Thursday, November 30, 2006
Good day
Ok so I have this draft of a blog on here about a movie I saw the other night Stranger than fiction...it was a great movie but I havent finished that blog cause well its just not comin to me...so I have decided to write this one...with new and fresh ideas...well today has been an amazing day and I had a good time...pretending to be in Hawaii...looking for elephants and just plain old bein a kid...it was a great day....and well it ended in a good laugh and some words from God...well let me tell you this has been an awesome day...I literally changed my day by saying it is goin to be a good one...and you know what life does happen...and shit will always happen...but its how you react...its how you decided to be that day that determines what its goin to do to you...so this is Nikki and this is my year...and I will be more than a conquer...cause I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...and you can too
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Tis the season
Ok I have been havin writers block and my mind has been else where...its not really here...and I have figured why I think. Christmas is my favorite holiday for only one reason...its the time of year when I remember what Jesus did for me...what God did for me...just what was done for me...thats the only reason I love Christmas...Jesus died a brutal death for me and He knew He had to so that I could live...that is truly amazing...and the reason for the season...is to celebrate Jesus's birthday. Now the reasons why I hate Christmas is I have to get together with my family and hear them fight all day and nothing ever goes right and no body gets along...I hate fighting so much I hate arguments..and it really goes deep with me...and I cringe if I get in an argument with my friends or they get into one with each other...it goes deeper then people think...thats all my family does...All I want for Christmas this year is for everyone to get along...I want a Christmas I will never forget one so incrediable that it ends up in my good memory books thats what I want for Christmas...when december hits I cringe.
The other reason why I dont like this season is its so commercial...its all about who can give the best gift or what you get out of it...havent you already gotten the best gift ever JESUS GAVE HIS LIFE...yeah that is the best gift anyone can give...I hate that people are always like well I dont have the money or I cant get you somethin amazing...who cares...to me a gift could be a gum wrapper if that gum wrapper means somethin to me and you I will keep and I will keep it forever...thats what its about...Jesus loved us so we can show love...show someone you love them this year...show them how much you appreciate them and all they do for you...rock their world...have we forgotten what its all about? Most of all show God how much you love Him and how much you appreciate what He did for you.
The other reason why I dont like this season is its so commercial...its all about who can give the best gift or what you get out of it...havent you already gotten the best gift ever JESUS GAVE HIS LIFE...yeah that is the best gift anyone can give...I hate that people are always like well I dont have the money or I cant get you somethin amazing...who cares...to me a gift could be a gum wrapper if that gum wrapper means somethin to me and you I will keep and I will keep it forever...thats what its about...Jesus loved us so we can show love...show someone you love them this year...show them how much you appreciate them and all they do for you...rock their world...have we forgotten what its all about? Most of all show God how much you love Him and how much you appreciate what He did for you.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Diversity
Well its saturday and normally I would have slept in till noon or later but not today I had to go to a workshop at my work this morning. Now when I thought about this workshop I was like oh great another boring thing I have to sit through and listen...well that was not the case...this workshop was about diversity. We are tryin to be a daycare centre of diversity...now that just doesnt mean skin color but also means abilities and religion and even your upbringing....I learned a lot of this in college when I was there but there was some new and interesting thoughts that I learned today as well...so it wasnt a waste of my time and I really enjoyed it....but there were times today when I was a lil distracted and just sat and thought...and thats what I want to write about.
Dictionary.com says that diversity means
1.the state or fact of being diverse; difference; unlikeness.
2.variety; multiformity.
3.a point of difference.
So now lets look at this we are all different in my group of friends I see so many differences and its amazing...We did a few activities that got me thinking today about diversity ok so we as staff made a paper quilt...she gave us markers and a piece of construction paper and said draw what is important to you...well the first thing that popped into my head was God...how...how could I draw God on paper...so I drew three crosses and the one that Jesus died on I drew thorns and blood on it...and then I drew snow...that represents God to me...the next thing I thought of was my friends...so I drew three friends...ha ha and you should see they are awesome drawings...then the last thing I thought of was my family so I drew my family...then I looked at other peoples papers...and one of our co workers is from bosnia and she drew the earth and an airplane and then she drew Medicine Hat and Bosnia and drew arrows it was really cool and others drew their kids and stuff and it was really neat to see what was important to others in my work...kinda brought us together more...then we did the orange game...now this is a cool game...she gave us oranges and said get to know your orange...and so we did...then she out them back in the bowl and said no find your orange...and we all did...because we got to know what the outside looked like and they all had there little differences...then she said now if we were to peal them and put them back into the bowl would you know which one was yours...the answer would be no cause they are the same...the activity was to represent that we are all different on the outside but in reality we were all the same...cool eh...well my day was not a waste and I got to think about a movie I just watched.
You, Me and Dupree now I dunno if you have seen this movie but its stinkin hilarous and I love it...in this movie Dupree talks about your "ness" the part that is truly you...and to make a long story short he ends up to become a motivational speaker on "How to discover your ness" its pretty funny. Anyways I got thinking about it and we need to find our "ness" we need to find that little bit that is us and no one else...well yeah so like I said before God talks to me through movies cause He knows I will pay attention...anyways friends...think about things I said...next time you see someone who is different then you accept them for who they are...and maybe try to get to know them...I dunno sounds a little crazy and out of our comfort zone but you might end up learning somethin interesting that you never knew before...and last thing I want to say is discover your "ness" find that little thing inside of you that is you...you are amazing in your own way and you all have an amazing destiny and purpose...you just need to open up your eyes and see it.
Dictionary.com says that diversity means
1.the state or fact of being diverse; difference; unlikeness.
2.variety; multiformity.
3.a point of difference.
So now lets look at this we are all different in my group of friends I see so many differences and its amazing...We did a few activities that got me thinking today about diversity ok so we as staff made a paper quilt...she gave us markers and a piece of construction paper and said draw what is important to you...well the first thing that popped into my head was God...how...how could I draw God on paper...so I drew three crosses and the one that Jesus died on I drew thorns and blood on it...and then I drew snow...that represents God to me...the next thing I thought of was my friends...so I drew three friends...ha ha and you should see they are awesome drawings...then the last thing I thought of was my family so I drew my family...then I looked at other peoples papers...and one of our co workers is from bosnia and she drew the earth and an airplane and then she drew Medicine Hat and Bosnia and drew arrows it was really cool and others drew their kids and stuff and it was really neat to see what was important to others in my work...kinda brought us together more...then we did the orange game...now this is a cool game...she gave us oranges and said get to know your orange...and so we did...then she out them back in the bowl and said no find your orange...and we all did...because we got to know what the outside looked like and they all had there little differences...then she said now if we were to peal them and put them back into the bowl would you know which one was yours...the answer would be no cause they are the same...the activity was to represent that we are all different on the outside but in reality we were all the same...cool eh...well my day was not a waste and I got to think about a movie I just watched.
You, Me and Dupree now I dunno if you have seen this movie but its stinkin hilarous and I love it...in this movie Dupree talks about your "ness" the part that is truly you...and to make a long story short he ends up to become a motivational speaker on "How to discover your ness" its pretty funny. Anyways I got thinking about it and we need to find our "ness" we need to find that little bit that is us and no one else...well yeah so like I said before God talks to me through movies cause He knows I will pay attention...anyways friends...think about things I said...next time you see someone who is different then you accept them for who they are...and maybe try to get to know them...I dunno sounds a little crazy and out of our comfort zone but you might end up learning somethin interesting that you never knew before...and last thing I want to say is discover your "ness" find that little thing inside of you that is you...you are amazing in your own way and you all have an amazing destiny and purpose...you just need to open up your eyes and see it.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Welcome Home Jello
For those of you who dont know Jello is Jelea...and she was in Thailand for two months but is now home...cant wait to hear your stories...and see the pics...love ya.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Violence
I brought work home so I could do it...but I decided writing a blog would be more fun...ha ha prcrastination I know...thats how I got through college...anyways...
What I want to write about is somethin that disturbs me...somethin I have a heart for...its children and youth....I read an article last night about a murder that a 17 year old had done...and the article was talkin about who's fault it is...and they looked at the parents at society and even the "friends" who cheered the fight on...yes it may have been all these people's fault but...we have given the enemy a key into our youths lives and we need to take it back...we have let him come in with alcohool, drugs and violence...its time to change that...its time to turn tables over...its time to be a revolutionary...its time.
Now people blame media and video games and all that stuff but I dont think its that...yes it could play a factor...but the children who lived in war times werent as violent as children today...and those children saw real violence...children back in the day saw real murder and real blood...not the fake type you see on tv...they saw real guns and stuff and they were not a violent generation...but todays generation of children yes they are...I work with two year olds and at that age they are already beating on their "friends"...it blows my mind on how young someone can start being violent...we need to pray and fight for the children of this world...it disturbs me that we let it get this far that children are murdering people...not too long ago in my own city...a child killed her family...now how did this happen? And why did we let it get this far? It takes a village to raise a child...so stop blaming parents and do your part.
What I want to write about is somethin that disturbs me...somethin I have a heart for...its children and youth....I read an article last night about a murder that a 17 year old had done...and the article was talkin about who's fault it is...and they looked at the parents at society and even the "friends" who cheered the fight on...yes it may have been all these people's fault but...we have given the enemy a key into our youths lives and we need to take it back...we have let him come in with alcohool, drugs and violence...its time to change that...its time to turn tables over...its time to be a revolutionary...its time.
Now people blame media and video games and all that stuff but I dont think its that...yes it could play a factor...but the children who lived in war times werent as violent as children today...and those children saw real violence...children back in the day saw real murder and real blood...not the fake type you see on tv...they saw real guns and stuff and they were not a violent generation...but todays generation of children yes they are...I work with two year olds and at that age they are already beating on their "friends"...it blows my mind on how young someone can start being violent...we need to pray and fight for the children of this world...it disturbs me that we let it get this far that children are murdering people...not too long ago in my own city...a child killed her family...now how did this happen? And why did we let it get this far? It takes a village to raise a child...so stop blaming parents and do your part.
Monday, November 20, 2006
One day at a time
Well just wanted to leave a short note sayin I am livin one day at a time..and thats how it is...I wake up and talk to God and say what I want go on with my day...and if it sucks I go to bed that night wake up and say its a brand new day...and I can try it again...mhmm thats how I am goin to live....well yeah thats just a thought for you all...I am goin to untie a colt everyday or at least try...and if I dont feel like it I know Amanda will kick me in the a** so its all good
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Another Chapter
Ok so I went on a road trip to Edmonton last weekend and I wanted to wait to write that blog till I went to ENR this weekend cause I knew somehow they would tie together...and well they kinda did...God is fricken amazing is what I have to say...well here goes whats goin on in my life right now...
So Edmonton was a great road trip but not what I had expected...I thought my three friends and I were goin to have this amzing road trip that nothing went wrong in...thats not how it went...dont get me wrong it was amazing...and God was defintily there...so we set off and video taped the trip and that was sweet...then we went shopping and all day I felt tension and to be honest didnt want to be around my friends I was frustrated but not really at them just frustrated...the crazy part is that everyone felt that way...so that night we prayed and worshipped and it was great God was defintily there...then the next day we went to church and it talked about these paths we choose and it pretty much said I was relational and I knew that I see and hear God through relationships I have...so lets skip right to monday when we were leavin...I was gettin upset...cause for those of you who dont know this...I want to live in Edmonton and have wanted to for the past four years...but God keeps sayin no...so in the car this is what I wrote:
Why? Familier faces, familier ways home is here, home is unattainable to me. Go back to where I reside but its not home. They say home is where the heart is, my heart is here. Leaving where I want to be , complete peace, complete existance. This place needs the life I carry within me. Life is at the place where I reside. But at home there is no life, there is no hope but faceless beings walking the streets so blind to the truth. Here I go again leaving my heart behind my body goes to the place I reside my heart stays at home. Why dont I stay you ask? Because there is a higher calling for me in the place I reside...in the place I belong. Someday my heart and body will reunite untill then they will just visit...my heart waits on the edge for the day He says go. No one knows what I carry within, no one knows what my heart longs for, no one knows the desires...the desire to be here and never leave...to change this world...I have already changed mine, I have already stretched it, I want a new challenge...time for adventure time to go back to the place thats familier...why is the new and unfamilier so familier? Why is this home? How is it possible I feel alive in this place? As I leave this place I leave my heart and take my body to where I reside.
Ok so I wrote that and asked God why Edmonton is on my heart...I believe that its a place to keep in prayer and maybe someday down the road I am to live there...right now I am called to Medicine Hat..and dont take that the wrong way...I LOVE my city. Ok so the road trip was a blast and we all got closer with each other..and it is one for the memory books.
Now this weekend at ENR there was a staff retreat and I went and well it was ver laid back which was awesome...but some cool stuff happened this weekend...mostly all today...so I am terrified of horses right..well I conquered a fear today...not only did I ride a horse...but I went on a stinkin trail ride...ok so that was a first time I have done this and it was scary but awesome at the same time..I felt God with me the whole time..and at one point my eyes started welling up with tears...I had fun and I did somethin new and I said no to fear...yes there were a few times when I almost sh** my pants...but it was great and I would do it again...then Pastor Landon who is an amazing person spoke tonight on somethin that hit me hard the one line that stuck out to me was...God will put you somewhere you are unsure so you will walk in faith...it was like God planned that stinkin horse ride to teach me about what I was to hear in the evening...I was unsure so I used faith...and succeeded...hmm interesting God makes me laugh..and just think I didnt actaully want to go to the staff retreat ha ha I know why I went now. Ohh and the moment when I felt a real fathers love today...was when Landon came up to me and hugged me and told me he loved me and was proud of me and he kissed me on the forehead...then when I was leavin tonight he said it again and hugged me and kissed me on the forehead and at that moment I felt what having a dad felt like...it truly was amazing...I get a little upset when friends talk about their dads...but really I love it cause all the good things they say about their dads I get to see characteristics of God and it helps me to understand Him more...yeah I am havin a good day.
Life is getting intersting to me..and things are changing and I am growing...also I am showing the real Nicole...and I love every minute of it...I like this person she is goin to stay out...turn the page God
So Edmonton was a great road trip but not what I had expected...I thought my three friends and I were goin to have this amzing road trip that nothing went wrong in...thats not how it went...dont get me wrong it was amazing...and God was defintily there...so we set off and video taped the trip and that was sweet...then we went shopping and all day I felt tension and to be honest didnt want to be around my friends I was frustrated but not really at them just frustrated...the crazy part is that everyone felt that way...so that night we prayed and worshipped and it was great God was defintily there...then the next day we went to church and it talked about these paths we choose and it pretty much said I was relational and I knew that I see and hear God through relationships I have...so lets skip right to monday when we were leavin...I was gettin upset...cause for those of you who dont know this...I want to live in Edmonton and have wanted to for the past four years...but God keeps sayin no...so in the car this is what I wrote:
Why? Familier faces, familier ways home is here, home is unattainable to me. Go back to where I reside but its not home. They say home is where the heart is, my heart is here. Leaving where I want to be , complete peace, complete existance. This place needs the life I carry within me. Life is at the place where I reside. But at home there is no life, there is no hope but faceless beings walking the streets so blind to the truth. Here I go again leaving my heart behind my body goes to the place I reside my heart stays at home. Why dont I stay you ask? Because there is a higher calling for me in the place I reside...in the place I belong. Someday my heart and body will reunite untill then they will just visit...my heart waits on the edge for the day He says go. No one knows what I carry within, no one knows what my heart longs for, no one knows the desires...the desire to be here and never leave...to change this world...I have already changed mine, I have already stretched it, I want a new challenge...time for adventure time to go back to the place thats familier...why is the new and unfamilier so familier? Why is this home? How is it possible I feel alive in this place? As I leave this place I leave my heart and take my body to where I reside.
Ok so I wrote that and asked God why Edmonton is on my heart...I believe that its a place to keep in prayer and maybe someday down the road I am to live there...right now I am called to Medicine Hat..and dont take that the wrong way...I LOVE my city. Ok so the road trip was a blast and we all got closer with each other..and it is one for the memory books.
Now this weekend at ENR there was a staff retreat and I went and well it was ver laid back which was awesome...but some cool stuff happened this weekend...mostly all today...so I am terrified of horses right..well I conquered a fear today...not only did I ride a horse...but I went on a stinkin trail ride...ok so that was a first time I have done this and it was scary but awesome at the same time..I felt God with me the whole time..and at one point my eyes started welling up with tears...I had fun and I did somethin new and I said no to fear...yes there were a few times when I almost sh** my pants...but it was great and I would do it again...then Pastor Landon who is an amazing person spoke tonight on somethin that hit me hard the one line that stuck out to me was...God will put you somewhere you are unsure so you will walk in faith...it was like God planned that stinkin horse ride to teach me about what I was to hear in the evening...I was unsure so I used faith...and succeeded...hmm interesting God makes me laugh..and just think I didnt actaully want to go to the staff retreat ha ha I know why I went now. Ohh and the moment when I felt a real fathers love today...was when Landon came up to me and hugged me and told me he loved me and was proud of me and he kissed me on the forehead...then when I was leavin tonight he said it again and hugged me and kissed me on the forehead and at that moment I felt what having a dad felt like...it truly was amazing...I get a little upset when friends talk about their dads...but really I love it cause all the good things they say about their dads I get to see characteristics of God and it helps me to understand Him more...yeah I am havin a good day.
Life is getting intersting to me..and things are changing and I am growing...also I am showing the real Nicole...and I love every minute of it...I like this person she is goin to stay out...turn the page God
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
"Real" Adult
Hmmm...my blog is not what I thought it was goin to be about...I was goin to write about my amazing weekend..and was goin to tell you about new friends, road trips..and memories that last longer then time...but thats not what I will write about...I will tell you all about my weekend in my next blog somethin else is on my mind.
Have you ever had those moments where you realize you are actually a grown up and you feel like one...well as I was walking in my house starbucks cup in one hand and a book in the other...wearing dress pants and a nice shirt...into a house that I pay rent in and no sign of a parent lives here...I felt like a "real" grown up...then I proceeded up the stairs to make some food that not only did I pay for but I like it all...I am 23 years old and actually feel it for once...I am done college and have a well paying job...my bills are all paid and I have money from one paycheck to another...no more living from paycheck to paycheck anymore...life is great...now I am not saying this to brag I am just saying the impossible has become possible...and its really exciting to me...God is incredable...He teaches lessons and takes us through things that we never thought we would go through...I have been an adult for 5 years now and for the first time actually feel like one...its crazy...ok so enough about that rant...some of you may say ha ha you arent an adult...but I am and I do act like one...cause I know how to have fun but I am also very responsible and I know that...this is the first time I am confident in myself...I know I am an adult and no one can take that away from me...well goodnight friends...its time for me to go to bed so I can function at work tomorrow...Be Blessed Friends.
Have you ever had those moments where you realize you are actually a grown up and you feel like one...well as I was walking in my house starbucks cup in one hand and a book in the other...wearing dress pants and a nice shirt...into a house that I pay rent in and no sign of a parent lives here...I felt like a "real" grown up...then I proceeded up the stairs to make some food that not only did I pay for but I like it all...I am 23 years old and actually feel it for once...I am done college and have a well paying job...my bills are all paid and I have money from one paycheck to another...no more living from paycheck to paycheck anymore...life is great...now I am not saying this to brag I am just saying the impossible has become possible...and its really exciting to me...God is incredable...He teaches lessons and takes us through things that we never thought we would go through...I have been an adult for 5 years now and for the first time actually feel like one...its crazy...ok so enough about that rant...some of you may say ha ha you arent an adult...but I am and I do act like one...cause I know how to have fun but I am also very responsible and I know that...this is the first time I am confident in myself...I know I am an adult and no one can take that away from me...well goodnight friends...its time for me to go to bed so I can function at work tomorrow...Be Blessed Friends.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Funny how God works...
Ok its like 1:30 am and I was in bed thinkin I tend to do a lot of thinkin before I fall asleep...but I thought of somethin amazing and had to get it on here...ok so before I went to ENR this summer I had two amazing friends that I talked to and hung out with all the time...Jelea and Mary...well then it turned out Mary was heading back to Ontario cause that is where her job was takin her so I thought well thats how my life works God brings me great people and takes them away...then I went to the ranch and while I was there met amazing people who I considered my ENR family and it was awesome...when I came home at the end of the summer I was prayin for friends that could be like a family to me...so as the days were goin by we were counting the days untill Jelea went to Thialand for two months like I said people leave my life all the time...so I prayed for an amazing friend...that I could confide in...I prayed for a few friends that could be a family...and well that leads to my life right now...after I came home from the ranch I met a friend named Amanda(Hazzard, Danger Zone, Crick, Manny...you know whatever we call her at the time) She has been stinkin amazing in my life...she was the friend I was praying for...we can talk about anything and I mean anything...and she calls me on things when I need it...she gives me that kick in the A** so yeah I love her...but I was like God wouldnt it be great if I had a family of friends like at the ranch...well then a friend of mine that I had awhile back came back into my life Heather...she is also amazing no matter how long it takes for her to get somethin she does eventually get it...then I made another friend who I knew who this person was just never hung out with him...Cody a guy with many dreams and ideas about life that you always learn somethin from...God gave me my family of friends...the four of us have been hangin out a lot lately...these are people that I am real around and feel safe around...its the same feeling I had at the ranch...I love just being around them even in the silent moments when no one has anything to say...I love it...they are my family and will always be in my heart...God gave me what I needed...I dunno why I worried so much...some days I am like so God when are you takin them away from me...and He is like not anytime soon so enjoy this...can anyone say TRIBAL
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Naked and Unashamed
Ok this blog was goin to be somethin different but...for some reason I feel like writing about somethin else...what I was goin to talk about is how today we went on a photoshoot and had a blast and I was goin to talk about me changing in the praries (by that I mean taking my shirt off to wash the mud off) and how I was bein real with God with my feelings so I was naked and unashamed but...this is not goin to be about that experiance.
Naked and unashamed is a feeling I have had all day...I dropped my mask and hung out with the three best people in the world today....I was me...all I can say is this is a start of somethin amazing and I will always have these three people in my heart...the four of us are takin over the world...and the devil doesnt like it...I can see that...he is gettin his weapons ready but what he doesnt know is...we serve a BIG God who is standing all around us...He has our back...we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us...ALL things not just some but ALL...yes I love my friends...I love what God has given me...three people I can be me around without a hint of hiding...I dont have to hide around these people and its the best feeling ever...ha ha I am in a great mood right now and its 1:35am and I still have to get up for church but who cares...God is all over me and all over my room...tonight my friends told me a verse...The wicked are overthrown and no more, but the house of the righteous will stand Proverbs 12:7....for some reason that verse makes me smile and want to run to my Daddy's arms and never let go...I know something happend tonight but I am not sure what it was...but God is with me...my Daddy reigns...
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Grumbling
Ok for real you know what annoys me most...people who complain about the weather...people complain about the heat people complain about the cold...people complain about rain people complain about snow. I love the weather I dont care what it is I am thankful I am able to see it...I am able to feel it...and I am able to talk about it. Thank you Jesus for giving me senses...thank you so much for all five I have thank you. This is on my mind because it snowed today and people were complainin some not because of snow...some because of cold...and some well because it just doesnt benefit them...if God wants it to snow it will snow. But snow means so much more to me...God made me a promise with the snow that I will never forget...and it actually upsets me when people complain about snow...because it means so much more to me...
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Who am I living for?
PERFECT
By: Simple Plan
Hey Dad
Look at me,
Think back and talk to me.
Did i grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doin' things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you dissaprove all along.
And now I tried hard to make it,
I just want to make you proud.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you,
And you cant change me
*Chorus*
Cuz we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever.
I'm sorry i cant bePerfect
Now its just too late,
And we cant go back.
I'm sorry I cant be
Perfect
I try not to think about the pain i feel inside,
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All days you spent with me
Now seem so far away,
And it feels like you don't care anymore
I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you.
I cant stand another fight,
And nothings alright
*Chorus*
Nothings gonna change the things that you said,
Nothings gonna make this right again.
Please dont turn your back,
I can't believe its hard just to talk to you
but you dont understand
*Chorus* X 2
Now its just too late,
And we cant go back
I'm sorry i can't be
Perfect
This is one of my fav songs....it makes me think who am I living for. Everyday of my life I am living and succeeding so that my mom can see that I can do it...so that my mom can see I am not goin to end up like her...so that my mom can live through me...I do it for her...in the end what do I end up with somethin else that she is dissapointed in me for...I have always screwed up at somethin...nothin is ever good enough...I want to do it...I want to be successful so that she can be proud...I have heard it...on my birthday the best present she gave me...was sayin "I love you and I am proud of you" that was the best gift I could ever recive...but I am still waking up everyday and proving to her I can do it...who do I live for? Is it my mom? Do I live for myself? Or do I live for Jesus? Or do I live for the world? What am I tryin to prove? Am I showin Jesus in all that I do? I want to show Jesus...but in the process I want to show people that I can do it...and I will show them...I am determined...I am motivated...I am moved...watch me go...watch me do it...watch me grow...
By: Simple Plan
Hey Dad
Look at me,
Think back and talk to me.
Did i grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doin' things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you dissaprove all along.
And now I tried hard to make it,
I just want to make you proud.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you,
And you cant change me
*Chorus*
Cuz we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever.
I'm sorry i cant bePerfect
Now its just too late,
And we cant go back.
I'm sorry I cant be
Perfect
I try not to think about the pain i feel inside,
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All days you spent with me
Now seem so far away,
And it feels like you don't care anymore
I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you.
I cant stand another fight,
And nothings alright
*Chorus*
Nothings gonna change the things that you said,
Nothings gonna make this right again.
Please dont turn your back,
I can't believe its hard just to talk to you
but you dont understand
*Chorus* X 2
Now its just too late,
And we cant go back
I'm sorry i can't be
Perfect
This is one of my fav songs....it makes me think who am I living for. Everyday of my life I am living and succeeding so that my mom can see that I can do it...so that my mom can see I am not goin to end up like her...so that my mom can live through me...I do it for her...in the end what do I end up with somethin else that she is dissapointed in me for...I have always screwed up at somethin...nothin is ever good enough...I want to do it...I want to be successful so that she can be proud...I have heard it...on my birthday the best present she gave me...was sayin "I love you and I am proud of you" that was the best gift I could ever recive...but I am still waking up everyday and proving to her I can do it...who do I live for? Is it my mom? Do I live for myself? Or do I live for Jesus? Or do I live for the world? What am I tryin to prove? Am I showin Jesus in all that I do? I want to show Jesus...but in the process I want to show people that I can do it...and I will show them...I am determined...I am motivated...I am moved...watch me go...watch me do it...watch me grow...
Broken and Misunderstood
Why is it? Why is it when I am upset or passionate about somethin...no one understands? I am passionate about life and people becoming who God called them to be...I want to catipult them into their destiny. I am called to speak destiny and purpose into people's lives but why? Why am I misunderstood? I know that I am supposed to let God do the work...but some times I feel like He is takin too long...I long for God to move...but feel like He isnt...I love to see people grow....but I feel like they are shrinking. I know what you are goin to tell me..in God's timing Nikki...He will do it...we cannot take stuff on ourselves...I have heard it all before and still I refuse to see my friends die...I know some of you are thinking I should take my own advice and listen to you...no more lecturing I know...I know what I am doing and I know what you want to say to me...but there is one thing I want to know...why am I misunderstood? The last two days my life has changed huge..I am not the same Nikki you all know...I am me. I am looking through different eyes...when I am in a group it feels like I am standing on the outside of my body and watchin you all...and myself...watchin how things work and how people react and whats goin on...and I am seeing things different then everyone else...I am seein them with different eyes...its like I woke up one mornin and put different eyes in...I see through the masks and the fakeness...I see the pain and the happiness...I see you...I see the world...its spinning so slow I see the flowers grow...I know there is snow and the flowers are dead...but I see them...with my new eyes...dont worry guys this blog was not written under the influence of any kind...its really how I feel...the world is slow and I can see it...everything is in slow motion...you know why...because I took a chance to stop and smell the flowers...
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