Rules

OK so I was writing a blog about rules and my laptop decided it wanted to tick me off and did something weird and I lost everything I was writing. So I am going to write it again. So rules I think they are dumb. My friend goes to a bible college and they have dumb rules (yeah some of you know what I am talking about). Ok I know rules are good to a point like dont go killing people thats a good rule. But a rule like dont walk across the grass thats dumb. I really dont like rules and a couple of my friends think that I need rules but ummm no. I drum to my own beat mhmmm. I am not going to let some school tell me what I can and cant do. You see I grew up an only child and I have always got what I wanted when I wanted it and how I wanted it. Yep thats the life and its not about to change anytime soon. Ha ha some of my friends call it "only child syndrome". Yeah and I know what some of you are thinking "maybe she does need some rules" but I say no. I answer to no one. Also I bet some of you are now thinking "she must not like authority' dang right I hate authority. I like the cops they are good authority but people telling me what to do with my life heck no. So what I say is down with gay rules. Rules that make no sense. I know I am ranting but hey I needed to get this out. It frustrates me. Well Nikki Out! Oh yeah and look at that pic if it was closer I think it would be a sweet pic.

Giving it to God

You know whats hard. When you like someone so much and you are not even sure they like you back. I have given this part of my life to God but sometimes its so hard to sit around and wait. I believe that the guy should pursue the girl and its hard to wait for them to do that expecially when you feel so strongly about one person. Some of you who read this are going to know exactly who I am talking about but shhhhh. I know that God has the perfect someone for me but its very hard when you dont know who it is. Like I dont want to get married at this age...I am only 22 and still have things to do before marriage but the thing is I want to find that certian someone and start a relationship and see if he is the one. You know what I mean. Well there is someone that I wish I could start that relationship with but he doesnt even even notice me and that sucks. Like for real I have never felt this strong about someone before. And it drives me nuts because I normally try and not open myself up for these type of feelings unless I think that its a possibilty. I am normally good at guarding my heart. Hmmm I am sorry that I am ranting about this but its something that is on my mind A LOT lately. And I am confused I just wish I knew what this certian some one is thinking. Anyways I am going to keep hinting and see what happens....You people who know shhhhh.

What I want to see...

I have been thinking a lot lately about life and stuff. And I know that I have expressed what I know is going to happen this year...but lets recap. So this is the year of restoration and for miracles. We are going to see God in a way that no man has seen Him before. This is the year. But you see...us believers have to start believing and walking in it. These things just arent going to happen. There is a huge fight right now in the supernatural realm and we are in it...but most of all we are in this together...the devil is super scared of what we are going to do with our God. The best part is with a lot of fighting and pushing forward we will come out on top. Now what I want to see this year is for the young adults of Medicine Hat to get so close to God so that nothing can tear them apart from Him. And I want us to change our city, I want the young adults here to love our city. I want people to be saved through the young adults. This city needs us. In my prayers are also the other cities in Canada, I pray that the young adults in those cities take back their city for God. You know what this is the year for the young adults of Canada to rise up and take back our country. I believe that it is the young adults of this country that are going to make the next big move...so get ready. I also believe that some day this country will be run by all Christians that is who will be in government in the future...hey its my dream to become and alderman here in Medicine Hat...bet you all didnt know that eh. Well anyways I think that I ranted enough for tonight. Just remember...This is the Year!

Worship

I love worship....like I could worship God all the time. Wait that is what we are supposed to do not only with singing but with our daily lives, with our jobs, with our families and with our friends. You see but not all of us do that including me. But you know what I love the most is singing to God even tho I suck at singing I love it. I love to praise him in worship. That is actually what keeps me going to church is the worship part I love that part I could stand there in that spot forever and sing to Him. But this friday I went to a service called Rock in the House its a youth service at Temple Baptist Church and we worshipped and I has so much fun doing that. But then in worship I get this time when I feel like I am getting too close to God and I pull away thats when the tears come and since I hate crying I stop worshipping. That happend to me agian this friday at this service. I started to cry during the song that goes like this...you give and take away...it was at the part that I wanted to cry. I dunno why I think its because I realized at that moment that everything that has been takin out of my life has been takin for a reason and everything that I have gotten has been from Him. But then I pulled away and at that moment I felt God asking me why for once. I always ask Him why but this time He was asking me why. Why would I pull myself away from the person who loves me the most in this world? Why would I want to treat my Daddy like that? Now I do not have the answers for these questions. I love worship but if I want breakthrough I know I gotta start getting close to God and get intimate with Him. I did say that this is the year of intimacy with my Father...so I need to act on that. Well that is all I have to say for now.

It's really SNOWING

I love snow soooo much and I have wanted it to snow here soooo bad. And its snowing woohoo. Its 3:42am and I am sitting here in my pj's on my balcony outside watching the snow. Its a lil chilly but who cares. If you sit here and listen to the snow fall its sooo cool and watching it come down. These are big flakes wow. I have been asking God to let it snow and its here. Ohhh man I could sit here forever and just watch it. I may got frost bite but at least I enjoyed my time. Ha ha ha my cat is on the inside and I can hear him yelling through the glass door its funny. I am in heaven right now. You guys know why...my peace is back. Have I ever told you about the peace that snow gives me. Snow is soooo peaceful and it gives me sooo much peace. Ohhh no the wind shifted and its getting on my laptop. Quick retreat...retreat ahhhhh. Ok back inside where it cant wreck my laptop. Look how beautiful it is ohh wait you can't see it. HEY I will take a picture right now so that you can. BRB....ok I am back and I will leave you now with a dark pic of the snow(remember its 4am) Ohhh man I feel like a lil kid again its too exciting. Yeah I am not tired one bit. Wide awake. mmhmm I am...yeah ok I am done...Nikki Out! (pssst its snowing)

Emptiness

So this is my question why do girls go to the bar wearing almost nothing. Ohhh right I know why because they have n0 self esteem and feel that they have no purpose in life. This kinda ticks me off for a couple of reasons. First cause I used to be there. I used to be the one at the bars trying to get all the guys attention and then when I did I would use that to my advantage. I would think that I am important and I would think that someone cares. So I would go with the guy and we would have our fun (if you know what I mean) and I know that is not good I know that now. But then was a different time that is before I met the LORD and before He changed my life. But today I still see so many girls messing up their lives and it makes me sad. Mostly cause I know how they feel inside they really feel lonely and my heart breaks for them. Girls who think they are worth nothing so they give themselves to guys. Its making me teary eyed just thinking about it. Ok and the second thing that ticks me off is the devil is winning these girls over. That makes me angry. He is sitting there laughing and saying look at all the girls that I have on my side and look at all the boys who are following them. You see the bar (for those of you who havent been there) is mating grounds. Its like when animals are looking for their mate well thats the bar. Its a place where you get really drunk and you look for action. Yeah I know that cause thats why I used to go and thats why most people go. Yeah they will say its cause they like to dance sure thats it. Lets say its cause you like to dance ok then you end up leavin with some boy in a taxi cab mmmk. Yeah so I dunno ok you are probably wondering why I am ranting and raving about this right now. Ok so yeah I may have been at a bar tonight it was my friends birthday and I was trying to support her. Yes I may have had a few drinks and I may have danced a bit and I may have enjoyed myself. But this time was different this time I didnt go cause I was lookin for a guy. This time I went and hung out with a friend and had fun and made some disturbing observations. Like you could have stood there with a camera and talked like they do on the discovery channel. Ok the male of the species is walking up to the female species that is shaking her groove thang. He is also shanking it and he is touching her yeah thats about it of that. But for real its a problem and someday I pray that God gives me the strength to go into the bars and stay sober and witness to these people cause I know why they are there. So Father please work in me so that you can work in them. Amen. I love my Father!

Just listen

Well I just want to share my thoughts, opinions and how my life has been going. Life this week has been pretty good. I have been happy and content. I have been talking to God on a regular basis and its been awesome. But there are things on my mind that just wont leave and I have talked these things over with a few people and got their opinions. I have done a lot of reasearch in the past on mental illness and stuff. And I am always on those type of websites looking at stuff. Well I for real think that I may have one for example bi-polar but I know some people who say no and others who say go get it checked out. I dunno if I do our not but I am just going to leave it alone and someday I will just get better. I have been happy all week but tonight I got some other things in my head that just frustrate me. Like I just wish people wouldnt tell me what to do and let me live the way I want. There is things I gotta work out in my life and I am not ready to be pushed. All I want from my friends is to be there for me and hang out and you know be friends. I know I am confusing to some people and they do not understand why I do what I do. But you see I am fine I am just figuring things out for myself and I am working on things. I work and I go to school all the time I am always at one or the other and I am getting really tired of being at these places. So I just need my down time. Also some people are confused when I tell them that I want a career change well you know what thats just the way it is. I am fine I am just changing my life up a bit. When I said I got all this revelation I didnt say I was going back to church I said that I was getting revelation. I can get fed through God and I can worship God in my house I am ok. I am tired of people worrying I am tired of people saying I dont understand you. You are never going to understand me. You are never going to see exactly what is going on in my life. Just be my friend and if I have something to say just listen and dont get frustrated. I am on a different path. I really do love you all though.

The breakthrough

Ok so I know I am going nuts with posting but I just had an incredible night that I have to share. Actually I have been having an incredible day...lets take you back. It all started this morning when I woke up after two hours of sleep but I felt energized. Then I go to work and I have the best day at work ever. The staff is all in a great mood for once and the children were all happy and everything was going right. Then I come home and I get on the bus to go to school. Then as I am on the bus I start thinking about when I used to take the bus a year back...God would show me people to pray for and I used to pray for everyone as the got on and off. I used to pray for the bus drivers cause they never seemed to be happy. So as I was sitting there thinking about the days when. I looked around and God said see these people are hurting they need my love but they need your prayers. So I prayed for these people and people that came on the bus with gloomy faces left the bus with smiles. I still look young to some of these people so all I am is a punk kid that takes the bus or another thing that they may think is a inconsiderate young adult you know all the stereotypes that we have. But when they see you helping a little elderly lady with something they look at you different. Its as if they actually see Jesus in you. That happened to me today. So after class I went shopping for my brothers birthday he turns six on wednesday. Then I came home and decided at 9:00pm that I was going to go for a run. Well this run was no ordinary run it was an amazing time with God. I started running in the direction of the house I grew up in. So I went there and I hung out in the park that as a child I used to play in and I talked to God. Then God and I walked around my old neighborhood and remembered all the good times we had. When life was perfect and the only world that existed was our backyards. Then I said to God my life is yours cause if I have to keep it in my hands I will probably dispose of it...so it has to be yours. It was a good time then I asked God about where the child like faith went. I started talking to Him about it. And this is what I came up with. As adults we lost our inocence and we lost our child like faith. So for some people it is hard to even remember their childhood but I did tonight when I was walking in my old neighborhood. God let me go back to those memories...the memories of child like faith. God gave me child like faith back tonight and I am not going to let it go. You can't tell me that the God who created you and me and this earth cannot do miracles. You can't...no one can. That is not all of my night. Then after this I walked to my biological fathers house whom I have never met. I then looked at his house and prayed and I gave him up to God and I said God I 100% forgive him for leaving. He is in your hands now. I felt so free after that and I know that he will find Jesus someday. As I was walking home I stopped...ok I know God is huge and He created the earth but did you know that He actually created the earth like for real it actually hit me. If I have the creater of the earth on my side no one can touch me or get to me or destroy me. Yeah thats cool eh...God is my Daddy and I am going to hold on to Him and NEVER let go. That has been my incredible day. The old Nikki the one that was on fire a year ago the one who never let anyone stand in her way, the leader and world changer...is back.

A little girls dreams

This is a poem I wrote. This is the first poem that I have actually placed for everyone to see. I really don't like sharing my writing. I also gave this one a title which I never do. But this one has a title that fits.

A Little Girls Dreams

As a little girl you dream of your true love
He come’s riding on a white horse
To rescue you from trouble
He is handsome and rare
You are beautiful in his eyes
It’s love at first site
You dream of the home you will have
It’s a big house with a white picket fence
And a wrap around porch
You dream of your family
Three children with happy smiles
A big dog in the backyard
Then when you get older those dreams seem to be only your imagination
Someone comes to stomp them out
But I have found that true love that they said I wouldn’t find
And He promised me my dreams
I will have my white picket fence and my happy children
I have this true love and I pray the world finds Him too
He is my Father
He is my God

Nicole Andrews

22

The bumpy road

Well this road I am on in life is sooooo bumpy. I am doing ok and then I get in these moods its almost like I am bi-polar which I am not. I get in these moods where I just don't give a flying rip about anything. Some of my friends think I have a problem and need to go to a shrink yeah right. There is no chance of me ever doing that. I have wanted to quit this walk many times but God has always grabbed me back He has never let me fall. The thing is I think my friends are getting sick of me whining about life cause really it could be worse. I could have no home, no food and no family. I could be poor and have some incurable disease. But I don't I just hate life. This road is too bumpy for me to continue. I hate it and I don't want it. It was easier when I never had to worry about things. There was a time where I hid in my house and I think that time has come again. For the two people who read this they will be the lucky ones. Cause this is the only place where they will be able to find me. And they will know what is going on in my life. Right now I think my friends are sick of me complaining so I am going to take a break again from everyone except school and work. Maybe this time it will be longer if not forever. So later all.

So I was watching the movie Crash. This is a great movie for you all who haven't seen it. I have seen it now four times and I love watching it. The movie is about racism but they don't show it in some corny or distasteful manner. This movie is real life...this is real life for some people. Everytime I watch it there are a few parts that I can't help but cry. It breaks my heart to see that there are people in this world who would look down on someone because of their color. If you haven't seen this movie you need to watch it. I was thinking today about all the pain in this world. I know there is tons cause I can feel a lot of it. My heart aches for people all the time. I always ask God why but I know its not His fault. We as Christians need to start fighting even more for these people if we don't stick up for them then who will. I know that I am rambbling about stuff we already know I am just a little bit emotional today and its something thats on my heart. There are not very many believers in this world so we really got our work cut out for us. God is going to have to get to a lot of people through a little people but thats ok cause that is how He likes to operate. I know my God and I know that He is big and that things this year are going to change. I know big things are going to happen. I know people are going to come and believe and those people are going to change the world. I know people this year are going to step out of their comfort zone and they are going to do big things for God. That is what I know.

Well Its 2006...

Hmmm....2005 was an allright year but I think that this year is going to be much better. For some of you who don't know I have only been a Christian for four years. And its been a long four years. But I have never had so many ups and downs as I have had this past year. This year has been amazing but there were times when I really just wanted to quit. This year God has given me an amazing group of friends and they actually believe in me when I wanted to quit and give up they pushed me and made me realize all that I have to offer. I have never had friends like this before all my past friends once I came to them with a problem they left me and I had to deal with things on my own. That is why sometimes I don't want to accept the help of others. I have always been the person to take care of everyone and make sure everyone is ok. I know that I need to learn to accept help from people. I learned a lot of life lessons this past year. I learned that no matter how far away from God you are He is always going to pursue you and never give up on you. This year I have given some more friends up which is super hard for me cause friends are something that is really important to me. I am all about making friends and wanting to watch them soar to new heights. I really do love people and I want to see them succeed in life. Expecially my friends there are so many people in this world pushing us down that people are age need some more positive things. I know in my group of friends we make fun of each other too much and that needs to change. Thats one thing that I am going to work on this year instead of tearing people down I am going to build them up. I want people to leave my presence feeling that they can do anything they think or imagine with God. I want people to dream again. Too many dreams are shot down. I know that from my own life people are constantly shooting my dreams down but the thing is I know my God and I know that I can do all things through Him. My God is bigger than anyone can think or imagine. He is my Father...the only one I know. There is so much that I want for the year 2006 but the one thing that I want the most is to get closer to my Daddy. I know this blog was a long one that went from topic to topic but thanks for reading it and Happy New Year.