

I dunno

Ok so today is a good day...I am in a great mood and I have gotten my time in kidzone back....I love kidszone so much...toddlers are so amazing. Anyways I am happy for once I havent been a real happy in a long time...I hung out with people today somethin I also havent done much lately. I am just feelin like things are gettin back to normal...Josie is home this weekend and that makes me really happy. I missed her. I am still sad about some things tho like Jello still wants to move away and I am staying here....Josie brought somethin to my attention tho that was good...she said maybe God is testing my trust to see if I will trust in Him...I think it might be true I know my future is here and thats why I need to stay...but what do you do when ALL the people you truly trust live so far away? What do you do then? People dont get my trust that easy its hard to trust people. I guess all you need is God...but I am a huge people person and I need people in my life to help me...I need this is a different Nikki then some of you know....cause awhile back I said I dont need anyone...but I do ok...but everyone I trust doesnt live here and that I am gonna have to ask God to bring me people that I can trust....or maybe they are already in my life I just have to trust them. I dunno what to do right now...old friendships are dying and I can see that and that sucks too...I am the type of person that likes to have a large circle of friends but we are all drifting...hey but on the good side I do have a new friend...and she is sweet...right Amanda :) you know it. Anyways I dunno what else to say so....Nikki Out!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Big Sister

Ok I know I already posted today but somethin else has been on my mind and I am goin to write about it here. After all this is my blog and I can do what I want with it. Ok so all day I have been thinkin about one dream of mine that I know can never come dont get me wrong I am a dreamer and I believe in dreams comin true. But this one cant...its my dream of havin a big sister. I always wanted one even when I was a know that best friend that looked after you...and made sure you never get hurt...someone to protect you. I would love that. Someone you could cuddle with and jsut talk to...while she would play with your hair...and then you would fall asleep. Someone that when you were scared at night she would stay by your bed untill you have fallen asleep. That person that would keep you in line but at the same time show you the greatest love. Oh how I would love to have someone like that. That one person she knows everything about you and still she wont tell mom or dad unless it gets worse. To be close to a human being like that would be awesome. Ok now you are probably thinkin I am nuts but its true I have always dreamed of that...well its too late...I am 22 almost 23 in 14 days I might add. Anyways its too late I cant get an older sister...and I am too old I guess for someone to be that person to its one dream that will just have to be a dream.*sigh*


Ok for real dont people know how to do their jobs with excellence. I really hate when people complain about the rules of a work place. They are put into place for a reason. Policies and Procedures are there for a reason and its to keep people safe. Now when childrens lives are at stake I feel that its very important to follow the rules. And to do what my boss tells me...but lots of people have this I dont care attitude I am seeing it every where. Or if someone says we cant do somethin they say do it any ways thats not a good attitude to have. That is not excellence. My whole life I have gone towards the goal of excellence I thats how I live my life and thats how I think we all need to live our lives. Well I wanted to rant about that for a bit...Nikki Out!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

God is stinkin amazing

Ok well God is amazing...I just like you to know...although He doesnt want me to move to Ontario :( He is still amazing. So I have big dreams right...and I want them to be fullfilled well I have a feeling that God is pushing me forward and tellin me to not throw in the towel. Its funny cause just when you are close to your break through you want to give up...well I am not giving up. I am goin to run this race and be as hungry as I have always been maybe even hungrier...I dunno if thats a word or not but whatever. I know that I am a world changer God gave me that name a long time ago and I finally as of today really actually believe it. I am gonna change my world...people will know God cause He is goin to use me and all the glory will be givin to Him. I just wanted to say this fine evening that God is good. And its time for the leader in me to take over.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

What I want

Ok well I had an ok is so amazing...I love my job...I dont know many people who can say that but I really do. So as for my last blog...for those of you who seem to know my life better then me I know I was supposed to be in church that day gosh I am not stupid...I was just sayin that there was another person that needed to hear that...I am not judgeing my friends...I dont do that...even tho they think I do but whatever who needs them. I have new friends that will help me out...ones that arent goin to leave me...ones that will be there for me...and they have proven they care. Just when I was gonna throw in the towel God gave me good friends...I am still gonna do my own thing for a bit but it doesnt mean I dont love my God anymore cause I do. He is the only Father I have ever known and I love Him tons...I just want to do what I want. So I decided that I am not havin a birthday party anymore...if you wanted to come to one then too bad...I am doin my own thing. Just so you all know I dont need anyone to preach at me while I am on this kick...that would prob push me further away and I already know the stuff you want to tell me...I have heard it many times...this is a choice...and I am choosing to do this...thats what I want the world to know. I already know what will happen I already know why I shouldnt do it...I already know that stuff....too bad I am doin it...I dont care what people think. All I need is friends not preachers. Although I have had a great conversation with a couple of people this week that have helped. I just wish they didnt live so far away so I could visit them. Well that is all I have to say for now.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

My beautiful cave

Well I know some of you know about my cave...well I am retreating to my cave once again...certian things have happened over the last few days that I am just not happy about....I have friends who just dont care what you say to help them...because for their own selfish reasons they want to have what they want...even tho everyone can see that its wrong they are today was about waiting and I know a couple of people who should have heard or listened to that sermon...anyways this is me saying screw the world I am goin to retreat to my cave and if I call you or talk to you...that means you are one I am not hiding from...the rest of you see you later...I dont know dont wait

Saturday, August 26, 2006


Well its been a week since I have been home and its been allright. I went back to work and love it...I missed my job. So home is different now and I am still not sure I like it. The people are different some are gone due to school and life here in this city that once brought me happiness well its not that great. I really want to move to either Edmonton or Ontario and looks like Ontario is the way I am goin. I dunno exactly when but Jelea and are tryin to figure that out. Dont get me wrong I love my city...I love it a lot but its not the city I am leavin. Its more the people and also I am lookin for an adventure. I tottaly believe that Med Hat is goin to change Canada and I want to be a part of it but right now I just need a break from here. In my heart I will always be a hatter no matter where I live. So today I am missing my summer home even more then I have before. I really miss those people that I became friends with over the summer. Not only did they become friends but they became family and I love them all. I love change and that is also why I want to move away for change. I love the idea of taking all my things and starting over somewhere else. I have never even been to that side of Canada. So this would be a great adventure. There is only one thing holding me back and keeping me here and that is my job. I love it so much and they would not want me to leave its actually a scary thought to actually have to tell them. You know what tho in all due time I will decide where I am goin and what I am doin. So for now I will continue to hang out with myself...I have hung out with my friends a few times since I have been home but I am havin more fun right now beina hermit...this time its not because I am tryin to avoid the world so dont get all worried with the hermit thing. This time its cause I need some alone time and my personality has changed so that is why I like the alone time. Well I gotta go there is a HUGE oreo cake waiting for me and I need to eat it so have a great day everyone.