Crazy

Its like 2am and I had this whole great blog planned out in my head and I just lost my train of thought...so I will write about what I am thinkin right now. Its crazy how you have everything figured out and you think you know whats gonna come next and bam things change and you are on a different path. Here is the picture and story for you...well I am finished college now right so I was supposed to get this amazing position at my work well that all changed today I still get a pretty good position but not the one I wanted. Here is the thing I was supposed to get put in the toddler room at my work but they want someone consistant in there and since I am goin to the ranch in the summer I will be leavin in June right..but there is this other position in the Kindergarten room that is untill the end of June so they said it prob would be best if I took that one so I said ok. This means I will not be makin as much money as I would be in the toddler room and its not my dream position. But then my boss said the most profound thing today that I never thought I would hear out of her mouth. She said that the ranch is a ministry and if I believe that I am called there then I need to go. She said that this decision could be a test to see if I am going to go for the money or for what God wants me to do. Now this is a women who doesnt follow yet she is tellin me these things and I thought wow...so I said yes I will take the kindergarten position and then I will go to the ranch and come back to work then get the position I want. So here is the picture I seen tho I am walking to the promised land to my dream and I can see it all I need to do is take one more step...I take that one more step and end up in a totally different world...I look up and see that the promised land just got further away but is still attainable...so I realized that there is more work to be done more walking then God is going to give me what He promised. At the beggining of the year God told me This is the Year He said this is the year for everything that you have been believing for will come to pass and He told me that before I knew that was the Dreamcentre's word as well so I truly believe that and I am going to keep going.

On another note there is other things going through my head. And that is the people God is bringing into my life and then taking them out. Some people I am able to only get to know a little bit then they leave...some people I am able to get to know well and then they leave...some stay and some go. God has given me incredable friends and each one I can tell different things to. I am very thankful for my friends and the ones that I am close to right now...will always have a place in my heart no matter how far we live from each other and no matter where our lives take us...they are my friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ and without them this journey would be a lot harder then it is.

I am going through a lot of things right now but I know its for the good. I know God has these amazing plans for me...just sometimes its really hard to wait expecially when He has given you a glimpse of what is to come. It's also hard for me cause I struggle with my own thoughts in my head about being worthless and I know a few of you made sure in my last blog that I knew I wasnt alone...but sometimes its hard to believe that when trust keeps getting broken and its not your guys fault its things that I need to deal with in my own head. I get too close to people and push them away or I get too close to people and then I set myself up for disapointment cause in all reality there is no reason to trust humans. The wall I broke down with some people I am goin to build some of it back up so that they know less about me.

Wow this blog is a lot of rambling but this is whats in my head tonight. It's now 2:16am and I need sleep for the boring car ride to Moose Jaw tomorrow. And to all my friends dont worry about me cause I am fine.