Friday, January 06, 2006
The bumpy road
Well this road I am on in life is sooooo bumpy. I am doing ok and then I get in these moods its almost like I am bi-polar which I am not. I get in these moods where I just don't give a flying rip about anything. Some of my friends think I have a problem and need to go to a shrink yeah right. There is no chance of me ever doing that. I have wanted to quit this walk many times but God has always grabbed me back He has never let me fall. The thing is I think my friends are getting sick of me whining about life cause really it could be worse. I could have no home, no food and no family. I could be poor and have some incurable disease. But I don't I just hate life. This road is too bumpy for me to continue. I hate it and I don't want it. It was easier when I never had to worry about things. There was a time where I hid in my house and I think that time has come again. For the two people who read this they will be the lucky ones. Cause this is the only place where they will be able to find me. And they will know what is going on in my life. Right now I think my friends are sick of me complaining so I am going to take a break again from everyone except school and work. Maybe this time it will be longer if not forever. So later all.
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4 comments:
I am frustrated by your rollercoaster relationship and I don't understand why you do this...but you're still my friend and a sister, so for me? there's prayer, you gotta snap out of this Nicole and hold onto faith... Israelites had a golden calf to worship after God parted the red sea. Maybe you're just as impatient as me when it comes to God's timing. This wears on your friends as well and is hard for them to care when you get this attitude. I don't mean to bring negativity your way...but you need to snap out of it. you need to hold on to what God HAS done for you. I can't stress it enough.
Y'know Nikki. I know exactly how you feel. I think it's mostly the fact that once we let a little bit of negativity into our lives it just spreads. "Misery loves company" isn't just an old cliche, it's the truth.
It's human emotion to want to be miserable. I see it in myself more than anybody else. Once a week or so I wonder what would happen if I weren't here. If I died tomorrow would anybody mourn? Would anybody cry for me? And in my misery, I always say No. But the truth is that they would. And I know this, because we both share alot of the same friends. And I don't think I could ask for a better group of people.
I accidently hit enter. So that last one didn't get finished and I totally lost my train of thought. Well, Im gonna say train of feeling cuz you don't write thoughts. I hope you get a basic idea of what i was trying to write there.
Nicole,darling, hold onto hope but remember in the end its you that makes the decision to change! Is the change in mood sudden? If it is it could be that you are picking up a burden... give it to God if this is the case, you are not strong enough to carry it (even though you ARE strong... just not for this)! Remember the picture that i gave you... you are in a cage and holding the key! God has given you the key, your friends are on the outside cheering you on, all you have to do is unlock the door and walk out! But YOU have to do it... not anyone else and it doesn't matter how much we try either, untimatly it has to be your choice! Yes, it is scarry to come out of what you are use to, it is scary to be broken... being broken means being vulnerable, and that is scary for you because you see being vulnerable as a weakness... it is FAR beyond it! When we are vulnerable God can do the most work in our lives and be glorified to an even greater extent! God loves you! let that sink... GOD LOVES YOU! He sent His son to die... for you! He loves you SO much! He wants to hold you, to comfort you, to walk and talk and dance with you! He constantly trips Himself up over you! More than anyone else can.. He loves you and will ALWAYS love you, there is no place you can run to be away from Him, and He will wait! The moment that you turn around He is right there to catch you!
He gives strength to those who are tired and more power to those who are weak. Even children become tired and need to rest, and young people trip and fall. But those who wait on the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up as an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; the will walk and not become tired. -Isaiah 40:29-31
Because you are PRECIOUS to me, because i will give other people in your plac; i will give NATIONS to save your life. -Isaiah 43:4 (emphasis mine)
Love you! Be blessed!
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