Ok so I went on a road trip to Edmonton last weekend and I wanted to wait to write that blog till I went to ENR this weekend cause I knew somehow they would tie together...and well they kinda did...God is fricken amazing is what I have to say...well here goes whats goin on in my life right now...
So Edmonton was a great road trip but not what I had expected...I thought my three friends and I were goin to have this amzing road trip that nothing went wrong in...thats not how it went...dont get me wrong it was amazing...and God was defintily there...so we set off and video taped the trip and that was sweet...then we went shopping and all day I felt tension and to be honest didnt want to be around my friends I was frustrated but not really at them just frustrated...the crazy part is that everyone felt that way...so that night we prayed and worshipped and it was great God was defintily there...then the next day we went to church and it talked about these paths we choose and it pretty much said I was relational and I knew that I see and hear God through relationships I have...so lets skip right to monday when we were leavin...I was gettin upset...cause for those of you who dont know this...I want to live in Edmonton and have wanted to for the past four years...but God keeps sayin no...so in the car this is what I wrote:
Why? Familier faces, familier ways home is here, home is unattainable to me. Go back to where I reside but its not home. They say home is where the heart is, my heart is here. Leaving where I want to be , complete peace, complete existance. This place needs the life I carry within me. Life is at the place where I reside. But at home there is no life, there is no hope but faceless beings walking the streets so blind to the truth. Here I go again leaving my heart behind my body goes to the place I reside my heart stays at home. Why dont I stay you ask? Because there is a higher calling for me in the place I reside...in the place I belong. Someday my heart and body will reunite untill then they will just visit...my heart waits on the edge for the day He says go. No one knows what I carry within, no one knows what my heart longs for, no one knows the desires...the desire to be here and never leave...to change this world...I have already changed mine, I have already stretched it, I want a new challenge...time for adventure time to go back to the place thats familier...why is the new and unfamilier so familier? Why is this home? How is it possible I feel alive in this place? As I leave this place I leave my heart and take my body to where I reside.
Ok so I wrote that and asked God why Edmonton is on my heart...I believe that its a place to keep in prayer and maybe someday down the road I am to live there...right now I am called to Medicine Hat..and dont take that the wrong way...I LOVE my city. Ok so the road trip was a blast and we all got closer with each other..and it is one for the memory books.
Now this weekend at ENR there was a staff retreat and I went and well it was ver laid back which was awesome...but some cool stuff happened this weekend...mostly all today...so I am terrified of horses right..well I conquered a fear today...not only did I ride a horse...but I went on a stinkin trail ride...ok so that was a first time I have done this and it was scary but awesome at the same time..I felt God with me the whole time..and at one point my eyes started welling up with tears...I had fun and I did somethin new and I said no to fear...yes there were a few times when I almost sh** my pants...but it was great and I would do it again...then Pastor Landon who is an amazing person spoke tonight on somethin that hit me hard the one line that stuck out to me was...God will put you somewhere you are unsure so you will walk in faith...it was like God planned that stinkin horse ride to teach me about what I was to hear in the evening...I was unsure so I used faith...and succeeded...hmm interesting God makes me laugh..and just think I didnt actaully want to go to the staff retreat ha ha I know why I went now. Ohh and the moment when I felt a real fathers love today...was when Landon came up to me and hugged me and told me he loved me and was proud of me and he kissed me on the forehead...then when I was leavin tonight he said it again and hugged me and kissed me on the forehead and at that moment I felt what having a dad felt like...it truly was amazing...I get a little upset when friends talk about their dads...but really I love it cause all the good things they say about their dads I get to see characteristics of God and it helps me to understand Him more...yeah I am havin a good day.
Life is getting intersting to me..and things are changing and I am growing...also I am showing the real Nicole...and I love every minute of it...I like this person she is goin to stay out...turn the page God
2 comments:
Hi Nikki! Its so good to see your journey... to look and see where you have come and where you are heading! I am ridiculously PROUD of you Cinderella! Keep fighting, keep growing, and be blessed my sis!
Nikki, that is so awesome! I'm glad you made it out there and that it was so possitive for you. I know what you mean about Landon - we are only 2 or 3 days apart in age, but I still can feel the "father heart" from him. And isn't it incredible that the experiences we face come so close after/before the messages we recieve? Keeps us learning and growing in our faith - God is SUCH a great God!
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