Still waiting...

I am still waiting for this weekend to be over..its the longest weekend I have had in a long time...I cant wait till sunday at 3:00 when the kids start arriving...you may say uhh Nikki its Wednesday and uhh Nikki what are you talkin about kids arriving? Well thats how the last two months have been I have had been at Eagles Nest Ranch and I would have the weekends off then I would go back to the camp and sunday the kids would arrive. I am still waiting...it feels like I should be there...I need to be there...I was truly happy there...sometimes I think it was a bad thing I went. You may not understand that statement either...I know God called me to go there but it was out in the middle of no where and I could hide...I used it as a hiding place from reality to me the best place ever. But its gone now untill next summer. Its over and I am heart broken...this truly was the best summer ever...now its only a memory...one that is etched in my mind and will never leave. I actaully learned to love and trust out there...somethin I have had troubles with all my life. Now that I am home and friendships have died and new ones have been made and life is different. People are different the world is different. It's like I dont know how to cope...its like I became a social freak...kinda like a homeschooled kid(ha ha Mary)...I just dont know what to do...all I want to do is stay in my room and not come out...ohh wait I do that. I miss the family I had at the ranch the people that could call your bluff....they knew when you were sad and lying about it...they knew what to say and they gave you tough love at times...ohhh how I miss that. I need people in my life thats goin to call me out and say Nikki you arent ok are you. Hmmm I cant wait for this weekend to be over and for sunday to come...Sunday's a comin.