Sunday, March 04, 2007
My weekend and life and you know
This weekend has been great more then anything I can imagine God is doin somethin...I am not sure what but I do know its goin to be big and great...this week was a hard week and this weekend was like a refresher for me...God gave me what I needed and that was to see faces that I loved and missed...people who I havent seen for a long time...and that I got close to...today at church was amazing I think...I kinda blanked out a couple of times...it was like a party...it was like victory after a battle...it was amazing but...I wouldnt let myself enjoy it...I wouldnt let myself get excited...I wouldnt let myself cry today...I just wouldnt let myself...why you ask I am not too sure why...I didnt fight hard enough...I didnt do all I could...I screwed up big this week at work and it was my fault...and I need to do better...I screwed up big this week in life as well...I screwed up friends...and I shouldnt have I needed to fight more and persevre and I didnt...this is still past addictions in my life as well that need to go away...there is failure that needs to go away...lately I feel like anything I touch no matter what it is I fail at it...no matter what it is I touch I fail...and I dont know how to fix it...this week everyone and everything has attacked me...and I dropped my shield....I have not yet picked up cause I cant carry it anymore...I am tired and week...I am tryin to carry things for friends that dont appreciate it...I am tryin to do things for friends who could care less...I am getting tired...the weird thing is I have been getting tons of sleep this weekend and not feeling any of it in the physical...my body is sore and tired feels like I got zero sleep...I am empty and tapped out and cannot give no more...I am done friends...I am done....if you are lookin for me I will be the one lying on the ground waving a white flag
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Hey Nikki, I know how you feel. Well, you might not believe me but I didn't feel like celebrating on Sunday either. I was probably the laziest I've ever been in my entire life last week. And let me mention that laziness has been my addiction for a long time. I give in to apathy way too easily. But Sunday changed me. I feel refreshed and I'm fighting this week and so should you. I'm working hard, making up for my mistakes (even though I don't have to) and believing that my God is bigger than my problems. He knows us Nikki, inside and out, every inch and every thought and He has uncountable thoughts about us all the time, good thoughts about what He wants for us and how He wants to provide for us and be our rock, our best friend, intimate lover and ultimate soul mate. He is in you and He is in me.
If you need someone to lean on a bit this week, I'll to go WalMart anytime with you. . .well, not anytime. I have to work super hard this week. But maybe coffee or something. . . i dunno, just call me or something. I'm here.
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