Sunday, March 25, 2007
Untitled
Face is hot...feels like its on fire...face is red I am sure...tears streaming down my face...staring into pictures...pictures of times when we were happy...joyful sounds would come from these pictures...you see happiness and peace and friendship...too bad its only in a picture...I look around and see anger...frusration...and dissapointment...failure and fakeness...tears streaming down my face as I sit here in failure and take it all on as my fault...I see everything crashing down and falling apart at my feet...and its my fault...walking on the rubble...stepping on your heart...as I continue on in life...onto the next group onto the next friend...tears streaming down my face as I am staring into pictures...pictures of adventures...life and fun...too bad its just a picture...and reality is no longer like that...its violence...hatred and mistake...my mistake...I know its my fault...dont worry the world tells me...how do I fix this...I do I get rid of this...this pain I hold inside...I thought I already fixed it...I thought you took it away Daddy...this pain wants to leave this pain wants to stay...its a fight within...killing me on the inside...making sure I am dead...no longer will I trust or get close...it hurts to much...face getting hot...tears streaming down my face...anger has set in...I want to scream...I want to yell...I want to fight...what the hell am I doing wrong?...why isnt it getting better...you think you know me...you dont know where I have been what I have seen...its easy for you to leave...leave then...but dont...cause all I need is for you to stay...tears streaming down my face...crying out for help...I am lost...I am stuck...I am confused...what did I do...and how did I get here...how can I fix it...and why am I in a lose lose situation...lying here...tears streaming down my face...walking this road alone...truly alone inside...Daddy you are my one and only.
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4 comments:
pictures are a good thing, lets you remember the good times. sometimes the not so good times either. but it's only time that heals those pictures. remember the fun stuff though, and keep your chin up!
Hey Girly, If I am reading your blog right, I feel the same way right now. and I have no idea what to do, and having felt this way with a number of friends I dont trust and get close to others easly for along time now.
so my friend, dont think your the only one feeling like this, Cuz I know now there is at least one other who does too. so ya I dont really having anything to say to encourage you, but that I love ya
I heard an awesome quote in a song this morning:
"Kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight."
It's from a barenaked ladies song, can't remember which one but I thought about it and it seems fitting. You've got a lot of darkness hitting you, I know I'm not one to say that I've really done this part well, but we need to kick back at the darkness until it starts bleeding light.
Prvbs 3 5-6
That might help too.
As you come and go, there will always be grace. Love and grace for Nikki. Always.
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