If they knew...

I sit in around a crowded fire pit listening to all the laughter and watchin all the smiles. Feeling very loved and touched that they all showed up. Thinkin I have great friends they all came because of me...because I was born on this day. Makes my heart happy. As I am sitting there thinkin about this...if they only knew...my thoughts. If they only knew that inside I felt alone...if they only knew I am lost...and invisable...if they only knew. I laugh and smile so they think I am happy...this is my day...my favorite day of the entire world...and I didnt have the time of my life...I ate cake and that made me happy....I had great hugs from great friends and that made me happy...but still lost and confused and invisable...why do I feel this way...Daddy help me...come to me and be with me and make me feel whole again...if they only knew the dangerous thoughts...the bad thoughts...and the lonliness I feel...if they only knew...would they even care?