Diversity

Well its saturday and normally I would have slept in till noon or later but not today I had to go to a workshop at my work this morning. Now when I thought about this workshop I was like oh great another boring thing I have to sit through and listen...well that was not the case...this workshop was about diversity. We are tryin to be a daycare centre of diversity...now that just doesnt mean skin color but also means abilities and religion and even your upbringing....I learned a lot of this in college when I was there but there was some new and interesting thoughts that I learned today as well...so it wasnt a waste of my time and I really enjoyed it....but there were times today when I was a lil distracted and just sat and thought...and thats what I want to write about.

Dictionary.com says that diversity means
1.the state or fact of being diverse; difference; unlikeness.
2.variety; multiformity.
3.a point of difference.

So now lets look at this we are all different in my group of friends I see so many differences and its amazing...We did a few activities that got me thinking today about diversity ok so we as staff made a paper quilt...she gave us markers and a piece of construction paper and said draw what is important to you...well the first thing that popped into my head was God...how...how could I draw God on paper...so I drew three crosses and the one that Jesus died on I drew thorns and blood on it...and then I drew snow...that represents God to me...the next thing I thought of was my friends...so I drew three friends...ha ha and you should see they are awesome drawings...then the last thing I thought of was my family so I drew my family...then I looked at other peoples papers...and one of our co workers is from bosnia and she drew the earth and an airplane and then she drew Medicine Hat and Bosnia and drew arrows it was really cool and others drew their kids and stuff and it was really neat to see what was important to others in my work...kinda brought us together more...then we did the orange game...now this is a cool game...she gave us oranges and said get to know your orange...and so we did...then she out them back in the bowl and said no find your orange...and we all did...because we got to know what the outside looked like and they all had there little differences...then she said now if we were to peal them and put them back into the bowl would you know which one was yours...the answer would be no cause they are the same...the activity was to represent that we are all different on the outside but in reality we were all the same...cool eh...well my day was not a waste and I got to think about a movie I just watched.

You, Me and Dupree now I dunno if you have seen this movie but its stinkin hilarous and I love it...in this movie Dupree talks about your "ness" the part that is truly you...and to make a long story short he ends up to become a motivational speaker on "How to discover your ness" its pretty funny. Anyways I got thinking about it and we need to find our "ness" we need to find that little bit that is us and no one else...well yeah so like I said before God talks to me through movies cause He knows I will pay attention...anyways friends...think about things I said...next time you see someone who is different then you accept them for who they are...and maybe try to get to know them...I dunno sounds a little crazy and out of our comfort zone but you might end up learning somethin interesting that you never knew before...and last thing I want to say is discover your "ness" find that little thing inside of you that is you...you are amazing in your own way and you all have an amazing destiny and purpose...you just need to open up your eyes and see it.

Welcome Home Jello

For those of you who dont know Jello is Jelea...and she was in Thailand for two months but is now home...cant wait to hear your stories...and see the pics...love ya.

Violence

I brought work home so I could do it...but I decided writing a blog would be more fun...ha ha prcrastination I know...thats how I got through college...anyways...

What I want to write about is somethin that disturbs me...somethin I have a heart for...its children and youth....I read an article last night about a murder that a 17 year old had done...and the article was talkin about who's fault it is...and they looked at the parents at society and even the "friends" who cheered the fight on...yes it may have been all these people's fault but...we have given the enemy a key into our youths lives and we need to take it back...we have let him come in with alcohool, drugs and violence...its time to change that...its time to turn tables over...its time to be a revolutionary...its time.

Now people blame media and video games and all that stuff but I dont think its that...yes it could play a factor...but the children who lived in war times werent as violent as children today...and those children saw real violence...children back in the day saw real murder and real blood...not the fake type you see on tv...they saw real guns and stuff and they were not a violent generation...but todays generation of children yes they are...I work with two year olds and at that age they are already beating on their "friends"...it blows my mind on how young someone can start being violent...we need to pray and fight for the children of this world...it disturbs me that we let it get this far that children are murdering people...not too long ago in my own city...a child killed her family...now how did this happen? And why did we let it get this far? It takes a village to raise a child...so stop blaming parents and do your part.

One day at a time

Well just wanted to leave a short note sayin I am livin one day at a time..and thats how it is...I wake up and talk to God and say what I want go on with my day...and if it sucks I go to bed that night wake up and say its a brand new day...and I can try it again...mhmm thats how I am goin to live....well yeah thats just a thought for you all...I am goin to untie a colt everyday or at least try...and if I dont feel like it I know Amanda will kick me in the a** so its all good

Another Chapter

Ok so I went on a road trip to Edmonton last weekend and I wanted to wait to write that blog till I went to ENR this weekend cause I knew somehow they would tie together...and well they kinda did...God is fricken amazing is what I have to say...well here goes whats goin on in my life right now...

So Edmonton was a great road trip but not what I had expected...I thought my three friends and I were goin to have this amzing road trip that nothing went wrong in...thats not how it went...dont get me wrong it was amazing...and God was defintily there...so we set off and video taped the trip and that was sweet...then we went shopping and all day I felt tension and to be honest didnt want to be around my friends I was frustrated but not really at them just frustrated...the crazy part is that everyone felt that way...so that night we prayed and worshipped and it was great God was defintily there...then the next day we went to church and it talked about these paths we choose and it pretty much said I was relational and I knew that I see and hear God through relationships I have...so lets skip right to monday when we were leavin...I was gettin upset...cause for those of you who dont know this...I want to live in Edmonton and have wanted to for the past four years...but God keeps sayin no...so in the car this is what I wrote:

Why? Familier faces, familier ways home is here, home is unattainable to me. Go back to where I reside but its not home. They say home is where the heart is, my heart is here. Leaving where I want to be , complete peace, complete existance. This place needs the life I carry within me. Life is at the place where I reside. But at home there is no life, there is no hope but faceless beings walking the streets so blind to the truth. Here I go again leaving my heart behind my body goes to the place I reside my heart stays at home. Why dont I stay you ask? Because there is a higher calling for me in the place I reside...in the place I belong. Someday my heart and body will reunite untill then they will just visit...my heart waits on the edge for the day He says go. No one knows what I carry within, no one knows what my heart longs for, no one knows the desires...the desire to be here and never leave...to change this world...I have already changed mine, I have already stretched it, I want a new challenge...time for adventure time to go back to the place thats familier...why is the new and unfamilier so familier? Why is this home? How is it possible I feel alive in this place? As I leave this place I leave my heart and take my body to where I reside.

Ok so I wrote that and asked God why Edmonton is on my heart...I believe that its a place to keep in prayer and maybe someday down the road I am to live there...right now I am called to Medicine Hat..and dont take that the wrong way...I LOVE my city. Ok so the road trip was a blast and we all got closer with each other..and it is one for the memory books.

Now this weekend at ENR there was a staff retreat and I went and well it was ver laid back which was awesome...but some cool stuff happened this weekend...mostly all today...so I am terrified of horses right..well I conquered a fear today...not only did I ride a horse...but I went on a stinkin trail ride...ok so that was a first time I have done this and it was scary but awesome at the same time..I felt God with me the whole time..and at one point my eyes started welling up with tears...I had fun and I did somethin new and I said no to fear...yes there were a few times when I almost sh** my pants...but it was great and I would do it again...then Pastor Landon who is an amazing person spoke tonight on somethin that hit me hard the one line that stuck out to me was...God will put you somewhere you are unsure so you will walk in faith...it was like God planned that stinkin horse ride to teach me about what I was to hear in the evening...I was unsure so I used faith...and succeeded...hmm interesting God makes me laugh..and just think I didnt actaully want to go to the staff retreat ha ha I know why I went now. Ohh and the moment when I felt a real fathers love today...was when Landon came up to me and hugged me and told me he loved me and was proud of me and he kissed me on the forehead...then when I was leavin tonight he said it again and hugged me and kissed me on the forehead and at that moment I felt what having a dad felt like...it truly was amazing...I get a little upset when friends talk about their dads...but really I love it cause all the good things they say about their dads I get to see characteristics of God and it helps me to understand Him more...yeah I am havin a good day.

Life is getting intersting to me..and things are changing and I am growing...also I am showing the real Nicole...and I love every minute of it...I like this person she is goin to stay out...turn the page God

"Real" Adult

Hmmm...my blog is not what I thought it was goin to be about...I was goin to write about my amazing weekend..and was goin to tell you about new friends, road trips..and memories that last longer then time...but thats not what I will write about...I will tell you all about my weekend in my next blog somethin else is on my mind.

Have you ever had those moments where you realize you are actually a grown up and you feel like one...well as I was walking in my house starbucks cup in one hand and a book in the other...wearing dress pants and a nice shirt...into a house that I pay rent in and no sign of a parent lives here...I felt like a "real" grown up...then I proceeded up the stairs to make some food that not only did I pay for but I like it all...I am 23 years old and actually feel it for once...I am done college and have a well paying job...my bills are all paid and I have money from one paycheck to another...no more living from paycheck to paycheck anymore...life is great...now I am not saying this to brag I am just saying the impossible has become possible...and its really exciting to me...God is incredable...He teaches lessons and takes us through things that we never thought we would go through...I have been an adult for 5 years now and for the first time actually feel like one...its crazy...ok so enough about that rant...some of you may say ha ha you arent an adult...but I am and I do act like one...cause I know how to have fun but I am also very responsible and I know that...this is the first time I am confident in myself...I know I am an adult and no one can take that away from me...well goodnight friends...its time for me to go to bed so I can function at work tomorrow...Be Blessed Friends.

Funny how God works...

Ok its like 1:30 am and I was in bed thinkin I tend to do a lot of thinkin before I fall asleep...but I thought of somethin amazing and had to get it on here...ok so before I went to ENR this summer I had two amazing friends that I talked to and hung out with all the time...Jelea and Mary...well then it turned out Mary was heading back to Ontario cause that is where her job was takin her so I thought well thats how my life works God brings me great people and takes them away...then I went to the ranch and while I was there met amazing people who I considered my ENR family and it was awesome...when I came home at the end of the summer I was prayin for friends that could be like a family to me...so as the days were goin by we were counting the days untill Jelea went to Thialand for two months like I said people leave my life all the time...so I prayed for an amazing friend...that I could confide in...I prayed for a few friends that could be a family...and well that leads to my life right now...after I came home from the ranch I met a friend named Amanda(Hazzard, Danger Zone, Crick, Manny...you know whatever we call her at the time) She has been stinkin amazing in my life...she was the friend I was praying for...we can talk about anything and I mean anything...and she calls me on things when I need it...she gives me that kick in the A** so yeah I love her...but I was like God wouldnt it be great if I had a family of friends like at the ranch...well then a friend of mine that I had awhile back came back into my life Heather...she is also amazing no matter how long it takes for her to get somethin she does eventually get it...then I made another friend who I knew who this person was just never hung out with him...Cody a guy with many dreams and ideas about life that you always learn somethin from...God gave me my family of friends...the four of us have been hangin out a lot lately...these are people that I am real around and feel safe around...its the same feeling I had at the ranch...I love just being around them even in the silent moments when no one has anything to say...I love it...they are my family and will always be in my heart...God gave me what I needed...I dunno why I worried so much...some days I am like so God when are you takin them away from me...and He is like not anytime soon so enjoy this...can anyone say TRIBAL

Naked and Unashamed

Ok this blog was goin to be somethin different but...for some reason I feel like writing about somethin else...what I was goin to talk about is how today we went on a photoshoot and had a blast and I was goin to talk about me changing in the praries (by that I mean taking my shirt off to wash the mud off) and how I was bein real with God with my feelings so I was naked and unashamed but...this is not goin to be about that experiance.

Naked and unashamed is a feeling I have had all day...I dropped my mask and hung out with the three best people in the world today....I was me...all I can say is this is a start of somethin amazing and I will always have these three people in my heart...the four of us are takin over the world...and the devil doesnt like it...I can see that...he is gettin his weapons ready but what he doesnt know is...we serve a BIG God who is standing all around us...He has our back...we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us...ALL things not just some but ALL...yes I love my friends...I love what God has given me...three people I can be me around without a hint of hiding...I dont have to hide around these people and its the best feeling ever...ha ha I am in a great mood right now and its 1:35am and I still have to get up for church but who cares...God is all over me and all over my room...tonight my friends told me a verse...The wicked are overthrown and no more, but the house of the righteous will stand Proverbs 12:7....for some reason that verse makes me smile and want to run to my Daddy's arms and never let go...I know something happend tonight but I am not sure what it was...but God is with me...my Daddy reigns...

Grumbling

Ok for real you know what annoys me most...people who complain about the weather...people complain about the heat people complain about the cold...people complain about rain people complain about snow. I love the weather I dont care what it is I am thankful I am able to see it...I am able to feel it...and I am able to talk about it. Thank you Jesus for giving me senses...thank you so much for all five I have thank you. This is on my mind because it snowed today and people were complainin some not because of snow...some because of cold...and some well because it just doesnt benefit them...if God wants it to snow it will snow. But snow means so much more to me...God made me a promise with the snow that I will never forget...and it actually upsets me when people complain about snow...because it means so much more to me...

Who am I living for?

PERFECT
By: Simple Plan

Hey Dad
Look at me,
Think back and talk to me.
Did i grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
Doin' things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you dissaprove all along.
And now I tried hard to make it,
I just want to make you proud.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you,
And you cant change me

*Chorus*
Cuz we lost it all,
Nothing lasts forever.
I'm sorry i cant bePerfect
Now its just too late,
And we cant go back.
I'm sorry I cant be
Perfect

I try not to think about the pain i feel inside,
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All days you spent with me
Now seem so far away,
And it feels like you don't care anymore
I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you.
I cant stand another fight,
And nothings alright

*Chorus*

Nothings gonna change the things that you said,
Nothings gonna make this right again.
Please dont turn your back,
I can't believe its hard just to talk to you
but you dont understand

*Chorus* X 2
Now its just too late,
And we cant go back
I'm sorry i can't be
Perfect

This is one of my fav songs....it makes me think who am I living for. Everyday of my life I am living and succeeding so that my mom can see that I can do it...so that my mom can see I am not goin to end up like her...so that my mom can live through me...I do it for her...in the end what do I end up with somethin else that she is dissapointed in me for...I have always screwed up at somethin...nothin is ever good enough...I want to do it...I want to be successful so that she can be proud...I have heard it...on my birthday the best present she gave me...was sayin "I love you and I am proud of you" that was the best gift I could ever recive...but I am still waking up everyday and proving to her I can do it...who do I live for? Is it my mom? Do I live for myself? Or do I live for Jesus? Or do I live for the world? What am I tryin to prove? Am I showin Jesus in all that I do? I want to show Jesus...but in the process I want to show people that I can do it...and I will show them...I am determined...I am motivated...I am moved...watch me go...watch me do it...watch me grow...

Broken and Misunderstood

Why is it? Why is it when I am upset or passionate about somethin...no one understands? I am passionate about life and people becoming who God called them to be...I want to catipult them into their destiny. I am called to speak destiny and purpose into people's lives but why? Why am I misunderstood? I know that I am supposed to let God do the work...but some times I feel like He is takin too long...I long for God to move...but feel like He isnt...I love to see people grow....but I feel like they are shrinking. I know what you are goin to tell me..in God's timing Nikki...He will do it...we cannot take stuff on ourselves...I have heard it all before and still I refuse to see my friends die...I know some of you are thinking I should take my own advice and listen to you...no more lecturing I know...I know what I am doing and I know what you want to say to me...but there is one thing I want to know...why am I misunderstood? The last two days my life has changed huge..I am not the same Nikki you all know...I am me. I am looking through different eyes...when I am in a group it feels like I am standing on the outside of my body and watchin you all...and myself...watchin how things work and how people react and whats goin on...and I am seeing things different then everyone else...I am seein them with different eyes...its like I woke up one mornin and put different eyes in...I see through the masks and the fakeness...I see the pain and the happiness...I see you...I see the world...its spinning so slow I see the flowers grow...I know there is snow and the flowers are dead...but I see them...with my new eyes...dont worry guys this blog was not written under the influence of any kind...its really how I feel...the world is slow and I can see it...everything is in slow motion...you know why...because I took a chance to stop and smell the flowers...

A sign from Heaven

Peace...the crunch of the snow...the silence in the air...the stillness of the world...the beauty that shines through...the white...reminds me of Jesus...the snow is peace....the snow is my sign from my Daddy that everything is goin to be ok

The Painting

Think of a painting...and how its not complete till the artist says its complete. A painting may have little details on it that no other person may even notice...the painter does. The painting is not like any other painting...no one can remake it but the painter. No one knows exactly what he has put into it but the painter. Or its truest secrets...a painting is extravegant. No two paintings are alike exactly. Each painting gives the person viewing it new ideas or new vision. Each painting gives off a new light...and if you look at a painting...you dont have the same opinion about it as another person. Some people see the good side of the painting....some see everything that is wrong with the painting...the way it looks or the way it was made. You need to look at the painting with the painters perspective with their eyes. Then you can see the "real" painting. As the painting gets older it gets appreciated by more people..and has a higher value...the painting is understood. Look at the painting and look at it with an open mind and you will see its true beauty.

Walking...

Standing here at the edge of this cliff looking down...should I jump? Or should I put my trust in what was promised and step into the air? The ground looks and feels more comfortable...but is that the path I want to take? It's a long ways back down...I climbed so far up...the other side isnt that far away. God give me a sign show me I am fine...show me the way. Where are you? It's begining to rain...dark clouds are rolling over the sky...I need to make a decision...look there is an eagle. Flying above the storm...he is safe...and so I will be as well...I will be safe. Here it goes....I took that step...I am now in the air walking across to the other side...I see its soo green and beautiful..its what I have dreamed of...its the promised land...but wait...something is stopping me...what could it be? It looks familier...it looks like...me. I am in the way..I cant move anymore...why am I doing this to myself? What can I do to get there...I look around to see what I can do...I am sinking in the air I need to drop somethin...I need to drop...distrust...control...fear...fake security...and confusion. Look I am walking again...wait....what is this...I see temptation...alcohool...drugs...lonliness...fear...and sex. They are ugly and look like a monster...with its black look and horns and face that looks melted...I need somethin...I need to fight it...I pull out my sword. They are still there I need help...I call on my maker...come help me Father....come save me...they disapear. I can keep walking now...will I ever get to the promise land? I keep on walking...

Great Weekend

Have you ever had those moments in life where you forget there is a "real" world? Well thats how my weekend was...the entire weekend I felt like I didnt have a job or "real" life...it was great fun...I have this new group of friends now and its awesome and they make me happy and I feel different around them then I do around my other friends...I have had one of those thinking weekends dont worry its been good thinking...I have been looking at my life and seeing how different it is...how different it was before the summer and where I am now...when I sit and think about it...its incredable...I love it...God gave me these people and it feels great to throw away the masks for once and not use them...I feel great bein myself...I love my new friends and I have broke down some walls and it feels awesome...its like nothing else matters but the moment when I am with these new friends and I feel like I have known them forever...its awesome I am really tired so I cant think right now....but thats just somethin that has been on my mind...I am goin to write more just later so this is all for now...

My new life

Well I am satisfied...but not getting comfortable....with my life. I am happy a real happy for the first time since I came home from the ranch...I have new friends....friends who are there like the people at the ranch...I have new family...they are awesome...I love it...I can be myself and not get made fun of for sayin somethin stupid...I can throw away the masks. But like I said I am not gettin comfortable because there is always more...God always has more and you should never get comfortable with your life things change in a drop of a hat. I am glad that I went back to Vibe and I am glad that I am getting back into the life of my church....because I have been neglecting that but I am back...Nikki is back but its a different Nikki...I am back into believing in the things that God has for me and dreaming even bigger then I have ever before...because this is the year...God told me that before any one else ever said it....so here I go the world changer that I am...I am goin to MY world and change it...I am goin to show people you God I am goin to play for your team God and I am not goin to quit because thats not who I am...my name is Nicole Nadine Andrews and I am not a quitter...I am a conquer....I am goin ro fight but I am goin to use supernatural strength from God I am goin to use His power and He is goin to win through me...ha ha I love it...I am goin to stop rambling before I start crying but life is good...

Frustrated Child = Godly Revelation

Ok so those of you that dont know children I will set the scene...picture a child that is around the age of two...this child is trying to get a toy unstuck....he tries every which way...and turns a few times...meanwhile the adult is standing back watching the child....finally the child is getting upset and frustrated and mad...now the adult comes over and asks the child do you want help?...the child is screaming and throwing a fit and the adult gently takes the toy turns it once and its free....the child smiles and gives the adult a great big hug...and the adult says next time before getting upset just ask for my help. Now you are wondering why I told that story....its because thats how God is...expecially in my life....He stands back and lets me do it on my own...and then I get frustrated and want to scream He then says do you want my help? I look for his help and He says next time ask...you can always ask me for help dont be afraid...God wants to help us but we decide to play God a lot of the time and do things on our own...and thats not how He made us...He made it so that we would need His help...life would be a lot easier if we just called on our Heavenly Father who is waiting with arms open wide...thats a hard lesson for me to learn considering I have done things all my life on my own..but now its time...its time to give the keys to God and let go...now is the time...

Career Change

I am done...maybe I am not called to work in a daycare. Yes I know I have only been doin this for three years...I am tired and tired of bein tired...I even went to bed at 8:45 last night and am still tired. My job is exauhsting...I also dont know how to spell....I want to do a different job like a sleep expert or somethin where I can do nothin...Today I got a weird phone call...it was from a University asking me if I was still interested on their school....I havent applied to a college or university in over a year so thats weird...but maybe I should go back to school...I dunno...all I do know is I am tired of my job and want to quit really bad...today was it I had it...I am done...maybe I should call in sick tomorrow...no I wont do that I more responsible then that...but serouisly I suck at my job...I am no good...I almost started crying right in the middle of the room today I did get upset and everything went blank and the kids were callin my name and I was like a zombie...they dont need that they need someone who can keep it together...I cant I cant give them what they need...the deserve someone better then me...even tho today people said I am good at my job and those kids love me...its not true I am not good at it...I am done I know I said that already but for real...I cant do it....I want to do my first career choice...Graphic Design that sounds much more appealing to me right now...well thats my rant for the day..talk to you all soon.

It's late...here are my thoughts

Ok now its 1:18am and yes I do have to work in the mornin but things are on my mind and I need to let them out...so has anyone ever seen the movie The Guardian well I did tonight and let me tell you it was a great movie...remember how much I like V for Vendetta well I liked this one that much if not more well I dunno but I liked it a lot...anyways there were some great lines or well I got revelation out of this movie...like I do with a lot of movies...I think its cause I like movies and thats how God's goin to get my attention...anyways so I have mentioned before in my blogs about watching who you are to people and do as Jesus would cause you may be the only Jesus they know...well I have another challenge for you...would you put your own wants and desires aside so that someone else can have theirs...would you save someone else's life only to lose yours....well thats a tough one....and it got me thinking...someone in this world is waiting for you to be their miracle...it may be that they need groceries or a ride somewhere...their rent paid or a coat...I dont know what it is...I dont know who it is...one thing I know for sure is that God gave us the power to help others and God wants us to be like Jesus....to do as He would...dont turn your back...what breaks my heart the most is the broken families I see and children not having enough that really breaks my heart and I want to cry and scream...but thats not goin to do nothing I need to stand up and bring people into their destiny...so many people in my life have grabbed me and pulled me up levels they helped me and now its my turn to give people what God gave me...and thats a future...I should not be alive today with things that I have done but I am cause I have a future....I remebered a time in my life when somethin was spoken over me...somethin amazing and I see it come to pass as I talk right now...a e-mail came to me tonight reminding me of that word somethin I needed thanx...you know who you are...I am growing and I have changed tons...not just a little but lots...and I am goin to keep growing..I dunno if this blog makes sense to any of its readers but this is where my mind is so enjoy...

My glob...I mean blog

Life is interesting...and it is always changing...I like change but what I dont like is too much change...I dont know where I am goin or how I am gettin there or what speed I am goin at...its like my spedometer is broken...I dont know who I can trust what I can say to people and who are true friends...heck sometimes I dont know who my friends are...those of you readin this that I do hang out with dont take offence...its just me the way my mind works...life is dumb at times...I know you guys are probably sick of me and my complaining cause I do have a good life...and there are people worse of then me...and I know you guys hate this part of me...but I am goin to seem more distant to you guys right now...cause I am lost in thought and I am afraid to open up...and I dont want to open up...only to a select few...the rest of you will only see as much as I show you...dont worry about me its pointless...cause I will always let you down...dont waste time on worrying not worth it...Well I dunno what else to say...so I am goin to do somethin...other then bein on the comp...maybe think some more...

I love this kid

Isnt this kid cute...he is my brother...I really like this picture and wanted to share it...it took me forever to get a good one of him but I did it....so I am excited....thats all I really have to say so yeah by for now.

blah

Screaming children, complaining co-workers, long days, poopy diapers, crying, grumpiness, throwing tantrums, hitting, biting, pinching, climbing, yelling, falling over like jello, and just being defiant...those are the words that describe my week. Dont get me wrong I LOVE my job...and I LOVE those kids but some days its just rough and thats my week...I am tired and I want to throw my self to the floor and kick my feet and say no and scream and cry...I cant do that tho cause it would look afull funny if my 23 year old self did that....so I have to dust off and keep goin...and thats life...like I said before there has to be more then 9-5 mon-fri job there has to be...I cant live my life bein so exahusted that I dont want to do anything....I come home and all I want to do is sleep...but in reality I dont like sleeping...there is a reason for that but I am not tellin the world...sleep is not my friend...anyways I just wanted to tell my blog and its readers about my week of work...tomorrow is friday and thats exciting...and last night I had a good talk with a good friend...thanx friend...you know who you are...love you tons....well I gotta go...Nikki Out!

New Season

<Thats my new bible I love it!

Jeremiah 1:4-11 (English Standard Version)

4Now the word of the LORD came to me, saying,
5"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,and before you were born I consecrated you;I appointed you a prophet to the nations."

6Then I said, "Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth." 7But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a youth';for to all to whom I send you, you shall go,and whatever I command you, you shall speak. 8Do not be afraid of them,for I am with you to deliver you, declares the LORD."

9Then the LORD put out his hand and touched my mouth. And the LORD said to me, "Behold, I have put my words in your mouth. 10See, I have set you this day over nations and over kingdoms,to pluck up and to break down,to destroy and to overthrow,to build and to plant."

11And the word of the LORD came to me, saying, "Jeremiah, what do you see?" And I said, "I see an almond branch."

As I was sitting in church reading this verse and listening to the speaker I thought and it was good thinking....I read ahead in the bible while they were speaking(I cant help but read ahead its such a great read) and it came to verse six and said but I am only in my youth God said tho do not look at your age...for I have called you...thats pretty much what it says...but I put the verse up so you can see for yourself...God said I have said go and so you will go into your destiny...it doesnt matter what the world says about you...you are goin to do what God says about you...yeah thats just somethin thats on my mind and got me thinkin about my own life and my own job...how I have favor there and how I am only 23 but they treat me like I have had much more experiance they act like I have been there forever...its actually still all a dream to me but its real...today people are eating their turkeys and hangin with their families...and not realizing how thankful they should be...Thanksgiving has always been a great time for me I think of everything I am thankful for...I am so excited to spend tomorrow my thanksgiving with my family whom I love its goin to be fun.

Another thing that has been on mind lately is somethin that I have noticed...lately all I want to do is read the bible and talk about God and talk about the bible. Well there is nothin wrong with that cause that is what I am passionate about and thats how life should be our lives should be so centered around the word of God that we will NEVER be able to stray from it....I havent wanted to do anything else...but it seems like its hard to get people to talk about the bible or they look at you funny cause you brought up God's name but our conversations should be centered around Him...He is the best...well this is a different Nikki then some know cause I never used to be like this...but I love talkin about what God has done in my life and others lives and you know its so great...anyways I cant stop talkin about God and I wont.

Well this was $1000 sunday and I sowed my biggest seed yet cause God gave me seed so I used it...and I am expacting increase in everything not just finances...but I believe I am already rich in love and relationships so I am expecting increase in finances because I am really behind in all my bills...again I might not have a phone soon unless I can pay them..but I rely on God to pay me so that I can pay my bills and today I sowed with expectation. Cause man does not pay my wage God does....I am a servent of God and I obeyed Him today and it was hard but I know He will bless me for that...well that was just another thing on my mind.

Wow this turned out to be a long blog and I thought I was havin a nap after church today...ha ha anyways Happy Thanksgiving to everyone...and I pray that you are all blessed and that God pushes you forward into your destiny...and that anything that is on me the peace and joy and love gets put on you guys and that you all can feel it...cause I love my friends...Nikki Out!

Saturday Well Spent

This was a great day....shopping and takin pictures the way I like it...saturdays should be spent like this more often...I have some great friends and some good times...the pics are my msn mypace for you all to see....but here is a taste.

Title goes here

Ok so I havent posted in a bit and thats odd for me I post often...so yeah I decided to post about my week. Or whatever pops into my head while I am writing this blog...so my week well my week has been interesting. I work and work and work...I am tired but its all good cause I love my job...but lets start with sunday. I went to church and ferg was here ohhh gotta love ferg...his sermon was stinkin amazing what he spoke about hit home. I love when that happens anyways on to monday...a stressful day of work...where I got vomited on and peed on yeah not a good day...then went to the leadership meeting at the DC with ferg again...great sermon again and a little peace attached...umm on to tuesday...crappy day...dealing with things that I shouldnt and decided to retreat into my cave...well it wasnt untill a good friend of mine told me to smarten up on wednesday and pretty much got me out of that mode...no I am not hiding in my cave. Thanx to a certian friend of mine a good one at that coughhazzardcough anyways...its now thursday and I had a super long day with work and two meetings after work...long day....anyways I am hopin this weekend is relaxing and nice considering its a long weekend and I love long weekends...and its thanksgiving which means good food mmmm I love food...so yeah also means I get to spend some time with my friends...I like my friends...ummm yeah so yeah isnt it crazy when God gives you somethin just when somethin leaves...like isnt it crazy when God brings a new friend into your life jsut when one leaves....I love it...I love it a lot...so yes that is my week I am tired now and cant think so I am leavin...Nikki Out!

Another Poem

This is a poem that I wrote awhile ago that I wanted to share with the world...hope you enjoy

Can I sit here and wait for you?
While my heart is falling for you
Out of the corner of my eye I watch you
My heart falling for your smile
Can I sit here and wait for you?
God has put you in my life and I don’t know why
I try to get inside your head
As you keep everything a secret
Can I sit here and wait for you?
I show you that I am there
You don’t even notice
How many more times do I need to show you?
Can I sit here and wait for you?
I ask God to tell me
To tell me if I have a chance
Wonder what you are thinking
Can I sit here and wait for you?
My heart is saying yes
My mind is saying no
My God is saying nothing
Can I sit here and wait for you?
I am so confused
When are you going to notice?

Nicole
Andrews
22

Hmmm Interesting...

Well this week has had its moments....but I have had some good ones and some bad ones...work has been stressful but in the process its been stinkin great...there is this new girl I work with who is awesome and great with the kids even tho she thinks toddlers arent her thing she is amazin...and I love my job...I have been sick for a couple days and still go to work cause I love my job...I love waking up in the mornin and goin to work...I love it...I bet you are wonderin what the picture is...well its my certificate from the government...I got a diploma from the college for graduating but this is the certificate from the government that tells people that I am a Level 3 which is awesome cause I get to make more money now woohoo...umm lets see tonight was awesome we got into some great convrsations....and stuff the kind that I love...yeppers...my life is amazing right now I am lookin past all the crap I go through and jsut bein myself around others...even at work and at my mom's house and everything just bein myself is the best...who cares if people dont like me I am this person and thats who I am...so that is where I am at I will keep you all updated on this adventure I call life...notice how its no longer a nightmare...for those of you have heard me use that term...goodnight

Should women preach???

1 Timothy 2:9-15 (New American Standard Bible)

9Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, 10but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. 11 A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. 12 But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. 13 For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. 14And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.


Ok so what does this verse actually mean? Can women preach in church on Sundays…that is the real question…I want to know your opinion…here is what I think….yes women should preach in church or where ever God tells them to…now if you tell me that God does not tell them to I don’t think you can say that cause you don’t know what God is speakin to others…and the same is the jobs women have as factory workers, farmers, doctors, dentists, lawyers and so on…if we cant preach then we cant do those jobs cause originally those were mens jobs…now you are going to tell me that times have changed and women can now do those things…yes they can and women can preach…why is this such a conterversial subject…Jesus said 19"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, 20teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20 (New American Standard Bible)…he didn’t say ok men now go and preach the gospel and women make supper and take care of the kids…that’s all you can do…nope did not say that….now why you ask am I thinking of this…because its come up and its something stuck in my head as something even my generation believes as truth…I believe that has a religious spirit all over it….yes this is goin to make some people mad but you know what…I like controversy…and I like my Jesus….women can preach….God is in their words…God is here…and He is relevant…so that is what I have to say…now don’t get me wrong I am not judging I am looking for what you think…you are entitled to your beliefs…but its time for this to not be such a big deal…if God has called these women to preach he has called them to preach we cant argue with Him…think outside the box…and stop putting God in a box…He is about change…if you think this then go back to wearing skirts and long hair and braiding it cause it also says that in the bible and you know maybe braiding you’re hair will get you into heaven…..just so you know I wont care what you say on my blog I want honest opinions and I am ok if its against mine…I like to hear people’s thoughts….I don’t judge and I will still like you its ok…maybe I should be quiet I might not be listenin to God's word...maybe I am not goin to heaven cause I dont braid my hair....hmmm….what do you say?

Smellin like a port-a-potty

Well I have jsut had a a great week...Mary came down from Ontario for the week and Jelea and I spent the entire week with her...everything from sex in a pan to shopping and smelling like out houses it was a blast. Ohh just a note never stop at those little "Rest Stops" in the middle of no where after coming out you may smell like the out house it was nasty they are also scary inside. Anyways I had a great week and learned a lot...somethin I learned this week is true friends will let you tell them all and let you be yourself around them and they will still be your friend. I also learned transparency is the best like I said in my last blog...and its a great time for bonding. I also learned that I have changed a lot since the summer and its for the better...my opinions and mindsets have changed and I dont think the same as my friends and thats ok. I also found out that my friends and I have different beliefs when it comes to Christianity....so yeah it was a great week. The sadest part was leavin Mary at the Calgary airport at 6am....yeah you heard me right it was 6am man were we tired...Jello and I had troubles stayin awake on the way home....but we made it alive. You know what else was cool I got to see Carmen...a friend from the ranch it was really exciting that she just happened to be in the same change room at the same time as me...I was tryin some clothes on at bluenotes in the chinook mall at Calgary and there she was standing there trying clothes on too....I am sure it was a divine appoitment...seeing her made me miss the ranch and all the people a little bit more tho...but its ok I will see them again...anyways I gotta go...have a great weekend everyone...Nikki Out!

Spiritual Suicide

Well I have been thinkin a lot today and I was on my way to Wal-mart today spendin some alone time and God time...and I thought about my life and where I was in the summer and where I am today....well I am not where I should be because of yes you guessed it spiritual suicide...I keep goin up and come crashin down...I choose where I am and I know that...I dont know why I do these things to myself...I came home from the ranch and felt like I am out of place....I felt like I dont fit in with any one...even my closest friends...I am doing things I know for a fact that I shouldnt be doing...but I do them and commit spiritual suicide....I feel like I have grown a ton I have been a Christian for about 4 and a half years and I have grown fast...and this summer I have grown a ton more and I dont want to loose any of that and its not like I have its almost like I threw out what I learned and where I was to be with my friends and to be at their level instead of bringin them to mine...now here is the thing I get scared...scared of where I am goin with God and scared of the levels that I am on because it means I have to change and have to start walking....thats hard....I am growing up and becoming a spiritual warrior and a fighter and a conquer and I will fight this battle because its worth it...the thing is I need to put on my armor and start fighting with all my weapons and all the time instead of saying ohhh I will do it later...I have time...what if I dont?...hmm thats somethin to think about....I feel like my friends dont understand me and think that I have nothin to say about stuff and everytime I talk...I experiance this at c&c...people go ohhh no here she goes again...ok sure I have some energy and sure I am not payin attention all the time...but there is some good revelation that I have and there is some good wisdom I have...and if people sat down and listened to me for a bit they would see that I actually have smart things to say...I actually love and crave conversation....conversation that gets you thinkin...I crave discussion about God and about politics and all that stuff I crave intelligent conversations...I dont get that here....I need to find that...I need someone I can trust and tell all to...I need to be transparent...thats what I need...transparency

Hmm...

Well today was awesome and yet I dont feel that great I have no idea why...I am thinkin about the future and about the present and about the past a lot lately...the past is there to remind me where I came from and to not let me forget where God saved me from...the present is here for me to enjoy now and the future is there to give me hope...you know what else....lately I have felt like a social freak...someone who doesnt like hangin in big groups I like to be alone now or one on one or maybe even a group of four would do....I dunno I know thats bad but lately thats how I feel I think its been since camp and I dunno why...hmm well I am havin a great week mostly because it feels like the world stood still and we dont have an agenda but we can do whatever we want...the world will start turning again I know it...hmm untill then I will stay here...

Pondering

Have you ever sat down and thought about your life...about where its headed and how you are goin to get there....have you ever thought about past experiances and thought what would have happened if...I do it ALL the time and I always wonder what would happen if I had done things different...I had a good experiance today...I went to my mom's house for birthday supper...and it was incrediable I was myself...and in the card she had givin me it said words I long to hear from my mother..."I am proud of you"...to me those are powerful words...she actually acknowledges where I am and the success I have accomplished...it was really cool...almost made me cry then I remembered I dont cry...my life is actually goin great but yet I am not happy with it at times its really weird...I am in a different mood that I cant describe...its like I care about my life and God right now but I am also pondering a lot of thoughts on where my life can go...I dont want to settle anymore for the mediocre life...I am not settling I realized for whats in front of me I want new and different and adventure...I had this huge plan that I was goin to get married and do all these things in the next five years or ten...but now I dont care if I dont get married right now or if I dont find a guy...I want to live my life with no restrictions right now...with no ties...thats where I am...well jsut some thoughts...Nikki Out!

Good times

Well Mary is here I am stayin at Jello's house for the week...I dont work....yep pretty much life is great. I am excited for this week cause we are goin to have a great time...we have laughed like crazy and it like Mary has never left. I am so excited and she keeps sayin she can't believe she's in Alberta. Let me tell you if you want to do somethin with me this week you will have to book an appoitment but to be honest I am already booked....ha ha ha. Anyways this is the last week before Jello leaves that I am goin to have all this fun with her. Then she leaves me for two months and I dunno what I am goin to do without her....I might just go completly crazy or maybe start my own adventure. I dont know we will see what happens...I know me and my new friend Hazzard can start some adventures together...but dont worry Jello you can never be replaced only you and I really get each other he he....all I have to say is before bed. Anyways thats all I have to say for now I will update about my fun week later. Nikki Out!

23 Eh?

Like the title says 23 eh? Well that is how old I turned today and I love birthdays...after everyone left and I cleaned my house up...I sat down looked at my cards from people and jsut thought how blessed am I...I have all these friends that care and love me enough to come to my birthday...for those of who are readin this and came thank you so much...friends are important to me and I really appreciate I dont even think you guys understand...this was a good birthday....and I have seen favor in my life already this last couple of weeks...and this is goin to be a new year with new favor and dreams comin true I am so excited to see what God is goin to do in my life. Well I am off to Calgary tomorrow the city I am origanlly from yeppers thats a great place...Jelea and I are gettin Mary and I am goin to visit Travis...also get to see Karen woohoo. Well I am goin to bed soon so you all have a great weekend...I know I will and I had a great birthday...this is one for the memory books.

God makes me laugh...

Well let me tell you about my day its been incredibale. First I go to work and its an ok day untill my boss calls me in the office to ask me questions about stuff. And pretty much tells me I am doin a great job and she has seen a lot of change in me in the last three years...and all these things. I have favor at work and thats really cool...she said that I am young but she was proud of me for what I am doin at my work....my boss told me she was proud of me that is stinkin amazing and I am excited to be working there its a great place to be. Then I go to my c&c group which as a young adults group and all the things that were getting talked about there are on my heart as well....God is lining things up like crazy...I mostly think He is just making more reasons for me to stay here in Medicine Hat...but let me tell you my life is going great. He is sending me straight into my destiny and even if I try to put the brakes on He says NO and then He says MOVE....then after that all I here is GO. Favor is all over my life and I am doing great I am successful and I am only 22 well actually in a couple hours I will be 23 yes thats right my birthday is tomorrow and I am pumped for that. I am also really punped to go see Mary on saturday...this is a great start to an even better weekend and the week that I have ahead of me is goin to be amazing. I am just in a great mood...well I jsut wanted to leave this note...Nikki Out!

Sunday

Ok so all I can say about today is wow....so I didnt want to go to church today and I did and it was awesome...God really grabbed me today. I had a blast today....I hung out with Justin and Hazzard all day and it was awesome. So some words were spoken over me in church and it was exactly what I needed. So we watched some movies today and played at Ruckers and had a Vibe meeting...all such a blast. Now I did have this cool blog in my head to write about and I cant remember it....so if I do I will write about as soon as I think of it...watch I remember in the middle of the night I will get up and write about it. So you all have a fantastic week I know I will.

Starting to come back...

Starting to become my old self again...Nikki is comin back slowly. So I had a blast with my friends this weekend and it was great...like old times. We had fun we laughed we did stupid stuff which some didnt work...it was great. So lets start with my friday...ohhh man a day I wish never happened...I had a bad day at work...it was bad but I am over it now...then I hung out on msn till Jello got off work...and we hung out and went to Kayla's and watched blue crush I was there till 3:00am I was super tired tho. The saturday I got up and went to Back to School Bash at The DC that was fun like always....seeing those kids bein blessed by the prizes and all that stuff but most of all bein blessed with smiles and love. The backpacks are a weapon...yeah a weapon of love...everything we did today was with love and it was amazing I love it. I love watchin the kids go around from station to station every year and seein the smiles that the volunteers give...and the unconditional love that Jesus gives to us that we are givin to these children...for real other then God kids are my life I love it.So after that we went for ice cream mmm I like ice cream...then we hung out at my house all night ok now we wanted to try so things and they are fun I will explain. So we made some draino bombs that werent that exciting so yeah and then we tried the banana and sprite thing...well apparently you eat a banana and drink sprite and you cant keep it down eh...well that didnt work I just felt bloated. It was LAME...anyways...then we made a pop fountian that was sweet. So yeah then we went back to my house and hung out which was also fun and we were up late again...I have had a great weekend and next weekend is my birthday and Mary is comin and that is exciting as well..I have been lookin forward to it. So our new friend Danger Zone aka Hazzard aka Crick aka Amanda lol lots of nicknames she has gained from us...anyways she hung out with us tonight and it was a good time and I should maybe tell the crick story and maybe some of you Ontario folk can maybe tell me if you call it a crick. Ok so you know a creek right? Well apparently Hazzard calls a yucky muddy stream of water aka a runoff she calls it a crick...now has anyone ever heard of that or is she on glue....ha ha she is goin to make a comment about this blog I know she is...anyways its gettin late and I gotta go to church in the morn so I am goin to bed. Nikki Out!

Still waiting...

I am still waiting for this weekend to be over..its the longest weekend I have had in a long time...I cant wait till sunday at 3:00 when the kids start arriving...you may say uhh Nikki its Wednesday and uhh Nikki what are you talkin about kids arriving? Well thats how the last two months have been I have had been at Eagles Nest Ranch and I would have the weekends off then I would go back to the camp and sunday the kids would arrive. I am still waiting...it feels like I should be there...I need to be there...I was truly happy there...sometimes I think it was a bad thing I went. You may not understand that statement either...I know God called me to go there but it was out in the middle of no where and I could hide...I used it as a hiding place from reality to me the best place ever. But its gone now untill next summer. Its over and I am heart broken...this truly was the best summer ever...now its only a memory...one that is etched in my mind and will never leave. I actaully learned to love and trust out there...somethin I have had troubles with all my life. Now that I am home and friendships have died and new ones have been made and life is different. People are different the world is different. It's like I dont know how to cope...its like I became a social freak...kinda like a homeschooled kid(ha ha Mary)...I just dont know what to do...all I want to do is stay in my room and not come out...ohh wait I do that. I miss the family I had at the ranch the people that could call your bluff....they knew when you were sad and lying about it...they knew what to say and they gave you tough love at times...ohhh how I miss that. I need people in my life thats goin to call me out and say Nikki you arent ok are you. Hmmm I cant wait for this weekend to be over and for sunday to come...Sunday's a comin.

My final answer

Ok so I am sure you are all getting sick of hearing me talk about Ontario and moving there. Well I made a final decision about the whole situation...I decided to not make a decision...January is a long ways away and I still have lots of time to decide so I will decide when the time comes. So for now I am goin to live my life here in the Hat and enjoy it. So whats new with me? Absolutly nothin I work, eat, sleep and come on here...I have no life. Meh whatever...I really like blogging just wish I had more to say..you people need to write some more blogs I have nothin to read...so go now and write a blog...anywho I am out.

What do you think?

Ok so I was discussing this topic the other day with some friends...what do you think about Christians goin to the bar? Some of my friends said it could help people stumble...now what happens if you were just hangin out there and not drinkin. I believe if Jesus was here today He would be in there and hangin out with those people. Someone brought a great point up to me the other day they said how can we expect our friends to come to our place if we wont go to theirs. Thats a great point how can we expect people to come to church if we wont hang out with them where they feel comfortable...Well I want to know your opinion on this topic...tell me please.

I dunno

Ok so today is a good day...I am in a great mood and I have gotten my time in kidzone back....I love kidszone so much...toddlers are so amazing. Anyways I am happy for once I havent been a real happy in a long time...I hung out with people today somethin I also havent done much lately. I am just feelin like things are gettin back to normal...Josie is home this weekend and that makes me really happy. I missed her. I am still sad about some things tho like Jello still wants to move away and I am staying here....Josie brought somethin to my attention tho that was good...she said maybe God is testing my trust to see if I will trust in Him...I think it might be true I know my future is here and thats why I need to stay...but what do you do when ALL the people you truly trust live so far away? What do you do then? People dont get my trust that easy its hard to trust people. I guess all you need is God...but I am a huge people person and I need people in my life to help me...I need them...now this is a different Nikki then some of you know....cause awhile back I said I dont need anyone...but I do ok...but everyone I trust doesnt live here and that sucks....so I am gonna have to ask God to bring me people that I can trust....or maybe they are already in my life I just have to trust them. I dunno what to do right now...old friendships are dying and I can see that and that sucks too...I am the type of person that likes to have a large circle of friends but we are all drifting...hey but on the good side I do have a new friend...and she is sweet...right Amanda :) you know it. Anyways I dunno what else to say so....Nikki Out!

Big Sister

Ok I know I already posted today but somethin else has been on my mind and I am goin to write about it here. After all this is my blog and I can do what I want with it. Ok so all day I have been thinkin about one dream of mine that I know can never come true...now dont get me wrong I am a dreamer and I believe in dreams comin true. But this one cant...its my dream of havin a big sister. I always wanted one even when I was a kid...you know that best friend that looked after you...and made sure you never get hurt...someone to protect you. I would love that. Someone you could cuddle with and jsut talk to...while she would play with your hair...and then you would fall asleep. Someone that when you were scared at night she would stay by your bed untill you have fallen asleep. That person that would keep you in line but at the same time show you the greatest love. Oh how I would love to have someone like that. That one person she knows everything about you and still she wont tell mom or dad unless it gets worse. To be close to a human being like that would be awesome. Ok now you are probably thinkin I am nuts but its true I have always dreamed of that...well its too late...I am 22 almost 23 in 14 days I might add. Anyways its too late I cant get an older sister...and I am too old I guess for someone to be that person to me...so its one dream that will just have to be a dream.*sigh*

Excellence

Ok for real dont people know how to do their jobs with excellence. I really hate when people complain about the rules of a work place. They are put into place for a reason. Policies and Procedures are there for a reason and its to keep people safe. Now when childrens lives are at stake I feel that its very important to follow the rules. And to do what my boss tells me...but lots of people have this I dont care attitude I am seeing it every where. Or if someone says we cant do somethin they say do it any ways thats not a good attitude to have. That is not excellence. My whole life I have gone towards the goal of excellence I thats how I live my life and thats how I think we all need to live our lives. Well I wanted to rant about that for a bit...Nikki Out!

God is stinkin amazing

Ok well God is amazing...I just like you to know...although He doesnt want me to move to Ontario :( He is still amazing. So I have big dreams right...and I want them to be fullfilled well I have a feeling that God is pushing me forward and tellin me to not throw in the towel. Its funny cause just when you are close to your break through you want to give up...well I am not giving up. I am goin to run this race and be as hungry as I have always been maybe even hungrier...I dunno if thats a word or not but whatever. I know that I am a world changer God gave me that name a long time ago and I finally as of today really actually believe it. I am gonna change my world...people will know God cause He is goin to use me and all the glory will be givin to Him. I just wanted to say this fine evening that God is good. And its time for the leader in me to take over.

What I want

Ok well I had an ok day...work is so amazing...I love my job...I dont know many people who can say that but I really do. So as for my last blog...for those of you who seem to know my life better then me I know I was supposed to be in church that day gosh I am not stupid...I was just sayin that there was another person that needed to hear that...I am not judgeing my friends...I dont do that...even tho they think I do but whatever who needs them. I have new friends that will help me out...ones that arent goin to leave me...ones that will be there for me...and they have proven they care. Just when I was gonna throw in the towel God gave me good friends...I am still gonna do my own thing for a bit but it doesnt mean I dont love my God anymore cause I do. He is the only Father I have ever known and I love Him tons...I just want to do what I want. So I decided that I am not havin a birthday party anymore...if you wanted to come to one then too bad...I am doin my own thing. Just so you all know I dont need anyone to preach at me while I am on this kick...that would prob push me further away and I already know the stuff you want to tell me...I have heard it many times...this is a choice...and I am choosing to do this...thats what I want the world to know. I already know what will happen I already know why I shouldnt do it...I already know that stuff....too bad I am doin it...I dont care what people think. All I need is friends not preachers. Although I have had a great conversation with a couple of people this week that have helped. I just wish they didnt live so far away so I could visit them. Well that is all I have to say for now.

My beautiful cave

Well I know some of you know about my cave...well I am retreating to my cave once again...certian things have happened over the last few days that I am just not happy about....I have friends who just dont care what you say to help them...because for their own selfish reasons they want to have what they want...even tho everyone can see that its wrong they are blind...church today was about waiting and I know a couple of people who should have heard or listened to that sermon...anyways this is me saying screw the world I am goin to retreat to my cave and if I call you or talk to you...that means you are one I am not hiding from...the rest of you see you later...I dont know when...so dont wait

Change

Well its been a week since I have been home and its been allright. I went back to work and love it...I missed my job. So home is different now and I am still not sure I like it. The people are different some are gone due to school and life here in this city that once brought me happiness well its not that great. I really want to move to either Edmonton or Ontario and looks like Ontario is the way I am goin. I dunno exactly when but Jelea and are tryin to figure that out. Dont get me wrong I love my city...I love it a lot but its not the city I am leavin. Its more the people and also I am lookin for an adventure. I tottaly believe that Med Hat is goin to change Canada and I want to be a part of it but right now I just need a break from here. In my heart I will always be a hatter no matter where I live. So today I am missing my summer home even more then I have before. I really miss those people that I became friends with over the summer. Not only did they become friends but they became family and I love them all. I love change and that is also why I want to move away for change. I love the idea of taking all my things and starting over somewhere else. I have never even been to that side of Canada. So this would be a great adventure. There is only one thing holding me back and keeping me here and that is my job. I love it so much and they would not want me to leave its actually a scary thought to actually have to tell them. You know what tho in all due time I will decide where I am goin and what I am doin. So for now I will continue to hang out with myself...I have hung out with my friends a few times since I have been home but I am havin more fun right now beina hermit...this time its not because I am tryin to avoid the world so dont get all worried with the hermit thing. This time its cause I need some alone time and my personality has changed so that is why I like the alone time. Well I gotta go there is a HUGE oreo cake waiting for me and I need to eat it so have a great day everyone.

It is time

Well like the title says it is time...it is time for a lot. Now is the time for us to get rid of this lazy and apathetic spirits off of ourselves including me. I have sat here too long and let things slide...I have let the enemy come into my life and steal things that dont belong to him but belong to God. Now is the time to take back what he has stolen and rejoice in the Lord. It is time to throw the tables over in our own cities and not put up with the garbage and religious spirits. We as in young adults need to start a revolution in our cities so that they can be on fire for God. So that the generation below us has a hope and so that they can have the torch passed on to them. I am not goin to sit here anymore and watch my city go to hell...I love this city too much to see that. I am goin to take a stand and put myself in the line of fire so that Medicine Hat can see God...so that Medicine Hat can prosper...so that Medicine Hat can change Canada and eventually the world. My dreams are huge but I know that my God is a big God and He can make them all come true. Ultimatly its a choice....are you willing to put yourself out there...are you willing to stand in the gap...are you willing to get out of your comfort zone. I know I am...I cant sit here anymore and watch the people that I love go to hell....it is time...like I said at the beggining of the year...this is the year. I am willing to loose it all cause I know that God has an abundance for me...I know that some of my friends will be left behind but loosing them and gaining more of God is worth it...I am ready. This is your year...God will bless you with the measure that you give with...so one thing I can say is start a revolution. Watch out cause there is a new Nicole in town.

All finished

Well I did it....I finished my summer at Eagles Nest Ranch....and it was awesome. Dont get me wrong there were definitly hard times but most of it was amazing. I want to go back next year....I know some of you are thinkin that I didnt even want to go in the first place but now that I went I am happy I went. It was so great being there I made new friends no wait let me change that....I made new family members...yeah thats better. I learned a lot and my life is changed. This summer was one of the most life changing amazing experiances of my life and I will never forget it. I did things I never thought I could do...and this years theme was revolution. I want to start a recolution here in my workplace in my friends and in my family....I have new dreams and I am excited to see these things come to pass. I learned this summer that I can ACTUALLY do ALL things through Christ....you know people have told me that but I for real this time believe it for once...its amazing. My level with God has grown and I know that. I know things are goin to be different and I am ok with it. I am excited to rest this week and then go back to work. I am excited to keep in touch with the amazing people that I met and to get to know them even more. I am just in a great mood I am a lil tired right now cause its almost 3am and I havent got that much sleep this week but its all good. I just wanted to say I am home and I have more to say but I think its bed time I want to go to church tomorrow so I will update you more later....nite all.

One week left

Ok so I know I havent posted in awhile...I have been too busy to post but here is a post and this is also an update. Enr is so amazing in every way...I have made new friends, I have had new experiances, I have broken down walls, I have affected childrens lives, I have just had the time of my life. But I have also lost friendships, I have had mental breakdowns, I have had hard times. So it has been hard too. I have a changed attitude and things at home seem different...all I want right now is to be home I miss home...but I know when I come home things are goin to be different certian friendships I may not keep cause they are very good for me and others its cause I am not close to them anymore...so yeah things have changed this summer has definitly been a summer of change and I really enjoyed this experiance but I am ready to come home. One more week left and I am goin to give it my all and then I am goin to come home and rest and the go back to reality...cause out there reality doesnt exist. My birthday is in a month and I love birthdays...mmmm cake...anyways I am excited also cause Mary is comin to the hat woohoo...and when I get home I get to hang out with Jello a bit before she leaves I am so excited for that. I just want to say I need a lot of prayer this next week things are gettin tough and I am goin to loose my mind so if guys could remember me in prayer that would be awesome...well I am out talk to you all in a week.

Week Three and Four

Hey all sorry I didnt make a week three blog I just ran out of time and couldnt make one so I am goin to try and do both weeks on this one. Week three was pretty cool it was the second week with the kids and 153 of them got saved now thats sweet. I clicked with the girls in my cabin right away and it was awesome...there were times tho when I did want to go home and not stay there...its been really hard spirtuatly for me out there but its been also ok...umm I am meeting a lot of really cool people out there that I will be friends with after the summer is over. Week four was cool as well it was the same age group as the week before which was 9-12 they are a fun group of kids. This week I didnt feel as tired in the middle of the week just at the end I was extremly tired. I have four more weeks left and its exciting to see everything that goes on...but it also sucks when people are getting attacked by the devil...it sucks because this is a family to you...you spend all your time with them and then when they are hurt or feel sad you also feel that. Well that is all I have to say I would appreciate your prayers out there cause it is hard for me spiritualy...and next week is the junior high week it will be fun. Well see you all next weekend.

Week Two

Well the kids came this week...this is the first week with them....and let me tell you it was hard. I had fun and dont get me wrong I fell in love with each one of them. The first day was ok gettin to know them and stuff but by the end I was starting to get really tired but I also ended up being sick. So camp is so fun and I had great conversations with my girls and some of them tested my patience but in the end it was worth it. I had breakthrough with a couple of them and I saw a real smile from them...there was one girl in particular that made my week. She loved camp and didnt want to go home cause home isnt that great...then just before the buses were leaving something amazing happened that made this worth it. Let me tell you a bit first about her...she had this depressed look all week and was pretty much quiet about her life but she did open up to dawn and I and that was neat to see but on the bus at the end when we were saying goodbye...she had a real smile...the first and only smile I had seen all week a real one. It broke my heart and I just bawled....I couldnt keep myself together she saw real love...that is what makes me want to keep pressing on...that is what makes me want to keep fighting and showing these kids Jesus...cause God is so amazing. I am home for the weekend to get some rest and do some laundry but I go back on sunday to impact more childrens lives and I am so excited. So everyone see you in a week again.

Week One(Staff Training)

Well if I were to say one thing about this week it would be wow...and like for real it was intense. Ok so this first week at the ranch was a staff training week where we learn and get ready for the summer....and ohhh boy was it ever intense. The services and worship were great. God has done so much this week...this is the most I have grown in a long time...I am definitly one a new level a higher one. I am a counsellor and the team I am on is amazing all the counsellors are amazing and we are already like family and I love it....there is so much unity within us its amazing...being out at the ranch feels so great you getting fed everyday and its like nothing else exist the rest of the world doesnt even matter when you are out there....and I didnt even go through internet withdrawls amazing eh...well my first week was amazing, intense and stretching. I am home for the weekend and I am happy cause now I get to see Jelea but I am sad at the same time it doesnt feel the same here. Its drier spirtually here but like I told Josh on the way home we can make it here like it is at the ranch. God is taking a lot out of my life and putting amazing things in...He has brought me amazing people out there that care about how I am and He has brought leaders to me that will help me at all times as well...for real its goin to be hard to come home at the end of summer. I love it out there...and now those of you who know that I was struggling with not wanting to go out there and probably saying I told you so...well I am glad I listened to God and I am glad He is in charge of my life and I am not cause look how badly I can screw it up. Anyways I am walking and talking different now God has taken me places I didnt even know I could go...if you all want more information on my week you can ask me in person and I will be glad to tell you its too much to type on here cause the week was amazing...well see you all next weekend.

Have a great Summer!

I am goin to the ranch...its become a reality today as I shopped with Dawn for some stuff for the ranch. I am goin to Eagles Nest Ranch in a couple of days and will be gone for the summer. The sad part is one of my good friends Mary is moving back to Ontario in a week and a half and this is the last couple of days I will see her for awhile. I will miss her tons. We have really gotten close in the last couple of months and its been great. Well I am excited for the ranch and also scared at the same time. I know I will do fine and it will be a great experiance...but there are other things on my mind and well I need to get over them. So everyone have a great summer and I will update my blog on the weekends so you all can see how my summer is goin. Nikki Out!

Summer is here

Well summer is now around the corner like it came fast...and I am off to the ranch for the summer this week. It's kinda scary and exciting all at the same time. I dont want to go and I do want to go its so confusing. But I know thats where I need to be for the summer so I am off. I am having one of those days where you just want to be alone but you know its not a good idea if you are left alone...you know those days everyone has them. No matter how much I am having I cant seem to get my mind off of certian things. Everyone seems to think I am overreacting or worring about stupid things but for real things are a bigger deal to me then they are to others. No matter how much someone tells you not to worry you still do. I am sure some of my friends are getting sick of me complaining or what they call it overreacting but for real I am sick of life sometimes...I just want to sit in my room and do nothing. I am laying it all out here because I am starting to think that sharing my life with the faceless world I see on here is better. Its better and makes me feel happier. I feel like I am alone at times and I know I am not because I always have God who is my daddy...I love that speaking of daddy's. Tomorrow is Father's Day...and I say who cares. Not an important day for me nope I dont celebrate it...no one to celebrate it with...my father left my mom before I was even born. And I dont see it as a big deal untill this day...my friends are all busy with their dads tomorrow and some of my other friends have their own plans for tomorrow and what am I goin to do...sit here by myself and pretty much toture myself with my thoughts. Yeah lame I know but whatever. Well I think I am done ranting for now...there may be more before I leave if not I will leave updates on the summer on here...let this summer be a change and come back new and stronger and refreshed.

I got my net back

Ok so this is what happend my internet was broken and I couldnt go on since monday...I know thats a long time I was going through withdrawl. But lets update on Nikki's life I have been hanging out with Jelea and Mary lots and thats about it...I have had an allright week. It was my last day of work today for the summer. I am leaving for Eagles Nest Ranch next week...I am excited but worried at the same time. Also Mary is leavin us soon and this is the last weekend I get to hang out with her its so sad. I dont want her to leave me...but life goes on and we have plans right girls. Hmm what else to say...so since I didnt have the internet I have done a lot more too and I have actually went to bed and yeah...wow my life is boring I dont know what to say...so I am out and will update before I leave again.

The weekend that time stood still...

Well this weekend was amazing there is soo much to say and I may forget some of the things I want to say...but here it goes. This weekend Mary, Jelea and I went to Regina we didnt tell anyone we were leaving or where we were going...we just wanted a girls weekend getaway and it was a blast. So we left friday after work and thats when the madness I mean fun started. The ride up to Regina felt quick and it was a blast with the three of us we laughed so hard and bonded a lot. So we got to Regina late I actually dont remember what time...we went to Jelea's aunts condo and had a dessert called creme brule(I dont know the correct spelling) and it wasnt bad but I prob wouldnt have it again. Then we went to bed cause we needed sleep and we wanted to get up early in the morning. Ok so 9:00am saturday morning came and we got out of bed. We had decided that we were going to get haircuts so off we went to get some hair cuts. Well that was the longest I have ever waited to get a hair cut. We waited forever while these older women took their time on these other peoples hair. Then we got ours...I got the most cut off my hair is now just below my ears. I like it tho...we also highlighted my hair as well. It was fun...while we were waitng we had constant crituqing going on from the critic also name Mary but it so funny. I had fun...so then after we all got hair cuts off we were to do some shopping oh and eat at Wendys. We went to Old Navy and we also went to Chapters(which we spent and hour and a half in), we went to the Roughriders store and I said go Eskimo's while in the store ha ha. Um we took some great pics around Regina. Then we went back to the condo and after that off to the farm. Well thats what we thought...we decided to go past the farm to get milkshakes from this supposidly amazing place...so we went to Indian Head ha ha and we got some funny pictures there too. We got these milkshakes and they were amazing oh my goodness I loved them. I needed batteries so I wanted to stop at this store...well you know how in scary movies there is always this sketchy store and when you go in something bad happens and you dont come out well that is what this store looked like I thought that I was not going to come out of this place...so in I went and they had all different kinds of batteries but not the ones I needed I was a little angry but got over it fast. So then Jelea took us to the farm where she grew up and it was cool to see that. Then we drove around this little town and looked at stuff and that was cool to. Now off to the farm(we should have been there by now) we needed to get there for supper...another scary moment for Nicole. You know how in scary movies the young adults always go down this long dirt road and something bad happens well thats what this felt like. I was actaully scared it was cool tho cause the water from the puddles were going higher then the car. Well we made it to the farm...this was a cool time. We went to the barn to play with the kittens but we didnt have much time cause we needed to have supper. We had a great meal...we had steak and potatoes and stuff it was awesome. After supper we went out to play in the rain and on the farm...it was like a step back in time and it was awesome...Mary got these rubber boots to go out in and Jelea and I just wore our runners. Oh man it was muddy out there...so we went back to the barn to play in the hay...then we went out to this big yard. We played on machinery and Mary played in a cow pattie...ha ha that was funny. Then we decided to climb hay bails...wow that was funny. I got stuck between two of them trying to get up I finally got up and was dirty and wet. Then I wanted down...ha ha I got down without falling. Wish I could say that about Jelea...she said guys its easy look yeah easy eh...she came down and hit a mud patch and wham fell on her butt ha ha that was funny...it was easy tho remember that. Then we went back in the houe for pie and to finish the hockey game. After that we went back into Regina to dye my hair and hang out for a bit. Then we went to bed and we slept in the next morning and didnt go to church we needed sleep. Then Jelea took us to this amazing restraunt mmm it was so good. Then we went to cosco...yeah that was kinda boring...then we went back to chapters on our way out of town(spent another hour there again...Mary finished a book she had started the day before) yeah that was fun too. The ride home was great too we had laughed so much this weekend and prob embarrassed our selves so much this weekend that it was awesome. Hey Mary...who is Pam Stenzel ha ha. This was a weekend for the memory books.

Ok for real I havent had this much fun in ages...like the title of my blog says this was the weekend that time stood still. It was like we were kids and we got to do whatever we wanted..it was like life didnt exist and there was nothing to think about or do. It was like straight out of a movie you know when girls go on a road trip and have the time of their lives and bond so much and its just amazing. I will never forget this road trip it was probably the greatest thing that has happend to me this year. I experianced something this weekend that was amazing...I got to experiance Sask differently which made me appreciate it more. I got to experiance a farm in a different way and it was totally awesome...but most importantly I got to experiance true friendship. These are two people that I can see myself knowing forever no matter how far apart we are. This weekend was like cement and it left our friendships concrete. I love the two of them and I am glad that I got to spend a weekend with them. It was truly unforgettable. I didnt even want this weekend to end...I have never laughed this much in my entire life time and it was awesome. I didnt even want to come home. I wanted it io last forever. Thanks guys for giving me an amazing weekend to leave all our worries behind and have a great time. We made a memory..and I will always love the two of you. Who would have thought Sask would be so much fun.

Be the world to them...

Their little hands and little feet are very busy
Sometimes you wish they weren’t
Their eyes that look at you and say love me
And at the same time thinking about what to do next
Their questions are so interesting
But sometimes inconvenient
Their arms swing at others
But also wrap around you
Their words so true and sometimes hurt
But other times they make you feel on top of the world
They are the world’s most precious gift
Sometimes you just want to get away from them
Their minds don’t fully understand
But at the same time so full of wisdom
The secret of life lies within them
They believe in you and believe you are the world
They believe they can do anything
Nothing is impossible
There is so much to learn from them
They are full of honesty, compassion, generosity, love, and patience
Yet they are looked down upon
And treated badly
And left to be alone
They deserve the world, so give it to them
They are children and cant speak for themselves
Nicole Andrews 22

This is a poem I wrote today. I love children so much and they are so important. And yet you hear on the news everyday that one has been abducted or killed. Its right in our own city...everyday at work I see a hurting child and they arent supposed to be hurting they are supposed to be left to be children. To enjoy the world...to be happy. I see everything from physically abused children to emotionally abused to children to children who are angry at the world. It breaks my heart to see that the world is so cruel that children even have to deal with it. Adults are the world to a child they look up to you. And yet we still break their trust...and yet we still dissapoint them. Everyday we are destroying the worlds future...everyday we are ruining a piece of happiness in one childs life. There is so much to learn from them...they know how to dream...they know how to believe in you and most important they know how to cheer you up when you are sad. They care about you and always ask whats wrong...they will never let you down. Then why are we letting them down? Why arent we making the world a better place for them? They believe in you. Then why dont we believe in them? I jsut want to say next time a child is just getting on your nerves and you are getting frustrated with them. Next time you look down on a child. Next time you think that someones child that is throwing a fit in wal-mart is bad. Next time you think those thoughts. Think what did we do to make them like that? What can we do to make it better? Be the world to a child...they will never let you down.

I want to be like an ant

I want to be as strong and as big as an ant. Ok now before you say here goes Nicole again or get weirded out think about this...an ant can carry 20 times its body weight now imagine if we could do that much work. Also ants are very fast the legs of the ant are very strong so they can run very quickly. If a man could run as fast for his size as an ant can, he could run as fast as a racehorse. Wow that would be cool...so you are probably wondering why I got on this topic. Well I was watching an ant pull a feather today and I was thinking how amazing it is for that little ant to carry such a big item. Did you know ants are a very neat and tidy creature too. They work really hard thats all they live for its crazy. Now think about this if humans could get as much work done as an ant you know how many things would be finished in this world. If we were as dedicated to our work as an ant we would all love our jobs and be good at them. I was a little stressed out about work today but watching this ant made the stress disapear. And now lets look at the size of an ant...its very small and not many people notice the work that they do...there is something there that I want...yeah I want to do all that work but not get credit cause God deserves all the credit...but just think being that small and getting all that work done...people would know its God then. I think there is some truth in an ants life we need to be more like the ants. Now dont get me wrong they are annoying and pesky at times. But think about their size and strength. To me thats powerful. God made ants for a reason they have a purpose and maybe to teach us something. I dont know you may think this is lame but I got revelation out of an ants life today. I want to be like an ant small but powerful.

Where is my prince charming?

Sometimes I hate being a girl....being so emotional and feeling so helpless. Dont get me wrong it has its ups too but for real. God wired us so weird and I sometimes hate it. Like you all know I am 22 years old and soon I will be 23 and there is no guy in sight even for me. I thought there was but I guess I was wrong about it. Hmmmm maybe I will be single for the rest of my life I dunno but soon it will be like I am old and never have anyone....and be alone forever. Ok I am sure most of you didnt expect this to come from me...cause yes I am happy being single I got true revelation on this...but I dont want to be single for the rest of my life...I am almost mid twenties and I want something to happen you know for me to meet him and hang out with him as a friend and then a relationship bloom. I dream of that. My knight in shining armour with his white horse coming to rescue me from this nightmare I am in....thats who I want. And I am ready. Ok yeah I know I am prob not but for real I want it to happen. Well I dont know what else to say I just wanted to rant about this for a bit and now that its out I am good.

Dreams do come true!

Well everyone I had a great day. Today marked a new chapter in my life. I graduated college. You see in high school it was something I was never interested in I didnt want to go to college...so I took three years off. Then after that I went to the Medicine Hat College and embarked on a new journey one that I thought was going to be easy. Well wasnt as easy as I had thought but it was a good trip. Some people try to tell me it was an easy program and that it wasnt as important as becoming a doctor but you know....I am still proud of it. This program was a two year program and it is called Early Childhood Development. It was fun and I learned a lot for the most part when I went to class...and when I stayed awake and payed attention...so for the two days in the entire two years that happend I learned a lot...ha ha just kidding I payed attention for more then two days. But anyways the odds were against me and graduating college was only a dream that I thought I would never attain but I did. And it was great. So all you people in high school who thought that I would never make it....I did! A dream came true today. Also thank you for those of you who came to my grad it really meant a lot to me. I really wanted to celebrate it with my friends who stuck by me through the whole thing...thanks guys. Also to those who remembered about me this day thank you for everything the cards and the flowers...I didnt expect it all I wanted was to be in good company but I got that and more. I am truly thankful. I am now a Childcare Professional and I am going to do this job as best as I can. Thank you God for this gift and the chance to go to school and a chance to beat the odds.