This one time...

So this one time...I came home from an amazing place called a ranch and crashed really hard...then I hung out with a great friend and she kicked my butt....and showed me that I needed to smarten up.

Ok but for real here is the story readers and friends...I became apathetic and hated everything and just plain old didnt care...and then I got talkin about my life and passions and what I want to do with it and stuff...and got excited again...you see I think myself into frustration and thats why I get in these moods...and yeah its just somethin I need to stop doing and I need to stand up and say I am not goin to stay in this rebelous spirit and the doing things my way and everything I am goin to live God's way even tho my attitudes and some ways of thinkin are still there I just need to work past this and keep goin...now I know this is rollercoaster Nicole that you all know but I am goin to work harder and keep trying.

One thing that has gotten me down is talkin about my dreams and people laughin at them expecially the ones of me becoming a politician...yeah but for now this is me leavin here sayin I am goin to work hard ok...peace out.

Falling

So weak and so tired...tears filling my eyes...so I fall into your arms and hit the cold cement hard...my face hurts and is numb...as the tears roll down and onto the ground...laying in a puddle of my own blood from the fall...too weak to get up and dust off...too tired to even care...lay still maybe someone will rescue me...its your fault I say to myself...you tapped out all your resources...its your fault I say...you let yourself go and fall...you opened the door...its your fault now I say to myself...no one is coming to help you...you suck and you lose this time...this game is over...and you are all alone...dont even try any more...laying there on the cold cement wishing the pain was gone...wishing it was over...wishing I wasnt here.

Take it all

Do I know where I am goin? Do I even know what the heck it is I want...my life is spinning fast around me and it wont slow down...all these choices comin at me and I dunno what to do. When are You goin to tell me what You want? Too many dreams instilled into me...why do I have to be a dreamer? Can I just not dream? Someone take these dreams away from let me be a bump on the log...let me just exist. Someone else be a leader...someone else be great...its not for me I just want to exist. Imagine a life without an imagination...imagine a life without a dreamer. Imagination is for people that hate reality...if you havent guessed yet that could be me. Now what does the world need from me? When will they see that I have the right idea's to change it...when will they ask for me to help? Can someone give me a fricken break? People tell me they are goin to help...people tell me they care. But then when somethin better comes along they peace out and say do it on your own. They dont care unless it benefits them in any way. So here is my imagination and here is my dreams...take them all away from me...and you do what has been planned out for me..you take it and dream it...peace out.

Changes

Well life as I know it has changed completly...I am back home from the ranch and livin at my mom's...I havent lived here in a long time and still dunno what I think about it...its definitly goin to be different and I dont know if I like that. This summer has been the hardest summer of my life...and my thought life isnt that great...I am letting some thoughts win and I know I shouldnt...so the question now is what to do in the fall...what to do with my life...I dunno what its goin to be...so I am having some troubles right now...so if you want to pray then its for my thoughts...and my next step.

Small and unimportant

Some times I feel as a child one that is alone and that no one cares about...one that no one sees as important...one that gets left out and picked on...small and unimportant...picture a child jumping up and down trying to get your attention...when saying pick me pick me...one that wants to hang with the cool kids but they dont notice...one that just wants to be loved and cared about...sometimes thats how I feel...broken and abandoned...lost and empty...alone and unloved...now I know that God loves me more then anyone else in this world could...I know that He would do anything for me and actually does pick me...I know this but sometimes you need that human touch sometimes you just need a friend...and most of the time I think people are too self absorbed and happy to get what they want that they dont care about others...and some give just enough to make it look like they care so that others dont think they are selfish...but in reality some can see right through that...dont get me wrong there are great people in this world...they are jsut hard to find cause they dont spread it infront of others to be seen they dont yell from the roof tops "HEY LOOK AT ME I AM A GREAT PERSON" nope thats not who they are...they are a great person even when no one is looking...they are a great person even when they are having a bad day...they are a great person even if it means sacrificing something of theirs...meaning their time...energy....finances....and life...that is what a great person does...you will be able to notice the ones that try to steal Gods glory...and you will be able to notice the ones who give it all to Him...sometimes I feel as if I am invisible...soon you will see I am not...soon you will see that I am important and that I can change the nation...and I am strong...so Canada watch out...cause I am comin.