Well it’s almost the middle of 2007 and I am sitting here lookin at my friends blogs and reading things and stuff and I stop to think…these friends that I am reading about…I only see on the computer screen…these were the people I spent every weekend with…these were the people that were always at my house playing games mainly mafia…but these were the people I called true friends who have been there for me at all times…now I read about there lives on a computer screen…now I sit here and wonder where did all that go…what happened?
I have a completely different group of friends…a completely different life…and a completely different future…and they aren’t in it…I read about there lives on the computer screen and randomly catch them on msn…but I don’t see them in person even tho some live in Medicine Hat…I don’t ever talk to them on the phone…even the ones who say they are my best don’t call…my life has changed completely…and I don’t even know that Nicole I used to be.
Now some of you may look at this as a good thing cause it means change…it means I have grown it means my faith is in God…but where did they go…why don’t I get to see them…and when will our paths meet?
These were the friends I entrusted my life in…these were the friends I knew would back me up…they would fight for me…they would kick me in the butt when needed…but was I moving?
I can honestly say I wasn’t…I can honestly say I was just living a life…nothing spectacular…these were also the friends who said are you sure you want to do that…these were also the friends who said I cant do things…these were the friends who laughed at my ideas…these were the friends who gave me weird looks when I said I wanted to be a politician…these were the friends who couldn’t dream with me…now don’t get me wrong not all of them were like that…but was I moving?
No…I wasn’t…am I now? Yes I am…the life I have now is filled with people who believe in me…filled with people who I can really trust…filled with a future…filled with people who will fight for my dreams…who will stand beside them…these are the people who truly get it…who truly know how to be a friend…now again not all of them do…but there are a special few that I know…I can really trust.
The difference between then and now is…I am a passionate person…I am one who can dream…I will grab something and run with it and conquer it…I will succeed in anything I try to do…but back then…if I brought an idea to the table it was shot down fast…if I mentioned something we should change it was laughed at…if I opened my mouth they would roll their eyes and go…oh here she goes again…I literally felt stupid and a failure…and that I lost…and that they wouldn’t even care if I wasn’t there…life would go on.
Some of the people I hang out with now…I open my mouth and they get excited to hear what I have to say cause its goin to be a great idea…they like to hear it…the dream and believe with me…they will help me reach my goals…and when I forget to dream they remind me of what God has placed in my heart…they get it…they know how to be a friend...I feel like I can take on the world with them…I feel like anything I deal with is small cause I have an army to help take it out…I can dream.
Now again don’t get me wrong…I truly loved everything I had with those friends and I truly love what I have with these friends…but when I look at my life now…who would have thought I would be where I am today…I wasn’t even supposed to make it past 18…I wasn’t supposed to be the one that has no kids and graduated college…no that’s not what people had said I would do…they were wrong…I proved to them that I am more then a conquer…and that my Daddy has my back.
Nobody truly knows the dreams and visions in my heart…the things I want to do…the brains I actually have…and the guts to do it all…nobody knows…but soon they will see…that there is more to me then I ball of energy…there is more to me then the loud person nobody likes…there is more…and it will be seen that I am a…pioneer.
1 comment:
Wow. I keep saying that word in my comments on your blog. I wonder why? Maybe because you are amazing and I am always impressed with your intelligence on how you look at your life and your faith. I know I'm doing things and growing too, but I just can't help but be wowed by you. Nicole, I've said this before and I'll say it again. You rock.
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