Thursday, November 19, 2009
Ok well its time for a serious update to my non commited readers...God is flippin good...He is off the wall amazing...and kick butt crazy...He knew what He was doing when He sent me to Montreal...He knew...wow...cause I didnt know...I didnt know what He was doing...the new places and the higher heights I have reached are all because of Him...the people He has placed in my life are like no one I have met...they have hearts like mine...ones I have never met...ones that dont make me feel so out of place...the roommates He has given me...oh man I wish everyone I know in Alberta could meet them honestly one of the best things He has given me...they help you grow and they truly care about you...the church I am is on fire...like nothing I have seen but I have only dreamt of...He has shown me what I knew could happen...oh and the friends...the leaders of the church are my friends something I never thought could happen...I truly trust them with anything I am dealing with and I could go to them and say hey this is whats up...help me...and they will...they actually have time for you wow...anyways I have a thousand thoughts goin through my head and some new blogs to write for you all...I cant wait to be back writing on here again about things that make my heart leap for joy...so I am going to leave you with a challenge today and that is to pray uncesingly...this is something I have been doing...now this doesnt mean sitting in your room and praying straight we just cant do that...we have jobs to do and life to do...it means in your everyday living pray...in your everything...when going to work pray...while at work pray...while eating lunch pray..while talking with people pray...you will see instant change...I know this cause I have...just in the attitudes of non believers around you...I have seen change...I have seen it...God is amazing...and I love you all and want the best for you but God wants more for you...haha WOW...He is good...all the time...lets save some for later.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
The cold dark nights lead to warm sunny days...but inside the cold dark nights are cold dreary days...the anger that resides within...it sometimes seeps out into the world...the anger thats within is like a beast in a cage...and if the cage gets open you cannot control the beast...it reaks havoc on anything in its way and chews it up and spits it out...sometimes the days arent so cold and bleak...sometimes they are sunny and bright and full of joy...but those days are far and few between...I fight...I run...and I do persevere...but sometimes when all it does is rains its hard to fight...the cold gets to your bones and freezes you from the inside and eventually freezes you completly untill you cannot move anymore...walking down the street in the rain watching the zombies go by...watching the world spin...and it looks fast around me while I am in slow motion...I am climbing to the top of this mountian and the view is beautiful from here...majestic...so astounding...I like the top...its safe up here...nothing can touch me...in the tower where the arrows cant hit me...but now its time to run through it all...to get to the other side...to find the next adventure...the bleak dark days...the rain...the anger its still there...but so is the peace...they dont agree...but still I go on...cause I know its right its not time to quit this fight...the days are starting to look brighter...and I am still waiting for the rain to go...and I do know that it will be better...just sitting and waiting
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Well I guess its time for an update in the life of Nikki...well you see I am in love...in love with my life...my city and everything I have here...I have never in my life felt more accepted more loved and more cared about then I do here...I have witnessed unconditional love...I have seen real Christianity...I have turned a new leaf in my life...I am working out and eating better and seeing and feeling instant results...Montreal has changed my life in many ways...one thing I have learned here is to be who you want to be...and dont let anyone convince you to be someone else...people are so passionate and free here...God is doing awesome things in this city and its exciting to see it and to be used by Him...I never thought in my life that I would be at this point...what you point you ask...the point of no return...I used to live a rollercoaster Christianity...but I have walked across the line of no return and have grown and gotten deeper where there is no going back...I no longer live in ups and downs...its an incline from here...God has shown me many things here like that I am not a sinner saved by grace...I am righteous...and that nothing can touch me as long as I stay in His strong tower...and I have always known I am a child of God...but dude I am a child of God...like for real my Father is the creator of the universe and He loves me more then anyone could...He cares about me more then anyone...He is jealous for me...He wants all of me...and I have given all to Him...honestly I am just livin my life for Him and no longer my selfish desires...God is good...I have found Him more here then anywhere else in my Christian walk...everyday I am amazed at what He can do and I have gained a new hunger for His word...I love chillin with Him the most...and well I just love my life...so this is just a little update on how great I am doing...life is good...and I just encourage you to dig deep...cause once you do you will be hooked and thats the place where you will stand strong...thats the place where you will be able to fight and not back down...when the enemy comes you will be able to kick him where it counts cause you have an army on your side...you have God...and if you have God what can touch you...nothing.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
I am ready if you want me...I have let go of it all...this world has nothing to offer me...so just take me as I am...I am ready if you want me...if its my time to go then show me the way...I bet your place is more amazing then where I am now...I am ready if you want me...if I close my eyes I can see your face...I can hear your voice...maybe you arent done with me here...but I am ready if you want me...said my hellos and goodbyes so take me if you want me...what is there left for me here...what will I ever do...nothing here satisfies me anymore...take me if you want me...I am tired of this pain...I am tired of this hurt...I am tired of the sadness...please I am asking you to take me...you said you have a plan or was that just a dream...you said you werent done with me yet or was I mistaken...you said the time is now for great things...or did I make this up...take me if you want me...take me if you want me...I fall into your arms and close my eyes...I dream of these great things you will do through me...I dream of happy endings...only with you can this ever happen...take me when its time...but for now work with me...do what needs to be done and then take me if you want me
Sunday, April 26, 2009
So its been awhile since I have written and thats because I thought I had no inspiration...which is totally not true...its all around me...so for those of you who read this let me update you on my life...I am in love...I am in love with my God...I am in love with my life and I am in love with my city...yes thats right I called Montreal my city...its been almost 10 months since moving here approaching the year mark and its been amazing and I have fallin in love with this city...so what has been goin on in Nikki's life in the past few weeks....well a lot really...I have been up and down and all around haha unsure of things and just confused on life...but God this whole time has been holding me and telling me its all going to be ok...He is good...yes He is...I believe I am a writer...and thought I had writers block this last little while...but thats not true at all...I just havent been trying or caring about anything...but have not fallin away...I still hear and listen to God's voice but at times I dont want to give everything up to Him but I am learning to let it go...I have a few AMAZING friends here who have helped me a lot and a GREAT church family...I am stoked to see where God takes us and how He grows us...I get to go to Paris in a few weeks with the family I work for which is awesome...I have never left Canada so I am stoked about this...I am planning a trip to BC in the summer hopefully august...I also want to hit Vancouver up...I honestly have never been this happy in my life...and its amazing and scary at the same time because God is positioning me for great things...and He is goin to do great things through me...cant wait to see what that is...Montreal is goin to see God and they will also want to follow...they will also wants this joy, peace and happiness we have...and I cant wait for the divine appoitments...if there is anything you want to pray for her in Montreal is for the church to just go and preach the good news...keep Montreal in your prayers...I already see it opening up to the word...I already see hungry people wondering what we have...so please when you pray remember Montreal...and I am also praying for the places that you are all in...I still have Medicine Hat, Calgary and Vancouver in my prayers...God is doing awesome things here and I want to see Him move more...and stronger so that non believers cant resist the tug at their hearts...well this is my life its good...and for those few who read this...thanks for listening...I love you all.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Ok I actually cant believe I am about to do this...but I am about to write this blog on a song that I just love its Brad Paisleys song Find Yourself...ok well this is just proving how Albertan I am...lets make this clear I dont actually listen to country for fun...I just really like the lyrics of this song...ok now thats out of the way lets get to the point...so I am gonna post the lyrics to the song at the end cause some of you may not be familier with it...but in the song its pretty much the story of my life(except for the part where it talks about finding the one, that has yet to happen)...but the song talks about finding yourself in some far off place which causes you to rethink some things and you find out your becoming someone else...well its completly true...I would have never thought in any life time I would be living in Montreal...I am from a small city...Medicine Hat some of us call it the black hole...once your there you can never leave...well I went against the norms and left...and have grown a ton...I am a completly different person...but I also learned a lot about myself in this process...I am more open...I am more spontaneous and I am willing to try new things now...and most of the time I do these things alone...I dont need people to go somewhere with me...things I would have never done back there...the song continues to say When you make new friends in a brand new town and you start to think about settling down The things that would have been lost on you are now clear as a bell And you find yourself...I just love that...cause its so true...and I was able to get away to Toronto this past week...went all by myself and had time to think...I did the whole tourist thing and just discouvered that city...its pretty cool...but it was also great to get away and learn even more about myself...I am still believing for a few things to fall into place in my life...and how it is all gonna play out I dont know...but I do know that God knows...and well He will tell me the things I need to know and the rest I just need to rely on Him..thats the hard part...but He has given me this awesome church family here...they are people from all over...from the west and from the east and even from here...honestly glad I found them...literally stumbled on them haha its a funny story actually...a friend told me about them and I said to her if I run into them then I will check out their church but I am not callin them up...and then one day I randomly stumbled upon people who went to that church...which makes me believe God wanted me there...and I couldnt be happier with my choice to attend that church...I have never felt more part of a church family then I do there...so life is good and hard and sad and happy...and I am alive and I am persevering...but I am also falling...but I am in Gods hands...so I am gonna keep walking, some days crawling...but I am still moving...and thats all that matters.
The Lyrics to the song by Brad Paisley...Find Yourself
When you find yourself in some far off placeand it causes you to rethink some thingsYou start to sense that slowly you're becoming someone elseAnd then you find yourself...When you make new friends in a brand new townand you start to think about settling downThe things that would have been lost on you are now clear as a bellAnd you find yourself,yeah that's when you find yourselfWell you go through lifeso sure of where you're headingAnd you wind up lostand its the best thing that could have happenedCause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as wellbecause you find yourself,yeah that's when you find yourself.When you meet the one, that you've been waiting forand she's everything, that you want and moreYou look at her and you finally start to live for someone elseAnd then you find yourself,yeah that's when you find yourselfWe you go through lifeso sure of where we're headedAnd we wind up lostand its the best thing that could have happenedCause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as wellBecause you find yourself,Yeah thats when you find yourself.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Well I know most of you who read this know my love for snow but some dont so here it is...and Steven you better be reading this cause this is mainly for you...so anyways snow has always been a favorite of mine...listening to it in the middle of the night falling ever so gently on the ground...looking at its pure white shade...not tainted by anything...and looking at the different shapes and sizes not one the same...and letting it fall on your tongue and tasting how refreshing it is...thats creativity....thats beauty...well I love it and one day I was really frustrated and just yelling at God and asked Him why....why is He not providing like He said He would...and I think I need to mention it was a beautiful warm day...no chance of snow...well I look outside and its snowing beautiful flakes...large flakes...and God said to me...no matter what I will always be there for you and I will always provide...and whenever you see the snow...you will be reminded of My peace...and it will be a symbol to you that I will always be there...now its funny that I lived in Alberta so snow in August isnt a big deal but to me it comes when I need it...after that whenever I had a bad day and needed God...it would snow...and He would say...rest in my peace...so I now have a great tattoo on my leg with snow flakes surronding the word victory...just to remind me everyday that my God has my back...so snow means peace to me...and to me when it snows its peaceful and calm...and nothing can go wrong...cause I am in my Daddys arms...hmm its funny cause I wrote this particular blog so a friend can hear my story about snow...but just writing it a peace has settled over me...and its beautiful....I believe its important to find your peace...so find that one thing that you can just fall into...and let it all go.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Ok that title may seem a bit harsh but here I sit after watching yet another documentary about white people trying to make other people conform into this so called perfect race...and yet we are far from it...lets get serious here for a second...now wait if you don't want to hear me ramble on about human rights then I think you should leave right now...because I am getting deep and I am going to pour my heart out here so be prepared...ok well if you are still here listen up...a person is a person no matter what tongue they speak, no matter what they wear, no matter where they are from, and no matter what color their skin is...a person is a person...and we all NEED to be treated equally...I am sick and tired of people thinking they are better then others...I saw a documentary tonight that was powerful...just so you know I watch docs all the time its my newest addiction and I have learned A LOT from them...anyways the documentary I watched was about the Inuit people in our country and how the government has left them out in the cold(no pun intended)...they have no rights according to the government they aren't even classified in the Native Peoples Act...so they are fighting for rights and they are fighting for funding up there...there was a good statement in the document that hit me hard...a women said...Canada is looked at as a revolutionary country...one that treats people equally and cares about everyone...yet that's not true within our country some people aren't treated fairly...so now I sit in my room...I look at where I live...now some of you maybe living below the poverty line but let me tell you I have seen real poverty...I just have to walk out my front door...on my way to either work or school I pass two prostitutes...and that's in a 2min walk...downtown by my university it takes me 5min to get from the metro to the main building of my university...and I would have already walked by at least 10 homeless people...some didn't choose that life...my neighborhood is full of poor people...drunks, addicts, you name it...its here...I live in what we would call back home a ghetto...but really they are people...and I love my neighborhood I live in a very french area and I wouldnt want to live in the english neighborhoods...I like where I live...in the middle of it all...sometimes I am even embarrassed to speak english because of what english people have done in this world...sometimes I am embarrassed to be a white english speaking person...because of what white english speaking people have done...they are trying to create some super race...when there is already one...its called the human race...if we were all the same it would be boring...if we all thought a like nothing new would be created...different cultures bring different perspectives and ideas on life...my roommate said something to me the other day that made my heart sad...she got an e-mail from a friend that said to pray for the new president and the United States...and then she said why would I want to pray for them? I want to pray for Canada and my own country...she is Swiss by the way...and that made me sad because this is how most people think...so when people say they want world peace what does this look like? Because I definitely want to pray for other countries because that's the only way it will happen...because God can do ALL things...everything is possible...I know this...now some of you who read this don't believe in God...and you know that I do...but I am just asking you to be a good person..and to treat others with respect no matter what they look like...because we all bleed blood...we all cry tears...and we all feel pain...and right now I am feeling the pain of the world and it hurts...my heart hurts...my eyes weep...and I am taking a stand and I have new dreams...and I know that a handful of people can change the world...or at least the few people who read my blog...I know you can where ever you are...in whatever city you are in...I know you can make a difference...now stand up in your community get involved...stand up for human rights...we are people...we are all the same...no matter what you think...one of my professors the other day said to the class that immigrants should not be able to come to our country and continue with their culture they should have to conform to Canadian culture...first of all I am Canadian and don't even know what that is...but the point is...letting people come here and practice what they were raised to do is what makes Canada so unique its what makes us the country people look at say...freedom...so why are we treating Canadians that were born here like crap as if they don't exist...the Inuits exist...and if you want more info I have an independent site you can watch full length documentaries on about indigenous people from all over the world...every country is treating the indigenous people badly...if any of you saw the new movie Australia you would know that...I have more to say but I think this is enough for now as I have a mid-term tomorrow on International Relations which really means how corrupt this world is and how we make it look like we are getting along until a bomb falls in your backyard and you got...what? Where did that come from? Duh it came from the people you have alienated all this time...anyways please leave your comments I like a challenge.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Ok so I have been thinking a lot about who I am...and then in one of my classes that question came up it was crazy and unexpected...but I want to do my own little experiment...I want to know who you are like what do you classify yourself. Examples are Canadian, Albertian, Quebecoise, human, student, American, like what do you label yourself as? I am intersted in these results...in my class more people said they were human then any other becuase they dont like the labels...the choices were student, concordian(concordia is my university), human, Canadian or Quebecoise...and most said human and the next highest was Canadian...but who are you? And why are you that?...if you all want to know what I said...I said Canadian...and I said it becuase I am proud to be Canadian and love my country...so please participate and tell me who you are.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I havent written in awhile because well I dunno what to write...there is too much and not enough all at the same time...my head has been spinning lately while I am walking in this new season I am in...I started my second semester in univeristy and I am working part time now as well...some of my friends left Montreal to go back to their homes...and 2009 is a completly different life then 2008 was...its like I hit the new years mark and bam brand spankin new life...brand spankin new world...I was thinkin the other day and coming to a new city where no one knew me...I could be who ever I wanted when I came here...and I did just that...I let the real Nikki show the one who I didnt like back home cause I knew a lot of my friends didnt like that person...I am true here...real and raw...I am super calm now which some of you may not believe but its true...I am grown up...after all I am 25 turning 26 this year...its time for some growing up...I actually like who I am...I go to shows, and symphony's and art shows, and just do things I would have never been able to do or would have done...I go to museums by myself and think its soooo fun...as for why I havent written in awhile well its my thoughts they are getting the best of me...and they are doing a good job at confusing me...I am believing for my tuition still or else I cant register for next years classes...well that sucks but I am also ok if not going to school next year is the plan...weird I know cause I came here for school...but did I really...I dont believe that anymore I think God had another plan...I am also interested in going to a culinary school I looked two schools up one is in Vancouver and one is here...well I will most likely go to the one here as I am in the process of finally getting all my stuff here and dont want to drag it all back to the west...plus I believe I am supposed to be in Montreal...I enjoy it and have never felt happier about my life...school is good one of my classes really has me thinking about this world...its made me want to pause my life...and go around with a video camera and find the good...this world is too corrupt is what I am learning in school and I believe in the good..I believe there are good people out there...so I want to pause my life...fill a backpack and go...I want to backpack the world...and I think I will do this too...actually I dont think I know I am going to do this...my dreams have changed a bit I dunno if I want to be in politics anymore...even tho people all around me say I will be good at it...I just am seeing the nasty side of it and who knows maybe I will continue school and maybe I will just be a university dropout thats possible too...haha who knows but this is my life right now...its random...its weird...but its amazing and I wouldnt want anything different.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
So today has been an interesting day well its 4:30am on January 1st the year 2009...so I mean the day before technically the 31st of decemeber 2008....its been an interesting day....started out normal...I got up and got ready like I always do and went to work...little did I know that things I would come to realisation to and think about later would change my whole perspective on life...now I have always been this up and down person like a frickin yo yo...but I dont have to be...I thought myself today into a grumpy mood and knew only I was the one to find my way out...so then later I was on a car ride to another city and did a lot of thinkin...did some talkin with some friends too...and stuff and made my goals for 2009...first lets finish of my day...so after work I went home...then chilled for a bit then off to meet up with some friends to do a trip to Ottawa...where we really didnt do anything...but I dont know how it was for them but it was a deeper meaning to me...we went to a party where we knew no one...then we left 5 min before midnight and celebrated just the three of us...we were driving then pulled over and danced around the car in the freezing cold weather...then got back in and kept listening to music...then when meeting up with another friend didnt work out we turned around and drove back to Montreal....and it was good...I wanted to ring in 2009 in a different way that I always have...and I did...which is symbolic becuase I am out with the old and in with the new...its time...also I wanted it to have meaning because I feel its important and it did...I did some great thinkin and got to hang out with two GREAT people in my life...I love them both...so what are my goals...notice I call them goals not resolutions thats on purpose too because no one ends up keepin resolutions and I fullfill goals...so it was also brought to my attention I need specific goals and some fun ones too and not have just serouis ones...so one fun one is...attend suger shack this year...a very cool Quebec thing that I am stoked for...also to see Quebec City....but my more serouis ones are these...to stop seeing the negative in things even in the bad times...to just see the life and growth I can gain out of any situation...thats an important goal because I want to be happy and I truly am here...also to attend ALL my classes...unless I am sick or have another reason but I am not skipping this term at all...and my last one is to stop being afraid to speak the french I know...speaking is the only way I will get better...so to speak less english and more french...one last thing I came to realize here I was talking to a friend tonight and mentioned it to her is...I literally have fallin head over heels for Montreal....I was saying its like a romantic relationship where you just want to spend time with that person and get to know them inside and out...and what makes them tick...thats how I am for this city...when flying back after Christmas it was 7am and I had no sleep but I saw the lights of this beautiful place and I lit up like a child on Christmas morn...I want to know this place inside and out...I want to spend time with it and know what makes it tick...I am in love with where I live...and I pray you all find your place in life that makes you happy...if you are there then awesome and if not then dont give up...life is out there...you just need to live it.