So...this is it...this is what life is...hellos and goodbyes...laughter and tears...and good and bad memories...well you know what you can keep all the bad stuff...you can keep the distaster and the pain you can keep this hurting sad life. I dont want it...I know its my choice to live the life I want...well I dont think you ever thought you would hear this out of me but...I dont want the control...I dont want to make the final decision...I always make the wrong one and all I want is...well no responsibilty.
New thought....what did I do in my life to deserve to have nothing to do...I was the girl with somethin to do at all times..I was the social one with many goups of friends...I was the one people called when they wanted to do somethin...and now I sit here with nothin to do the rest of my week...and no one around...and my friends leaving...well I guess I will just get closer to me...and my Dad...and forget that everyone else is doin somethin.
New thought...what do you think of living a life with no real job and no house and jsut backpacking and living on people's couches...and just goin where ever the wind takes you...the stories, the adventures, the memories ohh how amazing would that be...the places you would see...the things you can do to bless that city or family or church or world.
New thought...I am stuck in a world of responsiblity...in a trap of life...to what just exist...to gain social status...to make money...I dont want it...I want to get out of this bubble and just break free of what society wants me to be...I want to conquer things and and fly like the birds in the sky...I want to run like a horse in the field...I want to be free.
Allright I rambled off to long now...friends who read this have a great week...and remember it could be your last moment in life...so make the most of it.
5 comments:
Nikki, that sounds fantabulous! The trip to Mexico really got me thinking along those same lines. To give up everything here, and just go where God leads - ANYWHERE - trusting in his provision for food, shelter and relationships along the way. No attachment to material things, and to do all things with great passion, not obligation. You rock Nik! Sometimes God arranges for our friends to be "away" so he can get our full attention...Hahaha! He rocks too! Love ya!
You've relied on your friends whole your life it seems to me and it wouldn't surprise me if God somehow, someway, took them all away for however long so He could begin to take you on a journey of a new level with Him where you no longer 'rely' on them, but rely soely on God and when friends return they are with you but you're staring at them, looking to them to fill your needs.
Don't necessarily take this as what's happening. It's just a raw thought.
Sorry, typo .. "...when friends return they are with you but you're NOT staring at them, looking to them to fill your needs anymore"
You're on your way with becoming who God wants you to be - not sure if you can see that, but it's easy for me to see looking at this past year, especially these past 3 or 4 months. That's so rad Nikki! And as a brother, it doesn't matter to me how much we do or don't hang out, I'll still be there when you need support. Friendships go on (to me) regardless of time spent together or not, should you ever need something, don't hesitate to ask!
thumbs up!..i know i havent posted or commented on this for along time...but a little break was good i think...but i really enjoyed reading your post..
Post a Comment